Not asked to be godmother

Paterson Jerins · 05-10-2022 02:46PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704764#Comment_119704764

Yes this is pi.

People are allowed to be upset. But people are allowed to disagree and be called out for nonsense.

Are people not allowed disagree with the op because the op is upset????

miamee · 05-10-2022 03:10PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119705047#Comment_119705047

You can't disagree with someone for being upset. We're here to offer advice to the OP to deal with being upset about something, not to tell her to just suck it up.

OP, it can be upsetting if you were fully expecting to be asked but unless they had said to you that they were going to ask you, you were expecting a lot. You'll still be the little one's aunt and still involved in their life. I have 2 godchildren, one is my nephew and one is my friends daughter - my friend has 2 sisters but was adamant she was asking me as we have been very close since we were small and grew up together. You just can't predict who people will ask. Sometimes there is an element of 'oh so and so asked me so now I'll have to ask him/her' and it also depends on who the other parent wants to ask.

cbreeze · 05-10-2022 03:28PM

Fortunately our lot are Presbyterians and they don't do godparents! Happy days

bitofabind · 05-10-2022 04:58PM

It feels like godparents is largely a political decision typically. Like, father gets right of response on godfather to his kid; mother gets to choose godmother. That's how it was in my family for all kids. My godfather is my father's closest friend; godmother is my mother's sister. Who's the godfather? A friend of your brother's?

Your feelings are your feelings. You can't change that, but you can be a bit compassionate with yourself by acknowledging you're slightly hurt; but equally recognise that this isn't about you, and it doesn't matter in the general scheme of things. That kid needs good role models, and as his/her aunt, this is absolutely something you can do. My own experience of godparents is they were utterly useless, beyond the first few years of birthday gifts, they played no role in my life whatsoever. One doubled up as an aunt and she's confused my name with my sibling for most of my life. And I could've done with good role models, especially when the sh1t hit the fan for me with family stuff as a child.

Try to put the child's needs first. That's more important than some arbitrary title that really holds little weight practically in the day-to-day of the child's life.

Wezz · 12-10-2022 12:46PM

OP have you actually tried speaking to your brother? It seems to be a done deal so you are unlikely to be promoted to godmother but it might help you understand the reasoning behind the decision more and will give you a chance to voice your hurt. Being asked to be a godparent is nice but it doesn't always mean something significant about how well thought of you are. Don't take not being asked as a snub, you already have a pivotal role in the child's life as auntie so focus on that.

thefallingman · 12-10-2022 01:02PM

I can understand why you're upset op, but as others have said an aunty is way more important than a godmother. Most irish people myself included don't even know who my godparents are.

amdublin · 12-10-2022 07:18PM

What does being a godmother mean to you?

Is it the religious thing i.e. standing with the child at the christening and promising to help support and guide them in the catholic faith? This is I guess the original god mother thing...

A friend of mine used to think that being asked to be godmother meant you would be legal guardian if the kids parents died which was a bit mad when I heard/she told me

My point is, what does being godmother mean to you? Why can't you be that person as an aunt?!

12-10-2022 07:23PM

It's a completely outmoded concept. Just be a good aunt to the child and that's more than enough. And please don't agonise over it!

12-10-2022 07:26PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119736205#Comment_119736205

Actually you're friend is not that far off the mark.

In my mother and grandmother's generation, asking someone to be your child's godparent was taken very seriously as it was assumed that if anything happened to the parents, that the godparents would step in and raise the child. It didn't make them legal guardians, but it was considered a big part of the commitment and something you were agreeing to, if you accepted the role (as well as agreeing to lead the child in their faith).

Nowadays, it's just a title. I understand why you're upset, OP, and it's okay to be upset, but as others have said, be the best Auntie you can be. That's really all you can do now.

Fred Astaire · 12-10-2022 07:29PM

Got asked when I was around 16 to be one and stupidly didn't say no. Won't make that mistake again.

It's literally just another person added to the list of people I have to buy birthday and christmas presents for, and had to stump up on Communion and Confirmation day. It's a blessing in disguise that you haven't been asked.

Kurooi · 12-10-2022 07:43PM

I'd only say that different people different families have different ideas and customs about choosing God parents. One unspoken rule that my family sticks to is to save some 'good ones' for each child, so if you have 2 amazing people in your life , make 1 the God parent for the first child save the 2nd for the 2nd child so each has someone that is likely to show up for their life milestones.

amdublin · 12-10-2022 07:50PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119736275#Comment_119736275

That makes no sense at all??? What if as someone else says the godmother was the bridesmaid and the best man is the godfather. And the parents die in a car crash. Do the godparents fight over the kid???!

Or you ask your 16 year old sister to be godmother. And next year, there is a car crash....is a 17 year old expected to be a stepmother/legal guardian 😂

Legal guardianship is nothing to do with godmother or godfather!

12-10-2022 08:35PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119736425#Comment_119736425

Jesus, calm down, I'm not saying it is!

Just that being prepared to step in and raise the child if needed was seen as part of the traditional role of a godparent in the past. Obviously your friend had heard something similiar.

It means nothing nowadays.

walshb · 12-10-2022 08:44PM

Has the OP said who was asked to be godmother?

amdublin · 13-10-2022 08:44PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119736689#Comment_119736689

Seen and done are two completely different things. Means nothing now or then. Absolutely ridiculous lol that people might have thought anything of the sorts at any point in time lol!

Imagine..saying out loud...well your mammy and daddy died in an accident and I am your godfather so I am your legal guardian now, you will live with me and I will take care of you now 😂

13-10-2022 09:24PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119741365#Comment_119741365

You can be as dismissive as you wish, but fact is, that is how it was seen then. And it was common that if parents died, children went to live with family members, uncles, aunts - or godparents - with no courts involved. Again, no one mentioned legal guardianship here, except you.

I've already said it means nothing now.

OP, I hope you have found some resolution to your situation.

witchgirl26 · 17-10-2022 08:32AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119741365#Comment_119741365

Not that ridiculous at all. I was always aware that, should anything happen to both my parents at once, my godfather was most likely to be the one to look after me. And I know a lot of people who were told similar & grew up with similar ideas for their godparents.

OP while I get that you might be disappointed, there is never a guarantee that you'll be asked to be a godparent. My sister, who is older, was skipped for me. Then on the next couple of kids, the godmother came from the other side of the child's family, not ours, so it took a while for her to be in the running as such. It can be as simple as that. Likewise, as my other half only has brothers, my brothers knew that they wouldn't be really in the running for godfather for our child.

Not asked to be godmother

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