Not asked to be godmother

Marymoore

I know this is probably really silly but can’t help how we feel.. my brother who I always felt close to had a baby recently and even though his wife has no sisters, they aren’t asking me to be godmother. I always felt I was a good sister (maybe I wasn’t after all) I’m his only sister and just feel heartbroken. I didn’t show him how I felt when he told me but I just hate that he had to say “we would have loved to have u as godmother…” eh no u wouldn’t, if you did you would Have asked me. Am I being ridiculous for feeing upset? Does it mean he doesn’t feel as close to me?

JPup

Who was asked to be Godmother? A friend of his wife or a family member?

I reckon your making a big deal out of nothing. There’s a good chance they’ll go on to have another child in future and they might ask you then sure.

Tio07

The disappointment is understandable, but will be a great aunty I’m sure.

I had friends say to lately that they would have loved me to be their daughters godfather ……. But I thought the same as you if that that was the case, they could have chose me but they didn’t so why say it!

coolisin

Do not take this personal. What is godmother just a title.

If you want to be an amazing Aunt be an amazing Aunt.

Do the perceived god parents thing. It's your niece or nephew don't ruin your relationship with your brother or their child over something as trivial as god parents.

God parents can be forgotten about at some point you have a family connection. Keep that.

Caranica

I really think that godparents shouldn't be family. You're already an aunt, that's a special role. Don't deprive the child of having more special people close to them.

lawrencesummers

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058266048/not-asked-to-be-godmother

Are you religious?

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702855#Comment_119702855

This exactly. My thoughts on Godparents is that they involve another adult in your childs life with all the benefits and influences therein. I would consider an aunt as already in the childs life and a bigger role than the godparent. Not everyone sees the role as special as you seem to.

Nothing whatsoever to do with religion btw before someone brings that up despite its religious origins

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058266048/not-asked-to-be-godmother

Picking godparents is a hard one because I think someone is always offended. Tradition is that the best man and bridesmaid at a couple's wedding are god parents to the first baby. So maybe they are going for this.

It isn't that they don't think of you highly. Its just that they have other important people in their lives too. As someone said already there probably will be more babies in the future and you will get your turn at being godparent.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702887#Comment_119702887

I've never heard of that in my life. What if the couple aren't married??? I have 9 niblings and only two of their parents were married before they were born. And now that I think of it, neither of my other two siblings had a best man and maid of honour when they did get married.

Anyway, OP, without knowing who they did pick and why, it's kind of impossible for anyone here to say whether you have grounds to be upset. My own take is that I'd be massively relieved not to be asked, but I don't particularly like children and I'm avowedly non-religious, so possibly in a very different situation to you.

Flinty997

"God parents" have lost all meaning for the majority of people. Even for those who are fair weather religious.

phormium

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702917#Comment_119702917

That is indeed the traditonal way, in fairness the tradition was also that the couple were married 😁 so that's where it comes from so it's probably an age thing, my godparents are my parents best man & bridesmaid who also happen to be my aunt/uncle on each side.

It's a nothing meaning sort of thing these days, most people are not religious enough to technically have the role as it is prescribed (myself included!) and the best advice I ever got but too late was just be godparent to one child, don't accept other requests/invitations. Then again I am useless at remembering birthdays etc so am not good godparent material as my several godchildren can attest to!

However OP you haven't said who is godmother, is the godfather from the father's side as such as in his friend/relation? If so then baby's mother may get preference in choosing godmother, either way I doubt the final say so was with your brother! So basically don't take it to heart.

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702917#Comment_119702917

It said it was a tradition - it doesnt mean you have to do it! It still happens a lot where I live.

Obviously if your not married you cant pick godparents this way.

osarusan

Did they ask somebody else, or just not ask anybody? If it's the latter, as they are not religious, it's hard to complain.

But then I don't know why your brother would have said what he said.

Furze99

I'd agree that an aunt is more important than being a godparent. I know who my aunts & uncles are/were but wouldn't have a clue if I ever had godparents or even who the godparents of my siblings might be, bar one.

zg3409

Often the decision is political. Often one person from man's side, another from women's side. Factors such as who can make it on the day can come into it.

The reality long term is it makes no difference to child nor person picked. My kids have no idea who godparents are. If they did it would only be due to presents. Godparents or not different friends or family have different involvement in children's lives mainly due to them having children of similar age or a real interest in visiting our house or us visiting theirs while children are with us.

For child number two typically the politics continues and two different people are chosen often those who may have no interest in children but just to try keep both sides somewhat happy. Again the people picked may have no involvement in the child's life, maybe even living abroad.

If you are really Catholic religion might come into it but I know plenty of non religious or gay Catholic godparents.

pc7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702855#Comment_119702855

I think god parents should only be family, know if so many that picked 'friends' only for them never to be seen again! I know some families fall out but its more likely friends that fall out. Can understand why you are hurt OP.

cezanne

I was picked to be a godmother to my friends child and i didnt realise i could refuse, so i did it. I bought the child presents each Xmas one year aged about 12 / 14 i bought her a watch. She looked at it and said to my face i dont like it. I took it back got a refund and never bought her a present again or bothered about her again. I dont have kids and own 2 houses, her mother chose me wisely but the rudeness of the kid fcuked up any chance of inheritance from me. I was not chosen for my lovely personality but for what the kid would get ultimately from me. Beware of being asked to be a god parent, avoid it its thankless.

RachEv

.....

RachEv

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702917#Comment_119702917

Tradition predates babies outside of marriage though. Tradition would also have had christening gown made from wedding dress and top tier of wedding cake being christening cake.

I think usually now the mother chooses the godmother and father chooses the godfather that's why maybe you didn't get the job. Now as well though there can be two godmothers instead of a godfather.

Princess Calla

It was a weird thing for your brother to say.

However my brother didn't pick anyone from our side, for any of his kids. The roles went to her brothers and sisters and their partners.

It's abit of a thankless job tbh, you're basically just a present provider. However I do understand why you are hurt.

Unfortunately it's one of those things you just have to "get over" . It's definitely not something to fall out over.

Enjoy the role of being favourite aunt.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704177#Comment_119704177

I never heard of a tradition where the mother chooses the god mother and father chooses godfather. Nor have I heard the one about best men and bridesmaids 🤔🤔

Maybe "traditions" within particular families or certain areas?

RachEv

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704429#Comment_119704429

Sorry I didn't mean to imply that part was a tradition, just seems to be what I've seen happen.

The other things were old Irish (maybe Catholic) traditions but going back a long time, they're probably rare or non existent now.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702855#Comment_119702855

Far less likely to fall out with family than friends, plus friends can drift when life takes over, family are always there when you need it.

[Deleted User]

I guess it depends on who they actually picked to be the godparents. Usually it is on godparent from each side of the family. If they picked both from your brothers wife's side then you are right to be annoyed.

shesty

Yeah that'd be fairly normal, one from each side.Kind of diplomatic too in a way.

It stings a bit alright OP, but you do kind of have to move on.Obviously the context of who was chosen would help us to give advice but even without that, I guess you can't do anything much about it except try to put it aside.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704253#Comment_119704253

She defo wears the pants.....

It's a ridiculous thing to be upset about in my opinion.

What do you think you've missed out on? I have 4 godchildren. You can take a couple of them if you like

Fionne

Being an Auntie trumps being a godmother EVERY day of the week IMO. I'm eldest of 4, one sister, two brothers. Both my brothers have children. The brother nearest in age to me didn't ask me to be godmother, although he did ask my younger sister for his second girl. My younger brother did ask me to be godmother to his son.

Is there any difference in the relationship with my godchild compared to the ones that are just my nieces? No! First and foremost, I'm their Auntie. My younger brother lives in the USA so I don't see my godson or my two nieces much (in fact I've yet to meet the youngest girl due to Covid and then me not being able to travel for medical reasons) but I adore all three as much as the other.

In my experience, choice of godparents can often come down to something as crass as who is more likely to spend more money on the kids.

Enjoy being an Auntie, a much more important role than godparent when you think of it.

pc7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704688#Comment_119704688

This is PI Baz, people are allowed be upset about things that might not upset you.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704764#Comment_119704764

Of course. People get upset by different things. Surely there are things that would upset me, that other people would feel laugh about.

But if everyone was to agree with me and tell me I am right, then I'd be far more likely to become thin skinned, and continue to get upset by more and more minor things.

Sometimes you need to hear that other people think you are being unreasonable

Mitch Connor

who did they ask?

Without knowing who you were 'snubbed' for it is impossible to say really. What is the relationship of the GF and GM to the parents? Do you have a brother that was picked to be GF and the GM is special to the Mother?