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Not asked to be godmother

  • 04-10-2022 10:28pm
    Registered Users Posts: 144 ✭✭Marymoore

    I know this is probably really silly but can’t help how we feel.. my brother who I always felt close to had a baby recently and even though his wife has no sisters, they aren’t asking me to be godmother. I always felt I was a good sister (maybe I wasn’t after all) I’m his only sister and just feel heartbroken. I didn’t show him how I felt when he told me but I just hate that he had to say “we would have loved to have u as godmother…” eh no u wouldn’t, if you did you would Have asked me. Am I being ridiculous for feeing upset? Does it mean he doesn’t feel as close to me?



  • Registered Users Posts: 59 ✭✭Tio07

    The disappointment is understandable, but will be a great aunty I’m sure.

    I had friends say to lately that they would have loved me to be their daughters godfather ……. But I thought the same as you if that that was the case, they could have chose me but they didn’t so why say it!

  • Registered Users Posts: 9,880 ✭✭✭Caranica

    I really think that godparents shouldn't be family. You're already an aunt, that's a special role. Don't deprive the child of having more special people close to them.

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  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,181 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig

    This exactly. My thoughts on Godparents is that they involve another adult in your childs life with all the benefits and influences therein. I would consider an aunt as already in the childs life and a bigger role than the godparent. Not everyone sees the role as special as you seem to.

    Nothing whatsoever to do with religion btw before someone brings that up despite its religious origins

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,078 ✭✭✭Deeec

    Picking godparents is a hard one because I think someone is always offended. Tradition is that the best man and bridesmaid at a couple's wedding are god parents to the first baby. So maybe they are going for this.

    It isn't that they don't think of you highly. Its just that they have other important people in their lives too. As someone said already there probably will be more babies in the future and you will get your turn at being godparent.

  • Registered Users Posts: 10,039 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997

    "God parents" have lost all meaning for the majority of people. Even for those who are fair weather religious.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭phormium

    That is indeed the traditonal way, in fairness the tradition was also that the couple were married 😁 so that's where it comes from so it's probably an age thing, my godparents are my parents best man & bridesmaid who also happen to be my aunt/uncle on each side.

    It's a nothing meaning sort of thing these days, most people are not religious enough to technically have the role as it is prescribed (myself included!) and the best advice I ever got but too late was just be godparent to one child, don't accept other requests/invitations. Then again I am useless at remembering birthdays etc so am not good godparent material as my several godchildren can attest to!

    However OP you haven't said who is godmother, is the godfather from the father's side as such as in his friend/relation? If so then baby's mother may get preference in choosing godmother, either way I doubt the final say so was with your brother! So basically don't take it to heart.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 16,414 ✭✭✭✭osarusan

    Did they ask somebody else, or just not ask anybody? If it's the latter, as they are not religious, it's hard to complain.

    But then I don't know why your brother would have said what he said.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,089 ✭✭✭Furze99

    I'd agree that an aunt is more important than being a godparent. I know who my aunts & uncles are/were but wouldn't have a clue if I ever had godparents or even who the godparents of my siblings might be, bar one.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,169 ✭✭✭zg3409

    Often the decision is political. Often one person from man's side, another from women's side. Factors such as who can make it on the day can come into it.

    The reality long term is it makes no difference to child nor person picked. My kids have no idea who godparents are. If they did it would only be due to presents. Godparents or not different friends or family have different involvement in children's lives mainly due to them having children of similar age or a real interest in visiting our house or us visiting theirs while children are with us.

    For child number two typically the politics continues and two different people are chosen often those who may have no interest in children but just to try keep both sides somewhat happy. Again the people picked may have no involvement in the child's life, maybe even living abroad.

    If you are really Catholic religion might come into it but I know plenty of non religious or gay Catholic godparents.

  • Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 13,809 Mod ✭✭✭✭pc7

    I think god parents should only be family, know if so many that picked 'friends' only for them never to be seen again! I know some families fall out but its more likely friends that fall out. Can understand why you are hurt OP.

  • Registered Users Posts: 15 RachEv


  • Registered Users Posts: 15 RachEv

    Tradition predates babies outside of marriage though. Tradition would also have had christening gown made from wedding dress and top tier of wedding cake being christening cake.

    I think usually now the mother chooses the godmother and father chooses the godfather that's why maybe you didn't get the job. Now as well though there can be two godmothers instead of a godfather.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,227 ✭✭✭Princess Calla

    It was a weird thing for your brother to say.

    However my brother didn't pick anyone from our side, for any of his kids. The roles went to her brothers and sisters and their partners.

    It's abit of a thankless job tbh, you're basically just a present provider. However I do understand why you are hurt.

    Unfortunately it's one of those things you just have to "get over" . It's definitely not something to fall out over.

    Enjoy the role of being favourite aunt.

  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,181 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig

    I never heard of a tradition where the mother chooses the god mother and father chooses godfather. Nor have I heard the one about best men and bridesmaids 🤔🤔

    Maybe "traditions" within particular families or certain areas?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 15 RachEv

    Sorry I didn't mean to imply that part was a tradition, just seems to be what I've seen happen.

    The other things were old Irish (maybe Catholic) traditions but going back a long time, they're probably rare or non existent now.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Far less likely to fall out with family than friends, plus friends can drift when life takes over, family are always there when you need it.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    I guess it depends on who they actually picked to be the godparents. Usually it is on godparent from each side of the family. If they picked both from your brothers wife's side then you are right to be annoyed.

  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,880 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty

    Yeah that'd be fairly normal, one from each side.Kind of diplomatic too in a way.

    It stings a bit alright OP, but you do kind of have to move on.Obviously the context of who was chosen would help us to give advice but even without that, I guess you can't do anything much about it except try to put it aside.

  • It's a ridiculous thing to be upset about in my opinion.

    What do you think you've missed out on? I have 4 godchildren. You can take a couple of them if you like

  • Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 13,809 Mod ✭✭✭✭pc7

    This is PI Baz, people are allowed be upset about things that might not upset you.

  • Of course. People get upset by different things. Surely there are things that would upset me, that other people would feel laugh about.

    But if everyone was to agree with me and tell me I am right, then I'd be far more likely to become thin skinned, and continue to get upset by more and more minor things.

    Sometimes you need to hear that other people think you are being unreasonable

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  • Registered Users Posts: 44,524 ✭✭✭✭Mitch Connor

    who did they ask?

    Without knowing who you were 'snubbed' for it is impossible to say really. What is the relationship of the GF and GM to the parents? Do you have a brother that was picked to be GF and the GM is special to the Mother?