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"i'm a guy - i don't buy cards or presents".. really?

  • 04-10-2022 7:23pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,019 ✭✭✭sporina


    So, a male friend of mine, asked me if he should get a card and pressie for his mate's 50th this weekend (dinner party affair)..

    I said "of course - don't you usually get such for your mates/family etc?"..

    he said "I'm a guy - we don't do stuff like that"....

    I was v surprised..

    Is this what other guys think or is he alone in this belief?

    Post edited by sporina on


«13

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,522 ✭✭✭✭Jim_Hodge


    He's not alone but he's not in a majority either.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Pissy Missy


    Most of the lads I know are like this, it's refreshing when they are actually thoughtful though



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,198 ✭✭✭Buddy Bubs


    Wouldn't dream of a present for male friends. Wouldn't expect anything either.

    I'll buy them pints and do them favours, but gifts? Big no.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,285 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Group presents would come with a card, signed by everyone who contributed but I wouldn’t be getting a card for a mate’s birthday.

    A milestone birthday warrants a present but, again, I wouldn’t be getting a card.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    i think its overdone a lot of the time, i could happily live the rest of my life without ever getting or giving another card

    presents im all for



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    I'll admit. Not my strong point





  • Afraid of being thought of as gay and having feelings for a mate, I suppose. 🤔😱 Just shows how far the Irish male has come.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,636 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    What's actually 'wtf' is the compulsion to buy crappy gifts that people may not actually want and end up being thrown out or on the shelves of charity shops...either way destined for landfill. Most people are terrible at buying presents.

    Buy them drinks, cant go wrong.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,593 ✭✭✭theteal


    I might send a personal WhatsApp as opposed to going via the group....





  • Yeah not crappy stuff; either give a voucher for something you know they like, buy them something you know they life (eg bottle of decent whisky), or take them out for a feed.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1 SkullduggerousRogueOne


    For a 50th I'd see if people are doing a group gift I could chip in for...(example if he's a golfer and all chip in for a new club). Otherwise no gift. No sense in giving a 50 year old man a gift unless really needs it and it's quality. Perhaps a card, particularly if dinner is being put on ... Basically don't show up empty handed, a bottle of what he drinks for a 50th is very appropriate.

    Bunch of my mates all chipped in back in the day and got me a PlayStation. Never forget it. And we all played it at my gaf. Lads should defo be okay with getting their mates a present. It's just not something you're expected to do and rightfully so.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,019 ✭✭✭sporina


    Post edited by Boards.ie: Paul on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    If it's a work colleague, I give nothing. I've enough to pay for without contributing to some dose I work with simply because I work with them. We have created a world where appreciation is judged by the "value" of the gift, and not the thought. Christmas is a fine example of it. Outside of my immediate family, I wouldn't buy many people presents, regardless of the birthday. Only a select few who have proven they're genuine nice people. And usually something they need, want or will get a giggle from. The last one is the main choice.

    For years, one of my then-social groups used to give tenner presents, with the intent that they were to be inherently stupid, inappropriate or reminiscant of childhood. That usually resulted in a mini-Lego set. Everyone loves Lego.

    But cards?! I hate them. Such a complete waste of resources to print a for-profit only mass produced cack. Hallmark laughing their holes off at the fools buying this tat. Having a card for every occasion is the height of stupidity and gives a great view into how people view gifts. Aside from Valentines, birthdays, anniversaries (mainly ones I'm involved in, and only the major ones for family members), and that was mainly to prevent any grief from not getting them, I don't buy cards. I actually can't remember the last time I bought a card for someone.

    Flowers is another one. Here, have a bouquet of inevitable death to remind you how special you are. Potted plants would be better, at least they have a chance of them staying alive. People are so stupid and love their superfluous tat.



  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,421 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    I wouldn't dream of giving someone over 18 a gift for their birthday other than my wife. No one would buy me anything either (thankfully). I have enough crap in the house without having more coming in



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,588 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Valentines day card? 🤮 If you think cards are stupid and a con, how do you not see Valentines day as the biggest con in history?

    I hate that day, usually its the couples who go all out getting presents and going out to dinner on the 14th, who fight like cats and dogs throughout the rest of the year.



  • Registered Users Posts: 20 beansys


    Hate it and I cant stress this enough hate getting presents, cards etc for birthday or xmas from anyone except my wife and close family well should have said Mom and that's it. Everyone else and its turned in to chore as you need to return the favor at some stage usually I forget and then last minute need to scramble something and it pisses me off why I got my self in this mess. So last few years I turned in to a dick and flat refuse presents and cards with short explanation why. Some accept it some get over it and life is so much nicer without gifts for bday and xmas.

    Now I do appreciate a good gift when something is out of the blue like a reminder on a certain thing that happened and some item reminded the mate of it so he buys it I do that occasionally and its always a nice surprise if you get what I mean.



  • Posts: 4,727 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I'm not big on the whole presents thing. I wish people just enjoyed occasions without the need for presents.

    Obviously it's different for kids though.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    As said, I only partook because it prevented more hassle in the long run. When I was in relationships, the other half seemed to be really into this craic. Just easier to partake in that 1 extra day than listen to the days/weeks/months/years of it afterwards. Bring single for a good while now means I don't even have to think about it! Hate valentines since it turned into 1-upmanship and social media/love stories/books/movies, etc turned it into something unachievable. Especially in your 20s and "in love".



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,184 ✭✭✭riclad


    When you reach a certain age it's pointless buying presents apart from for your kids wife,partner , eg we all have Xbox consoles ,TVs,cars , even people on welfare have 4o inch TVs and Nintendo switch's , game consoles smartphones, etc my family gave up buying presents when we reached the age of 40 ,

    If you want to be nice to someone take me to a concert ,play, pub,restaurant and you pay for everything

    But I think it's sexist crap to say only women buy presents I suppose 10 years ago he was saying no one wants to watch women play football on TV it's ridiculous

    Now millions watch women play soccer on TV

    If I had kids I buy em presents till they age of 20. Then say you are an adult I,LL help you with a deposit on a house or a car when you need one

    Eg you don't need another pair of trainers ,you don't need to buy the latest iPhone

    Using old phones laptops pcs helps the environment

    Society changes women can do almost any job if they want to

    How convenient i.m a mean Scrooge oh I'll just say men do,nt buy presents

    Women seem to do most of the housework childcare

    How much is a card 2 or 3 euro. I'd buy a card if it makes make girlfriend happy what's the harm ?



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Buy another guy a few pints, yes.. definitely. An actual gift though? Nope. It's different with my female friends, as they actually want to receive gifts.

    Most men I'm friends with, feel the same as I do.. that gifts are usually a waste of money (not something I want), but also it projects a sense of obligation on to others to reciprocate at a later stage. Meh to that. Friends are those there shouldn't be any stress or obligations involved.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭chrissb8


    This is it. I think healthy male friendships are measured on a lot of very important things but buying gifts for each other is just a bit....superficial and a bit much?

    Most guys don't like a fuss on their birthday and just appreciate a happy birthday, a couple of pints and that's it. Job done.

    Cash when you're low? no worries get me back when you can. Need help with lifting something heavy? I'll be there Sat morning. Just broke up with a significant other? No problem I'll drop everything and I'll do my best to make you feel better.

    A gift on the day of your birth? Sure why's that important, you have that every year.

    I see some women having birthday weekends. WEEKENDS. The level of effort, time and money involved is too much.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,595 ✭✭✭Finty Lemon


    Birthday presents and parties are for kids under 12. People in their 20s and 30s need to get over themselves with this self-obsessed birthday shyte



  • Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭global23214124


    I never get cards for people for birthday or christmas. I'd get my family presents for christmas but none of my male friends. Actually I got one of them a present a couple of years ago but they never used it so not going to be arsed.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,053 ✭✭✭Quantum Erasure


    Post edited by Boards.ie: Paul on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,643 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump



    I'm the exact same.





    The only person over 18 that I give a present to is also your wife 😋



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,268 ✭✭✭SouthWesterly


    Even my wife is lucky to get a birthday present. Christmas, yes. We usually forget our anniversary.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,505 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Present and cards for a male pal? Not a chance. Nor would I expect any different.

    Few pints and some good company beats some cheap tat.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,636 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    Christmas and Hallmark Company holidays like Valentine's have become more about physical things that industry loves selling to us. Have it more about being present than presents imo.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,244 ✭✭✭Brid Hegarty


    Based on the premise that everyone drinks. We’ve a long way to go as a country.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,636 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    There's a difference between enjoying a drink and being a hopeless alco, but you knew that.



  • Registered Users Posts: 270 ✭✭Irish_wolf


    Jesus if my mates started sending me cards and presents for my birthday I'd assumed they'd either lost the plot or were under pressure from the missus for some unknown reason. I personally hate getting a load of shite I don't need nor want landed on my for my birthday just because. So sending me a gift or card is actually demonstrating that you don't know me at all. A few WhatsApp messages or well wishes from my family are plenty. My friendships are not measured by how much useless shite we can buy each other.

    That being said I have no issue buying gifts and cards for my female friends because guess what, they appreciate that kind of thing. Lads in general either couldn't give a **** or as demonstrated by many lads in this thread do not appreciate the gifts, and nor could I, so why bother?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,822 ✭✭✭irelandrover


    I'd take part in group presents for the big birthdays. 21st, 30th or whatever. Would never buy friends a card or a present otherwise. Would normally meet at an event or a gig or something and buy them a few drinks at it. Most of my friends have good jobs and can buy what they want and i wouldnt have a clue on what to buy them.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭erlichbachman


    On the contrary, the amount of thought that goes into being the kind of man who doesn't participate in celebratory charades is quite staggering. One has to look deep within himself and ask tough questions - once we have done this and decided to abstain for the good of us all, we are then at peace with oneself and those around us. Those who just go into a shop and purchase dispensable items are the thoughtless ones.



  • Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 23,233 Mod ✭✭✭✭GLaDOS


    Only buy presents for family, other than throwing in for "big" birthdays, weddings etc

    Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Pissy Missy


    😂😂😂I guess there's many 'thoughtful' guys out there so



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,244 ✭✭✭Brid Hegarty


    You shouldn’t go as far as to say that it ‘can’t go wrong’. Someone might feel pressured by it. In any case we’ve a long way to go. Most Irish people don’t even know the definition of binge drinking.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,822 ✭✭✭irelandrover


    If you are buying someone something for their birthday then most likely you know whether they drink alcohol or not. And if i'm in a bar and buying someone a drink then i ask them what they want.



  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,421 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    I would say the contrary that most people do know what binge drinking is. I rarely drink but when I do end up out for a few pints I am fully aware the 5 pints I might have is considered binge drinking by the professionals. I don't give a shyte though



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Why?

    One of the things I've been most disappointed at since returning to Ireland is the slow death of the drinking culture. Oh, the heavy drinking on Friday/Saturday nights still happens, but most of the more positive aspects of the Irish drink culture, such as the friendliness, the music scenes, etc have been allowed to die as a result of this desire to dismantle the drink culture. So.. most of the negatives remain, but the positives have declined considerably.. and honestly, I suspect it's one of the reasons that Ireland, and Irish people, are far less friendly/tolerant of others than they used to be.

    I've travelled extensively and every nation has a rather strong drink culture. Oh, and I rarely have more than 2-3 drinks when out.. never liked the loss of control or the hassles associated with being drunk. A drink culture doesn't need to revolve around getting wasted and being a dick/****.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,002 ✭✭✭✭mrcheez


    Male friends? No.. going out for a meal or beers would be normal. Definitely not a card, wtf? More so how it would make the friend feel awkward than anything else.

    Colleague in work? Probably get in on a group-present or something, although this would usually be initiated by the females in the office.

    Brother/Father? Yes, card and present



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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Most Irish people don’t even know the definition of binge drinking.

    Sure, they do. They know, intimately, what drinking till you drop entails. They know the peer/group pressure involved from drinking in groups, with the rounds system, and the expectation to "man up". Or lady up, depending on the people involved. Most people have had a series of experiences getting blackouts from drinking, and they learn from it (hopefully).

    College/University in Ireland revolves around binge drinking (think Freshers/Rag week), as does the early-mid 20s once you start earning some cash.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,108 ✭✭✭Trigger Happy


    I would not be buying presents for my male friends. Like I would get them a few pints or something but no bow wrapped gift. Thats for the wife, kids and siblings.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,636 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    A 'drink' includes a non alcoholic option if they would rather, but you'd prefer to wag your finger and go off on one about a drink culture, as mentioned above, is on the wane anyhow.



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,513 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    Buying a good gift is difficult. It takes a lot of thought, for me anyway. But it's worth the effort , because it can really show you know a person. If you don't care all that much about the person though, yeh no point getting some **** forgettable item that won't be remembered



  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,986 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    I do the card thing at Christmas and for birthdays of close family (and my OH, obviously) - but like my older sister, I am just very considerate and thoughtful when it comes to occasions and gifts. I probably overdo it a bit but I like to send cards to others and I know that they are appreciated. But I'm also a gay man so I'm more than aware that most blokes don't do cards and that's grand. Each to their own.

    Don't send birthday cards to my male mates nor do I give them presents and vice-versa unless it's a big landmark birthday. We'll all be turning the big 50 in the middle of this decade so I imagine a card and thoughtful gift will be appreciated.

    As a recovering alcoholic, I never give gifts of booze these days.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,058 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    I'm a chick and I genuinely don't get the fuss around birthdays. I couldn't give a sh*t about my own and generally have to be reminded about other people's. I hate the obligation that's placed on people to participate in the whole thing and have been telling my friends and family for years that I don't want or need anything for mine.

    However, I do get that it is important for some people and will gladly give a card or gift to close friends or family who do like to celebrate.

    I stopped sending Christmas cards years ago, though, and will never understand the whole Valentine's Day thing.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭erlichbachman


    damn straight Dial Hard, I mean what exactly are we celebrating at birthdays, that we are now one year closer to dying?

    People should respect the wishes of those who choose not to celebrate



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,871 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    It's a gift FFS, it's the thought that counts!

    If you get a nice bottle of top shelf booze you'll have no problem finding a willing recipient, it won't compel you to down it in one sitting and spiral into alcoholism.

    Most people I know have nice bottles of wine on standby at Christmas in case they need an emergency present, no need for the nonsense you're spouting.



  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 18,751 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kimbot


    I dont do cards in general however this year a few friends had big birthdays so they got a card :P



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,244 ✭✭✭Brid Hegarty


    It's three pints (not five) according to the HSE website... proving my point. Maybe people know what binge drinking is, in that it means drinking a lot all at once, but they don't know what defines 'a lot'.

    https://drinkaware.ie/what-are-the-low-risk-weekly-alcohol-guidelines/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw1vSZBhDuARIsAKZlijRHHXGlpS_zBV4uwf7gbE5L7xT8F-MrOtfLR7scXcIZ2S6aru2Ar40aAlcoEALw_wcB



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