Partner has temper/Smashed up property

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 04:47PM #1

I'm 44 year old man in a new relationship with a woman the same age. Have been dating 6 months.

We have our disagreements like most couples but this week she lost it and picked up a vase and smashed it against the wall. It smashed to bit

with glass flying everywhere. Then on another occasion this week she threw the remote control on to the floor and it smashed up also.

Should I just leave this relationship or try work on it?

Homelander · 25-06-2022 04:50PM

The fact you're asking, you know the answer.

It would be one thing is this behavior started in an existing relationship, but to enter into a new one, it's got to be a 180.

Six months and it's starting to rear it's head but it will get worse.

radiotrickster · 25-06-2022 04:51PM

That’s definitely a red flag you can’t ignore. I’d discuss it with her, suggest that she needs help for anger management but if she doesn’t get it and improve, I’d leave.

You don’t want to stay in a relationship where this kind of behaviour could escalate and instead of throwing things at the floor, she’s aiming at you.

Pissy Missy · 25-06-2022 04:51PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251740/partner-has-temper-smashed-up-property

What does your gut say?

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 04:52PM

Leave

Jim_Hodge · 25-06-2022 05:06PM

Just end it. Six months and having issues. Not normal and will only get worse.

Pissy Missy · 25-06-2022 05:07PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251740/partner-has-temper-smashed-up-property

Have you told her you're concerned about her temper/physical aggression? If so, what did she say? If she's not willing to talk about it/acknowledge it/try work on it, then I'd go, I'd be afraid she'd get physical at you next. I have a family member like her, it's not nice to say the least.

Jequ0n · 25-06-2022 05:10PM

What had caused the arguments?

25-06-2022 05:11PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251740/partner-has-temper-smashed-up-property

Did you forget to put the bins out?

Sorry, shouldn't joke, and would never do it if it were a male throwing a tantrum. It's not a great sign tbh - Was she angry with herself, or was it an outburst aimed at you.

And what 'disagreements' are we talking about here. What else do you have disagreements about. Finally, what do you like about her?

gameoverdude · 25-06-2022 05:14PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119248704#Comment_119248704

It's not a red flag its the chequered flag for this relationship in my opinion.

Dial Hard · 25-06-2022 05:19PM

Leave, now, and don't look back.

We've all lost our temper at some point, probably shouted at a partner, but two violent outbursts? In six months??? That's hugely concerning, and this kind of behaviour only tends to escalate.

Tork · 25-06-2022 05:25PM

Jimbob, I think you posted here a long time ago about some other bad relationship you were in. It's a no-brainer that you should get out of this relationship with this woman before it gets worse. But if you've got a track record of attracting women who have issues, it might be time to step back from dating for a while and work on yourself.

Thelonious Monk · 25-06-2022 05:28PM

I ended up living with someone like this before. Smashed a few of my phones, a few laptops, my TV... f*cking lunatic but I let it slide the first couple of times and by then I was broken and didn't seem to be able to look at it objectively. Then there were the physical assaults...

These people don't get better man, you gotta get rid of her.

Tork · 25-06-2022 05:42PM

This is a woman in her mid-40s and she is old enough to know better. I bet her exes have some stories to tell, not that you'll ever hear them. Get out before she breaks something of value in your house or physically hurts you. This is not going to get any better for you and it will get harder for you to leave.

Hannibal_Smith · 25-06-2022 05:54PM

Mod Note

I've deleted some off topic posts. If you've no advice to offer the OP, please do not post.

The Charter can be found here. If you're unsure of the replies expected in PI/RI, please read it.

Thanks

HS

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 06:47PM

Yep it is not good at all. If a man smashed a vase against the wall, he end up in the Garda station for the night.

We argue over nothing. Yes we get along and then out of nowhere there is an argument.

For eg, I said to her the other no night she looked wrecked and maybe she should go to bed. I didn't mean it as an insult, just a suggestion cause she looked really tired and she said she was tired. Well, she went nuts, about me saying she looked wrecked. She lost the plot.

That is just one instance of many

Strumms · 25-06-2022 06:52PM

She has violent tendencies, so leave, get rid.

plenty of challenges in relationships and she has indicated as to how she will / can behave in those situations.. ie. by becoming violent….

extricate yourself from the situation..

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 06:54PM

Or another example of her flipping out was she sent a humorous comment on WhatsApp and I didn't reply so she thought I had some issue with it so I replied and said all is good, yep it's funny, not very original but funny.

Well started to write essays back to me on WhatsApp giving out to me. I mean text after text. I said she was making an issue out of nothing. She even said my comment was 'a cut to the bone' comment. I only said it wasn't very original but I did say it was funny

Tork · 25-06-2022 07:04PM

If one of your friends came to you and told you these stories, what advice would you give them?

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 07:09PM

I think I'd say call it a day.

I am just hesitant because she does have good qualities too.

But I think she is argumentative. What do you think about the above two examples of arguments?

25-06-2022 07:10PM

In your shoes, I would be ending this relationship before you get in any deeper.

You don't want to become another DV statistic.

Jequ0n · 25-06-2022 07:17PM

Break it off in a public place and never engage with her on your own. Save your digital conversations in case she tries to “punish” you for the rejection.

And I am serious about this advice. She will not be able to understand your point of view, or the fact that you decided something on her behalf.

Good luck.

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 07:23PM

What do people think about the two examples of arguments?

Was she making a fuss out of nothing?

Jequ0n · 25-06-2022 07:30PM

Both examples show an inability from her end to consider your point of view, and an increased need to get you to accept culpability for having caused her distress. If you agreed with her just to have peace and quiet again she knows that this ploy works on you.

I am not saying she is doing this deliberately, and it could simply be a learned behaviour. Either scenario will put you in an uncomfortable and vulnerable condition that you will not be able to control. She thinks very differently to you and you cannot fix this with patience and “love”.

Dial Hard · 25-06-2022 07:31PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119249335#Comment_119249335

Why are you so hung up on these specific examples?

tea and coffee · 25-06-2022 07:32PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119249335#Comment_119249335

I'm not even sure why you're asking this. You know it's batshit. A 3 year old would know it's batshit.

Even if you did annoy her, smashing a vase or whatever is not an appropriate reaction.

What do you want us to say? That it is? Everyone is saying the same thing.

Still stihl waters 3 · 25-06-2022 07:33PM

She deserves to be on her own, run like the wind

StevenToast · 25-06-2022 07:41PM

Get out OP....get out now....

cap.in.hand. · 25-06-2022 08:03PM

Who's house are ye living in if she's smashing objects that maybe don't belong to her....

Jimbob77 · 25-06-2022 08:18PM

Her house

25-06-2022 09:05PM

Re the texting one, her reaction was over the top. But, that’s not to say your comment was clever either.

If I sent that type of comment to my wife she wouldn’t get angry, she’d get upset… not run into the sea upset, but hurt. Ultimately if I sent that text I’d be disappointed with myself.

The comment about her looking wrecked… again reaction was OTT. But, context is key (going by the ‘not original’), you may not be the most subtle. Did you say she looked ‘wrecked’ with concern or could it have been interpreted as a put down?

Again, not defending her, maybe be more sensitive in future. And please, don’t anyone accuse me of victim blaming here. Her responses were not acceptable.

Partner has temper/Smashed up property

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