Dating a super uncommunicative guy – is all this a bad sign?

The Young Wan · 10-05-2022 07:39PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119042627#Comment_119042627

I don't know. But feel free to find him and ask.

Fandymo · 10-05-2022 07:41PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119042662#Comment_119042662

You’ve dodged a bullet.

Tork · 10-05-2022 07:47PM

32 and still drinking so much he has a 2 day hangover and seemingly has to leave work feeling sick. Not my cup of tea.

California Dreamer · 10-05-2022 07:49PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119042662#Comment_119042662

The big red flag for me was the 2 day hangover! Do you want that 1,2,5 years down the road when hes out with the lads? Not opposed to anyone going for a session but come on! Its definitely not you, its all him and you can do farrrrrrr better than this guy!

The Young Wan · 10-05-2022 07:53PM

I don't know but it feels like some of it was me, coming on too strong, saying twice that I wanted to see him again.

Jequ0n · 10-05-2022 07:58PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119042723#Comment_119042723

For most people that would be an ego boost. If he got scared off by you just sending these messages you know that this will be trouble all throughout. Don’t waste your time and effort on someone who gives you nothing in return.

Dial Hard · 10-05-2022 08:02PM

Going by your previous threads, I would say you have a history of overthinking things, OP, but that doesn't negate the fact that you've dodged a bullet here by all accounts.

Maybe a little introspection on why you get *so* invested and analyse every tiny interaction to the degree you do might not be a bad idea before you meet anyone else?

Tork · 10-05-2022 08:03PM

Sometimes people mistake scaring someone off with their gut telling them the other person isn't interested. One date would be too soon for that though. If the roles had been reversed and he had said he wanted to see you again, how would you have felt?

The Young Wan · 10-05-2022 08:06PM

I would have been up to it, to be honest. And he had said on the date he would be keen to.

> Sometimes people mistake scaring someone off with their gut telling them the other person isn't interested.

So which do you think it was? My gut, or he's out?

Idle Passerby · 10-05-2022 11:17PM

Is it possible your only so into him (a person you only met once and first made contact with a few days ago i.e. a total stranger) because you sensed he wasn't interested and it put you into chase mode?

He's not interested in my estimation but why are you? You have barely anything to base an interest in him on and when he's not keen so soon shouldn't that be a turn off in itself? Not to mention he's a 32 year old who goes home from work with a two day hangover. That would be an instant dismissal for most people.

squigglestrebor · 10-05-2022 11:51PM

Just on the posters saying red flag on 2 day hangover, it could actually be the opposite , ive a few pals that drink very infrequently and are terrible drinkers volume wise and are the ones that would get a 2 day hangover once or twice a year though. Seasoned sessioners dont tend to miss work on a monday because you cant every week.

Pussyhands · 11-05-2022 12:05AM

OP, you are a woman who has made it clear you're interested. If he is interested he'll make an effort to contact you and initiate conversation as you have already tried.

IMO, from your perspective, there's no thinking that needs to be done. Forget about him for now and if he is true to his word that he never looks at his phone or is busy or is sick, then he'll text you and you can continue on as normal and go on a date again and ask him in person what his story is.

I assume you're texting on whatsapp? You could often check to see if he is online on whatsapp and just leaving you unread. He could have chatting to many women and keeping conversations going each day with everyone can be tiring.

YellowLead · 11-05-2022 12:07AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119044133#Comment_119044133

It’s not the getting of a hangover that’s the concern, it’s skipping work because of it

bitofabind · 11-05-2022 12:10AM

Why are you investing so much head space into a guy you met once and didn’t even know a week ago? His interest or lack of isn’t really relevant. Conducting yourself with an over investment into someone you aren’t even “dating” yet (reminder you met once) is what you need to work on. It’s a recipe for all kinds of headfcuk if you’re active on the apps.

Also, write down your list of things you need in a person and things that won’t fly. You need regular communication. This person is crap at that. Incompatibility Number One. Two Day hangover and days off work to recover, may be a one-time thing but spidey senses should be up. This is a person that should be low on your priorities list unless he does a sudden u-turn and proves otherwise.

dontmindme · 11-05-2022 12:11AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058245213/dating-a-super-uncommunicative-guy-is-all-this-a-bad-sign

He's married or otherwise engaged...don't have my phone with me or never look at it usually means what I'm actually doing is hiding it from my other half or am not free to answer.

squigglestrebor · 11-05-2022 12:48AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119044174#Comment_119044174

As i say , if hes skipped work because of a hangover its more likely that its a rare occurence. Obviously if its not a rare occurence hes a waster and run a mile haha.

siblers · 11-05-2022 12:52AM

It's only been one date. If he was interested, he'd have texted you. Having a hangover doesn't stop someone from sending a text messag or two

No point wasting any more time on him.

Katgurl · 11-05-2022 01:27PM

Why did you tell him twice you wanted to see him again? Why are you so keen to see him again? Has he impressed you particularly?

I would guess no given how you've described. So that suggests you're desperate to see him again because you're well... Desperate to see someone (anyone) again.

Dating and life is supposed to be fun. Get busy with your own stuff. If someone asks to see you and they look like they might be good company then make the arrangement and forget about them till you see them.

There is nothing more off-putting than a person waiting for you to come along and fix their life.

The Young Wan · 11-05-2022 01:33PM

Genuine question but what do I do if this guy reappears? Address it? Ignore?

Katgurl · 11-05-2022 01:43PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119045961#Comment_119045961

Neither.

If he messages and suggests doing something that sounds appealing and is convenient then go.

Certainly do not 'address it'. Address what? You're not together. Get on with your own life. He either enhances it or he doesn't.

The Young Wan · 11-05-2022 02:45PM

Weird, the majority of responses here are "cut your losses" and you say "eh. Keep going with him."

Purple Mountain · 11-05-2022 02:58PM

There is simply too much overthinking and drama in your head for a man you met once.

That will come across as needy and clingy to potential partners.

Maybe work on yourself a bit before you go back into the dating pool?

The Young Wan · 11-05-2022 03:17PM

Yeah, I thought I was "fixed" but maybe not.

Oh well. Time to get rid of the apps again 🙈

bottlebrush · 11-05-2022 03:26PM

Nobody is ever too busy or too hungover to do something they really want to do. All it takes is a few minutes to arrange another date. There's nothing to address with him as his silence so far indicates he is not that in to you. He's starting as he means to go on. So even if he does contact you to go on another date, you risk the same behaviour before the following date and so on. He knows you're keen so he has nothing to lose. My advice would be forget about him and move on.

11-05-2022 03:50PM

I think alot of people are being a bit unfair on you here OP. You are overthinking it but some people are like that and some people arent great communicators and thats fine. However if someone is really interested they will make the effort. Its also not unreasonable to expect a little give and take, however this is very early days.

if his lack of communication bothers you and he does reappear, i wouldn't hesitate to let him know you though he wasn't interested cause you didn't hear from him. He'll either make a better effort if he cares or not if this freaks him out. That's his prerogative.

I personally am a massive over thinker also, i over analyze and stress myself out but im aware im doing this and cut if off, However when i met my boyfriend I never had to question his interest or his intention and never had to over think any stage of our dating. When someone is interested theyll make it clear, like you did in this situation. It just wasn't reciprocated.

On to the next :)

RojaStar · 11-05-2022 04:19PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119046815#Comment_119046815

Honestly some of the responses here are a bit ridiculous! You don't need to be "fixed", and don't give up. Stay on the proverbial horse! It's a numbers game.

My personal opinion on this is that if someone is interested in you they will make it known and if you are in this much doubt then this person is not for you. Some people are okay with that level of non-committal contact, seems like you're not and that's totally normal and acceptable.

For me, it's definitely a bad sign that he cannot be bothered to make the effort to respond or get another date locked in as that kind of half ar$ed attitude would not gel well with my personality. As someone said, he's not that into you. Next.

Johnrazz · 11-05-2022 04:25PM

2 day hangover could of a concoction of anything, maybe he got a couple of bad pints? Mixed his drinks?

foxsake · 13-05-2022 10:46AM

i'm sh1t on the phone . my wife says she didn't know if i was interested with my 1 word responses.

i just prefer the long talks in person. texts/phones are to deliver messages,.

it's not a sign either way tbh.

osarusan · 13-05-2022 11:05AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119045961#Comment_119045961

If you were still communicating through Hinge, will he be able to see that you deleted the thread? If so he's obviously got the message. Is it even possible to contact you once you've done that?

It it was on whatsapp or similar, same question?

If, from his perspective, he doesn't know you deleted things but the chat has just gone cold anyway since Monday, then you have your answer anyway.

The Young Wan · 13-05-2022 05:44PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119056045#Comment_119056045

I mean, no he's not going to get a notification "TYW has deleted your message thread" on WhatsApp, but to not hear a single thing from this guy since Monday is pretty much all the answer I need.

Dating a super uncommunicative guy – is all this a bad sign?

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