Sex-starved marriage

""Also saying she has body autonomy only goes so far, she entered into a relationship with somebody where intimacy is normal and natural, even expected.""

I wouldn't agree with that. Bodily autonomy is absolute, and marriage does not give one an entiltement to use the other's body for sex without freely given voluntary consent. If a wife, for whatever reason, does not want sex then she totally has that right to refuse to grant him consent. And the husband just has to accept that .

Like what you are saying is that there is an expectation or entiltment to sex in a marriage. So if bodily autonomy on goes so far then where do you draw the line? I know what you are saying is definitely not the pre 1990 situation where a husband legally rape the wife in a marriage and not be at all at risk of prosecution. But to suggest that there is an expetaction and that body autonomy is not absolute, well the attitude it certainly is a step in the wrong direction towards the pre-1990 days of legalise marital rape.

I see. But the wife's bodily autonomy would have no bearing on the husbands right to stay in or leave the marriage. Just as she has bodily autonomy, he has the right and autonomy to either stay with her, or leave. The rights of both don't interefere with each other.

Buying sex is illegal in Ireland. If you were caught you'd be prosecuted. But it is unlikely you'd be caught.

Please don't do that anyway as you would be feeding the human sex trafficking criminal gangs.

For some reason, I thought divorce was an arduous process (from seeing someone go through it - but who knows what barriers were raised by either side ). I knew there was an alternative that could be brought by one side only, and so my brief search brought me to judicial separation.

I'm always sad for people who break up, and honestly feel that all possible efforts must be made to find solutions. I'm also conscious that we're in the Relationships forum, and try not to be blasé in my responses. But, occasionally speaking from the heart instead of the head has landed me in it.

OP I think you need to examine your feelings here more so than your partners. Is it jut sex you feel is missing or is it sexual intimacy, romance, passion? Because you keep focusing on the sex part but some of your comments (like about he not getting you a present) lead me to think it's not just sex. It's very common for men to couch sadness over a lack of intimacy and love, in terms of lack of sex

This is important because maybe you can have sex with someone else in an open marriage without issue, but if you're looking for other things then you're really looking for a new partner.

I think the idea of just finding a hobby is a bit silly and shows her lack of understanding of sexual people - which makes sense if she's asexual herself.

You need to be honest with yourself about what you ACTUALY want to be happy in your life, I strongly suspect a bit more sex is not enough.

Have you looked into sex robots? They're supposedly getting more advanced all the time. Obviously not a perfect solution but comes without the significant downsides and risks to any of the options involving extramarital sex with an actual woman...

You've made it clear that you're not getting those things in your marriage either. I think what CrookedJack was asking is how important they are to you, which isn't completely evident from your posts, which are largely focused on sheer sexual frustration. You might be able to assuage that while remaining within the marriage but it's hard to see how you will get those other things outside of a new relationship. A nice, genuine FWB might provide some approximation, but as others have pointed out good luck sourcing one of those as a married man.

"not the pre 1990 situation where a husband legally rape the wife in a marriage and not be at all at risk of prosecution. But to suggest that there is an expetaction and that body autonomy is not absolute, well the attitude it certainly is a step in the wrong direction towards the pre-1990 days of legalise marital rape"

No husband could legally rape his wife pre-1990. I read that 1990 law but I think it's too overly broad and blunt because the situation pre-1990 wasn't quite as you portray it. There were other laws in place prior. Nowadays, the definition of consent keeps changing all the time whenever the female Justice Minister comes under pressure from foreign-funded NGO's masquerading as 'women's rights groups'.

OP - you shouldn't feel ashamed. Sounds like you're better off leaving her given she doesn't reciprocate your love for her. You've been extremely patient and loving towards her but she has continued stonewalling you. She will likely struggle to find another man because a lot of men tend not to date single moms. Chin up but don't make your decision known until the time is right and you have a copy of all the past paperwork around the house to defend your equity.

This highlights how unfair divorce is in Ireland. The OP is not unreasonable to think that sex is part of a healthy marriage. Yet if he encourages her to see if there is counselling available or check if it’s medical he is branded as a controlling conversion therapy promoting rapist. If he seeks sexual realise on the side he is either a cheater or if he see professionals he’s human trafficking.

If he walks out he looses his home, she gets to keep it despite her moving the goal posts, he will be limited in how he can see his kids. He has so much to loose.

Op be careful, if you move out she might move a new fella in pretty quick, you’ll be lumped with the mortgage and child support while her “asexual” boyfriend plays daddy.

get the most expensive lawyer you can find.