Sex-starved marriage

It's never going to change op, so instead of cheating on Tinder, my advice is to end the marriage and leave with dignity. Hopefully you meet someone more like minded.

I'd be checking legal consequences here if I was you. Citizens Information says that a person can request a judicial separation if a spouse commits adultery. Perhaps this is an over-reaction by me, but the seemingly cavalier response to you exploring 'other options' would ring alarm bells for me.

Having said that, have you sought counselling - as a couple? If she is unwilling, then go on your own and say she doesn't want to engage, you might get advice on how to convince her to at least attend one session. Of course, she might say there's nothing wrong, no need for counselling, but again, the professionals have no doubt seen this all before. Try that path before walking into something unexpected when you score on Tinder.

You don't have to have consent or any written agreement to get separated. You don't have to stay in a marriage. You can just leave if you want and agree with her that ye are separated if possible. If ye cannot agree separation then get a judicial separation. the most common grounds is that the relationship has just broken down.

You don't have to do counselling. You have to be made aware of its availability, but you don;t have to do it. At the end of the day, if the marriage is knackered, what is the point of counselling. It is just a waste of time and money.

As for signing a contract for open marriage! lol, that is just nonsense. And it would have no legal standing if you did. Its just bull.

My impression is those set-ups generally evolve when the couple are genuine friends in the first place. I doubt a married guy on a dating site saying upfront he is looking for an fwb is going to find too many takers, unless he's Colin Farrell or something...

If you think that breaking up or going open marriage is going to solve your intimacy problem then think again. Think about it, a middle aged married man with children. How many people are going to see that as a good catch?

OP i would recommend Ashley Maddison - plenty of women and men there in unhappy marriages that are in the same lack of intimacy position as you and looking for similar.

I imagine the audience on the straightforward dating apps would be very limited for you

Ultimately though it sounds like the marriage isn’t a good one - it’s tough to leave financially, emotionally with kids etc, but at least you’ll have a chance to find somebody who would be a better match. And don’t make the same mistake again!!!

I think coercion is a very strong word to be using. I'm suggesting that more information is available. Also, while the treatment was mentioned in the context of menopausal women, we can't say that the OP's wife does NOT have the same hormonal imbalance. (edit: removed what might have been interpreted as a snarky jibe at CL, apologies if it has been interpreted as such by those who have seen it). Now, IF it transpires it is a hormonal problem, then appropriate therapy would be beneficial - as demonstrated last night. One of the women was very effusive in her praise of the therapy and its outcome. But, they were given the CHOICE to participate. Which is what I would expect here. On the other hand, you could be right and she simply has made a conscious choice to go this route. I believe in considering all the possibilities to ensure the best possible outcome.

If my wife was unhappy with me because I was very moody or lethargic - perhaps indicated by a lack of interest in any type of activity, or an introversion - and suggested I could do with advice to see what was causing it, I wouldn't see that as coercion. Even if I couldn't see any problem myself.

oh dear, oh dear. What this "force her " talk?

I should preface this with a response to the question you put in the OP, no I've no experience of it so can't say how I handled it.

I know four couples who split up. It caused major financial problems for all of them. Some said years later that they should have stayed put, fewer were happier for having made the jump. Just one, of all of them, was because of lack of sex (as far as I know) - and one half of that couple was far happier ever since, the other half not so much. So in my, hardly representative, example, I can say the people who came away feeling better for having split up was very much in the minority , while the rest wished they'd "tried harder" to use a phrase I heard.

For what its worth, I think 'lack of sex guy' acted very selfishly and told him so, but that's because I watched the family disintegration he created and left behind.

So, while I have attempted to make suggestions on where solutions might be found, I will never suggest that you have justification to break up your family. Nor have you justification for making your children unhappy by having arguments. I agree with @CreadantLady above about your 'take it or leave it' options - well apart from, I would probably say "suck it up", harsh as it might sound.

I think lack of intimacy in a relationship must be a real killer, and have a lot of sympathy for both of you, because I believe it helps to form much closer bonds. I hope you find a solution to your dilemma - which might even be taking up a very absorbing hobby, like golf or model trains. Seriously.

Finally, don't cheat. It is a really undignified solution and made worse for everyone when it becomes public knowledge, as it inevitably does. How many men do you know who are considered great lads for cheating? How many men do you know who are considered scumbags for cheating? In my experience, the first has always been "zero" and the second "all of them". Although, once again my sample size is small, probably less than the fingers on one hand.

Good luck.

Jesus what an awful thing to say. What are his alternatives? I know two men within my immediate family alone who had children with and split up with their first wives. Both are now blissfully happy with their second. Both were middle aged when it happened and both were snapped up fairly fast.

OP this has dragged on long enough. If there was even the slightest willingness in your wife to change things it would have happened in the 15 years you've been with her. Things haven't changed because shes happy with the arrangement. Shes also acutely aware of how frustrating the situation must be for you but still doesn't care enough. There isn't even a question that needs answering here. If you want happiness and a fulfilling intimate relationship you CAN have it, trust me. But it won't be with this woman.