Miss ex terribly and want him back

Go back with him, ‘for the most part it was fantastic’ there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, we are all flawed, it is living with and accepting those flaws that makes for true love. It’s obvious you are in love with him and he with you, this separation will be a lesson to both of you…and good luck.

Ah.. I've been there. So sorry about your feelings and that things didn't turn the way they were expected. It never is easy.

If he says no for a suggestion to get back together, you have accept it and respect. There must be a fear or something else included, as you said. This has to be respected and accepted. He may be grieving in a different way, may quicker, maybe slower, maybe doesn't want to go back even if loves. It's frustrating and I can sympathise.

Therapy definitely will help you, just find the right therapist (needs to be a certain vibe and understanding, fluent communication). Also, with therapy very common to feel worse before it gets better. Some people loose patience and give up which makes it worse to themselves.

Antidepressants... Again, been there. Not recommending. Not good for liver, plenty of side effects etc...

Try to find things you love doing for yourself despite of someone being or not being together with you. It may take years learning to love yourself being single. Patience, lots of patience. Your mind may be rushing with memories and emotions. But your task now is to relax, calm yourself down, avoid big stress, give yourself plenty of time and space. And talk to friends and family to socialise a bit. Find someone you trust and lean on so they could support you, and listen to you while you bleed your feeling away... It's a slow process (at least for me).

It will get better, trust me.

Your thoughts, doubts and hopes are similar to what I have experienced and it's completely normal. It was exhausting to me as it was repetitive and I was going crazy trying to understand the reasons, was blaming myself a lot. These thoughts come and go frequently but each time gets easier.

Funny but lots of romance comedies helped me. But mostly helped movies about relationships. Eg., Marriage Story on Netflix. Helps to see that we all are human with our unique problems but we all get extremely sad. Now it looks like eternity but in a life time it will be just another experience of our lives, which makes us who we are now. I have learned crying again, as it was too hard to hold inside.

Cooking - treat yourself a bit :)

This is very significant. You haven't just had a relationship end, you've had the vision of what the rest of your life might look like change dramatically.

A few people have mentioned it, you haven't commented on it, and you don't have to, but I strongly advise professional assistance to work through your feelings as something you should seriously consider.

Self care, being kind to yourself and indulging a little is part of this, but you should be careful to ensure it doesn't go beyond something that is appropriate and in to negative habits. A therapy environment could help you to structure your analysis of what you are going through in a methodical way. One benefit I got from therapy was being able to compartmentalise some thoughts in to something I was going to bring up in therapy and try to not let my mind dwell on it too much outside of that.

Everything you've been true is difficult, doing it throughout Covid even more so. It can definitely get better, having the right support will help the process.

Yep, finding the right therapist can be a challenge and it can take several visits even before you know if they are the right one for you but you'll usually have a good feel for them on a personal level and whether or not you guys have a sufficient connection within the first session or 2 and don't be afraid to call a halt if you don't think they are right for you.

You're doing the right things, cutting out alcohol, going to the gym, getting a dog is a big step but glad to hear that is working out well. It will definitely help with getting you up and about to take care of them and walk them.

Don't worry either about making plans for this year or whether or not they are working out. As I said earlier, it's January, it's never a very productive time so give yourself a break.

If it is the case that you're struggling to get good quality sleep, it would be good to improve that. There's a number of things that we can do to help promote good sleep practice although dealing with depression and a breakup can really make that difficult. Sleep effects everything obviously, our mind, our resolve, energy etc plus if we are awake, we can spend more time on negative thoughts.

We all deal with breakups differently so the main advice I can give you is be kind to yourself. The puppy is a great idea and getting active, that's all self care. Getting in touch with your ex isn't. He's your ex for a reason and if you are the poster from the previous threads I'm very very glad he's your ex, you're worth more than that.

Look forward, not back. Delete his contact info, block him on social media (whether you're connected on platforms or not), block his numbers and emails. Take your life back.

Listen to music, sometimes I think sad songs or breakup songs (think Adele 21 album) can actually help, but each to their own.

Exes are exes for a reason, something was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm still friends with most of my exes but getting there took a long time with zero contact. The only ex I'm not in contact with is the one who was no good for me. My life is better without him in it.

Moving on isn't easy, but it's worth it.

I am afraid Rose that you will keep feeling worse, because you really didn't break up with him. You made a pause to connect with him later. So if this is a case, you will feel worse with each day because with each day passing by, you will realise that your break up is really happening. You won't heal, if you don't make it final, then grieve and move on.

I know where you are coming from because I was in a such situation ages ago. I gave him a space to "realise that I am the best woman for him" and "that no-one will love him like I do" etc. And that he will be back. I guess it was the only way for me to get through it back then. First loves are just like that. You just fall into it with no self-protection, while we need to have boundaries. It took me many years to heal and learn how to love in a healthy way. So trust me, you loved once, you will love again. Just treat it as a painful life lesson. The sooner you will start fully grieving, the better.

I mean that you give yourself fully to another person and would like if another person does the same to you and together create a one unit, kind of enmeshing with each other. While we need to left for ourselves our core, our values and needs. When we merge totally with another person, so this person then has double upload to carry around.

Of course when people do it to each other, so then they both have this upload, so OK then. But this kind of love belongs to a previous era, Pisces Era. Ages ago women represented mainly feminine side and men masculine side fully, so such exchange was needed and welcome. Now is an Auquarian Era, when people are more individual human beings developing their both masculine and feminine sides, so no need for such a full exchange. We can live separately and be happy. And if we meet someone, who can enhance our life and we can enhance their life, so it's a great bonus.

But it is our responsibility to develop fully first, not another person to fill the void in us.

You've not closed the door on this guy in any shape or form. That comment about him now being in therapy translates to me as "I'm going to hang around and wait until he gets fixed".

On the mail thing, he has had more than enough time to change his address and stop his mail coming to the house he no longer lives in. It's not that hard to do, especially in this day and age. Failing that, An Post offers a mail redirection service. You're being way too soft on him here - you should be writing "Return to sender" on the envelopes and shoving them through a letterbox. You don't need to know where he is living now but he shouldn't be having his mail sent to you

Nothing at this point in time I am going to say will sound in any way appealing or indeed in any way sensible until later on in the grieving process. Its impossible to guess if there is a timeline when the grief over the loss of a relationship is going to fix itself, it might continue for a year or it might continue for a week, nothing is ever fixed. With near certainty (and thats the key phrase here 'near') , this is a temporary state for the moment of what you are going through. Having the means to basically function on the most basic of levels at a time like this takes a huge push from one self, give yourself kudos for that. The advice from Tell me How is phenomenally good in both being pragmatic and incredibly supportive. On the point about therapists. I know of someone who had major issues and went to various therapists however one day clicked with someone who knew the right words and right tone as this person specialised in the trauma they had experienced. Without sounding too cliched, therapists are like a pair of shoes..you need one that is the right fit.

I read that perhaps you may have posted about this chap before (and mea culpa and sincere apologies if I am wrong in that regards) but when we are in toxic relationships, sometimes these people make us feel like we need them to exist. That without their care and love we are nothing but empty vessels that needs their attention. Standing on your own two feet takes courage and time and like I said above, function on the most basic level if you must to etch out an existence till you strike that balance that suits you. Set yourself one goal outside of a relationship that you mauy wish to strive for giving you something to work towards. Never going to be easy but giving yourself a distraction of sorts helps give .

To lessen the stress figure out what is within your scope to change. Maybe you might want a new job, need a new place to live or improve your financial situation. These at least give you a degree of scope to know that you are both in control and improve anything in life that may need remedying. And they feed back into giving you some sort of goal to focus on perhaps.

Aside from that and speaking in general terms, now is the time to reach out to friends restoring the friends network. No one is ever a burden to others but understand that sometimes we may need time away to recharge like a battery in order to help you more. Good friends are there in the background but they (especially if empathetic) need that space to clear their heads to help you (that trope that floats about facebook of being like a battery on a phone that needs recharging is true). It could be worth understanding the five stages of grief to help give shape to what you are experiencing. (Youtube is useful for things like these).

Outside of that please look after yourself and be gentle on yourself x

Internalising your feelings isn't helping you and may be one reason why you're not in a good place. It's all well and good to say you're taking up new hobbies but sometimes they're just ways to drown out the noise. Is there any particular reason why you think your family and friends abandoned you? Sometimes you can get too wrapped up in your side of the story and might not see things from their side. People often tread carefully when it comes to the relationships of their family and friends. It's so easy to put a foot wrong and 99 times out of 100, the friend will side with their partner anyway. It wouldn't surprise me if the people close to you saw your ex for exactly what he was and despaired as you went on to buy a house with him. Sometimes it's just a case of reaching out to some of your old friends and rekindling the connection. I'd say a lot of friendships drifted a bit over the last two years because of the pandemic but that's not to say people can't make up for lost time. If you don't feel you can talk to a friend or family member, please open up to a therapist. There is a lot to unpack here. I think you definitely need a good therapist you click with anyway- as has already been mentioned it can take a few tries to find the right one. Don't let that part slide because you've got two big issues going on here. One is that you allowed this guy burrow his way into your life even though there were warning signs everywhere. The other is that you can't move past your grief. It's OK to grieve for the life you thought you had in front of you and for the relationship you believed you were in. At this stage I think you need good professional help to move past this. I'd treat that as a priority, before making big decisions like selling the house.