Room and Board for Pensioner Mom

cygnusx02 · 01-05-2021 12:44pm #1

My elderly widowed mother has come to live with my husband and I and her house is about to go on the market. She receives the contributary pension; hubby is unemployed; I'm a salaried employee with an eff tax rate of about 50% (no kids). My income pays for the mortgage, household bills and groceries and then runs out! We have no savings and a significant amount of debt.

What do you think is a reasonable rate to charge mom for room and board? We do all the shopping, cooking and cleaning since mom has limited mobility and can no longer drive. She has a private en-suite double room - we do need to change her shower to a level-surface shower but don't qualify for the Mobility Aids Grant (because household income >30k).

Please help me redirect my question if this is the wrong forum!
Tanks

cbreeze · 01-05-2021 12:58pm

I think you would need to keep in mind your mother's care needs going forward. If she needs to go into permanent residential care and avails of the fair deal scheme her assets will be taken into account. A house value is taken into account but there is a cap of three years. There is no cap on the cash assets The nursing home resident gives up 80% of their current income.

Before such a move becomes necessary your mother would be entitled to home care. This relieves the burden on the primary carer. This is not means tested and can be arranged by the local public health nurse. It does not matter if there other people living at the residence. I had an elderly parent to look after and the home care team was a great help.

https://www2.hse.ie/services/fair-deal-scheme/about-the-fair-deal-scheme.html

Another source of funds to help would be the Disability Support Grant, which is not means tested and can be applied for. The form is available to download and is signed off by the GP - €1,700 per year, usually pays out in June.

The HSE explain the scheme at the link above.

Hope this helps,

cygnusx02 · 01-05-2021 4:36pm

@cbreeze

Your reply is very much appreciated, thank you 😊. The Fair Deal scheme is new to me so, thanks, I’ll do some reading - even though we’re not at that stage of need yet. I’ve googled Disability Support Grant but came up blank...maybe you’re referring to the Carer Support Grant? That seems to be for those on Carer’s Allowance which my hubby might apply for but we’re unsure if we qualify. We don’t qualify for the Housing Adaptation Grant.

But my question is really about charging for room and board (food, heat, electricity, etc) - right now we’re covering almost all her living costs and she’s effectively saving her pension. Awkward. Obvs, she’s very welcome but how do other people set up the financial arrangement when a parent comes to live with them?

iamwhoiam · 01-05-2021 4:41pm

If her house is about to go on the market and she will make a profit from it I think it would be fair to ask her to pay for any adaptations she needs in your house

Rustyman101 · 01-05-2021 4:44pm

cygnusx02 wrote: »

@cbreeze

Your reply is very much appreciated, thank you ðŸ˜Š. The Fair Deal scheme is new to me so, thanks, I’ll do some reading - even though we’re not at that stage of need yet. I’ve googled Disability Support Grant but came up blank...maybe you’re referring to the Carer Support Grant? That seems to be for those on Carer’s Allowance which my hubby might apply for but we’re unsure if we qualify. We don’t qualify for the Housing Adaptation Grant.

But my question is really about charging for room and board (food, heat, electricity, etc) - right now we’re covering almost all her living costs and she’s effectively saving her pension. Awkward. Obvs, she’s very welcome but how do other people set up the financial arrangement when a parent comes to live with them?

any asset transferred within 5 years of going into a home is taken into consideration, you are allowed 36k in the bank AFAIK, 80% of income and there's also extras involved can be between 30 n 100 a week depending on where you are ,this is not taken in consideration in FD scheme. me i wouldn't be charging but thats me, if she accumulate cash over 36k thats a problem ! HSE more interested in financial affairs than medical around FD scheme.

looksee · 01-05-2021 4:48pm

Mod: Can we stay on the topic of what would be a suitable charge please.

Offering your opinion on whether any charge should be made is irrelevant and off topic.

01-05-2021 5:26pm

I haven't been in your position OP but if I was, I'd take as much as your mum is willing and able to part with. You've two variables to balance - how much it's costing you vs. how much she can afford to give you. In terms of how much it's costing you, I don't think you'll be able to recoup that. So I'd just look at what she can reasonably afford.

Maybe you could sit down with her and discuss what's reasonable? It's only fair for her to have disposable income and to be able to save a bit if that's what she wants, but you're taking on a lot for her. While it might be an uncomfortable conversation, it's one that you're entitled to.

As an aside, it would be worth making sure you're utilising your husband's tax credits and his contribution to your shared tax band (and see if you can also claim dependent relative for your mum). 50% effective tax rate when one spouse is unemployed sounds like there might be something off. Link.

cygnusx02 · 01-05-2021 9:13pm

Thanks for the replies!

@true-or-false I was mistaken saying 50% eff tax rate, I was looking at the diff between gross and net income and that's complicated by how my benefits are structured. I appreciate the link, I think you're right, I should be claiming more tax relief than I am. Thank you!

Yes, it's an uncomfortable conversation but it's no doubt better to have it sooner rather than later, I'm just undecided as to what's fair - probably best to calculate actual food, heat, electricity, tv and broadband costs, not charge for the room per se and then ask for help with the adaptations.

Immaculata · 27-11-2021 9:40pm

Perhaps your mother shouldn't sell her house. If at some future point she goes into a nursing house, all or almost all the funds from the sale will be absorbed by the fair deal scheme, I think.

Maybe it would be better to let that house and use the income to fund your mother's stay with you, day to day expenses such as extra groceries, and any work that needs doing on your house to make her more comfortable. If your mother is okay with it, once those costs are extracted from the rental income, you could either stash that money in her account for whatever she wants, or take a cut of it yourself as 'rent' with her agreement.

You can get an estate agent to do the letting and management of your mother's house for a fee, which would come out of the rent and would remove most or all of any work or stress involved in letting a property. Then, hopefully a long time in the future, when your mother passes on, you'd still have a property to inherit.

Just a suggestion. Good luck :)

Foggy Jew · 27-11-2021 9:54pm

Wow. Why post this question here? Why not speak to Mom? If she is in possession of most of her marbles, she should be expecting this conversation. Mountains & Molehills.

Room and Board for Pensioner Mom

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