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Ex broke up with me because of lockdown restrictions but now wants me back

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Comments

  • #92
    Smiley283
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 110 ✭✭Smiley283


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117926029#Comment_117926029

    That's actually a great way to frame my breakup. I know I have to digest and release all my emotions but I am already looking forward to meeting someone new that respects me.



  • #93
    Tork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,605 ✭✭✭Tork


    But you still think covid broke you up? And if it hadn't, you'd be happy with the crumbs from the table that he was throwing you?



  • #94
    Smiley283
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 110 ✭✭Smiley283


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117926140#Comment_117926140

    Yeah I did think that the restrictions and distance was the crux of the matter but from actually opening up on the breakup I can see that it wasn't the case.


    I really wanted the opportunity to meet up with him to just talk it through but yeah definitely, crumbs is all that he was giving me and I really see how terribly I have been treated. Glad that I can close this chapter and look forward to the next one.



  • #95
    qwerty13
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    Smiley, I just saw your post on another thread. It all makes so much sense now. You’re not continuing to accept an obviously abusive relationship, but you are continuing to accept one where your needs are nowhere - not recognised at all, and one where you have no voice.

    I questioned your description of “helplessly in love” in the early stages of this thread. You’ve put various things down to your easy going personality. These are not good things Smiley. You’re continuing to erase yourself in a relationship. It would be great if you can talk to a professional regarding why you don’t seem to value yourself, or your needs, in a relationship. You’ve moved on from an obviously abusive relationship - but not one where you’re left hanging, and seem to bury your own needs - and then question why the guy who used you and gaslighted you might have some merits.

    You really need to open up about why you are in abusive relationships (thankfully decreasing in levels of abuse). Please do speak to a valued friend, and preferably a professional.

    Post edited by qwerty13 on


  • #96
    notAMember
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭notAMember


    Smiley, you were benched. Or maybe you know it as cushioned.


    He put you on pause, like a plan B, while he went off to look for other women.


    Happy to hear you didn’t tolerate it, it’s no way to treat someone, speaks volumes about him. No honest guy would do it.



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  • #97
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,238 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    Yeah, if it were me in your shoes I'd tell him to piss off.

    Just a bloody user. Sure remember during the first lockdown so many were getting pets? Well according to the news thousands trying to off load said pets now cause everything is opening back. I mention it because its the selfish nature some people have.

    For you op, he tossed you a side when he didn't have a need for you anymore. So tell him to f off lol.



  • #98
    teddy6
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28 ✭teddy6


    I only read your thread today. I think you've made the right decision but I can see how difficult it has been for you and that it may be difficult for a while to come.

    We learn something from every relationship that we are in. The last relationship I was in I learned that it is important to assert boundaries. Like yourself I am easy-going and felt that having certain expectations and "demands" are crossing a line. I now know that clear boundaries and stating expectations is really important.

    I've also learned that just because you are 100% invested in someone doesn't always mean that they are on the same page.

    There is no doubt he was keeping you in his life as some sort of backup, so to speak. This is low and it's not something a person does if they have any sort of love for you, even as a friend. You deserve sooooo much more than this. You have dodged a bullet, for sure.

    i felt early on in the thread that he was out dating other people and this turned out to be the case, whereas you were breaking yourself trying to figure out a way to make the relationship work.

    I've looked a lot into the idea of attachment. I believe that we get attached to people because of the amazing experiences we've had with them in the past and we're clinging onto these in the hope that we can have similar experiences in the future. It's really tough to work through this and face the fact that this is the past and not going to be your future.

    I'm delighted that you have so much more going on in your life and have a job that you can focus on.

    Life is too short to focus on someone who doesn't think that you their everything.



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