Is the gay dating scene getting worse or is it just me?

Online is not real life. People don't feel the same about a few pleasant looking pics than they would about an actual person standing in front of them chatting to them.

I don't really understand the "they matched with me so they should send first" and vice versa rule. Tinder is 100% equal. You both swiped right. There's no rule about who should message first.

I think there is also a Covid fatigue/exhaustion/weariness thing going on that people dont feel over motivated to go on dates right now

I think its a fair enough rule...if you swipe on a person and its a match, but don't feel the need or want to send a message or pursue anything further, it kind of makes the whole thing slightly pointless and a bit lazy. I wouldn't consider OP weird to not want to follow up these people. Then again I have never used these apps so might be missing something.

Well it's not really like the bar analogy because it would be entire socially unacceptable to tap someone on the shoulder in a bar and stare into their face while it's entirely socially acceptable to not message someone on an app.

It's more like going into a bar and magically having the option of finding out exactly who in the bar found you vaguely attractive. You don't have to go seal the deal with any of them but I think many people would like to have this info with no pressure to do anything about it.

I also think there's an element of how tinder in particular works here in contrast to Grindr. Some guys I see on the apps I'm just like YES and want to interact immediately. They're either generically handsome and appealing or just my type or whatever. Other I think "cute" "decent" etc but am not mad about. Maybe in person I'd be mad about them but I'm not sure. I don't agonise over these decisions they're instinct.

In Grindr I just don't message the people I'm not sure about. I can always see them next time I scroll through. In Tinder you have to make a match decision and if you decide no they are gone forever. So people swipe match and think "maybe I'll come back later" so don't message the person.

Basically if your matching but no messaging with a person then to them you're a maybe. That's it. No mystery.

Also if you were having more success a few years ago it much be to do with ageing. Internet dating can be ruthless about looks and age.

I honestly think a lot of these things are easy to explain. You seem very surprised that this guy didn't want to go for a walk. But you didn't want to go for a drink. He had his reason as did you. I guess the only difference is he wasn't bothered engaging anymore and explaining his thoughts. But that's how many people approach internet dating. Extremely low investment.

I think you were lucky not to encounter this before. The primary complaint about Tinder for years and years and years is matching but no messaging.

I am on it but wouldn't be a heavy user. I prefer Grindr.

I still think it's fairly easy to explain that guy. He wanted something instant. Probably subconsciously. Once you pushed it off to not instant it just wasn't appealing to him anymore. He probably have it no thought at all.

He may also have had the experience (which I have had a lot) of people putting off dates and hookups and they're never going to happen. "tonight is bad" often means never, even if it shouldn't. Haven't you ever had someone tell you "tonight is bad but can meet at weekend" then at the weekend there's some reason why that doesn't work either.

Anyway seems like you're having bad luck but unless the pandemic had some kind of effect I'm not aware of then I don't think there's been a major change in internet dating.

Yeah your impressions are definitely false - I went before to various different groups (maybe 5 or 6) and I found them full of friendly outgoing people.

I am venturing back into the dating scene after a long relationship. I could also do with more gay friends - am finally seeing their importance! I happened upon this thread this morning and thought 'Everyone who commented there seems sound. Wouldn't it be great to meet them - maybe go on a group hike or something!'

My friend runs the Dublin Mens Group on Meet Up, they have been pretty good though quiet with the restrictions.

Im inclined to agree that meeting men can be tough with the restrictions and having done a lot of one night stands, it can be hard when everyone is in either an open relationship or just looking for hook ups.

Tinder is a strange fish, POF is terrible !! Plus being a big lad into other big lads is a bit niche but thats who I am!

Hey fella

Depends what you are seeking I suppose. With bars closing early its not great at the moment.

I drink in Nealons or Jusrassic as I prefer an older crowd, Street 66 is not a great spot in my experience, Panti gets a nice crown and the main club part of the George is fun

OP - I totally get what you're saying. It looked like I wrote what you said! :)

I was about to post a thread here but saw this one. Similar story really. I had a long time off dating (for a mixture of life reasons) and I'm in great shape now, ready to date. I downloaded the usual apps and much of the same situations as described above. I also agree with the 'if we match when I swipe, I'll message you' expecting the same. After all, I'm not there to match for my ego or to pass time.

A month ago I went on a date with a lovely lad who said in his Tinder profile that he wanted something serious. He was 'newly gay', just a few years out, in his mid-thirties. After we slept together, he acted really weird. All considered, I partially don't think he knew what he wanted, and partially wanted all options or to not commit. I said let's move on and he became a real a-hole. Another example of someone going nuclear when they feel rejected.

I matched with a hot lad on Hinge over the weekend. Initially he said he aimed for something more, but later that night asked me if I was open to just fun? No. I didn't sign up to a relationship app for fun. (All the reviews, the app advertising clearly target LTR and the fact that you have to wear clothes, have face pics. talk personality clearly shows it's not about sex).

I opened my Tinder and there's the last week of matches, where they match me and do nothing or I messaged them and nothing happens. WTF? I think I swipe right to about 1-2 out of 10 profiles. So that's 10-20%. How many messages have I sent (e.g. on Hinge) and no replies? 5%? I just don't like these numbers. Honestly I feel a little hopeless at this maze.

No atmosphere for me, then again I prefer an older crowd so maybe Im just a stick in the mud!

Honestly this seems really weird to me that you wont message people on Tinder because of who matched who. Its really simple in my view If you think you like then message them. Anything else (in my view) is overthinking it and an opportunity lost