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Is the gay dating scene getting worse or is it just me?

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    #32
    pauliebdub
    Registered Users Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭pauliebdub


    The bars are mostly groups of friends meeting up. It's rare to start talking to someone new unless introduced, few people go to bars by themselves unless they want a quiet pint.

    A better idea might be to broaden your social circle through joining clubs or groups so that when you do go out the opportunity is there to be introduced to new people.

    Someone mentioned that meet ups are for people who have difficulty making friends, nothing could be further from the truth - it's often made up of very sociable people who wish to take up a new activity and meet new people.



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    #33
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,898 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Definitely. I have been to a few different meet up events and I find the people at them all very friendly and sociable

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #34
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    Hit the dating scene and so far


    One lad who has cancelled twice, told him to go do one

    An elderly gent who turned out needs a lot of help

    A lad who takes four days to reply to texts (meeting him tomorrow)

    I dunno...I think its easier to just go back to being a tramp



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    #35
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,302 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118514341#Comment_118514341

    I have to say, I've no idea what the dating scene is and hence what your complaining about.

    Afaic there is no such thing as a dating scene.

    If life you come across people and if your lucky you'll fall in love and have a relationship.

    If you don't, fcuk it, there's noting wrong with being single.

    I'll never get how people think the can 'look' for a relationship. It doesn't make any sense to me. It never did.

    Sometimes I think I'm unusual in thinking like this because so many people seem to think you can just make it happen. You can't make it happen afaic.

    When I watch the RTE show Blind Dates or whatever it's called, I just don't get it. Why would you meet up with a complete stranger in the hope you might fall in love with some random person. That to me is the complete opposite of the uniqueness and surprise of falling in love, that you can just do it intentionally like buying something on Amazon.

    I would actually agree with your 'being a tramp' comment. Just go out and meet people Be a tramp to meet people. Get off those stupid apps and meet people in real life. Stop trying to make it happen. It happens all by itself.



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    #36
    AodhDub
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭AodhDub


    I just don't get it. Why would you meet up with a complete stranger in the hope you might fall in love with some random person.

    Why not? Once you treat it for what it is, and don't pin all your hopes on each date being 'the one', all your left with is the potential for enjoyable evenings with interesting people.

    I do know what you mean by "stop trying to make it happen". It does tend to happen when you aren't expecting it. Not sure on the science of why this tends to be the case tho! Law of Attraction, perhaps. But we all know that's pseudoscience...



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    #37
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118515812#Comment_118515812

    Politely buddy I disagree with that. There is a balance to be struck between the two. I run a social group for gay men to give an alternative to clubs, bars and saunas - we do coffee etc. The idea behind it is to create friendships which a lot of have done. In life people will always in some cases like minded people. Example - I follow a League of Ireland team - I want to meet like minded people of my tribe to talk tactics, players, matches etc. This also applies in the dating world - I dip my toe in every couple of months to see who wants to go on a date, I get a few matches with a nicely worded profile and a little bit of personality on it as a person puts out what they want to attract. Im looking for another big lad like myself with a sense of humour, if I dont succeed I dont regret it. And there is a good point to your post, to consistently do such things like seeking dates is fairly counter intuitive, it can come across as desperate, same goes for those who say 'I want a LTR'...you dont just say you want one, you have to be open to one. Im already meeting people through the social group, bars and various other activities Im involved in yet inherently there is a fundamental issue at the basis of meeting men on the gay scene is that we either have to be flexible in exepctations in which case we remain open to most people or rigid in our principles which leads to meeting less.


    A side note on being a tramp - I was riding rings around myself last year. Lead to me feeling akin to a hollow shell last November, was awful. Lockdown has lifted now we can meet other men.


    Boards Beers @Ten of Swords ? ;)



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    #38
    Frostynight
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭Frostynight


    I am up for Boards Beers. Deffo a few interesting lads here I think I could be mates with.



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    #39
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    To cite an example of dating


    Date went great Saturday, he seemed interested. He said stay in touch, I text yesterday afternoon is he free this week and he reads it but doesn't respond. I'm disappointed alas but I don't go chasing. Guys let you know they are interested but can't seem to be upfront. This was the first time in over a year and a half I liked a guy!


    We shall persevere!



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    #40
    Barna77
    Registered Users Posts: 3,271 ✭✭✭Barna77


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528055#Comment_118528055

    Yep, sounds familiar, I'm so used to that.

    A couple of weeks ago, this guy I had chatted to years ago came out of his grave and started profusely texting me again. Two days later, he went back to his grave.

    Oh well.



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    #41
    Frostynight
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭Frostynight


    Ah God damn.

    OK I'm dropping the hope bomb.

    A family member of mine met another Boardsie. They are now married, with kids and a house and are terribly happy and the kids killed their freedom but they're the best partners ever.

    I am not saying, any Boards Beers is going to mean marriage, but I forgot I did have that beacon of hope above ^^ :D



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    #42
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,010 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Suggest a general flakiness, poor coping mechanisms and bullsh1t anxiety issues are really taking off in the younger segments of society(all sexualities). Suggest go out and socialise, sports clubs etc, will meet more motivated people. Also suggext if online look for people 25 and over. The general flakiness goes down as age goes up



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    #43
    mr.anonymous
    Registered Users Posts: 481 ✭✭mr.anonymous


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532410#Comment_118532410

    Could my soul mate be sure to DM me and let me know they're going to the Boards beers... ;)



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    #44
    Frostynight
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭Frostynight


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117797001#Comment_117797001

    You're one of a few people I have this to say to: you were right and I was wrong.

    As an idea, I still think it makes sense.

    Well today I opened up Tinder, looked at all those matches who matched me and said nothing for some reason I can't understand. I messaged about 4-5. 4 text back, 3 asked me out on a date today and 1 did so within 10 mins of texting (I told him I'm interested, but let's chat first).

    I'm not above saying it, somehow, you were right. :)



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    #45
    Barna77
    Registered Users Posts: 3,271 ✭✭✭Barna77


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532410#Comment_118532410

    I forgot to mention, I met an ex here!



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    #46
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,898 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532607#Comment_118532607

    Well thats good news. Hope the dates go well. And I'm always right 😋

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #47
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    Well Im thinking of heading out Saturday for a few beers with a mate, maybe about 9...! Just mentioning it ;)



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    #48
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532430#Comment_118532430

    As much as I want to disagree with this, there is an element of truth within its core. I go for over 30 in general ..not to say that its fixed in stone but as the years progress , maturity sets in. With that mind I have met 60 year olds who are emotionally immature and 25 year olds who would seem older beyond their younger years.



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    #49
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,302 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118516469#Comment_118516469

    From what you say you seem to be meeting loads of people as it is. I take it your not living in rural Ireland where I can see online dating is of some use, because there is scant alternative unless you want to spend your weekends travelling up to Dublin.

    See the way it has worked for me is, you see someone, socially, and for some reason you are really keen. That's how love works, it's inexplicable. That's how love starts and all I'm saying is it can't be forced. Being in a relationship isn't about wanting to be in a relationship, like some business transaction, it's about being in love with someone and only because of that do you want to be in a relationship (with them), not for the sake of being in a relationship.

    For me love relationships are neither desirable or undesirable. If they happen they happen, if they don't, so what. You can still play around.

    But I do get some people see this differently than I do so maybe there is no right or wrong here. I had a gay male friend who when his partner left him he told me he was 'seeing' 5 guys at the same time since (as a 'replacement') and ended up one of them has been his partner for years. But I always noted he would describe himself as 'single' many times and I just found that odd, as if being 'single' to him meant he wasn't up to scratch and he desperately had to do something about it to up his self esteem. That's all totally alien to me, and I don't envy his way of looking at it, as it all comes across as a bit desperate.



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    #50
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118548407#Comment_118548407

    That is pretty similar to advice I have given to younger lads. Its why dating is to be taken with a pinch of salt. Im a people person so going in with zero expectations creates for an all round better experience. I'm in Dublin but can appreciate that being in the country options might not be a bountiful as up here in Dublin. Burdening oneself with an expectation of a relationship so suddenly serves to only make a person deluded. Ive a few lads that keep me sorted sexually and we are in agreeance, these lads and I that we want no more from each other .



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    #51
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    Ive parked the dating for a while. On the surface it was fun but I just found the experience over all exhausting as there was a lot of lads into me that I was not into and vice versa. Decided to reel my neck in and go back to looking for mates with benefits as that gives me the emotional scope to not look for anything serious but just enjoy it if it comes my way. Treading the waters of the dating scene is only a task I tend to do once or twice a year, rest of the time Im devoted to other pursuits or riding rings around myself !



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    #52
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,898 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117820766#Comment_117820766

    I went to the wet and wild hike today. There was about 50 people there. All very friendly. Highly reccomend the group.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #53
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118587409#Comment_118587409

    Great mix of people?



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    #54
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,898 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118587714#Comment_118587714

    Yeah. Though all men. Lovely group but they need to try a bit stronger on gender balance. All very friendly.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #55
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,302 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118588282#Comment_118588282

    How do you mean? Is it not a gay mens meetup. Why would gay men want to meet women?



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    #56
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,898 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118597823#Comment_118597823

    No. It classifies itself as LGBTQ+

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #57
    Frostynight
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭Frostynight


    Dating talk episode 103:

    Went on a date with a very handsome lad. But, out of the blue, he sort of bragged about how many guys he slept with in the past month and talked about how he's open to open relationships. As a pretty romantic, monogamous lad, that freaked me out. For me, they are two of the worst things a person could say on a date with me. That's not judgement - that's personal preference and personality. Part of me decided to pay and grab my coat. I really thought we weren't looking for the same things. He kissed me suddenly. The chemistry was amazing. We slept together. Long story short, we had a great time, including outside of the bedroom. We're going to see more of each other.

    Sleeping with a lad early on is not my preference for reasons. It partially feels very counterintuitive to me. I feel like I'm walking backwards downstairs. I don't mind trying it other ways or his way but I just hope I don't get lead off a cliff.

    *trying hard to reject notions of fear and being lead by hope*



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    #58
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118608320#Comment_118608320

    Well mate the proof is in the pudding. Sounds like there is chemistry but at minimum you are cognisant there are some flaws in him. Hope it goes well x



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    #59
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    I will sometimes make a half arsed effort when dating. Then there are times when I meet someone though and my heart just skips. Heartily Ive been rearing myself on a diet of sex and porn and other assorted activities since been single the last few years. Rare that I find someone that I want to date despite me going on a few dates (mostly just out of curiosity) however had two dates with a guy and I misread the signals. Hes into chasers , hes a bearish type. There I am flirting last night and I had not called it a date though. Mea culpa! I misread everything - I think I enjoyed wearing my heart on my sleeve that I had no done in a while!!! He is the type of bloke I can be friends with though, I can see the qualities in him I like . !



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