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Thoughts on court order wording

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    #62
    1874
    Registered Users Posts: 2,382 ✭✭✭1874


    bubblypop wrote: »
    Do you believe that spending time with your children is punishment?


    Look, you clearly have an agenda, Ive stated otherwise so you are trying to shove your opinion down other peoples throats.
    Looking for a reaction much??? no wonder the country is in such a state when we have people carrying out their jobs with your attitude.


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    #63
    XsApollo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭XsApollo


    catrionanic wrote: »
    Trying to imagine only having my kids for 40 weekends a year, an odd week here and there, and then going to court because I want to go on holidays without my kids for two weeks rather than one...

    You have four weeks annual leave and you are only prepared to spend half of that with your children. Children who you don't see very much of anyway.

    Poor kids.

    What a pathetic post.
    The person works full time all week and spends 40 weekends a year with them.
    Where as the other person has them during the week and free time at weekends?
    You can’t see the difference there or your deliberately ignoring the difference.
    As was said joint custody was asked for which was rejected which would means week on week off.


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    #64
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    1874 wrote: »
    Look, you clearly have an agenda, Ive stated otherwise so you are trying to shove your opinion down other peoples throats.
    Looking for a reaction much??? no wonder the country is in such a state when we have people carrying out their jobs with your attitude.

    This doesn't even make sense


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    #65
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Lashes28 wrote: »
    You spend two days out of seven with them. That's really not alot of time.
    I'm so confused that you are giving out that you don't automatically get joint custody in Ireland. But at the same time don't want your children for one extra week? If you had them jointly what would you do for childcare while you work? Why don't you do that for the week she's looking for you to take them or are you just looking to go against your ex?

    Because if it was joint I wouldn't be paying maintenance, now you are suggesting paying maintenance and childcare. If I do that once then before I know it she will be looking for 4.

    2 out of 7, so if it went another day and a half it would be joint, she rejected it outright claiming I just didn't want to pay maintenance, but its actually her who wants the maintenance, surely it would be better for all to do week on week off joint custody, no excuses there and both work and look after their own childcare, why can that not be automatic in this country. I had a buddy who tried it and was rejected cos he works and the mother doesn't


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    #66
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Not time I heard, no. And it wasn't declared on the means in court

    This is something you would want to be getting clarification on. I'm surprised your solicitor didn't do better for you.

    It's up to you to have them work for you.

    You need to show all costs involved and whether you can live or not.

    Obviously this is the internet and all very personal information and a very tough ask for you.
    Absolutely nothing wrong with you asking and I actually think all the haters are been way too hard on you.

    So she gets no maintenance for the other child, not sure is she working?
    She then will be I'm guessing claiming single mother payment etc etc.... Back to school grants and so on....


    If you are definitely struggling financially then you need to get this sorted asap.

    You will incur plenty of expenses taking them 40 weekends as it is and the other times too....
    Obviously we don't know ages so if school is a thing or whatever.


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    #67
    howardmarks
    Registered Users Posts: 641 ✭✭✭howardmarks


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Hi all

    Long story short, ex was pushing for court for ages, got her date recently and we went through the back and forth negotiations with maintenance and access. Holidays were a big sticking point as she was trying to word it as we take the kids for a week each and that she'll take them when I have mandatory work weekends, essentially meaning I'd have no holiday. I fought it and convinced my own solicitor of the back handed tactics and that it should read we both get a week holiday and the other party would take the kids that week. Therefore I could not and she could not dictate each others personal holiday. It was put down to be August then which I resisted and eventually after the sentence saying one weeks holiday in August, it was hand written in to say either party to opt for one week holiday outside of the mandatory work weekend month. Grand I thought all solved. Until last week and she asks what week in August am I taking the kids on holiday, I said the hand written sentence clarified that and I will let you know with plenty notice when I take my personal week holiday. To which she said no the week in August still stands and the hand written sentence meant we both had an option of an additional week. I was like not a hope and that point went all the way to the courtroom door. I take the kids for nearly a full additional week at Xmas, have them 40 weekends of the year and give her her personal week where I take another week off work to take the boys. Told her I have plenty opportunities on weekends to take them on holidays and when they are older I will use my personal week with them

    I cannot believe its back to this, I told her to opt is to make a choice as opposed to another, opt does not mean additional. I actually felt the stress of last year hitting me, its like she knew I was at peace and content.

    What are peoples views, would appreciate an outside view point on the sentence to opt

    Thanks in advance

    Setting aside the negativity towards you for wanting a short break in the year and focusing on the wording in your agreement it seems a little unclear what the agreement states from your post.
    But if it clearly states one week in August then that is what you agreed to by signing?
    Maybe I'm reading it wrong but it's unclear from the wording in your post. That leaves it open for interpretation to both you and your ex partner and its creating a problem for you both. Maybe a chat with your solicitor to confirm what precisely you agreed to is advisable?

    These situations are difficult for both parties. You're dealing with balancing a failed relationship, spending as much quality time with your kids as you can, working to provide an outflow of income to support your kids that didn't exist when you were a couple and a multitude of other things that most people don't consider as luckily for them it doesn't apply to them. Nobody is right or wrong. They are just offering opinions.


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    #68
    Lashes28
    Registered Users Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭Lashes28


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Because if it was joint I wouldn't be paying maintenance, now you are suggesting paying maintenance and childcare. If I do that once then before I know it she will be looking for 4.

    2 out of 7, so if it went another day and a half it would be joint, she rejected it outright claiming I just didn't want to pay maintenance, but its actually her who wants the maintenance, surely it would be better for all to do week on week off joint custody, no excuses there and both work and look after their own childcare, why can that not be automatic in this country. I had a buddy who tried it and was rejected cos he works and the mother doesn't

    Why would you be paying maintenance on the weeks you have the children for the whole time?


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    #69
    1874
    Registered Users Posts: 2,382 ✭✭✭1874


    Lashes28 wrote: »
    You spend two days out of seven with them. That's really not alot of time.
    I'm so confused that you are giving out that you don't automatically get joint custody in Ireland. But at the same time don't want your children for one extra week? If you had them jointly what would you do for childcare while you work? Why don't you do that for the week she's looking for you to take them or are you just looking to go against your ex?


    Again, another poster who has not read the thread.
    The OP wanted or offered joint custody, which was contested from my reading, likely as the other person couldnt claim as much as they wanted off them.


    But given the OP works fulltime, there is only so much time they can allocate to seeing their kids per week (is that not enough punishment) yet posters come along and criticise him for working fulltime, paying maintenance,a nd then only spending 2 days per week with them, where do you think anymore than that comes from?? there are only 7 days in the week!
    He already spends time with them, lots, yet when the mother asks for 2 weeks plus extra, the father is faulted for not wanting them for another week, you could not make this level of nonsense up.
    Read the thread first at least, I doubt that will work for a lot of posters here as they have it that anytime a father wants querys anything, he is a bad dad, but what the mother does is ignored or glossed over with any kind or level of excuse.


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    #70
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Lashes28 wrote: »
    Why would you be paying maintenance on the weeks you have the children for the whole time?

    As in when I have them on holidays? Cos thats expected as well and I am not sure if that can excluded or not


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    #71
    Housefree
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Housefree


    Dude post in the separation forum. The separation forum will have other men with similar problems.

    https://touch.boards.ie/forum/1533


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    #72
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Housefree wrote: »
    Dude post in the separation forum, the parenting sub is mostly women, hence all the hate your getting. The separation forum will have other men with similar problems.

    https://touch.boards.ie/forum/1533

    Different options are not hate. Don't have a dig at women.


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    #73
    1874
    Registered Users Posts: 2,382 ✭✭✭1874


    bubblypop wrote: »
    This doesn't even make sense


    Look,
    You pushed your opinion and agenda that I stated it is punishment to spend extra time with your own child, which I did not, I explicitly said otherwise.
    You are latching onto what you want to see, and are locked in on that and cant see another persons view.
    Would I be correct in saying you are a female Garda? I thought you were a male Garda? if I am correct in recalling your other posts related to Gardai training, then I have little time for your views.


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    #74
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,267 ✭✭✭✭fits


    punisher5112 wrote: »
    Will you come off it, if my kid cost me €140 a week we would be living in a box under a bridge.

    I spend more than that on childcare alone. After that you have higher rent/mortgage costs for properties can accommodate them , food, haircuts, clothes, dentist, car seats, Jes I could go on and on and on. Children cost money irrespective of whether you can afford to pay for it


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    #75
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Housefree wrote: »
    Dude post in the separation forum, the parenting sub is mostly women, hence all the hate your getting. The separation forum will have other men with similar problems.

    https://touch.boards.ie/forum/1533

    Oh no you didn't..... ;-)

    I'm still shocked myself with the responses, if I had to pay that amount I wouldn't be able to afford to live in my dad's rent free never mind actually rent even a room.....


    Are people really that dim that an ordinary wage for so many this would be half maybe in many cases even more then half.


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    #76
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    1874 wrote: »
    Look,
    You pushed your opinion and agenda that I stated it is punishment to spend extra time with your own child, which I did not, I explicitly said otherwise.
    You are latching onto what you want to see, and are locked in on that and cant see another persons view.
    Would I be correct in saying you are a female Garda? I thought you were a male Garda? if I am correct in recalling your other posts related to Gardai training, then I have little time for your views.

    I have never said such a thing, who are you to try bring in my occupation into a unrelated tgread.
    I think you are the one who clearly had issues here.......


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    #77
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    fits wrote: »
    I spend more than that on childcare alone. After that you have higher rent/mortgage costs for properties can accommodate them , food, haircuts, clothes, dentist, car seats, Jes I could go on and on and on. Children cost money irrespective of whether you can afford to pay for it

    I pay half medical, half school, she has no rent, and I pay 240 on top


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    #78
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    fits wrote: »
    I spend more than that on childcare alone. After that you have higher rent/mortgage costs for properties can accommodate them , food, haircuts, clothes, dentist, car seats, Jes I could go on and on and on. Children cost money irrespective of whether you can afford to pay for it

    Are you a single parent or still together?
    Working full time?
    Get benefits etc etc etc....

    You can oy pay for what one can afford and if childcare is too much then in many cases one doesn't work as how could anyone afford such amounts.


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    #79
    cant26
    Registered Users Posts: 578 ✭✭✭cant26


    OP from Reading your initial post i don't think it's that you don't want to spend time with your kids it is that the agreement isn't being adhered to. I would get on to your solicitor and take their advice.
    For what its worth it sounds like your a good dad. Paying €240 a week for two children is unreal. Sounds like you are a hard worker and a stable presence in your childrens lives.
    I know plenty of two parents families where the husband works extremely long hours and then plays golf all weekend! They barely see or know their kids, just looks better doesn't it?!
    While I personally haven't been in this situation a family member is in the thick of it now and it has been such an eye opener. Her husband is fighting giving 60 a week for two children.
    Good luck and definitely get on to your solicitor.


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    #80
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Housefree wrote: »
    Dude post in the separation forum, the parenting sub is mostly women, hence all the hate your getting. The separation forum will have other men with similar problems.

    https://touch.boards.ie/forum/1533

    Learnt this too late, was wondering all the hostility and lack of understanding in breakup situations


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    #81
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    punisher5112 wrote: »
    Are you a single parent or still together?
    Working full time?
    Get benefits etc etc etc....

    You can oy pay for what one can afford and if childcare is too much then in many cases one doesn't work as how could anyone afford such amounts.

    Cheers punisher, its hard work at times


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    #82
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    cant26 wrote: »
    OP from Reading your initial post i don't think it's that you don't want to spend time with your kids it is that the agreement isn't being adhered to. I would get on to your solicitor and take their advice.
    For what its worth it sounds like your a good dad. Paying €240 a week for two children is unreal. Sounds like you are a hard worker and a stable presence in your childrens lives.
    I know plenty of two parents families where the husband works extremely long hours and then plays golf all weekend! They barely see or know their kids, just looks better doesn't it?!
    While I personally haven't been in this situation a family member is in the thick of it now and it has been such an eye opener. Her husband is fighting giving 60 a week for two children.
    Good luck and definitely get on to your solicitor.

    Thanks, it is a clarification on sentence but asked in the wrong forum as got attacked and been made feel like a crap dad here when the opposite is the case. Actually shocked by the biased opinions here


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    #83
    Vaccinated30
    Registered Users Posts: 389 ✭✭Vaccinated30


    I have 4 children, eldest almost 8. Ive never had a week off, I've never had 24 hours off. The only time I've been away is while giving birth ALONE to the siblings and straight home again. My husband works nights. We have no help at all. I'd love your 12 weekends off OP. Kids are your responsibility, and you have to sacrifice 2 of your 4 weeks AL then tough.


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    #84
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I pay half medical, half school, she has no rent, and I pay 240 on top

    Well done, I've followed the thread and you sound like a great dad ,I do think you're being taken advantage of somewhat and I'd definitely push back on that extra week tbh.
    I'm a parent, I love my kids but anyone who can't admit that parents enjoy and need s break from them particularly when working full time is lying imo.The op sounds like he's either working or parenting most of the time, he's paying maintenance and a lot of other bills for his family, he's asked a genuine question and has held his cool while being accused of not wanting to mind his kids etc. on here, totally off topic posts imo.

    Speak to a friend or your solicitor OP and don't be railroaded into anything extra, you sound like you're giving it your all as it is so look after yourself also.


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    #85
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Vaccinated30 wrote: »
    I have 4 children, eldest almost 8. Ive never had a week off, I've never had 24 hours off. The only time I've been away is while giving birth ALONE to the siblings and straight home again. My husband works nights. We have no help at all. I'd love your 12 weekends off OP. Kids are your responsibility, and you have to sacrifice 2 of your 4 weeks AL then tough.

    But I am already, have you missed the point.

    Again if you are a couple then your situation is not comparable


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    #86
    cant26
    Registered Users Posts: 578 ✭✭✭cant26


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Thanks, it is a clarification on sentence but asked in the wrong forum as got attacked and been made feel like a crap dad here when the opposite is the case. Actually shocked by the biased opinions here

    I wouldn't let it bother you. You know your situation. Was pretty surprised by some of the responses.


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    #87
    Housefree
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Housefree


    Vaccinated30 wrote: »
    I have 4 children, eldest almost 8. Ive never had a week off, I've never had 24 hours off. The only time I've been away is while giving birth ALONE to the siblings and straight home again. My husband works nights. We have no help at all. I'd love your 12 weekends off OP. Kids are your responsibility, and you have to sacrifice 2 of your 4 weeks AL then tough.

    Get your husband to take the kids away if you want a weekend off, surely he has holidays


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    #88
    1874
    Registered Users Posts: 2,382 ✭✭✭1874


    bubblypop wrote: »
    I have never said such a thing, who are you to try bring in my occupation into a unrelated tgread.
    I think you are the one who clearly had issues here.......


    Look, its unrelated to this, but it confirms to me your views aren't realistic.
    I didnt challenge you on an opinion you stated elsewhere related to Gardai training, because I knew it would be like talking to a brick wall.
    You clearly didnt understand the reason why people were treated as a group in such an organisation, one I understood you were in. If Im mistaken I'll stand corrected.

    Its concerning that someone could misinterpret what someone said in black and white but then claim otherwise.
    I DID NOT SAY IT IS A PUNISHMENT FOR MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE TO SPEND TIME WITH THAT PERSONS OWN CHILDREN.
    You wrote a post (61) that suggest you have to ask me to confirm if thats what I think, when I never said it all.
    Its how people enter ideas into a discussion that somehow starts to become fact.
    How you came the conclusion in post 61 is unknown to me, you must apply your own opinions to it, that clearly dont include reading comprehension. I consider your logic to be skewed because you couldnt even understand why group treatment is so, in an organisation you are in.
    I've seen other of your posts and basically I expect and see certain replies from you.
    Now, I'd like not to sidetrack this anymore, but dont say I said stuff I didnt, I think thats reasonable.


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    #89
    cant26
    Registered Users Posts: 578 ✭✭✭cant26


    Vaccinated30 wrote: »
    I have 4 children, eldest almost 8. Ive never had a week off, I've never had 24 hours off. The only time I've been away is while giving birth ALONE to the siblings and straight home again. My husband works nights. We have no help at all. I'd love your 12 weekends off OP. Kids are your responsibility, and you have to sacrifice 2 of your 4 weeks AL then tough.

    Im a mum of three under 8. Have had numerous nights away, days away, weekends away over the years. I have a very capable husband who is well able to mind his children. You sound like you resent not having 24 hours by yourself except to give birth?! Surely its your choice to have four kids with no help and no possibility of a break away? If you love the OP's 12 weekends off you must really love his ex's 40 weekends off!!!!


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    #90
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,303 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    1874 wrote: »
    He said he wants some downtime during the year, the other person already gets a lot of that all throughout the year and are also insisting (even causing this situation) because they are demanding down time when the OP isnt scheduled to care for his kids,
    I dont see how he has any spare time at all, let alone personal time if his ex has all her usual time off, plus wants holidays fromt he children when the OP isnt scheduled to be minding them

    Are you actually a parent? What is this downtime you speak off? A parent is always on. In the last 7 years I have been to a handful of football matches abroad for a couple of nights and maybe 3 or 4 nights out a year. The wife is the same (except sub the football matches for her activity of choice). Parents don't have downtime.
    This thread is like a look into an alternative universe to me to be honest.
    I am surprised that the solicitor saying hols from kids is normal. Having said that I would guess alot of the goings on in the family courts would raise eyebrows if exposed to the light of day.


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    #91
    0ph0rce0
    Registered Users Posts: 3,918 ✭✭✭0ph0rce0


    Could you not reword the court document to just split it down the middle? and save all the arguments. Most people get 4 weeks holidays.

    Maybe try come to an agreement where each of you has 2 weeks off throughout the year. She can go off for two weeks and so can you. Don't be letting her dictate when you can and can't go either. I work and can be hard to get holidays off in certain periods and under certain notice.

    If she wants to go away a week in June and a week in August. Fine, then you want two weeks off in July then grand.


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