Thoughts on court order wording

DeanAustin

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Are you actually serious, I don't see my kids much? Easy knowing you have zero experience in a relationship breakup with that message. Why doesn't this country automatically default to joint custody of which it would actually be a much fairer system? Instead I am stuck working my ass off to pay maintenance, mortgage and bills, my kids get 100% of my attention for the time they are with me, do your get the same or is your hubby doing all the weekend runs for training.

How dare you say poor kids, how dare you. You have no clue of the situation and history. My kids are very happy kids, they have everything they need and get quality time with me. I have been very active influence in their lives yet I have someone like you with your absolutely biased opinion saying poor kids without once looking that the mother wants her 2 weeks holiday without the kids, talk about a completely female biased opinion.

Pay no attention to that post. Some people love moralising about stuff like this even though they have no experience in what they're talking about. They see very simple narratives that suit their pre conceived bias.

Usually projecting their own insecurities onto the situation they are judging.

Personally, I thought the "poor kids" part of the post was disgusting and the people who thanked it should be ashamed of themselves.

Pawwed Rig

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Are you actually a parent? What is this downtime you speak off? A parent is always on. In the last 7 years I have been to a handful of football matches abroad for a couple of nights and maybe 3 or 4 nights out a year. The wife is the same (except sub the football matches for her activity of choice). Parents don't have downtime.
This thread is like a look into an alternative universe to me to be honest.
I am surprised that the solicitor saying hols from kids is normal. Having said that I would guess alot of the goings on in the family courts would raise eyebrows if exposed to the light of day.

Again not comparable. I don't live with my ex obviously. You mention a few weekends away which kind of proves the point cos I am sure its a hectic weekend for your wife when you are away for football matches and vice versa so ye don't do it regular as its easier to handle kids with 2 parents present. My ex has that during the week when she is not working and I have it on the weekend every week. Comparing a 2 parent approach to kids to a single is simply not comparable. I never said my ex doesn't need that time, its the conniving to get a 3rd week on top of the 40 weekends is what needs the clarification

1874

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Are you actually a parent? What is this downtime you speak off? A parent is always on. In the last 7 years I have been to a handful of football matches abroad for a couple of nights and maybe 3 or 4 nights out a year. The wife is the same (except sub the football matches for her activity of choice). Parents don't have downtime.
This thread is like a look into an alternative universe to me to be honest.
I am surprised that the solicitor saying hols from kids is normal. Having said that I would guess alot of the goings on in the family courts would raise eyebrows if exposed to the light of day.

It doesnt appear to matter what people write or say they think, because if you cant read or interpret what is said in plain English, then I cant help you.
I dissagree that parents cant have downtime, jeezus I was in a chipper the other week and I heard 3 blokes a bit older than me talking, one of them was saying he was suggesting his wife and his friends wives go off for a massage and a spa treatment to give them some time off.


Maybe you have the mentality that its go till you drop, but you are probably taking breaks little and often that you dont count or realise.
Having said that, you make it appear from your post above you are with your partner OR that you have an amicable agreement and I understand perfectly that parenting is full on, YOU even state your wife gets an agreed timeout "for her activity of choice"
YOU ALSO clearly didnt even bother to read (like many) the rest of the thread, where I myself stated that at one point I was the primary caregiver, maybe it depends on what kind of work a person does, and while it is time consuming, I dont consider parenting a child at home to be as full on as fulltime work and some work can be very demanding physically or mentally or both.

Therefore I consider it reasonable the OP or anyone in that situation has some time out/a once off annual break to do as they see fit.



"Parents don't have downtime" but appears the OPS ex does, and wants even more, you dont interpret that from their posts, I can only conclude is you aren't in the same position so just cannot see it.
Anyway, I don't agree that parents shouldn't get downtime, it is made more difficult by seperation, especially where one side is treated like a sacred cow.

The OP has downtime when he doesn't have his kids.

bubblypop

bubblypop wrote: »

The OP has downtime when he doesn't have his kids.

When I work 10 hours days is it?

If your answer is yes, then you obviously don't work in a high paced job

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When I work 10 hours days is it?

When your not working.

1874

1874 wrote: »

Look, its unrelated to this, but it confirms to me your views aren't realistic.
I didnt challenge you on an opinion you stated elsewhere related to Gardai training, because I knew it would be like talking to a brick wall.
You clearly didnt understand the reason why people were treated as a group in such an organisation, one I understood you were in. If Im mistaken I'll stand corrected.

Its concerning that someone could misinterpret what someone said in black and white but then claim otherwise.
I DID NOT SAY IT IS A PUNISHMENT FOR MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE TO SPEND TIME WITH THAT PERSONS OWN CHILDREN.
You wrote a post (61) that suggest you have to ask me to confirm if thats what I think, when I never said it all.
Its how people enter ideas into a discussion that somehow starts to become fact.
How you came the conclusion in post 61 is unknown to me, you must apply your own opinions to it, that clearly dont include reading comprehension. I consider your logic to be skewed because you couldnt even understand why group treatment is so, in an organisation you are in.
I've seen other of your posts and basically I expect and see certain replies from you.
Now, I'd like not to sidetrack this anymore, but dont say I said stuff I didnt, I think thats reasonable.

Reported

bubblypop

bubblypop wrote: »

When your not working.

Maybe I should report you for insinuating my kids are not looked after with you Poor kids comment.

Your here with one agenda, if you think leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 7pm is me getting downtime you have no clue

0ph0rce0

Genuine question. Why is nobody slaughtering the mother for wanting two weeks holiday plus a week at Christmas with no kids?

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Maybe I should report you for insinuating my kids are not looked after with you Poor kids comment.

Your here with one agenda, if you think leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 7pm is me getting downtime you have no clue

I never said any such thing. Get your poster right.
Point out my post that said anything like that.
I also work ten hour days, I have time to myself outside of working hours.

1874

bubblypop wrote: »

The OP has downtime when he doesn't have his kids.

And so does his ex, we dont even know if they are all in school most of the day, they may or may not be.
Even when Im off work, as much as I have tried, it can sometime be the only time I get to complete side work tasks that I dont have time to complete in work, just to make it easier on me when I return to work.
Its possible the OP is in that situation too, even if they are not some peoples jobs entail winding down to recover from work, not everyone has that luxury. It can be necessary physically and mentally from exhaustion for me to need a day to recover at times, sometimes Im only recovered by the time I'm going back to work if I have little time off inbetween.


Given the Ops ex is looking for additional time off (looks like a holiday), from what appears to me to be within the OPs existing time not allocated to mind his kids, ie the same time off you cited in your post above, then where does the OP themself get to avail of a once off annual break giving they are working fulltime throughout the year?? It looks to me, they will be using some of their annual leave entitlement to look after their kids so the ex can go on a holiday, why that hasn't been challenged I cannot fathom.
Because I read that the OP suggested she take her holiday time off (at least partly) within her existing times she is already not minding the children.


That maximises the benefit to both parties, and the OP suggested it.
Basically the OP was criticised for not wanting his kids for an extra week (or two?), what should have happened is people should be asking why is the mother turning down an extra week (or two?) ie declining to look after her kids for wanting a holiday, the exact same thing the OP is being criticised for!

bubblypop

bubblypop wrote: »

I never said any such thing. Get your poster right.
Point out my post that said anything like that.
I also work ten hour days, I have time to myself outside of working hours.

Apologies I thought it was, I retract that

My job is unreal stressful, if I didn't have the maintenance hanging over and had joint custody I would actually change jobs with less money and less working hours. That's how stressful and pressure driven my job is and I cannot change jobs because of the very situation I am in

1874

bubblypop wrote: »

Reported

Thats pathetic, instead of answering, you resort to report, you claimed you never said such a thing, but in post 61 you insinuated I was suggested or thought it was punishment to spend extra time with a persons own children and you cant even answer to that.
Thats shameful and concerning,
By the by, if you are bothered about your training in the Gardai, you should have tried a stint in the PDF, I wouldnt have given you a week and thats from having worked with the Gardai when I was in the PDF.
I dont know what society is coming to, I blame social media, now Im off to the thread where people are talking about things you notice when you get older (Im concerned now that snowflakes are real), you should grow up yourself a bit, and try reading posts completely and stop denying you wrote what you did.
Dont bother with me, I wont be with you, no replies, not sidetracking the thread anymore, apologies to everyone else (who responded reasonably and at least read posts).

Calahonda52

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Are you actually a parent? What is this downtime you speak off? A parent is always on. In the last 7 years I have been to a handful of football matches abroad for a couple of nights and maybe 3 or 4 nights out a year. The wife is the same (except sub the football matches for her activity of choice). Parents don't have downtime.
This thread is like a look into an alternative universe to me to be honest.
I am surprised that the solicitor saying hols from kids is normal. Having said that I would guess alot of the goings on in the family courts would raise eyebrows if exposed to the light of day.

This describes it perfectly!

shesty

Mod Note

This thread has descended in back and forth between individual posters, which is not helpful to the OP and has been locked as a result.
OP, I have PM'd you - if you prefer I can move this to the Separation and Divorce forum, if you feel there might be more useful feedback there. I will leave this locked for now.

S