Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Relationship breakup

Options
  • 06-01-2021 11:23am
    #1
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭


    My girlfriend has decided she wants to break up with me and me to move out, we are not married but we have 2 children together,
    I was given the site by my father worth 150000 at the time i got planning for the house solely on my own as she is not from the area (gaeltacht)
    We got a joint mortage for 210000 to build and are about 10 years into the mortgage with another 20 years to go. The house is currently valued at 350000. Any advice on where i stand on this issue i work fulltime salary 35000 per year she doesnt work,
    Thanks in advance


«134567

Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,717 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    I am assuming you accept she has some interest in the joint property?

    If she was a full time mom, the fact she was not earning a salary doesn't really make a huge difference. morally (and as far as the courts are concerned) full time Mom = equal contribution. So get rid of the 'she doesnt work' mantra -

    I would imagine you will need to come to an agreement - or risk the court making a decision that doesn't suit either of you.


  • Options
    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    You need to talk to a solicitor.


  • Options
    #4
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    Hi thanks, the fact that i meant she doesnt work just means she has no salary, i understand it can be a full time job minding the school and kids etc.
    If we were forced to sell the house which we hope not too would it be a 50/50 split once mortgage is paid off even though i supplied the land worth 150000? We have both name on mortgage but only mine on the deeds
    Thanks


  • Options
    #5
    antimatterx
    Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭antimatterx


    How come she gets to be the one to end up, but also have the audacity to tell you to leave? If shes not happy, let her leave.

    She 100% has equity in the house, I'm not questioning that. But telling you to leave is not on.e


  • Options
    #6
    John Hutton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,301 ✭✭✭John Hutton


    Dave46 wrote: »
    Hi thanks, the fact that i meant she doesnt work just means she has no salary, i understand it can be a full time job minding the school and kids etc.
    If we were forced to sell the house which we hope not too would it be a 50/50 split once mortgage is paid off even though i supplied the land worth 150000? We have both name on mortgage but only mine on the deeds
    Thanks
    Do not leave. You will end up paying the mortgage with the house not being sold until kids are finished education.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,673 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    As was mentioned as solicitor will be able to give you advice as to what to expect. Also have a look yourself as cohabitation rights on the citizens information website. If you could come to an agreement without having to go to court that would be ideal - has your partner specified what they expect from you? As she does not work, she will be considered dependent on you and therefore entitled to maintenance for herself as well as maintenance for the children. The interest in the house is anyone’s guess, it might not be 50 per cent but it would be significant. Sometimes people come to agreements such as her living in the house with the kids until they are 18 and then moving out when the house is sold. It all depends.
    But a solicitor is really the best port of call - you don’t have to jump into initiating anything but that conversation will give you a better idea of what to expect.


  • Options
    #8
    eastie17
    Registered Users Posts: 442 ✭✭eastie17


    Sympathies Dave for all involved but especially the kids. Someone has already said it, you probably do need legal advice, I dont think Boards allow recommendations for solicitors, not sure, but suggest you focus on getting a good one who will attempt to advice you on what do to before you go the legal route first. In other words a good solicitor is one who knows what the law says on this but will advise on on how to do everything else practical first before going that route.
    Besides that, I have no experience of this area, but usual threads on boards like this from what I've read often dont help. You may get lots of well meaning answers but they will shift wildly and eventually end up judgy or start taking sides. I'd suggest focus on understanding where to get the best legal advice.
    I'm presuming, from your post that the options of counselling, talking about the problems etc have been exhausted? What she is suggesting is the nuclear option but only both of you know the full circumstances so perhaps that has already been done.
    Best of luck whatever happens, look after yourself and try and make sure the kids are put first in whatever happens although I'm sure that can be very difficult.


  • Options
    #9
    Dtp1979
    Registered Users Posts: 12,730 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    YellowLead wrote: »
    As was mentioned as solicitor will be able to give you advice as to what to expect. Also have a look yourself as cohabitation rights on the citizens information website. If you could come to an agreement without having to go to court that would be ideal - has your partner specified what they expect from you? As she does not work, she will be considered dependent on you and therefore entitled to maintenance for herself as well as maintenance for the children. The interest in the house is anyone’s guess, it might not be 50 per cent but it would be significant. Sometimes people come to agreements such as her living in the house with the kids until they are 18 and then moving out when the house is sold. It all depends.
    But a solicitor is really the best port of call - you don’t have to jump into initiating anything but that conversation will give you a better idea of what to expect.

    I understand he’d have to pay maintenance for the kids but the notion he’d have to fund her too is outrageous. Or that he should move out of his home when she’s the one that wants to end things and when he owns the site. Let her move out and get a job and her own place and share custody. Women in the eyes of family law really do have it good in this country.


  • Options
    #10
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,717 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    OP has been asked to leave!

    But i agree he should not leave at the present time, if asked. It would weaken his legal position.

    OP the site value is probably not written in stone. I think it should be a consideration, sure. You need legal advice, but i also advise you try to keep on good terms with the mother of your children, and seek a reasonable mediated agreement in regards to disposal of assets.

    If you can both agree a figure you can live with, and living arrangements going forward, that will be in everyone favour.


  • Options
    #11
    John Hutton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,301 ✭✭✭John Hutton


    Xterminator wrote: »
    No where has the Op suggested he has been asked to leave?

    But i agree he should not leave at the present time, if asked. It would weaken his legal position.

    OP the site value is probably not written in stone. I think it should be a consideration, sure. You need legal advice, but i also advise you try to keep on good terms with the mother of your children, and seek a reasonable mediated agreement in regards to disposal of assets.

    If you can both agree a figure you can live with, and living arrangements going forward, that will be in everyone favour.
    First sentence of OP


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    Hi yes she does want me to leave, the most important thing is that the kids stay in the house, , i cant afford to move out at the moment as its in the earky stages and ive no where to go, what would be the case when it came to mortgage and bills etc? Woukd it be a 50/50 split?


  • Options
    #13
    John Hutton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,301 ✭✭✭John Hutton


    Dave46 wrote: »
    Hi yes she does want me to leave, the most important thing is that the kids stay in the house, , i cant afford to move out at the moment as its in the earky stages and ive no where to go, what would be the case when it came to mortgage and bills etc? Woukd it be a 50/50 split?
    If it goes to court probably not (although none pf us can really say) as she does not have a job. You will end up paying the majority.


    Your best case here is to work out something amicable among yourselves.


  • Options
    #14
    kravmaga
    Registered Users Posts: 1,945 ✭✭✭kravmaga


    Dave46 wrote: »
    My girlfriend has decided she wants to break up with me and me to move out, we are not married but we have 2 children together,
    I was given the site by my father worth 150000 at the time i got planning for the house solely on my own as she is not from the area (gaeltacht)
    We got a joint mortage for 210000 to build and are about 10 years into the mortgage with another 20 years to go. The house is currently valued at 350000. Any advice on where i stand on this issue i work fulltime salary 35000 per year she doesnt work,
    Thanks in advance

    1st of all under no circumstances move out, you mention in your 1st paragraph, me to move out, dont do that. Move into a spare room instead.

    Get onto a solicitor asap for legal advice.

    Whose name are on the deeds of the property? She cannot force you to move out.


  • Options
    #15
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    We have a joint mortgage but only my name on the deeds


  • Options
    #16
    SVI40
    Registered Users Posts: 594 ✭✭✭SVI40


    Dave46 wrote: »
    Hi yes she does want me to leave, the most important thing is that the kids stay in the house, , i cant afford to move out at the moment as its in the earky stages and ive no where to go, what would be the case when it came to mortgage and bills etc? Woukd it be a 50/50 split?

    Despite what many think, there is nothing in Irish legislation that specifies 50/50 split. The courts can split that assets the way they see best. The court's over riding concern is the welfare of the children. In many cases, the spouse / partner does not get maintenance, but each case is unique.

    If at all possible, try to come to an acceptable agreement. BUT do not rush into anything. Your life is going through a very traumatic change. You will need time to adjust, and get use to this change. If you have to move out (I would not at the current time), you will then have to pay for your own accommodation and many other expenses.

    Get a solicitor who knows family law, and preferably one that has a track record in it.

    The very best of luck to you!


  • Options
    #17
    Ginger83
    Registered Users Posts: 3,417 ✭✭✭Ginger83


    Dave46 wrote: »
    Hi yes she does want me to leave, the most important thing is that the kids stay in the house, , i cant afford to move out at the moment as its in the earky stages and ive no where to go, what would be the case when it came to mortgage and bills etc? Woukd it be a 50/50 split?

    Sorry to hear of your situation. I agree do not move out as your position is weakened. If you can come to an agreement do but do seek legal advice.

    I seen a friend being made a fool of with the wife having affairs. A few told him but he didn't want to believe it. When it came out he agreed to leave and that was that. We seen him struggling trying to rent a room while paying a mortgage for a home he left. She could have worked as the kids were not young but chose not to. It was sad to see him not eating over the stress.

    Not saying that will happen but keep out of court if at all possible. I wish you well.


  • Options
    #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Separating is a difficult and messy business.
    I am currently separating myself, So I appreciate that.
    BUT if possible, try and stay calm, let the anger pass and put the children first.
    I totally recommend having a chat with someone to help achieve this (counselling).
    Would you try Mediation??


    I think when I read some of the replies, I can see the hurt and bitterness.
    Men think women are presuming they can have it all.... financially, house, children, maintenance and don't have to work...
    Woman think men are looking for an easy out of this relationship, to pay as little as possible and or try sell family home and to start again.....


    With no disrespect to the legal profession, they will be putting their case to you as aggressively as possible, and painting your partner's situation in the worst possible view. This gives them work and a lot of money. (For instance, my former Husband who was out of work for a number of years, was told by his solicitor to look for spousal maintenance. He said he would not consider this. MY solicitor also basically looked for the "dirt" on my EX, even though in Ireland we have a "no fault" divorce. MY solicitor was basically saying, she needed to know everything he might throw at me. That was one of the worst hours of my life. Thinking of head to court to belittle each other. I changed solicitor.) We thankfully went back to mediation, and are finding a path to separation without the pain and cost of legal battles. (You will still need to bring your mediated agreement to a solicitor to be converted into legal separation/divorce. But at a fraction of the cost.) I am not saying we have not both being angry and there is huge hurt still... but your children have to come first... think what will give them the best option and than go for that. I know it is hard, but they have to come first. Wishing you and your family the very best outcome for you all.


  • Options
    #19
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    As we will still be living together do you think this would be a fair split on bills

    Out of our combined income i earn 65% and she gets 35% that would include all our bills plus mortgage we could then split anything the kids need and food, we could stiil have the joint account but my wages will go into my own account and i can transfer money every month


  • Options
    #20
    Dtp1979
    Registered Users Posts: 12,730 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    Dave46 wrote: »
    As we will still be living together do you think this would be a fair split on bills

    Out of our combined income i earn 65% and she gets 35% that would include all our bills plus mortgage we could then split anything the kids need and food, we could stiil have the joint account but my wages will go into my own account and i can transfer money every month

    You combined income? I thought she didn’t have an income?


  • Options
    #21
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    Dtp1979 wrote: »
    You combined income? I thought she didn’t have an income?

    Her jobseekers allowance per month


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #22
    Rezident
    Registered Users Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭Rezident


    antimatterx wrote: »
    How come she gets to be the one to end up, but also have the audacity to tell you to leave? If shes not happy, let her leave.

    She 100% has equity in the house, I'm not questioning that. But telling you to leave is not on.e


    Because Family Law in Ireland is so biased towards the mother and so biased against the father and everybody knows it (and her female friends/solicitors etc. will have told her)?



    80% of divorces are initiated by the female now, as they will get the kids, the house, the money, your future earnings etc. no matter how poor their conduct has been. If everything is not perfect in a relationship, instead of making it work, the woman can just leave early and take 'the lion's share' of everything. Hence the society we live in today, kids growing up without dads, anti-social, mental health issues, suicide etc. Family Law is so biased against fathers is makes a mockery of the whole legal "system".

    Child custody, paternity fraud, false allegations, sentencing disparity, parental alienation, life expectancy. And they call it a "Patriarchy"! :confused:


  • Options
    #23
    mcgragger
    Registered Users Posts: 436 ✭✭mcgragger


    Dave46 wrote: »
    My girlfriend has decided she wants to break up with me and me to move out, we are not married but we have 2 children together,
    I was given the site by my father worth 150000 at the time i got planning for the house solely on my own as she is not from the area (gaeltacht)
    We got a joint mortage for 210000 to build and are about 10 years into the mortgage with another 20 years to go. The house is currently valued at 350000. Any advice on where i stand on this issue i work fulltime salary 35000 per year she doesnt work,
    Thanks in advance

    As another poster said don't leave. As soon as you do your legal position is weakened.

    I know from experience.
    My brother is in this very scenario.
    Moved out and ever since he's paying for his mortgage his kids and his rented house.
    He's penniless and has to accept another man in his house. He was told he can move to sell the house when his youngest child finishes education.
    This means 3rd level also.
    Don't leave.


  • Options
    #24
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    Ok so is my first step to see a solicitor or try and work out the monies between us ?


  • Options
    #25
    zerosugarbuzz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭zerosugarbuzz


    Would it be possible to turn the house into two residences so that you can both live there and still be part of the childrens day to day lives? Just asking as a lot of large one off houses in the country that I've been in are certainly large enough. Wouldn't seem fair for you to have to leave for no good reason.


  • Options
    #26
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,497 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Don’t go to any solicitor at all.
    Go to one who is well experienced in Family Law.
    An inexperienced solicitor could damage you.


  • Options
    #27
    Dave46
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Dave46


    Well im not going anywhere for now, firstly cant afford it and want to be with my kids.
    Im just worried about the dreaded chat about money and bills, she is still spending crazy money out of the joint account


  • Options
    #28
    Scienceless
    Registered Users Posts: 196 ✭✭Scienceless


    As said repeatedly already, do not move out. Get legal advice from a suitably experienced solicitor.


  • Options
    #29
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,497 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Dave46 wrote: »
    Well im not going anywhere for now, firstly cant afford it and want to be with my kids.
    Im just worried about the dreaded chat about money and bills, she is still spending crazy money out of the joint account

    Open your own account if she’s just spending to spite you.
    You both will probably have to attend family mediation to decide who does what.


  • Options
    #30
    kravmaga
    Registered Users Posts: 1,945 ✭✭✭kravmaga


    Dave46 wrote: »
    We have a joint mortgage but only my name on the deeds

    Then you own the property if your name is the only one on the deeds.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #31
    dohboy
    Registered Users Posts: 599 ✭✭✭dohboy


    Go to a solicitor. Don't take any other advice from here.


Advertisement