Relationship breakup

Something is wrong there, then.

As Glen123 posted above, if she is on JSA its means tested against your income, and with earnings of €560 a week there is no way she'd get that much.

Are you claiming Working Family Payment?

Dave46

I dont know what she is claiming to be honest i know i had to give her3 payslips recently

Dave46

Just found out she has been messaging an old male friend from england!!!! Very flirty texts between the 2 of them, now im really in the ****.
Thank god for covid and the travel ban

Dave46

247 per week + 280 childrens allowance per month total 1268 per month as apposed to my wages of 2236 per month

Dtp1979

Dave46 wrote: »

Just found out she has been messaging an old male friend from england!!!! Very flirty texts between the 2 of them, now im really in the ****.
Thank god for covid and the travel ban

Try and keep your cool. Any verbal abuse you throw at her will be used against you.

Dave46

Dave46 wrote: »

I dont know what she is claiming to be honest i know i had to give her3 payslips recently

If it was WFP, you would be making the claim for it, not her.

It sounds suspect, to be honest. it may be she asked you for payslips as she is gathering information about your income for her own solicitor. Though, that information would be on your joint bank statement, so I don't know why she would.

All I can say is, keep your head clear, and don't do anything hasty. Proceed as advised.

occupied

It sounds like she has completely detached from the relationship and is playing with the fantasy of being newly free and single. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, it must hurt.

I think you both need to have a conversation about money. The reality of how your finances are going to change. If she wants to break up, she needs to be prepared to accept a different lifestyle. It should probably start with her opening her own bank account and both of you agreeing to transfer a proportional amount into the joint account to cover expenses and bills until things are made more official.

Having all of the outgoings and incomings on a piece of paper (or powerpoint, whichever floats your boat!) will force your ex back down to earth for a bit. Perhaps at the moment she is thinking that her lifestyle and spending habits will continue but with her having a new man and you at home to mind the kids! (Nothing wrong with that down the line, but finances and living arrangements need to be sorted out fairly first!)

Have you both discussed money yet? How does she see things working out, financially? Is she prepared to work part time to enable her to live in the home with the kids, or even adjust her outgoings so she can afford to pay for her half of the family expenses?

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If it was WFP, you would be making the claim for it, not her.

It sounds suspect, to be honest. it may be she asked you for payslips as she is gathering information about your income for her own solicitor. Though, that information would be on your joint bank statement, so I don't know why she would.

All I can say is, keep your head clear, and don't do anything hasty. Proceed as advised.

Could she be taking out a loan on the joint account?

raclle

This is the **** that pisses me off and happens so often. Ends the marriage for someone else. Expects to stay in the family home whilst receiving mortgage and maintenance payments. Why are these people not treated more harshly in the eyes of the law whilst the other poor guy is left in poverty and misery

TheBoyConor

Skipduke wrote: »

What are the chances of her getting a council house? Single mother, no income. Presumably, this would be a reasonable option if you get to keep the property and she gets her own (cheap) space.

I hope she doesn't expect you to move out. Get legal advice asap. There are guys out there that would be glad to move into your cottage, with you pay the bills. The only fair thing in this situation is if she moves out and you continue to pay maintenance for the kids.

That is rubbish.

She won't have a hope in hell of getting a council house. The council will look at
the situation and say, well she has a home and is entitled to remain in it. Why would we give her a council house?

At the end of the day, a court will be extremely unlikely to order a mother with children to leave a shared or family home. A mother with small children would practically never be ordered out of a home, except in anything but the very most extreme and rarest circumstances of neglect and abuse. And even then, it would be doubtful.

I think the op needs to get used to the fact that herself will be staying put in the house for good, unless she voluntarily opts to vacate. Perhaps he could offer to buy her out of her share? She will have contributed equally so it will most likely be a 50/50 split. While she hasn't contributed all that much monetarily, she has contributed by way of staying at home keeping house and home and raising the children. Regardless of what anyone here things about that being a contribution, a court will absolutely see that as EQUAL contribution. Therefore, it doesn't matter if the husband earns €35k or €350k, the woman's work in the home will be viewed as being an equal contribution to the mortgage as what the man is paying into the mortgage.

All this is why marriage is a bad bet for any wily man. It is a wonder fellas get married at all in this day and age. Sure you don't even have to get married to get cleaned out, as this thread proves. We all know the story of the farmer man who walked up the aisle with a hundred acres and walked back down it with only 50 acres.

arccosh

sorry to read all this and I wish you luck with all of it dude.....

you were duped to thinking all was OK, I think it's safe to assume nothing out of her mouth now is the truth...

don't leave that house unless ordered to by a judge... if things look to be getting nasty, get a voice recorder app and always walk with your mobile on record...

I'm not sure I'd have the control you've shown.

Dave46

I was going to discuss money with her tonight but im not now after finding out her little secret, im in absolute bits.
Thanks everyone for there help

Skipduke

op isn't even married -read the tread. but in the eyes of the court, he pretty much is, unfortunately. I know a couple that got married, 4 kids, renting a place. the man runs off with a new woman, earning a nice salary as a sparky. wife is a stay at home mom. she moved home to be nearer her family, got a house on HAP/council subsidised.. not sure which.

she can move out and get somewhere

Skipduke

Honestly one of the worst feelings, OP. But just know, things always get better with time. Once ye sort the house and money issues let her off. She might soon realise how good she had it. how'd you find out about the other man?

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Could she be taking out a loan on the joint account?

I don't know for sure as I've never had a joint account.

But I would assume it would need both of them to sign for a loan if its a joint account.

glen123

Dave46 wrote: »

247 per week + 280 childrens allowance per month total 1268 per month as apposed to my wages of 2236 per month

If you are on 560 after tax, you are getting 2426 per month (560 * 52 weeks / 12 months)

However, what you earn after tax is not relevant in a means test.

It's your Gross minus PRSI, Pension contributions, Union dues. Not tax.

So 35,000 after 1400 PRSI is 33600 (unless you pay pension contributions of some sort or union dues)

Weekly it's 646eur - this is your income for the purpose of a means test.

646 - (3 x 20eur) * 60% = 351.60 eur is your means.

Couple's JA rate + 2 kids is = (203 + 134.70 + 38 + 38) = 413.70 (assuming both kids are under 12)

413.70 - 351.60 (means) = 62.10 Jobseekers due per week.

You'd need to be on way less money for her to be able to get 247eur per week. In fact even if you were on practically min wage of 22k pa, she d only be able to claim around 204eur.

Just because she asked you for payslips doesn't mean anything, to be honest.

Skipduke

Skipduke wrote: »

op isn't even married -read the tread. but in the eyes of the court, he pretty much is, unfortunately. I know a couple that got married, 4 kids, renting a place. the man runs off with a new woman, earning a nice salary as a sparky. wife is a stay at home mom. she moved home to be nearer her family, got a house on HAP/council subsidised.. not sure which.

she can move out and get somewhere

No she can't. The difference here is this couple have a joint mortgage on a house with both their names on it.

Until their split is formalised, she will not qualify for assistance with housing.

Gruffalux

Some things are not adding up here.

glen123

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't know for sure as I've never had a joint account.

But I would assume it would need both of them to sign for a loan if its a joint account.

Most banks do paperwork these days electronically. What stops somebody from printing the paperwork, signing it for herself and himself and sending it back? Nothing really.

I once had a loan taken out jointly with my husband as we have a joint bank account - technically I could have signed everything myself and posted it back and nobody would have known as nobody from the bank spoke once to my husband.

TheBoyConor

Dave46 wrote: »

Just found out she has been messaging an old male friend from england!!!! Very flirty texts between the 2 of them, now im really in the ****.
Thank god for covid and the travel ban

Could've told you that the minute you posted the first post.

How did you find that out anyway?

TheBoyConor

TheBoyConor wrote: »

At the end of the day, a court will be extremely unlikely to order a mother with children to leave a shared or family home. A mother with small children would practically never be ordered out of a home, except in anything but the very most extreme and rarest circumstances of neglect and abuse. And even then, it would be doubtful.

Actually, where there is significant equity in the home, (sufficient to give both parties a decent deposit and a chance at a fresh start), more and more judges will consider ordering the houses to be sold sooner rather than later - especially if the children are younger.

Younger children are more adaptable to a change in circumstances and where possible Judges are leaning less and less towards leaving one party stuck renting for many years.

I've know of a couple of cases where one partner petitioned for the house to be sold on that basis, and they won. It might be something for the OP to think about.

raclle

Gruffalux wrote: »

Some things are not adding up here.

She's probably claiming as a single parent?

Gruffalux

raclle wrote: »

She's probably claiming as a single parent?

Yeah. Thats what I'm thinking.
I'm also wondering about the sudden insertion of the old flame.

raclle

Gruffalux wrote: »

I'm also wondering about the sudden insertion of the old flame.

It does seem a bit odd considering he's in England. Is that enough to end a 10 year relationship and be kicked out

raclle

raclle wrote: »

She's probably claiming as a single parent?

I was thinking disability.

If she made a claim for One Parent Family Payment, she would have to give his name and address on the application and he should have been contacted by the maintenance recovery unit for an assessment.

She'd also be on around €305 per week, (203+38+38+ fuel allowance).

Unless (and this is a leap) she needed his payslips as she is declaring his income for maintenance purposes. Leading to a reduced payment.

If that is what she is doing, she is ballsy (and not in a good way).

Gruffalux

raclle wrote: »

It does seem a bit odd considering he's in England. Is that enough to end a 10 year relationship and be kicked out

Maybe OP suddenly went looking now that the rubber has hit the road. I dunno. My suspicious mind..

What I do know is we had similar income from 1 parent with other being full time parent and stay home parent would never have been entitled to anything beyond child allowance. Cannot see how it works in this case unless JSB.

LegacyUser

dohboy wrote: »

Go to a solicitor. Don't take any other advice from here.

How do you pin down who is a good family law solicitor?

kravmaga wrote: »

@ Dave46

Get whatever money you have out of the joint account asap before she blows it all.

You have got to take back control of your money. Get onto the bank in the morning, put a stop on the cards and freeze the account. "If she has a credit card get it cancelled also and cut it up if you have to."

Set up a current account in your own name asap and sign up for a Revolut card, No fees on them.

www.flac.ie

I would say the OP couldnt cancel another persons card, even if he cut it up, the girlfriend could easily get a replacement, maybe even still spend while waiting on it to turn up. I would think it might even be considered to be spousal abuse, that was something thrown in my face despite my wife spending like mad alongside other problems.

Deleted User wrote: »

Equity would usually be divided based on what they had each put in, over the years of their relationship, and would be a once off settlement.

If you meant child maintenance after the separation, then yes, I'd agree with that.

e.g. 50/50 shared custody would result in minimal child maintenance, if any (there will always be some shared costs).

What might a wife expect to get if anything when she wasn't around to contribute to a house purchase so never contributed to the initial outlay purchase costs, then contributed so little it barely covered utility bills and food, and not the mortgage, insurances or maintenance. Deeds and mortgage in my name. She earns more than me, has run up huge debts but there is nothing to show for what it was spent on, she barely contributed a half share of costs until last year and thats just breaking even, despite my mortgage being significantly lower than rent for a similar property being higher, she hasn't from what I can see, saved a penny.

glen123

Deleted User wrote: »

I was thinking disability.

If she made a claim for One Parent Family Payment, she would have to give his name and address on the application and he should have been contacted by the maintenance recovery unit for an assessment.

She'd also be on around €305 per week, (203+38+38+ fuel allowance).

Unless (and this is a leap) she needed his payslips as she is declaring his income for maintenance purposes. Leading to a reduced payment.

If that is what she is doing, she is ballsy (and not in a good way).

Disability has the same rates as JA and the same means test

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/disability_and_illness/disability_allowance.html#l62fd2

road_high

How did you find out about the texts OP? Do you think there’s more to it?

Dave46

road_high wrote: »

How did you find out about the texts OP? Do you think there’s more to it?

A mutual friend told me this evening on the quiet, i will keep it to myself and wont let on i know see how things pan out,