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Do your siblings have anything to do with your partners?

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Comments

  • #32
    Smee_Again
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,148 ✭✭✭Smee_Again


    Santasmilkandcookies wrote: »
    My brother likes to keep to himself a lot in his room so the only meetings they have ever had was in passing. There wasn't a lot of opportunities to meet in family gatherings since I started with my partner. There has been some occasions and I took my partner to them and my partner got to meet a lot of the extended family. My brother never took part in them occasions in favour of going out with his friends so there wasn't ever a lot of opportunities to meet up. I feel my brother should have extended himself beyond the 'hello' in passing.

    I am upset because the man has been ignored and shunned from my immediate family. He done nothing wrong to deserve that.

    What does your partner think of this? Is this your issue or his?


  • #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The rest of my siblings live abroad. They try to make it home every second year for Christmas. They have been very good to my partner when they were home last and also because there so many miles between us they use the social media to keep in touch with home.

    Myself and my brother are close in age in our late 20s. Woodchuck got it right. I don't think my brother avoided the other gatherings to avoid my partner.

    What exactly can myself and my partner do with someone who has chosen to ignore him expect for hello in the hall. My brother has made an effort with our other siblings partners. Just not my partner.

    My partner is easy going and this doesn't bother him but this is an issue for me because I feel he hasn't been welcomed or accepted by my brother and my partner has done nothing wrong.


  • #34
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,854 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Why is it an issue though? You are the one building this into something it's not. 2 people who are casual acquaintances at most, are civil to each other in company but have no friendship or contact beyond that.

    What exactly is the issue and what advice are you looking for from the posters here?


  • #35
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,423 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Santasmilkandcookies wrote: »
    My brother likes to keep to himself a lot in his room so the only meetings they have ever had was in passing. There wasn't a lot of opportunities to meet in family gatherings since I started with my partner. There has been some occasions and I took my partner to them and my partner got to meet a lot of the extended family. My brother never took part in them occasions in favour of going out with his friends so there wasn't ever a lot of opportunities to meet up. I feel my brother should have extended himself beyond the 'hello' in passing.

    I am upset because the man has been ignored and shunned from my immediate family. He done nothing wrong to deserve that.

    Your brother doesn't seem to like social gatherings. It's not about you and your partner which you seem to think it is. Your brother is also not bothered about meeting up with the extended family. It's not a dislike of your partner, you need to get over yourself.


  • #36
    qwerty13
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    I thinking you are blowing this out of all proportion OP.

    Not all people gel. That doesn’t make either party bad. Perhaps they just don’t have much in common. It seems like your brother dislikes big social gatherings. Both of those are ok.

    It sounds like you’re chasing something very idealistic, and also a social perception where your brother is seen to be best buddies with your partner. I don’t know why you want this, it makes very little sense to me. And your brother can engage as little or as much as he chooses. It really reads to me as though you are the one making a mountain out of a molehill.

    As others have said, is there some reason that you’re so offended that your brother doesn’t go beyond being simply polite. Do you fear that your brother’s lack of engagement is due to racism? Ageist? Anything like that? Tbh I still don’t think you come off well even if you think things like that: your brother is perfectly entitled to like who he likes. Or not (unless he’s being selectively avoidant re your partner due to racism or something like that. It actually just sounds like he doesn’t do well in large social settings)


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  • #37
    Tork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,635 ✭✭✭Tork


    Unless I missed something, I don't see you mentioning your partner attempting to getting to know your brother either. It's a two-way street.


  • #38
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,445 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Santasmilkandcookies wrote: »

    My partner is easy going and this doesn't bother him but this is an issue for me because I feel he hasn't been welcomed or accepted by my brother and my partner has done nothing wrong.

    So there us no problem except the one you are fabricating. Your brother is polite with your partner. Your partner is happy with that. And you want to turn it into a drama about you.


  • #39
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,239 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Honestly its clear your brother doesn't click with this person.

    Were they diff with other boyfriends/girlfriends you had?


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