Should I report naughty friend

1990sman · 11-10-2020 01:27PM

Millionaire only not wrote: »

To all the holy Mary’s here , I suppose the rattle in the photocopier office is out so !
Grow up ffs do u really think that op was ever told this ?
Who would tell it !

the attack on christendom wasnt neccessary to make your point

11-10-2020 01:47PM

Thread Sounds like a bragging post that they work with a prominent DJ l/presenter in Cork

Mrs OBumble · 11-10-2020 01:53PM

OP, I wonder what other stories your friend has told you, and how many of them are true: The wind-up merchant in this thread may not actually be on boards at all.

Even if it's true - he's in his own home. If the work-time thing is what's bugging you - he could as easily record clips of the meetings and do it after hours. It's actually less creepy to do it live.

You can assume that most people with testosterone levels typically found in working-age men will be sexually aroused when they come in to contact with whatever tickles their fancy. Professional colleague or not. In many scenarios, we expect them to exercise self-control and not act on this arousal in any way. I'm not sure that's reasonable in their own home, though.

However I would advise him to place a yellow sticky or similar over the web-cam, just in case.

11-10-2020 01:53PM

Piehead wrote: »

Home obviously. Though he was caught last year fapping in the jax when his wireless earphones disconnected

More things that didn't really happen.

Sakana · 11-10-2020 01:56PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

However I would advise him to place a yellow sticky or similar over the web-cam, just in case.

Oh, it'll be sticky all right.

Deebles McBeebles · 11-10-2020 01:59PM

Sakana wrote: »

Oh, it'll be sticky all right.

He's royally f*cked if its yellow. A trip to the STD clinic and a few awkward phone calls would be in order.

11-10-2020 02:01PM

CivilCybil wrote: »

I'd say it to HR.
They won't be able to prove anything but if they're aware this is a possibility they might do something to prevent his behaviour like sending him a webcam and insisting all webcams are on at all times.

This is a good idea.

Sakana · 11-10-2020 02:03PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

He's royally f*cked if its yellow. A trip to the STD clinic and a few awkward phone calls would be in order.

That's a cotton-swabbin'.

11-10-2020 02:04PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

This is a good idea.

And if you share an apartment with others?

Does every job have gossips like the op?

11-10-2020 02:11PM

Dav010 wrote: »

And if you share an apartment with others?

And what if you do? Ask your flatmates to give you some privacy while you have your zoom meeting. Or, go into your bedroom, sit on your bed with your back to the wall, where no one can walk around or behind you, while having your meeting.

No problem keeping the audio off, unless you have to speak. Then just press the spacebar.

(eta) presumably the OP's mate isn't **** in full view of his flatmates, if he has any.

freshpopcorn · 11-10-2020 02:15PM

Just tell him to take some screen shots and do it later on!

Gruffalux · 11-10-2020 02:21PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Just tell him to take some screen shots and do it later on!

Nah. He can probably only come when he is looking at them there on screen innocently talking about work stuff and never guessing he is in a lather pulling his mickey straight in front of them. Poor chap.

dotsman · 11-10-2020 03:13PM

Mr.S wrote: »

So we should't ever report things without 100% concrete proof because it's a waste of time? ehhh. What if there have been previous reports made by other people about the same guy doing weird ****? A note to HR saying this was said and leave it to them to do whatever they need to do.

Should HR entertain any and all accusations, especially strange and humiliating ones like this when there is zero evidence, or zero chance of getting evidence?

What if a colleague started making malicious and unfounded allegations against you? Would you be happy to have that on your record? An accusation, regardless of whether true or not would, still influence decisions (be it consciously or unconsciously) such as promotion/layoffs etc.

Mr.S wrote: »

I'd also tell the females who are on the calls tbh. Even if it doesn't directly affect you, it's still people you work with.

This has to be the worst advice ever. How do you think those women would feel? During all future meetings with "John", they now can't get the image out of their head that he is masturbating while they are talking? Exactly what are they supposed to do with this information? How will this impact how they behave on calls going forward? Telling them is the sexual harassment.

This is definitely one of those situations where "ignorance is bliss".

11-10-2020 03:22PM

How ****ing hard up is he?

I would be worried that this is only stage 1 of a growing deviance

markfinn · 11-10-2020 03:24PM

dotsman wrote: »

How do you think those women would feel? During all future meetings with "John", they now can't get the image out of their head that he is masturbating while they are talking? Exactly what are they supposed to do with this information? How will this impact how they behave on calls going forward?

They'll know to protect their drinks from him during office parties, and not accept a lift from the psychotic freak.

Humberto Salazar · 11-10-2020 03:25PM

Friend, eh?

El_Duderino 09 · 11-10-2020 03:26PM

markfinn wrote: »

"Not All Men"?

Anyone who would do something like this, AND anyone who would ignore it or claim it's normal or harmless.

Sick ****ing Scum, the lot of you.

The OP doest have any evidence of yer man doing it. They just have their word that yer man said he did it. And that's pretty weak evidence. So I think it's only right to do nothing.

That said, I think it's really bad behavior to do what he's claiming he did.

OP, did your friend tell you he was doing this stuff as a brag or a joke (expecting a metaphorical high five or expecting you to laugh along) or as a confession they were ashamed of?

11-10-2020 03:27PM

markfinn wrote: »

"Not All Men"?

Anyone who would do something like this, AND anyone who would ignore it or claim it's normal or harmless.

Sick ****ing Scum, the lot of you.

Yes brother , but let he without sin cast the first stone.

Gregor Samsa · 11-10-2020 03:40PM

dotsman wrote: »

What if a colleague started making malicious and unfounded allegations against you?

But it's not a case of making a malicious and unfounded allegation. The friend admitted to it. There's a world of difference between making up something about someone and passing on information about their behaviour that they themselves have given you.

Millionaire only not · 11-10-2020 04:00PM

Was just thinking isn’t op some Hippocrite with should I report a naughty friend.
Well with friends like u who needs enemies if u were telling the truth in the first place!

skooterblue2 · 11-10-2020 04:11PM

Lets just look at the evidence....
You only have his word. You havent seen it. He could be winding you up most likely.
By some miracle it is true what are you going to tell HR, and what are they going to do about it?

What is the history with whistle blowers? They become the focus of the HR. I think you are opening a can of worms here that no one will thank you for and HR never want to deal with complaints like this. They will want to bury it and the easiest way to do it is to bury you. Get rid of you and the problem goes away.

CoBo55 · 11-10-2020 04:15PM

Piehead wrote: »

A co-worker who is a buddy of mine has admitted to fapping off to the pictures on zoom calls of female attendees when they are talking. Not everyone has their camera on so he can’t been seen as his is off (he claims it’s broken). Nevertheless its seems somewhat deviant behaviour and must be against some work policy. Should I report to HR? May be just my word against him though?

Ha ha, he'd want to put some black insulation tape over the camera, just in case!!! They're probably as ugly as **** too... Nothin as queer as folk.

dotsman · 11-10-2020 04:25PM

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

But it's not a case of making a malicious and unfounded allegation. The friend admitted to it. There's a world of difference between making up something about someone and passing on information about their behaviour that they themselves have given you.

But you are forgetting that the person working in HR has no way of knowing that. Put yourself in the shoes of that person in HR. You receive a phone call from "Bob" saying that "John" told him (in confidence) that he sometimes has a **** during conference calls. What exactly are you supposed to do with that info?

How do you know that Bob is telling the truth? Might Bob and John have had a falling out and this is Bob's revenge? Might it be the other way around and John is the victim and Bob is bullying him and this accusation is one of the horrible things that Bob is doing to John? Might it be that Bob and John may be competing for the same promotion when it next becomes available? Or maybe just that, while well intentioned, maybe Bob is exaggerating or just misinterpreted certain details etc. There is nothing to investigate and no way of determining what happened.

What exactly are you suppose to do - send out a generic email to the entire company asking people to refrain from masturbating during conference calls?:D

markfinn wrote: »

They'll know to protect their drinks from him during office parties, and not accept a lift from the psychotic freak.

There is a massive difference between somebody with a strange masturbation behaviour and a rapist. Having one sexual kink does not in any way mean you have them all or that you are somehow more likely to be a sexual predator. Remember - if everybody was to be judged on what how they masturbate and what they fantasise about while masturbating, everyone would be considered a "psychotic freak";).

Gregor Samsa · 11-10-2020 04:50PM

dotsman wrote: »

But you are forgetting that the person working in HR has no way of knowing that. Put yourself in the shoes of that person in HR. You receive a phone call from "Bob" saying that "John" told him (in confidence) that he sometimes has a **** during conference calls. What exactly are you supposed to do with that info?

I'm not forgetting anything. The fact that HR can't do much about it has nothing to do with it being a malicious allegation. It would only be malicious if it were untrue and designed to unfairly damage John. The fact (and we can only take the OPs word on this, otherwise the whole discussion is moot) is that John did admit to doing it, so the allegation can't actually be malicious.

Say Bob is in a meeting with John, and John keeps using racist language. Or John admits to taking bribes from suppliers. Or John says that he regularly spits in the fruit bowl. Would you say that Bob should go to HR with this information or not? Is what HR can or can't do with the information Bob's problem?

A situation of much bigger magnitude, but Arron Brady was convicted of the capital murder of Detective Garda Adrian Donohoe, and a large part of the evidence against him was that he told people he did it. And no, I'm not comparing murder to tugging one off at home on a work zoom call.

The point, just in case it isn't clear, is that just because you yourself can't prove someone else's admission of wrongdoing doesn't mean it shouldn't be reported, and that it's something that happens all the time.

I don't know if you've ever done any ethics training in work (our company makes us do a course every year), but reporting something based on evidence like this would be actively encouraged in them.

The only real question is whether **** at home during a work zoom call to the images of other colleagues is in itself ethical or not. If it is, there there's nothing to report. If it's not, then reporting it - even based only on the unsubstantiated admission of John - is justified.

EmmetSpiceland · 11-10-2020 04:54PM

I, personally, think it is incredibly naive to think this sort of “carry on” isn’t carrying on. This is just another evolution in sex pestery.

Saddle sniffing seems to have died a death, in Dublin anyway, with the advent of the Dublin Bike Scheme. Covid-19 has put a “dent” in seat sniffing on buses and social distancing has done away with frottaging. I’m sure knicker pinching still goes on but with more, and more, people staying at home it can’t be easy.

Zoom “fiddling” was bound to occur. Similar to how Bebo “stalking” graduated to Facebook, to Snap Chat, then to Instagram and is now moving on toward TikTok.

The deviant has been backed into a corner and their, usual, resources are scarce but they are playing a dangerous “game” now. Some might call it a “victimless crime” and it would certainly fall on the lower end of sexual offences scale but a big problem with it is that it always the greasy oddball who’ll “engage” in it, it’s never someone the target would want doing it.

Again, very naive to think it’s not going on.

Nexytus · 11-10-2020 05:01PM

"What do we covet, Clarice"? Hannibal Lecter

OscarMIlde · 11-10-2020 05:28PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I, personally, think it is incredibly naive to think this sort of “carry on” isn’t carrying on. This is just another evolution in sex pestery.

Saddle sniffing seems to have died a death, in Dublin anyway, with the advent of the Dublin Bike Scheme. Covid-19 has put a “dent” in seat sniffing on buses and social distancing has done away with frottaging. I’m sure knicker pinching still goes on but with more, and more, people staying at home it can’t be easy.

Zoom “fiddling” was bound to occur. Similar to how Bebo “stalking” graduated to Facebook, to Snap Chat, then to Instagram and is now moving on toward TikTok.

The deviant has been backed into a corner and their, usual, resources are scarce but they are playing a dangerous “game” now. Some might call it a “victimless crime” and it would certainly fall on the lower end of sexual offences scale but a big problem with it is that it always the greasy oddball who’ll “engage” in it, it’s never someone the target would want doing it.

Again, very naive to think it’s not going on.

I actually find reading this post more disturbing than the thoughts of my male colleagues **** off to me during a zoom meeting!

dotsman · 11-10-2020 05:30PM

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

I'm not forgetting anything. The fact that HR can't do much about it has nothing to do with it being a malicious allegation. It would only be malicious if it were untrue and designed to unfairly damage John. The fact (and we can only take the OPs word on this, otherwise the whole discussion is moot) is that John did admit to doing it, so the allegation can't actually be malicious.

But the point is that HR don't know that. They have no way of knowing if it is true or if it is a malicious accusation (or a mistake).

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

Say Bob is in a meeting with John, and John keeps using racist language. Or John admits to taking bribes from suppliers. Or John says that he regularly spits in the fruit bowl. Would you say that Bob should go to HR with this information or not? Is what HR can or can't do with the information Bob's problem?

But these are all things that HR can investigate and take action on!

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

A situation of much bigger magnitude, but Arron Brady was convicted of the capital murder of Detective Garda Adrian Donohoe, and a large part of the evidence against him was that he told people he did it. And no, I'm not comparing murder to tugging one off at home on a work zoom call.

But that was completely different!

There was no denying that the Guard had been murdered. That was a very clear, black and white fact. The crime was investigated by police forces in several countries who had powers to investigate and interrogate that HR personal don't have. Police forces don't have any problem with bring someone in for an interview, or telling someone that they are suspected of committing a crime whereas HR would have to be extremely careful about even talking to someone about a sensitive topic like this without the evidence to back it up. Arron Brady was already known as a being a member of the criminal gang suspected of doing the killing. Him telling several people that it was him was simply the final piece required to convict.

Now, if the company had some way of knowing that "somebody" was masturbating on the conference call, that "John" was a member of a "public masturbation club", and he admitted to several people that it was him, then absolutely - HR could deal with it then. But that is absolutely not the case here!

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

I don't know if you've ever done any ethics training in work (our company makes us do a course every year), but reporting something like this would be actively encouraged in them.

Firstly, let's be a little honest with ourselves - I don't consider the mandatory annual ethics box-ticking exercise as promoting strong ethics. "Tell you line manager" is pretty much the answer to every question! The vast majority of people, and certainly every single person with any authority, in banking has to go through this every year. Do you see banks as organisations that have good and strong ethical practices?

I have done far more advanced training and have been, not just a manager, but a leader, for a number of years now and have had to deal with real cases that are even more complex and bizarre than this. I have had to have countless sensitive conversations, have delicate "talks" with offending people who don't accept/understand that their behaviour is inappropriate, manage people out, split people up and ultimately fire people.

Sakana · 11-10-2020 05:32PM

Nexytus wrote: »

"What do we covet, Clarice"? Hannibal Lecter

What we see every day.

Sakana · 11-10-2020 05:34PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

social distancing has done away with frottaging.

Isn't frottage the sole purvey of lgbt men?

Should I report naughty friend

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