Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Devastated

  • 28-08-2020 09:07AM
    #1
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭


    Please go easy on me......i was seeing my ex for 5 months now he showered me with love and attention texting me 30 times a day everyday writing me poems and gifs a promise ring etc i know huge red flags were there
    1.stabed an ex in an argument and went to jail for it
    2)beat his 16 year old son up
    3)mailing other women behind my back
    4)tried strangle another ex
    5)has a drinking problem
    6) has slept with men and women
    7)doesn't pay any money for his kids
    So sunday night i seen him mailing another woman asked who she was he said an old friend i seen then other women he was mailing he proceeded to convince me he was messed up and needed me to help him be a better person then Monday sent me a text drink he loved me and couldn't live without me i was his world etc.i went to bed and next day knew something was wrong i eventually fund out he was with another woman i text n rang looking for awnsers he then blocked me with no reply to any of my messages r calls nd uploaded in a new relationship so i could see it i think its because he knew trying to explain to me his whereabouts was the end for us so stayed with her instead im left shocked n numb how he could have went from been so happy apparently with me to doing all this i keep going over all the promises he plans the great dates and the constant texts of love to now wondering was everything a lie


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Gael23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,147 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    It’s only been 5 months.
    My advice is get away from him now before things progress any further


  • #3
    Duvetdays
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 478 ✭✭Duvetdays


    The stabbing bit is ringing bells did you post about this before? He committed the crime in the UK?

    If it is you people tried to warn you what he was like and you wouldn’t listen. Take it as a blessing you’re away from somebody who quite frankly is a danger to women. Block him and don’t look back.


  • #4
    Telly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 523 ✭✭✭Telly


    You had 7 reasons to run away and now this one. Run run run and never look back!!!


  • #5
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Jane7939


    He has gone is living with her im blocked


  • #6
    blarb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 89 ✭✭blarb


    Please block him from all contact. He is not going to change. And I would advise seeking counselling for yourself to explore why you would ignore all these red flags, so that you can give yourself a better chance of finding someone who will genuinely treat you well.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    bitofabind
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Because he’s a psychopath and a dangerous criminal and woman abuser. Read points 1 to 7 of your own post and ask yourself why you’d want to stick around for a scumbag like this. And then seek counselling so the next guy doesn’t ruin your life the way this guy would have.


  • #8
    Telly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 523 ✭✭✭Telly


    Jane, people in your last thread gave you solid advice about this fella: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058081144

    If you come looking for advice please take onboard what the majority of people advise you to do.


  • #9
    Murdoc90
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 983 ✭✭✭Murdoc90


    If your best friend gave you points 1-7 about their partner what would you say? Count yourself lucky he has blocked you, he will not change for you.


  • #10
    Widdensushi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,536 ✭✭✭Widdensushi


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    He has gone is living with her im blocked

    Wow, you got off light and yet it's he has blocked you, you need to get help, you could have been murdered by now, still might if you don't take this opportunity to run


  • #11
    Oranage2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,129 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    Definitely some red flags. Count you blessings, try to meet someone new, I couldn't imagine there are much worse people than him in the world.


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Hannibal_Smith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,425 ✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Thank your lucky stars. You said in your other thread if it was a friend coming to you with this you would say proceed with caution and if any red flags appeared, move on.

    Listen to your own advice, there are so many red flags you could make a parachute out of them.

    My guess is you'll get a drunk text in a few days/weeks and block him then, and don't look back.

    Beating up his own son, stabbing one girlfriend and strangling another :mad:


  • #13
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,659 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    OP, please please please get yourself into counselling so you can figure out why you went ahead and got into this relationship despite having your own reservations, in spite of the unanimous advice you got in your last thread and why even now you are mourning the loss of a violent man who has treated you like crap.


  • #14
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Jane7939


    I went ahead because I'm lonely and needed something to distract me from my loneliness so i picked first man that gave me any attention or distraction from my life


  • #15
    Telly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 523 ✭✭✭Telly


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I went ahead because I'm lonely and needed something to distract me from my loneliness so i picked first man that gave me any attention or distraction from my life
    Are you willing to block and delete him now?


  • #16
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,659 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    OK so you know why you did it, but do you have the tools to make sure you don't do it again?


  • #17
    Caranica
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,217 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I went ahead because I'm lonely and needed something to distract me from my loneliness so i picked first man that gave me any attention or distraction from my life

    This is why you need counselling as Dial Hard rightly suggests. Distraction is not a reason to be with a scumbag like this, you are worth so much more. Dating this guy and being devastated is self destructive behaviour and not healthy. Please get help!


  • #18
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Jane7939


    Yes for my own sanity


  • #19
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,132 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    He has gone is living with her im blocked

    Good! There's something very very wrong that you didn't run a mile when you heard even one of these red flags! And I think the term "red flag" is far too mild for this dangerous, violent, psycho.


  • #20
    Xterminator
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,819 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Hi Op

    having read you post i can only surmise you came on and posted to get the kick up the arse you need to take the action you already know in your heart you need to take.

    Cut all ties. Id change the places i socialise to get away from this man, if i were in your shoes. Block on social media, block on your phone and avoid places he frequents for a while. Take the escape you have been blessed with and do not look back.


  • #21
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,662 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I went ahead because I'm lonely and needed something to distract me from my loneliness so i picked first man that gave me any attention or distraction from my life

    This is a pattern for you, and you have posted here multiple times under multiple accounts about more than 1 man who has treated you appallingly. Every single time, the advice has been that you need counselling. Why haven't you looked into that yet?

    You are willing to be with men who could quite conceivably murder you and you seem to think that's preferable to being alone. Think about that for a bit.


  • Advertisement
  • #22
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Jane7939


    I cant afford it to be honest


  • #23
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,132 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I cant afford it to be honest

    But you can afford to put your life on the line to be with someone who treats you like crap and may well kill you?

    Just so you know, the constant texts and promises were also red flags, so you've described a man that appears to have zero positive qualities.


  • #24
    Telly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 523 ✭✭✭Telly


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I cant afford it to be honest

    There is free counselling out there. If you type "free counselling" into google it should throw you out a lot of resources. First one i saw was this one: https://www.shine.ie/services/counselling/

    But have a look yourself and see what fits. There are so many people out there that will help you. You deserve to look after yourself and be happy x


  • #25
    Tork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,605 ✭✭✭Tork


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I can't afford it to be honest

    Yet you can afford to spend the money on being in relationships with these unsuitable men. I see you mentioned later in the thread that you've been flying to Scotland to visit him. Even if you managed to book cheap flights, the cost of these jaunts adds up. You have to get to the airport which costs money, you might buy a coffee or something else while you're waiting, you''re unlikely to be visiting empty handed. In Scotland you probably put your hand in your pocket to pay for meals or something else. Let's be honest here - you can afford counselling.

    As they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result. If Faith is right and you have a track record of dating abusive men, you shouldn't be even thinking about dating until you get professional help. Your desperation and loneliness has done nothing but bring you more misery, in the form of these abusive men. They damage you and make you even more desperate and lonely. It's a toxic spiral that needs to stop. Do you want it to? Or are you already on Tinder?


  • #26
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,444 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Contact Women's Aid. They will put you in contact with resources to help you. I'm saying this kindly, OP, there is something broken in you that makes you unable to set even very basic boundaries or have minimum standards with potential partners. That is not your fault in any way but with care and time it can be fixed. Until you can mend yourself you will stick out like a beacon to dangerous, abusive men looking for a victim. You can get help and care which I'm guessing has been lacking in your life. It is out there for you if you just take the first step. You don't have to deal with these assholes. You don't have to feel so lonely and empty. Please give Women's Aid a call (their details are stickied in this forum, and I'm sure someone with better IT skills than I can post the link in thread) and tell them what you've told us, they will know what your next step should be.


  • #27
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Good riddance to him.

    Mind yourself.

    There were so many crazy red flags here.

    Never mind stabbing and beating his son, anyone who texts 30 times a day and sends gifs of promise rings is a psycho.

    Count yourself lucky he is gone.

    I'd suspect there is a high chance that he will come crawling back with all sorts of excuses and promises when it doesn't work out with his side floozie. tell him to f off when theat happens.


  • #28
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Jane7939


    I think he is a narcissistic person all the signs


  • #29
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,444 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Jane7939 wrote: »
    I think he is a narcissistic person all the signs
    Start figuring out what your issues are. I think he's much more dangerous than that but narcissistic is bad enough on its own. You saw it and still let him into your life. Why? Address that. Will you call Women's Aid?


  • #30
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    What are you going to do when he comes back OP?
    Because he will.

    In the meantime, read this. It's free and you can download it to your phone.

    Next, call womens' aid which is also free and see if they know any counsellors that are zero/low cost that they could put you in touch with.

    Doing those things might mean that you may make better choices for yourself when he unblocks you to come crawling back for a while.


  • Advertisement
  • #31
    Jane7939
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Jane7939


    Is womens aid for domestic voilence he hasnt been voilent to me and he cant come bear me as he lives in Scotland


Advertisement