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What's the etiquette here??

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    #5912
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,149 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Those socks wouldn't happen to be pink, would they?

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #5913
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Little bit off topic but a mate of mine in the UK was sharing a flat in the Chiswick area.

    The dude sharing the flat had this habit of hitting the can and reeling out thick logs of stinking midden.

    However he also had the habit of smoking about 4 fags and tossing the matches into the bowl.

    Lad decided he had enough of this and early next morning tipped about half a cup of petrol into the pot.

    Apparently after about the third fag, later on ,the fchukking petrol ‘exploded’ and scorched the nutpurse off him + the inner thighs and balloon knot.


    Sorted the problem though.

    I'll be stealing that solution. There's a flute that comes working with us that does the exact same thing in our portaloo. If we're lucky it'll burn to the ground before he gets out!
    Chicken legs and Benson for 10 and 1 o clock every day. He can smoke and clean the chicken bones at the same time. A sow.


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    #5914
    Dual wheels
    Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Dual wheels


    A lad was telling me at the weekend the jacks above in the dail would be an a desperate state on a Monday morning


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    #5915
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,570 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    Those socks wouldn't happen to be pink, would they?

    Would be brown in the end.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #5916
    Lewis_Benson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Dual wheels wrote: »
    A lad was telling me at the weekend the jacks above in the dail would be an a desperate state on a Monday morning

    All the free pints of Stout.


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    #5917
    Slideways
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭Slideways


    Was sitting crossed legged on the mat doing yoga after my gym set this morning and as happens I felt a fart brewing. Once again I reflected it’s a good job I only do this in the comfort and privacy of my own home.

    It’s started off as a series of pops, comical in nature, like one would expect to hear in a movie sound track. All of a sudden things took a dramatic turn for the worse.

    A sound not unlike a gaelgor shouting at some kids to get out of his field the noise grew guttural. A nasty sound that I quickly realised had some substance behind it.
    I raced to the jacks and only just managed to get the shorts down before an entourage of slurry sprayed out of me. Close call lads, close call...


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    #5918
    tgdaly
    Registered Users Posts: 933 ✭✭✭tgdaly


    Slideways wrote: »
    Was sitting crossed legged on the mat doing yoga after my gym set this morning and as happens I felt a fart brewing. Once again I reflected it’s a good job I only do this in the comfort and privacy of my own home.

    It’s started off as a series of pops, comical in nature, like one would expect to hear in a movie sound track. All of a sudden things took a dramatic turn for the worse.

    A sound not unlike a gaelgor shouting at some kids to get out of his field the noise grew guttural. A nasty sound that I quickly realised had some substance behind it.
    I raced to the jacks and only just managed to get the shorts down before an entourage of slurry sprayed out of me. Close call lads, close call...

    Ah yes yoga, the aul Hindu laxative is great for loosening things up


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    #5919
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,142 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Slideways wrote: »
    Was sitting crossed legged on the mat doing yoga after my gym set this morning and as happens I felt a fart brewing. Once again I reflected it’s a good job I only do this in the comfort and privacy of my own home.

    It’s started off as a series of pops, comical in nature, like one would expect to hear in a movie sound track. All of a sudden things took a dramatic turn for the worse.

    A sound not unlike a gaelgor shouting at some kids to get out of his field the noise grew guttural. A nasty sound that I quickly realised had some substance behind it.
    I raced to the jacks and only just managed to get the shorts down before an entourage of slurry sprayed out of me. Close call lads, close call...

    A ‘String of Pearls’ that bad boy is known as.

    Have to announce the dispatch of a hefty ‘fletch’ of buttery midden down the pipes.

    Like a side of back bacon she was and ‘took the turn’ like Patsy Dunworths old Ford Cortina ‘hopping off both sides.’.

    Feelin the betther of it in fairness.

    Sprinkled a bit of Dettol on the towels to dampen down the bang.


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    #5920
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    I’ve spent the last month travelling around the west coast of Ireland playing all the links golf courses on the Wild Atlantic Way. A bucket list job.

    Putting away about a barrel of stout per week, a fry for the breakfast every morning, trawler loads of shellfish and seafood. Hitting the Rennie very hard as a result.

    The shït this evening was a reminder that it might be time to head back to Dublin and do one of this detox yokes you read cünts in Life Magazine in the Sindo talking about.

    Hugely acidic, and more skid marks on the bottom of the bowl than you’d find in the car park of the Tesco in Ballinasloe.


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    #5921
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I’ve spent the last month travelling around the west coast of Ireland playing all the links golf courses on the Wild Atlantic Way. A bucket list job.

    Putting away about a barrel of stout per week, a fry for the breakfast every morning, trawler loads of shellfish and seafood. Hitting the Rennie very hard as a result.

    The shït this evening was a reminder that it might be time to head back to Dublin and do one of this detox yokes you read cünts in Life Magazine in the Sindo talking about.

    Hugely acidic, and more skid marks on the bottom of the bowl than you’d find in the car park of the Tesco in Ballinasloe.

    Ffs flash, you'll keel over with that impressive intake!


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    #5922
    Lewis_Benson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I’ve spent the last month travelling around the west coast of Ireland playing all the links golf courses on the Wild Atlantic Way. A bucket list job.

    Putting away about a barrel of stout per week, a fry for the breakfast every morning, trawler loads of shellfish and seafood. Hitting the Rennie very hard as a result.

    The shït this evening was a reminder that it might be time to head back to Dublin and do one of this detox yokes you read cünts in Life Magazine in the Sindo talking about.

    Hugely acidic, and more skid marks on the bottom of the bowl than you’d find in the car park of the Tesco in Ballinasloe.

    Your colon must feel like it's being ripped apart when you have to go....


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    #5923
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,142 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Lewis_Benson wrote: »
    Your colon must feel like it's being ripped apart when you have to go....

    Arsehole like the sleeve of an overcoat on him.


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    #5924
    Slideways
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭Slideways


    Like someone jumped on a blood orange


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    #5925
    Ush1
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Like a baboon in full heat.


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    #5926
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    More like looking at Mars through a cheap binoculars.


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    #5927
    An Ri rua
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭An Ri rua


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result. :(



    Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:



    I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

    Good news Johnny, albeit a bit bittersweet. What's done is done.
    https://youtu.be/b8L7Z8PdRVM

    Transparent jacks in Tokyo. Now if there's skidmarks and screeching, one will know who was attempting the Tokyo Drift.
    Still, hard to know if your Eastern European would be assimilated or would he just take a pitstop where he was less on display? Maybe at the door or something. I've a Tom cat like that.
    Trap doors are a bit like masks. You don't know what someone's at in behind it. Tongue right up the nostrils or doing a Bobby Sands fresco on your upmarket stall while on your clock Johnny.


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    #5928
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,062 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »

    Putting away about a barrel of stout per week

    All with your €9 meal of course...

    To thine own self be true



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    #5929
    Dual wheels
    Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Dual wheels


    I’ve been drinking stout all day just ate a garlic cheese chip and 3 battered sausages, might call the plumber now and tell him to be at the ready


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    #5930
    Lewis_Benson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    You'll be battering the back of the bowel around 3pm tomorrow


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    #5931
    Dual wheels
    Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Dual wheels


    Lewis_Benson wrote: »
    You'll be battering the back of the bowel around 3pm tomorrow

    Full of wind at the moment


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    #5932
    An Ri rua
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭An Ri rua


    Dual wheels wrote: »
    Full of wind at the moment

    I know I'm being a bit sentimental but I often think it's a nice voicemail to leave an ex girlfriend. A flashback to wet Saturday mornings before she got up to get you a breakfast. You'd never know, it could be a bootycall that leads to a bootycall.


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    #5933
    Dual wheels
    Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Dual wheels


    An Ri rua wrote: »
    I know I'm being a bit sentimental but I often think it's a nice voicemail to leave an ex girlfriend. A flashback to wet Saturday mornings before she got up to get you a breakfast. You'd never know, it could be a bootycall that leads to a bootycall.

    Let rip my friend let rip


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    #5934
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,142 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Dual wheels wrote: »
    I’ve been drinking stout all day just ate a garlic cheese chip and 3 battered sausages, might call the plumber now and tell him to be at the ready

    Call the shït farm, dude, tell ‘em to get the ‘big knives’ out.

    The battered sausage can be a hard load to break up .

    Lad I knew, when he had to unload after a feed of the battered lads, always lined the pot with the back pages of the Irish times, making sure Gene Kerrigans gob was facing up and blew out a thick sludge of loose scutther.


    Always gave the same answer when I inquired as to where he was.

    “Up giving that gobshyte some of his scutter back Bren”


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    #5935
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Purple Mountain wrote: »
    All with your €9 meal of course...

    Spending multiples of that most evenings on the food offering, PM. Extremely high levels of compliance with that rule I’ve found.

    I can also confirm that having a half dozen or dozen oysters for a starter most evenings is very good for the libido. Waking up most morning with a fûcking boner you could hang a theatre curtain on.


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    #5936
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »

    I can also confirm that having a half dozen or dozen oysters for a starter most evenings is very good for the libido. Waking up most morning with a fûcking boner you could hang a theatre curtain on.

    You certain that's not an aul 'p1ss h0rn' you're waking up to??


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    #5937
    An Ri rua
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭An Ri rua


    Slideways wrote: »
    Was sitting crossed legged on the mat doing yoga after my gym set this morning and as happens I felt a fart brewing. Once again I reflected it’s a good job I only do this in the comfort and privacy of my own home.

    It’s started off as a series of pops, comical in nature, like one would expect to hear in a movie sound track. All of a sudden things took a dramatic turn for the worse.

    A sound not unlike a gaelgor shouting at some kids to get out of his field the noise grew guttural. A nasty sound that I quickly realised had some substance behind it.
    I raced to the jacks and only just managed to get the shorts down before an entourage of slurry sprayed out of me. Close call lads, close call...

    I'm picturing yourself and the partner sitting cross-legged on the mats doing the pre-faecal training. Times have moved on, all my ex wives have attended and supported me in my journey when the situation presented.

    Very important to breathe through it, and beyond. Like a Systema punch or Aikido. Go with the flow, be the sh1te. A lot of energy seeking out, you don't want to block it or the reverb in your tailbone could snap ya. A cause of a lot of chronic backpain in middle-aged men. A misexecuted fart can lead to a lifetime of misery. My current wife understands and gives me the airtime I need.


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    #5938
    Dual wheels
    Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Dual wheels


    Back on the stout ate some coleslaw earlier some bang off the farts now


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    #5939
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Spending multiples of that most evenings on the food offering, PM. Extremely high levels of compliance with that rule I’ve found.

    I can also confirm that having a half dozen or dozen oysters for a starter most evenings is very good for the libido. Waking up most morning with a fûcking boner you could hang a theatre curtain on.

    Like eating 12 clitoris' filled with zinc. Great tack altogether John. Is Morans on the weir still open I wonder


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    #5940
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Bullocks wrote: »
    Like eating 12 clitoris' filled with zinc. Great tack altogether John. Is Morans on the weir still open I wonder

    I can confirm it’s still open, Bullocks, as I’m only out the door of the place 10 minutes. The quality had dropped off over the past few years, but can confirm it’s back to its best. The porter is still only middling in the place though.

    1-DED29-C2-B9-DF-4516-8-D1-F-6-D7-D02-A1-F254.jpg
    image uploader

    7966-FC0-E-C389-465-F-A913-49-B18-C60-E673.jpg
    image uploader

    Very strict on the 105 minutes thing. Not an issue as I’m currently in a taxi into Galway to call to the house of a bird I’ve been riding on and off over the past few years when I visit the home city.

    Will issue a status report on my bowel movement in the morning. The oysters are great for the horn though. I’ve a semi on me already thinking about the filth we’ll be getting up to later on....:


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    #5941
    Lewis_Benson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Cooked up a big feed this evening for myself and herself..
    Garlic mushrooms to start.
    Fired up some minute steaks and had them on a nice ciabata with onions, pepper sauce and more mushrooms.
    Big load of home made chips and a side of salad with balsamic.


    Had 3 cans of German pilsner before hand, I'm into the Guinness West Indies Porter now, 6 bottles in the fridge... Some cocktail in the gut for tomorrow.


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