My wife has dense, matted pubic hair

1hnr79jr65 · 12-07-2020 01:56PM

Alot of opinions here have been ways to speak to Op's wife in how to get her to loose weight, shave/wax pubic hair, however very little about what the op's wife may want.It is possible given current world views she may be content with weight and pubic hair assuming with the weight gain its not overly unhealthy.

Op, would you be happy if your wife was happy to leave things as they are or even if your wife was to loose some weight but kept pubic hair way it is now ? As i feel this may be something you could face.

ztoical · 12-07-2020 04:24PM

OP Can you expand on how many kids is several kids? what age range are they? How close together did you have them? Did your wife have them vaginally or via CV section? Where the pregnancies difficult? Did your wife loose the baby weigh between pregnancies? Are you done having kids now? Do you both work or is she home alone with the kids all day? How is the child care/house work divided up?

Lots of factors that could result in a person gaining weight and not caring about their appearance. Maybe instead of trying to figure out how to talk to your wife maybe step and ask why and what could you do to help so you both have time to focus on yourselves and your relationship while not neglecting the kids

Tork · 12-07-2020 04:44PM

Dropping hints doesn't work either. It's like someone saying "Have you tried out the new Sure deodorants that are in Tesco? I find them really great and I don't sweat any more" (nudge nudge, wink wink to a person with body odour).

OP describes her weight gain as "considerable" so we're not talking about her putting on a few pounds. If she has gained a lot of weight, encouraging and helping her to LOSE (NOT LOOSE!!!!!!!!) might help her to feel better about herself. If she's run off her feet with parenting and isn't feeling too good about herself, falling into bad habits is very easy to do. I think you need to find out what else is going on here. If she continues to gain weight, a maintained ladygarden isn't going to help your sex life either.

On the other hand, maybe she has just decided to stop removing her hair. Some women go that route and stop removing underarm, leg and pubic hair.

karlitob · 12-07-2020 04:53PM

Caranica wrote: »

I'm a woman in my 40s who is a Hollywood waxer. I was actually depressed over growth during lockdown and so relieved to be back to myself last week when the salons reopened. To me if looks like depression but it could be something so simple as being overwhelmed by motherhood and demands on time. You really need to talk to her.

Brilliant!!! I can imagine the scene in the GP surgery.

GP: Madam, when was the last time you shaved your fanny?

Woman: Its been a while since the grass was cut

GP: Well, I’m sorry to have to tell you this - but I think you have full blown depression. There can be no other explanation. Now normally we’d give antidepressants and arrange some counselling. But I’m going to suggest something more unusual - a pick of bic and a whole load of E45.

Woman: you really think it’s depression doctor?

GP: Well it’s either that - or your overwhelmed by motherhood or some **** like that.

karlitob · 12-07-2020 05:01PM

Grey Fox wrote: »

Hi everyone. My wife has really let herself go since we got married and had several children. She doesn't make any effort on her appearance anymore and it has made me less attracted to her physically. She no longer performs maintenance on her lady parts, which is a big turn off for me. It also actually makes things like oral sex on her difficult due to how thick and unkempt the whole area is.

How do I broach this topic with her?

There’s a lot of opinions here but honestly, she knows she’s put on weight and she knows she doesn’t shave her fanny anymore.

What she doesn’t need is someone dropping unsubtle hints about things she already knows just so you can enjoy a ride.

Sit down with the woman - your wife. And speak to her honestly. Tell her how hard it is for you to broach this subject (go with hairy fanny and not The weight), tell her how much you enjoy oral sex and don’t anymore for this reason, tell her that it’s become a ‘thing’ in your head and you’d like to speak with her about it and ask her how she feels. Does she not enjoy oral she’s anymore; is it just too much hassle shaving; and see where the conversation goes. If she blows, don’t rise. You’ll have caught her on the hop and she mightn’t know how to respond.

Remember, it’s the intent that matters not the content (necessarily). If you go in all guns blazing about your needs, then you’ll be worse off than before. If you go in with the intention of learning what’s going on with her, then you both can deal with both your feelings together. If she doesn’t want anymore oral sex, then that’s it for you I’m afraid. You’ll have to deal with it. If she thinks it’s pointless to shave when you’ve put on weight then you’ve a different journey together.

Best of luck. It’s not easy.

1hnr79jr65 · 12-07-2020 10:06PM

Tork wrote: »

OP describes her weight gain as "considerable" so we're not talking about her putting on a few pounds. If she has gained a lot of weight, encouraging and helping her to LOSE (NOT LOOSE!!!!!!!!) might help her to feel better about herself. If she's run off her feet with parenting and isn't feeling too good about herself, falling into bad habits is very easy to do. I think you need to find out what else is going on here. If she continues to gain weight, a maintained ladygarden isn't going to help your sex life either.

Considerable weight gain to one person could be a few pounds and other could be a few stone depending on their current and previous lifestyles.

Also this is advice for the op, not a space to make a personal attack on someone for how they spell a word, childish behavior.

rob316 · 12-07-2020 10:15PM

It's in both your interests for her to be confident and feeling good about her appearance. Time way be precious, but suggest doing physical activities together or going to gym classes together. Adopt a healthy eating attitude at home. Can you cook? If you can't, learn. Your wife not trimming herself is a symptom of an overall lack of confidence in themselves.

Overall talk to her and be honest though, it's your wife it shouldn't be that hard to bring this up.

Daisy78 · 12-07-2020 10:24PM

Sour Lemonz wrote: »

Alot of opinions here have been ways to speak to Op's wife in how to get her to loose weight, shave/wax pubic hair, however very little about what the op's wife may want.It is possible given current world views she may be content with weight and pubic hair assuming with the weight gain its not overly unhealthy.

Op, would you be happy if your wife was happy to leave things as they are or even if your wife was to loose some weight but kept pubic hair way it is now ? As i feel this may be something you could face.

Exactly, they could have a talk about it but he could find that actually she doesn’t want to shave/wax and then what? It might be that she doesn’t have time for personal grooming with the kids but it might not and she may be perfectly happy with the way it is.

eviltwin · 12-07-2020 10:58PM

rob316 wrote: »

Your wife not trimming herself is a symptom of an overall lack of confidence in themselves.

I wouldn't necessarily agree with this. Not all women feel the need to get rid of their pubic hair, some prefer being natural and it does have to be an indication of a self esteem issue.

rob316 · 12-07-2020 11:00PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily agree with this. Not all women feel the need to get rid of their pubic hair, some prefer being natural and it does have to be an indication of a self esteem issue.

Of course. But OP said she doesnt do it anymore

KiKi III · 12-07-2020 11:05PM

rob316 wrote: »

Of course. But OP said she doesnt do it anymore

To jump to the conclusion that it's becase she has low self-esteem is a stretch. It's certainly possible. But it's equally possible she's a busy mum of three kids who didn't realise this was a big deal for her husband and decided to go au naturelle.

A frank and honest, but not overly blunt, conversation is what's needed here.

Dancewithme · 12-07-2020 11:21PM

Did your wife always enjoy oral from you op? What way are you down there? Who gets up in the middle of the night with the kids? Who makes breakfast, lunch and dinner in the household? Who does the laundry and cleaning? Who did home schooling during lockdown? Have ye both been working from home during lockdown? I think your wife needs support from you tbh, there is more to this than a hairy fanny.

radiotrickster · 13-07-2020 01:29AM

Grey Fox wrote: »

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply

Its other things too like considerable weight gain and generally making no effort on her appearance. I know it might sound selfish but its a turn off, thats just how I feel.
She's quite sensitive. If I was to bring it up at all it would have to be light-hearted. I've thought about making a joke about it but that would probably make things worse. I've said it directly to partners in the past and regretted it.

Seeing as you’ve had to say it to other partners in the past, is it possible that it’s something you just have to get used to?

Sour Lemonz wrote: »

Considerable weight gain to one person could be a few pounds and other could be a few stone depending on their current and previous lifestyles.

This is important. If I was a size 8 and went up to a size 10 or a 12, I wouldn’t be happy if my partner called me out on it. To me, they’re still healthy sizes. It’s not like I wouldn’t know myself that I’d gained weight.

But I’ve gone from a 12 to a 16 over the last two years. While I’m not happy about it, my partner is still nothing but kind. It was a big relief to hear him say that he still loved me the same regardless of my weight because I was still the same person.

Knowing that I didn’t have any pressure from my partner to change has actually made it easier to get an interest in my appearance and taking care of myself again.
The best thing you can do is talk to your wife and really listen. Listen if she says she doesn’t care about how she looks or it doesn’t bother her or she’s too busy.

It’s her body at the end of the day, and if she’s not bothered about losing out on oral then you have to be willing to accept it!

ILoveYourVibes · 13-07-2020 06:44AM

Of course your partner should love you if you gain weight etc or other stuff.

But i guess they can help bring out the best in you too and help give you time and money to help bring out the best in your. Not just in looks but in every part of your life.

LegacyUser · 13-07-2020 10:04AM

rob316 wrote: »

It's in both your interests for her to be confident and feeling good about her appearance. Time way be precious, but suggest doing physical activities together or going to gym classes together. Adopt a healthy eating attitude at home. Can you cook? If you can't, learn. Your wife not trimming herself is a symptom of an overall lack of confidence in themselves.

Or its a symptom of someone rising several kids and having to prioritize others over herself. Easy to say go the gym and eat better but when you've got several kids to juggle it's not always so simple. The OP hasn't given enough details on how many kids, they just say several - they don't say how old and how far apart in age the kids are. Doesn't say if they both work. Are they done having kids? Have they talked about this? Maybe his wife doesn't want anymore but the OP does so she's trying to put him off sex. There are a lot of factors and the only way to know is to talk.

They aren't a new couple, they are parents of several kids, they should be able to talk about things. It shouldn't be 'I know you've had several kids but you've let yourself go and I'm not attracted to you anymore', it should be 'hey is everything ok, can I help take some pressure off you so we are a better couple together'

Adam9213 · 13-07-2020 05:41PM

can't log in wrote: »

Or its a symptom of someone rising several kids and having to prioritize others over herself. Easy to say go the gym and eat better but when you've got several kids to juggle it's not always so simple. The OP hasn't given enough details on how many kids, they just say several - they don't say how old and how far apart in age the kids are. Doesn't say if they both work. Are they done having kids? Have they talked about this? Maybe his wife doesn't want anymore but the OP does so she's trying to put him off sex. There are a lot of factors and the only way to know is to talk.

They aren't a new couple, they are parents of several kids, they should be able to talk about things. It shouldn't be 'I know you've had several kids but you've let yourself go and I'm not attracted to you anymore', it should be 'hey is everything ok, can I help take some pressure off you so we are a better couple together'

She's probably hinting to stay away from me

My wife has dense, matted pubic hair

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