What has Covid done to your family?

07-07-2020 11:11pm #1

In our case, I think it's brought us closer together. Honestly, I can hardly take a crap without my family being in-on-it, they want to know everything.

But I wonder about those whose family input has been unwelcome over these past few weeks. How's your relationship with your family? Has it suffered or has it thrived during the lockdown?

ILoveYourVibes · 08-07-2020 4:42am

Its been relatively easy on my family.

People just had to work from home.

08-07-2020 6:34am

Quiet active and involved in a lot of things here so all the lockdowns hit that pretty hard. But we found other outlets to get by. We almost gave in and got a television but resisted that in the end

The Mighty Quinn · 08-07-2020 6:39am

Done a lot of damage. No deaths or anybody even contracting it, but it has proven the straw that broke the camels back to a parents mental health. Very tough times, real damage left in its wake in my family.

08-07-2020 6:39am

Kept us apart. My dad was meant to visit me in March and I was meant to visit Ireland this summer.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater · 08-07-2020 6:45am

Stopped me heading back to Ireland in March, was meant to be bringing the missus to meet my parents who I haven't seen since 2018.

They're doing fine though, which is the main thing.

08-07-2020 6:46am

Nothing too bad. We didn’t see much of each other but kept in constant contact. Everyone just did what they were supposed to do and got on with it.

_Brian · 08-07-2020 6:56am

Wife is a front line worker and worked half time mostly for health reasons. Her hours were increased and not yet reduced so she’s pretty much Burnt out.

Eldest girl was in 5th year, they lost a huge chunk of school and very stressed about having to make it back and worried about exams next year.
She was/is an elite swimmer and their training went from 12hrs a week to nothing which was a Major shock. She had an international competition scheduled for May which was to signal the end to her elite competitions but without that it just sort of fizzled out and I know she is feeling sort of let down or as if she somehow let the club down.

I have hypertension so was home based throughout back working but taking it very cautious.

Mother still afraid to go out much. Won’t shop for herself any more.

It’s a strange time. It’s had hidden impacts on families that will take time to get over, some people like my mum will likely never get back to just going abkut and doing simple stuff like shopping or going to coffee shops again in comfort.

ceadaoin. · 08-07-2020 7:01am

My mother in law passed away last month in the UK (not covid related) and we couldn't go. also can't travel to see my family in ireland which we had planned to do this summer. Aside from that, husband lost half his salary and had to let go of several staff and my daughter is starting to get sad about not seeing her friends or going to school since march. So all in all, a bit **** really but the actual process of not going out much and staying at home has been fine.

Irishphotodesk · 08-07-2020 7:51am

What has it done to my immediate family, it gave my wife the one thing she always craved...family time, we all get to do stuff together as a family.

However, I have changed from working 6 days a week to 3days every 2weeks, so financially and mentally it's killing me, I have applied for social welfare but I seem to be in a group of self employed that the civil service never factored in when adjustments were made to try facilitate self employed into the welfare system, I'm told that because I'm "working" I can't get covid, so have had to file accounts and jump through hoops to satisfy social welfare that we are struggling and in need of assistance - it drives me crazy that people openly abuse the system but can get away with it, but those who need it and don't know the system struggle to get help, sometimes I feel like I need to just give up because it's a never ending battle.

I'm tired, I'm emotional and I'm fed up of seeing a$$holes who apparently know better than experts whose work involves understanding viruses and their transmission mechanism.

And don't get me started on the selfish pr1cks who think it's fine to travel because they want a bit of sun/beach .... Even during lockdown people made their way to beaches because the weather was good, those same people considered their NEED for beach time more important than the lives of their own family members or their friends, neighbours and children.

I think the gardai should have used the anpr system during lockdown to better effect, to monitor the registration plates of people attending beaches, scenic spots etc which were outside their permitted travel areas.

I think our politicians need to have a good long look at themselves and question if they are doing the right thing by allowing people in from countries like UK and USA with huge virus ignorance .... We seem to be back to the situation at the start when the world and it's mother were saying if we let rugby fans travel over for a game cancelled due to coronavirus then we will have a lot more infected, similarly, those Irish who travelled across to Cheltenham... They should look at themselves and think did I help the virus get into Ireland, should I have stayed at home ?

A lot of people need to think about their own actions, I'm annoyed and frustrated to think I have done everything asked of me... Yet, because of the ignorance of others I had to get tested (results were negative)... But this meant a period of self isolating, which meant not physically leaving the house for almost 2weeks, absolutely massive mind f*ckingly draining.

So what has covid done to me ... Messed me up , mentally and financially

rahmalec · 08-07-2020 9:37am

Has been good for spending time with my family and wife. Was good to have the nice weather and chill out in the garden (very thankful we had one).

I am also similar to a poster above. I have a portfolio career. I was kicked off the PUP because, although losing more than 90% of income, I was told I’m not eligible because of my 3 hours a week teaching. No Hope of my industry back on its feet until all social distancing is gone as it depends entirely on mass gatherings. New mortgage and baby on the way so paying for it all will be some craic.

Ekerot · 08-07-2020 10:07am

Mother is self isolating before she goes to the hospital for something unrelated to Covid, so my brother's up here with me and Dad for the most part now. It feels weird having him here when he lives down in my mother's 99% percent of the time.

I think my family as a whole has put on more weight because of lockdown, besides me and my brother. It's really noticeable when I ever look at my Dad and sister, I wish they'd actually devote more time to moving and less time spent eating.

ShineOn7 · 10-07-2020 1:48am

_Brian wrote: »

Mother still afraid to go out much. Won’t shop for herself any more.

It’s a strange time. It’s had hidden impacts on families that will take time to get over, some people like my mum will likely never get back to just going about and doing simple stuff like shopping or going to coffee shops again in comfort.

What age is she if you don't mind me asking?

GoneHome · 10-07-2020 1:58am

Must say we are absolutely flying on it, both of us working from home, no work commute bar the odd day here and there for a brief meeting, do a bit of printing, etc. We did stay away from parents and siblings for quite a few weeks, all our immidiate family are living within a three mile radius so during the depts of the pandemic we even done the calling to parents and sibiings through the window, I still remember one evening in early April sitting socially distanced in the garden of my folks house where with had a few glasses of wine in beautiful sunshine.

is_that_so · 10-07-2020 8:13am

Most people have adjusted and are dealing with it but there are some covigilantes in the older cohort.

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 8:16am

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote:

In our case, I think it's brought us closer together. Honestly, I can hardly take a crap without my family being in-on-it, they want to know everything.

Resonably close family anyway but it probably has brought us closer, unfortunately I know of families that are slowly tearing themselves apart, I'm expecting the mental health services to effectively colapse soon

ednwireland · 10-07-2020 8:18am

havent seen any of my family in the uk for over 6 months. my mother is in a care home over there.

Lillyfae · 10-07-2020 8:27am

Definitely brought us closer together, especially in the first few weeks. Both myself and my significant other work and I went back to 100% from 80% recently. Before the lockdown I worried about how I would cope with the extra day and how it would affect my relationship with the little ones, but being home 24/7, while hard, means that we're together (even if I'm on the phone and they're watching TV!). I'm there if they spontaneously want rice crackers or need the channel changed :pac:. I have time to read a sneaky extra chapter of a book, bake some buns or go to the playground and that's all they will remember, hopefully. Having children that are so young you don't have much freedom anyway so it wasn't massively different from before.

It was definitely hard being parent, toddler slave and colleague all at once but luckily my colleagues are cognizant of the fact that people with small children were going to be driven to distraction at times, and not all there

. I called some people who I knew were in the same position as me just to offer moral support, and other people called me to do the same and that was really lovely.

WAW · 10-07-2020 8:35am

Economic and the long term repercussions of that on familial life, mental health and low future employment prospects for middle aged adults as a result of Covid lockdown.
Significant cohort of severely affected self employed people sole traders didn't get a red raw cent due to still trading however much reduced. Grossly unfair. If they had ceased trading, they might have got something but then would have lost whatever bit of business they were trying to keep going during Covid lockdown.

Foweva Awone · 10-07-2020 8:42am

My dad is almost 70 and terminally ill, so it sucked that most of us had to stay away for so long. Myself and my son usually visit my parents every second weekend, and we missed them. However at least they had my two youngest sisters at home so they weren't too lonely!

Myself and all my siblings ended up working from our homes, I don't think any of us minded, it's been nice and relaxing.

I've suffered a lot with mental health issues over the past few years, but I've been absolutely grand the last few months. I think I'm in the minority there, most people with anxiety/depression etc seem to have found all this very difficult.

Overall I'd say no damage has been done at all to us as a family, we probably appreciate each other more and won't take each other for granted. But I don't think we did before all this, anyways.

Foweva Awone · 10-07-2020 8:45am

is_that_so wrote: »

Most people have adjusted and are dealing with it but there are some covigilantes in the older cohort.

Covigilantes, love it, my new favourite word!

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 8:46am

Foweva Awone wrote:

I've suffered a lot with mental health issues over the past few years, but I've been absolutely grand the last few months. I think I'm in the minority there, most people with anxiety/depression etc seem to have found all this very difficult.

Very sorry to hear about your father, it's a very painful place to be, best of luck with things.

My own mental health issues deteriorated unfortunately at the beginning of covid, more so for personal reasons, and unfortunately the mental health system retreated as a result, thankfully I got new meds and one of my therapists rang me regularly

is_that_so · 10-07-2020 8:47am

Foweva Awone wrote: »

Covigilantes, love it, my new favourite word!

Yeah, a good word, not mine - it's been floating around social media for a bit.

10-07-2020 9:06am

Suffered.

No real world (as opposed to online) social interaction with other model railway enthusiasts.

More housework for me.

Also before Covid lockdown, I enrolled in a physical classroom course of 4 month duration.

Most of the classes were done online.

I don't give a sh¡t about any of the other classmates on it., now that it's over.

antimatterx · 10-07-2020 9:52am

Family wise it was great initially. My dad couldn't go to work, I was working from home, my brothers were doing college from home, my mum was thrilled with everyone being home. I developed a consistent weight lifting routine and I have lost 1 stone so far.

Now its getting difficult as everyone is on top of each other. My dad is back to work, and he gave my brothers a job which has helped a bit. i'm still WFH and I'm loving it, I'm going to really struggle to go back to an office.

10-07-2020 10:56am

is_that_so wrote: »

Most people have adjusted and are dealing with it but there are some covigilantes in the older cohort.

In a restaurant the other day I am seated with my food.

I see an oldie go to the counter, there is no Q

A few seconds later another pair of oldies come in. And then a few seco ds after that 2 more oldies. Instead of adhering to social distancing, a worried expression comes on all their faces.

JDD · 10-07-2020 11:40am

It's very hard to say what the effect has been. It's been nice to spend more time together as a family. Whereas before I would feel the mum-guilt of not seeing my children for more than a couple of hours during weekdays, and not really knowing how they were getting on at school or in after-school care, I have none of that particular guilt now. Home-schooling has really brought home what they are good at and what they are struggling with. And you have no worries about how they are getting on socially as basically they had no social interaction.

It was also stressful trying to make it into work or home for a pick up when I have over an hour's commute each way and I don't miss that.

However, the old stresses have just been replaced by new stresses. How healthy is it for the kids to spend way more time online and watching television, because myself and my husband have to work? 70% of their requests for "can we do this" are met with "I'm sorry, we can't, I'm working. Do you want to go watch your tablet?". While that was a novelty and met by "YAY!" at the start, it is now met by "not really, I just want someone to play with", which makes me feel like sh*t. And that's happening more now that work is returning to normal output expectations.

What do my managers *really* think about the fact that I am only working 5 hours a day, because of childcare constraints, as opposed to their public message of "oh we understand and we're willing to give flexibility". Are other mothers (where I work is mostly female, and mostly working mums) working longer hours, getting more done? Should I be working every night to catch up?

Both my husband and I WFH has released an interesting dynamic. We earn around the same income, and are around the same seniority level in our jobs. My job is public service, whereas his is in a private company. I think he expected that I could probably log on for a couple of hours a day, working around his schedule, type a few letters and then get back to my main job of minding the children, with no repercussions. It has created quite a bit of tension between us. In fairness he works most evenings to catch up, which makes me feel like I have to work every night too, to show how busy I am, even though I'm about to mentally crack up come 9 o'clock, so I don't do it. He's not a 1950's dinosaur by any stretch - he does the vast majority of housework in the house and very much co-parents at other times. I just was surprised by what he actually thought I was doing every day.

As to my wider family - I think lockdown has actually improved our contact levels. We've done zoom table quizes with cousins and aunts and uncles. There's a lot more checking in with each other. My parents are lovely people but can be over-involved in our lives and have always been very risk-adverse/hypochondriac/anxious people. For the first time I have actually thought that this has worked to their advantage. And I did really miss seeing them physically during lockdown, so maybe that improved my perception of them.

SusanC10 · 10-07-2020 3:28pm

On the plus side, my Husband is and has been working from home since March 16th. Before this crisis, he would have had approx 3 hour round trip commute on public transport. He left our home at 6.30am and got home around 8pm. He also travelled abroad a lot for work.
So, now he is in our Study/Office here.
He gets to see the kids a lot more. He starts work early - 7am - and finishes early and has so much more time.

Homeschool was hard even though I am a SAHM. I had a fair idea of what our primary school daughter was doing anyway but had no idea until Lockdown what our secondary school son was doing academically as he also did after-school study.

As a family, I think we have done better than I would have expected spending so much time together at home. We are closer I think than before when everyone was so busy and constantly going, going all the time.

The kids were heavily involved in GAA and other sports and they missed that massively. Our daughter's team started back last week but not with the same coach. Our sons hasn't started back yet as they have not found a new coach yet as the previous guy is unwilling due to living with an elderly parent.

I haven't seen 2 of my sisters in a long time - January and last Summer respectively. I don't know when we will all be together again as a family.
5 months since I saw Mum until finally last week. Don't think it has ever been that long.

After years as a SAHM, I had a job interview the day the schools closed. It was postponed and then cancelled altogether as the firm decided to put any recruitment on hold until they see how things develop. I have decided not to look again until after September.

We always took a longish holiday abroad at the end of June - usually to make up for not seeing a lot of my Husband. It was cancelled and we all really missed the break. Unlikely to get one until 2021 now.

GoneHome · 11-07-2020 12:31am

WAW wrote: »

Economic and the long term repercussions of that on familial life, mental health and low future employment prospects for middle aged adults as a result of Covid lockdown.

So you think there shouldn't have been a lockdown and the cohort of people you mention would have died from Covid, great forethought there :rolleyes:

11-07-2020 1:52am

Grandfather caught it and passed away. He was in a home for the past few years so it was expected from something. Still hard having such a poor send off. No wake, no final visit and then pretty much just standing 20 odd metres away from a few auntie's and uncles while he's thrown in a hole in the ground. That was harsh on his children. Not being able to comfort my mother was tough as well but at least she has dad.

My family live abroad, they have been in lockdown and I hadn't seen them since February. Got over last week. Wife's a wreck as you can imagine, needed a week to herself to recharge the battery. Great to see the girls again and even though there's masks and restricted activities, they are young and just take it in stride.

I kept working throughout, would have gone insane bring away from them, stuck inside and not working.

jimmycrackcorm · 11-07-2020 2:10am

Have a kid in leaving cert year. The pressure evaporated early with the change in how it's being done this year. I think it has been the best upside of this whole saga

Plumbthedepths · 11-07-2020 2:18am

I worked throughout no change, my wife sat at home for €30 a week less, my son who was working in Supermacs one day a week for €80 suddenly was on €350 a week. Plus side college fees helped in 2021.

Tellyium · 11-07-2020 2:47am

Within my family, myself and my wife are wfh, so luckily not affected financially by Covid. Doing the best we can juggling work and giving the kids (6 and 4) as much attention as possible.
Honestly, worried that, while we’re all together all the time, myself and my wife are not ‘present’ for the kids when we’re working.
This is a huge issue for working mums especially, leave aside gender politics for a while, they look for Mom 90% of the time and the fact they know Mon is in the building means they interrupt her frequently.
We’re spreading out our working week over seven days and alternating early (6am) starts to work to try have one of us focused on them always. It’s tricky, but ye have to play what’s in front of you and manage as best you can.
So much depends on what happens with schools in September though. If they’re not open, we need to move on from this firefighting to something more structured.
My own family are ok, Mum is in her late eighties and at hone, so while we visit, it’s at a distance and I miss giving her a big hug, but so long as she’s ok, that’s ok)

ziedth · 11-07-2020 9:35am

Wife was fairly good about it and enjoyed working from home and being with the kids.

I work in the recycling industry (so "essential") and kept going into the office which really helped me I think. I only found one week hard and had zoom drinks with some mates which brought me out of it.

My youngest child (4) didn't take any notice and was a star.

My eldest (8) took it the hardest. Major shift in him for a number of weeks between not seeing friends, going out, grandparents he was a shell of himself for the longest time. Of all the bizzare things to pull him out it was playing with his cousin on Fortnite got him through the worst of the lockdown. He was fine once he could call into grandparents again they live close enough so once restrictions went over but he even found the social distancing hard then (which we don't do anymore). He's back to himself now.

I really fear what would happen if we go into another lockdown with him.

11-07-2020 3:24pm

My mother died of covid in a nursing home. One of many. The last day I saw her in the flesh was February 28th. Being unable to visit her, especially while she was ill, (20 days from first symptom to death) or be there to hold her hand to comfort her as she passed away, and then have to bury her with no proper funeral, will have a lasting affect me for the rest of my life. 20 days of horrible strain on the whole family, in limbo waiting by the phone for news but not wanting to answer it when it rang in case it was bad (which it eventually was). Feeling useless because I know she would have looked for me during that time. I feel like I failed her and I'm angry and unable to grieve properly, and my mental health has definitely been affected.

byhookorbycrook · 11-07-2020 3:28pm

MIL contracted Covid, very nearly lost her . Now in a nursing home as she can no longer be managed at home . Couldn’t see her for months , except through a window . A niece worked in a nursing home , contracted it in early April.Came through as well but still very “ shook.”

milli milli · 12-07-2020 2:20am

A bit of a mixed bag for me. I don’t have my own family (& may never have

) & having to stare that situation in the face (instead of avoiding it) has been mentally & emotionally taxing. I hope those who were driven mad by their kids during the lockdown (& I know it can be tough) really cherish & appreciate them.
I also had a painful injury that I was getting treatment for before the lockdown and then had nothing for 3 months, so that was challenging too. I lost my job and eventually got the payment 2 months later.

But you know I’m a glass half full person. Luckily I had a creative outlet that got me through the worst of it. And appreciating all the small good things in life - that has saved my life over and over again. And honestly being so close to nature and having the time to really observe & appreciate it has been a remarkable healing experience.

gebbel · 12-07-2020 3:20am

Just wanted to throw it out here where no doubt there are folk feeling the same. Life under Covid is wearing me down a bit. I’m a single man of 43 years old. I used to socialize a good bit. Visit my family lots. Life nowadays is very solitary. I used to like a sociable drink with mates but now I find I’m drinking by myself getting wasted watching Netflix. Because I work in a large company where there have been cases of Covid and multiple cases of self isolation for contact with a suspected case, I am paranoid about going anywhere and most wouldn’t want me anyway because of that.

I’ve a large family, they’re all married and most have kids. It’s video calls daily which helps:

I’m rambling. To answer the question of the thread. My relationship with my family is much stronger now than it ever was. Because I’ve told them what I’ve said here and they’re concerned. As all good family would be and it’s great to have that support. I’ve told them not to worry. We are going to come out the other side one day. Just have to plough on and endure.

Tell me how · 12-07-2020 4:38am

I've noticed a gradual decline in all my siblings general mental health over this period. I don't have direct family myself and live in US so wouldn't have been seeing people in person anyway but noticed on the group chats how conversation changed in tone to fewer and fewer messages as time went on. When communicating directly with people, it became obvious that there was no 'news' and it was difficult to have light hearted conversations with so little stimulus. 3 of my siblings have children under 3 and are working from home and have found it very exhausting, to be trying to combine work and childcare with no outlet or support from others possible.
Personally, I had a bizarre phonecall with my mother in which she said that if either her or my dad get it, that it is best to not come home because we'd have to stay apart anyway and there wouldn't be anything I could do to help them. If someone said I could fly home for a weekend and just hug them and eat my mothers home cooked meals and watch a GAA match with my Dad, I'd do it without even asking the cost. But, he would definitely be in the high risk category were he to get so there is no way to take that chance.

But, in a measure of how much I miss people at home, I might even consider coming home in August even if it means quarantining for 2 weeks and then only seeing my parents for a few days before coming back. Will see, the US is such a mess with Covid that in another few weeks, it might not even be an option.

NSAman · 12-07-2020 6:23am

On the whole a good experience with a few nasty moments that have really brought home how far from family I actually am.

Working from home here in the States has been a blessing. I do not spend as much time in the office now (back about 2 weeks). The house has been revamped and cleaned from inside out.

Financially, it has not really changed anything. I am lucky in that most of the business is done online and clients have been very understanding about issues, as they are facing the same issues.

What has really hit me hard, was the loss of a close relative (not due to the virus) but the lack of being able to be there with the family. The funeral was not our “normal” funeral as a family. One member of the family has been confirmed with the virus, which has been a worrying time. Being so far from everything and normally being the one who solves issues, this was difficult for me personally.

On a strange note, it has also brought me to realise that the USA is full of complete assholes who are probably the most selfish people on the face of the planet. The sense of the “common good” has disappeared for the majority of Americans.. it has hastened my attempts to return home. Despite having amazing neighbours, the amount of selfish dicks I have come across here lately has sullied America for me.

NegativeCreep · 12-07-2020 12:10pm

I was paid 35% more to work 50% less hours so that was great. I didn’t get to see family as often but kept in touch through WhatsApp all the time like we do anyway. Dad got sick and mam got worse and were fobbed off at the hospital each time I brought them because the only disease they cared about was covid so that wasn’t great.

What has Covid done to your family?

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