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Am I overreacting?

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  • 23-05-2020 2:07am
    #1
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭


    So 6 of us share a house.
    Last week one of the housemates went on a date and didn't come home until the next day.
    Earlier tonight she didn't come home after work. I'd safely say she hooked up with the same guy as last week.

    One of my other housemates has athasma and had pneumonia last year so is in a high risk category for covid 19....so i'm really angry that housemate 1 has done this. Hooking up with some guy she only met for the first time last week and again off out earlier tonight. What is this guy has covid 19, passes it onto her and brings it into the house putting housemate 2 in danger....
    I think it is very selfish behaviour.

    Am I overreacting?


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Comments

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    #2
    croker99
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭croker99


    Depends on what you did by way of a reaction...?


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    #3
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    I didn't do anything.
    I was just wondering if i should be angry....should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?


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    #4
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Zak Flaps wrote: »
    I didn't do anything.
    I was just wondering if i should be angry....should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?
    I would put it to her in a calm polite way.

    If you do that i wouldn't consider it over reacting.


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    #5
    krissovo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,645 ✭✭✭krissovo


    Zak Flaps wrote: »
    should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?

    No, tell her to self isolate for 14 days as the damage is done. Giving out is futile at this stage.


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    #6
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    krissovo wrote: »
    No, tell her to self isolate for 14 days as the damage is done. Giving out is futile at this stage.

    ie, just stay in her bedroom?


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    #7
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Zak Flaps wrote: »
    ie, just stay in her bedroom?
    Yes. Or avoid others as much as she can. She can't go into work. I presume if she is going into work at this stage she is working with the public.

    At the very least she has to avoid contact with your other flatmate.


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    #8
    1 sheep2
    Registered Users Posts: 107 ✭✭1 sheep2


    How long do you expect her to hold off from romantic engagements?


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    #9
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    1 sheep2 wrote: »
    How long do you expect her to hold off from romantic engagements?

    For as long as everyone else has to. She is not special.

    We are all in the same boat. She isn't being asked to give up anything we all are not being asked to.


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    #10
    croker99
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭croker99


    Zak Flaps wrote: »
    I didn't do anything.
    I was just wondering if i should be angry....should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?

    Angry? Yes, if it angers you.

    Give out? No. Talk like an adult to them? Yes.


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    #11
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Yes. Or avoid others as much as she can. She can't go into work. I presume if she is going into work at this stage she is working with the public.

    At the very least she has to avoid contact with your other flatmate.

    Believe it or not, she's a nurse!
    A research nurse so she's not on the front line as such treating bed bound patients. At the moment she's only in once a week, sometimes twice, but wears a mask etc if a patient comes in to see her.


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    #12
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    The girl in question doesn't deserve abuse. But she has to self isolate and also inform her employer as to what she has done.
    Hooking up with some guy she only met for the first time last week and again off out earlier tonight.

    She has broken the lockdown rules at the very least twice now. If not more. And so has the guy she was with.

    If she is going into work right now ..its likely she is working with the public. Some of whom will be shopping for those cocooning. Also very soon those cocooning will be shopping for themselves.

    This isn't something you can bull****. Its a virus.


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    #13
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Zak Flaps wrote: »
    Believe it or not, she's a nurse!
    A research nurse so she's not on the front line as such treating bed bound patients. At the moment she's only in once a week, sometimes twice, but wears a mask etc if a patient comes in to see her.


    That's a nightmare. I would report her. But at the same time she could lose her job or something ...i dunno what to tell you.


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    #14
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    Thanks for input guys. The lockdown isn't easy and I myself may not work until January (when i work, there are large crowds)!
    So i'm feeling a bit sh1t and just wondered was i thinking straight. I just needed to ask some people not connected for their opinions.
    Thought i might have been overreacting a little but most of you think that she is in the wrong.


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    #15
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,272 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    What has housemate 4 to say about all this?


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    #16
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    AllForIt wrote: »
    What has housemate 4 to say about all this?

    Housemates 2/3/4/5 and 6 are all in bed!


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    #17
    snoopboggybog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭snoopboggybog


    Your in a bloody houseshare. You can't control your friends life.

    If you don't like what your friend is doing move out.

    Your friend can ride away once its in 5KM of where you live.

    The joys of houseshares with strangers, thank feck those days are long gone..

    Stop trying to control your friends life. If your friend worked in a meat factory or nursing home would you tell them to stop going to work where the virus is rampant?


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    #18
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I think a better way to go about it OP. Is to have a house meeting.


    And come up with some house rules for the lockdown that will be agreed to in the best interests and health of everyone in the house. And that everyone will sign to and agree to.


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    #19
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    snoopboggybog wrote: »

    Stop trying to control your friends life.


    This is a childish reaction. When you live with people you HAVE to let them have control of some aspects of your life. Just as sharing with a family you have to make adjustments.

    If the housemate who went out wants to do as she please ..she can move out. Oh wait no she is still not meant to be doing that according to the lockdown set out by the govt.


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    #20
    snoopboggybog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭snoopboggybog


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    This is a childish reaction. When you live with people you HAVE to let them have control of some aspects of your life. Just as sharing with a family you have to make adjustments.

    If the housemate who went out wants to do as she please ..she can move out. Oh wait no she is still not meant to be doing that according to the lockdown set out by the govt.

    Its not whatsoever, the person is paying rent.

    The person can do what they please outside the house.


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    #21
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users Posts: 11,171 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    You're not overreacting ...
    But you house share so what can you do? (Apart from get your own space)

    Here's a thing I learned: people will do what suits and benefits them. She don't give a sh*t about you or the other house mate. You're just acquaintances by circumstances.

    Here's the kicker: if you started to do the same she'd probably kick up a stink. Such is life.


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    #22
    kwestfan08
    Registered Users Posts: 1,523 ✭✭✭kwestfan08


    What are you going to do, control when she can and can't get the ride? What does the asthmatic think of it all? If they aren't bothered I don't see why you should be.


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    #23
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    if a person in a houseshare is particularly vulnerable they should be seriously looking at their options to not be in a houseshare for the present

    if you are not that person then imo you have little business getting irked on their behalf

    maybe a house meeting covering rules is a good idea, but i tend to agree at this stage that the longer this goes on the more relaxed things are going to get, and controlling others on an amateur basis is not going to be a practical answer


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    #24
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    snoopboggybog wrote: »
    Its not whatsoever, the person is paying rent.

    The person can do what they please outside the house.
    They can't break lockdown. They have to obey the lockdown rules as do we all.

    Gemma O'Doherty and her crowd have had their day and were told no.


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    #25
    snoopboggybog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭snoopboggybog


    New houseshare rules by OP:

    1) Everyone must be in bed by 9PM and sign a sheet before going to bed.
    2) Door is barricaded at 9PM and only I can open it.
    3) Though shall not go to Supermarket more than once a week.
    4) I am doing a bed check at 9PM.
    5) You are not allowed to stay out all night.

    FFS


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    #26
    bb1234567
    Registered Users Posts: 5,494 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    She is allowed to meet people from other households now, so she isn't doing anything wrong. The most you can do is ask her to please not meet people that she can't be sure do not have COVID, she is under no obligation to do as you say, youre just her housemate

    She is not being considerate or thoughtful or caring, what she is doing is mean. But I wouldnt say she is in the wrong


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    #27
    snoopboggybog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 454 ✭✭snoopboggybog


    The point i was trying to make that what your housemate does in their own personal time is none of your business.

    Its one of the pitfalls of house sharing.

    Your housemate could easily be within 5KM, sleeping on the persons couch and maintaining social distancing.

    You are simply just speculating. Checking to see if their home is honestly weird.


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    #28
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    snoopboggybog wrote: »
    The point i was trying to make that what your housemate does in their own personal time is none of your business.

    Its one of the pitfalls of house sharing.

    Your housemate could easily be within 5KM, sleeping on the persons couch and maintaining social distancing.

    You are simply just speculating. Checking to see if their home is honestly weird.

    In most cases yes, it's none of my business. But with covid 19 and my other housemate (a good friend) being asthmatic, you can see my concern.
    I know she was more than 5km away last week when she went on the date.
    I never said I was checking to see if she was home. I'm positioned near the door so hear when anyone comes home.
    Anyway, i'm done with this. I got a few opinions which is what i wanted.


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    #29
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,932 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    This thread is now in Personal Issues. Please read the Forum Charter here before posting.

    I've editted some posts where they didn't fully meet the standards expected here and deleted those that were off topic or didn't meet the standards in their entirety.

    HS


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    #30
    Away With The Fairies
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,077 ✭✭✭Away With The Fairies


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    if a person in a houseshare is particularly vulnerable they should be seriously looking at their options to not be in a houseshare for the present

    if you are not that person then imo you have little business getting irked on their behalf

    maybe a house meeting covering rules is a good idea, but i tend to agree at this stage that the longer this goes on the more relaxed things are going to get, and controlling others on an amateur basis is not going to be a practical answer

    The vulnerable should be looking at moving out??? The same thing can be said for the person carrying on meeting up with fellas... It's just a extra risk of catching this virus and bringing it into the house. It's selfish behaviour, they aren't going to die from not getting a ride.

    That said I also live with an immunocompromised person and they are carrying on with life as well. I wish I was that easy going with this virus.


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    #31
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,383 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    What part of "You're not allowed into other people's houses" are people not getting about the current rules??? If I had a housemate who was overnighting elsewhere at the moment I wouldn't be a bit impressed either. Realistically, I'm not sure there's a whole lot the OP can do about it other than try to talk to her, but anyone trying to paint him as the asshole here is being obtuse at best and a bit of an asshole themselves at worst.

    What the housemate is doing is dick behaviour, end of.


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