Am I overreacting?

Zak Flaps

So 6 of us share a house.
Last week one of the housemates went on a date and didn't come home until the next day.
Earlier tonight she didn't come home after work. I'd safely say she hooked up with the same guy as last week.

One of my other housemates has athasma and had pneumonia last year so is in a high risk category for covid 19....so i'm really angry that housemate 1 has done this. Hooking up with some guy she only met for the first time last week and again off out earlier tonight. What is this guy has covid 19, passes it onto her and brings it into the house putting housemate 2 in danger....
I think it is very selfish behaviour.

Am I overreacting?

croker99

Depends on what you did by way of a reaction...?

Zak Flaps

I didn't do anything.
I was just wondering if i should be angry....should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?

ILoveYourVibes

Zak Flaps wrote: »

I didn't do anything.
I was just wondering if i should be angry....should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?

I would put it to her in a calm polite way.

If you do that i wouldn't consider it over reacting.

krissovo

Zak Flaps wrote: »

should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?

No, tell her to self isolate for 14 days as the damage is done. Giving out is futile at this stage.

Zak Flaps

krissovo wrote: »

No, tell her to self isolate for 14 days as the damage is done. Giving out is futile at this stage.

ie, just stay in her bedroom?

ILoveYourVibes

Zak Flaps wrote: »

ie, just stay in her bedroom?

Yes. Or avoid others as much as she can. She can't go into work. I presume if she is going into work at this stage she is working with the public.

At the very least she has to avoid contact with your other flatmate.

1 sheep2

How long do you expect her to hold off from romantic engagements?

ILoveYourVibes

1 sheep2 wrote: »

How long do you expect her to hold off from romantic engagements?

For as long as everyone else has to. She is not special.

We are all in the same boat. She isn't being asked to give up anything we all are not being asked to.

croker99

Zak Flaps wrote: »

I didn't do anything.
I was just wondering if i should be angry....should i give out to her when i see her tomorrow?

Angry? Yes, if it angers you.

Give out? No. Talk like an adult to them? Yes.

Zak Flaps

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Yes. Or avoid others as much as she can. She can't go into work. I presume if she is going into work at this stage she is working with the public.

At the very least she has to avoid contact with your other flatmate.

Believe it or not, she's a nurse!
A research nurse so she's not on the front line as such treating bed bound patients. At the moment she's only in once a week, sometimes twice, but wears a mask etc if a patient comes in to see her.

ILoveYourVibes

The girl in question doesn't deserve abuse. But she has to self isolate and also inform her employer as to what she has done.

Hooking up with some guy she only met for the first time last week and again off out earlier tonight.

She has broken the lockdown rules at the very least twice now. If not more. And so has the guy she was with.

If she is going into work right now ..its likely she is working with the public. Some of whom will be shopping for those cocooning. Also very soon those cocooning will be shopping for themselves.

This isn't something you can bull****. Its a virus.

ILoveYourVibes

Zak Flaps wrote: »

Believe it or not, she's a nurse!
A research nurse so she's not on the front line as such treating bed bound patients. At the moment she's only in once a week, sometimes twice, but wears a mask etc if a patient comes in to see her.

That's a nightmare. I would report her. But at the same time she could lose her job or something ...i dunno what to tell you.

Zak Flaps

Thanks for input guys. The lockdown isn't easy and I myself may not work until January (when i work, there are large crowds)!
So i'm feeling a bit sh1t and just wondered was i thinking straight. I just needed to ask some people not connected for their opinions.
Thought i might have been overreacting a little but most of you think that she is in the wrong.

AllForIt

What has housemate 4 to say about all this?

Zak Flaps

AllForIt wrote: »

What has housemate 4 to say about all this?

Housemates 2/3/4/5 and 6 are all in bed!

snoopboggybog

Your in a bloody houseshare. You can't control your friends life.

If you don't like what your friend is doing move out.

Your friend can ride away once its in 5KM of where you live.

The joys of houseshares with strangers, thank feck those days are long gone..

Stop trying to control your friends life. If your friend worked in a meat factory or nursing home would you tell them to stop going to work where the virus is rampant?

ILoveYourVibes

I think a better way to go about it OP. Is to have a house meeting.


And come up with some house rules for the lockdown that will be agreed to in the best interests and health of everyone in the house. And that everyone will sign to and agree to.

ILoveYourVibes

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Stop trying to control your friends life.

This is a childish reaction. When you live with people you HAVE to let them have control of some aspects of your life. Just as sharing with a family you have to make adjustments.

If the housemate who went out wants to do as she please ..she can move out. Oh wait no she is still not meant to be doing that according to the lockdown set out by the govt.

snoopboggybog

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

This is a childish reaction. When you live with people you HAVE to let them have control of some aspects of your life. Just as sharing with a family you have to make adjustments.

If the housemate who went out wants to do as she please ..she can move out. Oh wait no she is still not meant to be doing that according to the lockdown set out by the govt.

Its not whatsoever, the person is paying rent.

The person can do what they please outside the house.

B.A._Baracus

You're not overreacting ...
But you house share so what can you do? (Apart from get your own space)

Here's a thing I learned: people will do what suits and benefits them. She don't give a sh*t about you or the other house mate. You're just acquaintances by circumstances.

Here's the kicker: if you started to do the same she'd probably kick up a stink. Such is life.

kwestfan08

What are you going to do, control when she can and can't get the ride? What does the asthmatic think of it all? If they aren't bothered I don't see why you should be.

if a person in a houseshare is particularly vulnerable they should be seriously looking at their options to not be in a houseshare for the present

if you are not that person then imo you have little business getting irked on their behalf

maybe a house meeting covering rules is a good idea, but i tend to agree at this stage that the longer this goes on the more relaxed things are going to get, and controlling others on an amateur basis is not going to be a practical answer

ILoveYourVibes

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Its not whatsoever, the person is paying rent.

The person can do what they please outside the house.

They can't break lockdown. They have to obey the lockdown rules as do we all.

Gemma O'Doherty and her crowd have had their day and were told no.

snoopboggybog

New houseshare rules by OP:

1) Everyone must be in bed by 9PM and sign a sheet before going to bed.
2) Door is barricaded at 9PM and only I can open it.
3) Though shall not go to Supermarket more than once a week.
4) I am doing a bed check at 9PM.
5) You are not allowed to stay out all night.

FFS

bb1234567

She is allowed to meet people from other households now, so she isn't doing anything wrong. The most you can do is ask her to please not meet people that she can't be sure do not have COVID, she is under no obligation to do as you say, youre just her housemate

She is not being considerate or thoughtful or caring, what she is doing is mean. But I wouldnt say she is in the wrong

snoopboggybog

The point i was trying to make that what your housemate does in their own personal time is none of your business.

Its one of the pitfalls of house sharing.

Your housemate could easily be within 5KM, sleeping on the persons couch and maintaining social distancing.

You are simply just speculating. Checking to see if their home is honestly weird.

Zak Flaps

snoopboggybog wrote: »

The point i was trying to make that what your housemate does in their own personal time is none of your business.

Its one of the pitfalls of house sharing.

Your housemate could easily be within 5KM, sleeping on the persons couch and maintaining social distancing.

You are simply just speculating. Checking to see if their home is honestly weird.

In most cases yes, it's none of my business. But with covid 19 and my other housemate (a good friend) being asthmatic, you can see my concern.
I know she was more than 5km away last week when she went on the date.
I never said I was checking to see if she was home. I'm positioned near the door so hear when anyone comes home.
Anyway, i'm done with this. I got a few opinions which is what i wanted.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

This thread is now in Personal Issues. Please read the Forum Charter here before posting.

I've editted some posts where they didn't fully meet the standards expected here and deleted those that were off topic or didn't meet the standards in their entirety.

HS

Away With The Fairies

[Deleted User] wrote: »

if a person in a houseshare is particularly vulnerable they should be seriously looking at their options to not be in a houseshare for the present

if you are not that person then imo you have little business getting irked on their behalf

maybe a house meeting covering rules is a good idea, but i tend to agree at this stage that the longer this goes on the more relaxed things are going to get, and controlling others on an amateur basis is not going to be a practical answer

The vulnerable should be looking at moving out??? The same thing can be said for the person carrying on meeting up with fellas... It's just a extra risk of catching this virus and bringing it into the house. It's selfish behaviour, they aren't going to die from not getting a ride.

That said I also live with an immunocompromised person and they are carrying on with life as well. I wish I was that easy going with this virus.

Dial Hard

What part of "You're not allowed into other people's houses" are people not getting about the current rules??? If I had a housemate who was overnighting elsewhere at the moment I wouldn't be a bit impressed either. Realistically, I'm not sure there's a whole lot the OP can do about it other than try to talk to her, but anyone trying to paint him as the asshole here is being obtuse at best and a bit of an asshole themselves at worst.

What the housemate is doing is dick behaviour, end of.

Away With The Fairies

Away With The Fairies wrote: »

The vulnerable should be looking at moving out??? The same thing can be said for the person carrying on meeting up with fellas... It's just a extra risk of catching this virus and bringing it into the house. It's selfish behaviour, they aren't going to die from not getting a ride.

That said I also live with an immunocompromised person and they are carrying on with life as well. I wish I was that easy going with this virus.

thats what i said, yes

if you are in a vulnerable minority of one out of a group of six, thats obvious, you should be looking at your mitigation first

Away With The Fairies

[Deleted User] wrote: »

thats what i said, yes

if you are in a vulnerable minority of one out of a group of six, thats obvious, you should be looking at your mitigation first

That's all fine... Except how much warning did we get on this pandemic? Enough to save up for a deposit for a new place on their own? If this vulnerable person got warning last year, I'm sure they would be fine now except we are two months in and alot of people who lost their jobs. And the person who's going out enjoying themselves is still working as a nurse!!! They have the money, so why can't they move out.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

thats what i said, yes

if you are in a vulnerable minority of one out of a group of six, thats obvious, you should be looking at your mitigation first

Firstly, the housemate is breaking lockdown rules. Going into a person's house isn't even allowed at the moment and two meters distancing outside. This is the reality of the rules. Also people violating the rules to this degree is something that can result in the lockdown being extended for the entire country.

As a person who is immunocompromised, I'm lucky enough to be living on my own. When I was living in Dublin, that was never an option. So fiscally it may not be an option for a person.

Being a vulnerable minority during a global pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands, it's reasonably to expect a bit of cop on and human decency.

Tork

This is the second time I've seen that horse manure claiming that "It's OK to ride away if they live within 5km" posted here in the past week. It isn't and it never was. The current regulation for meeting somebody outside one's own household is now "friends or family within 5 kilometres in groups of no more than 4, adhering to 2 metre social distancing".

As for what to do, there isn't a lot. This housemate knows exactly what the regulations are and she's ignoring them. Unless she happened to visit this guy's house twice and sat 2m away from him Even if somebody or everybody in the house has a word with her, it is not going to end well. She knows she's in the wrong but is more likely to double down and tell everyone to fck off than to admit she's wrong.
It is inconsiderate and irresponsible but some people are asshats. It's an absolute bummer that you're sharing a house with somebody like this. It opens up questions about how careful she is being in the rest of the house too. Is she changing out of her work clothes as soon as she gets home, for example? Is she washing her hands and observing good hygiene? Although your asthmatic housemate is the one at the most obvious risk from Covid-19, it could make any one of you very ill indeed. It would be prudent for all of you to be extra careful in the shared areas. Maybe get yourselves a spray bottle of household cleaner and kitchen roll and wipe down any surfaces you'll be using, just in case. Stay away from her when she is in the house and spend more time in your room. It is a crappy situation to be in but short of asking her to leave, I don't know what else you can do.

99nsr125

Yes, you are overreacting

Maybe it's jealousy
Unacknowledged attraction
or that gettin the ride is what you want too

Tokyo

Mod: 99nsr125 - read the forum charter before posting in PI/RI again. Your previous lost is well below the standards expected here.

ThewhiteJesus

Previous lost mmmm. Op not sure it’s your business unless it’s happening under your roof so be careful how you approach.

kwestfan08

I haven't seen the OP once say the person with asthma has a problem with her leaving the house?

Seems as if the OP is outraged on their behalf rather than the asthmatic saying they aren't happy.

Hotblack Desiato

snoopboggybog wrote: »

The person can do what they please outside the house.

Usually, yes.

Not now.

Nobody can.

weldoninhio

Zak Flaps wrote: »

So 6 of us share a house.
Last week one of the housemates went on a date and didn't come home until the next day.
Earlier tonight she didn't come home after work. I'd safely say she hooked up with the same guy as last week.

One of my other housemates has athasma and had pneumonia last year so is in a high risk category for covid 19....so i'm really angry that housemate 1 has done this. Hooking up with some guy she only met for the first time last week and again off out earlier tonight. What is this guy has covid 19, passes it onto her and brings it into the house putting housemate 2 in danger....
I think it is very selfish behaviour.

Am I overreacting?

Why is it any of your business?? If the asthmatic has an issue let her talk to the room mate. If not, butt out.

Hotblack Desiato

kwestfan08 wrote: »

I haven't seen the OP once say the person with asthma has a problem with her leaving the house?

So what? You'd think everyone who died was already at death's door (and therefore doesn't count, somehow) the way some clueless, selfish people are going on.

Hotblack Desiato

weldoninhio wrote: »

Why is it any of your business??

Ignorant behaviour that spreads a deadly disease is everyone's business.

kwestfan08

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

So what? You'd think everyone who died was already at death's door (and therefore doesn't count, somehow) the way some clueless, selfish people are going on.

So what? Just seems weird to take issue with her leaving to meet someone under the guise of feeling concerned for a housemate that we don't even know has a problem with her behaviour.

If the OP has a problem and looking for advice, that's fine but involving a 3rd party to have a wee rant about your one getting the ride just seems a bit......I don't know, curtain twitchy

weldoninhio

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Ignorant behaviour that spreads a deadly disease is everyone's business.

From the OP, the roommate hasn’t spread any disease. Seems like nosiness and jealousy.

Tork

weldoninhio wrote: »

From the OP, the roommate hasn’t spread any disease. Seems like nosiness and jealousy.

I think you need to brush up on your knowledge of Covid 19, how it is spread and how long it takes for symptoms to show.

bitofabind

kwestfan08 wrote: »

So what? Just seems weird to take issue with her leaving to meet someone under the guise of feeling concerned for a housemate that we don't even know has a problem with her behaviour.

I have a problem with this woman's behaviour and I have no relation to the OP and live in a different country. It really is the most telling time in our lifetime when you see people throwing guidelines that are designed to preserve human life out the window and doing whatever the fcuk they want.

Download any dating app right now and before you even message someone you get a notification about safety guidelines from the WHO and "Dating from Home." Unless any of the "let her do what she wants" brigade here are qualified epidemiologists with deeply researched information to the contrary, going on dates and getting the ride with someone outside your household and then taking yourself off to work with the general public and back to a flat share of 6 is downright selfish, irresponsible and disease-spreading behaviour.

Once again, we are in the middle of a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Monitoring others' behaviours six months ago might've been nosy and "curtain-twitchy". Right now it is necessary and entirely understandable.

weldoninhio

Tork wrote: »

I think you need to brush up on your knowledge of Covid 19, how it is spread and how long it takes for symptoms to show.

Our chief medical officer has stated that “we have effectively extinguished Covid-19 in the community”. I’m sure they’ll be grand.

weldoninhio

weldoninhio wrote: »

Our chief medical officer has stated that “we have effectively extinguished Covid-19 in the community”. I’m sure they’ll be grand.

The official stance of the CMO is that social distancing is still necessary. So it's not a question of choosing what suits you. The majority of us are still distanced from our own family members. So I would say the op's concern is legitimate.

weldoninhio

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The official stance of the CMO is that social distancing is still necessary. So it's not a question of choosing what suits you. The majority of us are still distanced from our own family members. So I would say the op's concern is legitimate.

All it is though, is a concern. There is absolutely NOTHING she can do about it.

Hotblack Desiato

Yes, there is something she can do about it, she can follow the bloody rules.