Have you ever been in a fight

21-04-2020 10:00am

Not many but more than I would like to have been in. Thankfully all went my way. As much to do with their inebriation as it was to do with any training I have had probably. Even with training anything can go wrong in a fight. So I am glad that nearly all of them were with people too drunk to hold themselves at all well.

The posts above saying you should avoid it if at all possible - even if you imagine your pride is at stake - or to use just the minimum level of violence/force to get you into a position to retreat - would generally get my vote.

AllForIt · 21-04-2020 10:11am

Yes once in the first month of secondary school.

The guy ended up playing GAA for the senior team.

Guess who lost?

Russell D. Woodcock · 21-04-2020 11:35am

Dear reader,

I've been in more fights than I can count. It's never my intention, and I've always done everything in my power to avoid confrontation where I find it. My first reaction to the sign of trouble is to run. If running isn't an option, I'll do whatever I can to stack the odds in my favour. The Russler is certainly not above dirty tricks. A solid kick to a man's tender area will drop even the most able of opponents. But scampering to the horizon is always the first priority.

I've travelled the globe, firstly as a charity worker in the 70s and then as a International Development consultant through the 80s and 90s. Finding oneself in a bind in the less civilized part of the globe is almost an inevitability - particularly, if like me, your most base instincts sometimes take precedence over common sense and good judgement.

A good example is back in '84 when I was working as an agricultural consultant trying to teach the Maasai herdsman of the Kenyan Maasai Mara the benefits of good irrigation, plant husbandry and selling them fertilizer. A completely stupid and pointless mission, as the Maasai are notoriously stubborn and indolent fellows but the compensation for me was considerable and I needed out of that sweltering, smelly cesspit of Lagos so I jumped on the opportunity.

I was teamed up with a Polish horticulturalist called Tomasz and a Kenyan translator whose name I have forgotten. I spent long weeks lounging around that dry and dusty camp - being rebuffed and laughed at by those lanky herdsmen. I gave up trying to teach them anything after 4 days and retired mostly to my tent to read. Tomasz God bless him was more determined and continued to give his lessons each morning, scrawling drawings of rivers and aquifers in the dirt.

I joined the young men in herding cattle once or twice but that got a damn sight boring very quickly in the heat of the Kenyan sun. I did however notice a few of the young women eyeing up this dashing blue-eyed young fellow with a head of thick wavy blonde hair when we were back in the camp. Most of them were unspeakably ugly, but being isolated and celibate for weeks will warp a man's otherwise functioning brain and make him have wicked and immoral thoughts.

I won't go in to the lurid details but I found a willing partner, a girl with short cropped fuzzy hair, dark eyes, ears which stuck out from the side of her head and large gap in her teeth. Her skin was a shade lighter than most of the others, but was more black than brown. Through the clear lucidity of hindsight I can see she was not the finest specimen Old Russ has done the rumpy pumpy with, but she seemed very passable at the time. We couldn't speak a word to each other but she knew well what the Russler was after and seemed more than pleased to provide.

All was going well and I was actually starting to enjoy the time on the Maasai plains when one day I could see the young girl sobbing and her mother shouting angrily at her. I hadn't a clue what they were saying, but you don't need to be a linguist to understand that this was very bad news for Russell D. Woodcock. I started to gather up my things so I could make a quick exit stage left. I had the jeep filled with my possessions when an angry group of young men and elders started to gather around. Every one of them were taller than 6ft and and I could see their white eyes popping from their heads with anger.

I wasn't quick enough and realised there was no way I could escape in time. The translator let us know that the young girl had been defiled by one of the white men. There was shouts about honour and dowries and justice being called for. Spears were being banged on the ground and all eyes were fixed on me and Tomasz. I quickly noted they hadn't said which of the two white men was responsible. So thinking quickly, I punched Tomasz as hard as I could in the jaw, knocking him for six. I called him a damned dirty dog and threw him limp and disorientated in to the group of Maasai. In the distraction I hopped in the Land Rover, kicked it in to action and sped off leaving a long trail of dust in my wake.

The road back to Nairobi was long and bumpy but uneventful. I collected both my own and Tomasz's payments from the development office and headed for a ice cold gin and tonic on the veranda of the Fairview Hotel - I felt absolutely capital, there's nothing like emerging from a tricky situation unscathed to make you appreciate the finer things in life.

Yours in cowardice,

Russell D. Woodcock

funkey_monkey · 21-04-2020 1:26pm

kowloon wrote: »

I almost got kicked out of school for fighting. I was eventually kicked out, but that was for dating a student.

Were you the teacher!?!

posturingpat · 21-04-2020 1:53pm

In plenty of fights growing up, through childhood and teenage years, lived in a rather large housing estate and fights amongst ourselves were the norm really, particularly for me as I was the oldest in the family and had my brothers come running to me whenever older kids were picking on them,never realized there'd be people that actually were never in a fight.
I kind of got myself a reputation as being well able to handle myself so as I got older and started going out in town for nights out I'd never have any hassle from the local "hardmen", unlike a friend of mine who would be rather timid.
We were walking home one night after a few beers and a couple of the local wannabe hardmen,you know the lads, 19 years old,selling a few pills,peak cap on,looking for a scrap with anyone they felt they could intimidate.
We walked past and the lads said something to my buddy, calling him a ****** or something pleasant like that, we both walked on and paid no heed. Next thing the main man if you want to call him that started shouting about my pals mother who wasn't well at the time, I was getting well pissed off but before I could think my pal was sprinting back to them grabbed the antagonist,knocked him to the ground with a slap and had him on the ground and hit him at least 4 or 5 punches before I got to him and dragged him off. Not one of the other lads in the group even tried to get involved ,shows how biga ****es they really are.
No more bad manners for him either from there on in 😂

Blaze420 · 21-04-2020 2:06pm

Had a few minor scraps in my school years but only 2 major fights in my adult life.

1st one was a guy who thought he was hilarious following myself and my wife down the road, making comments about her weight. Handed her my house keys and phone, turned back up the path and bate him for a full minute solid before I threw him head first through the window of a florist. Perfect timing from the Gardai to show up of course and that ended up a costly lesson.

2nd one was 3 guys out looking for trouble while I was on a night out with my brother and one of the lads. We met them twice during the night moving between pubs and both times, the ring leader who had the fattest head I have ever seen was making smart comments to "keep walking". Met them again at the end of the night and while walking past, fat head did that thing where you lunge at someone without doing anything. Unfortunately for him he got the dirtiest crunchiest uppercut I've ever thrown, nearly certain it shattered half the teeth in his mouth. Fat head is out cold on the ground and his 2 buddies run in throwing ridiculous swings and kicks that are going nowhere. The first guy I caught got a knee in to his face and lay on the ground crying clutching his head. The 3rd fella got 2 good punches to the skull and ran like a bitch.

Better Than Christ · 21-04-2020 2:34pm

Feisar wrote: »

Violence has solved like 90% of the world's problems though.

Say that to my fucking face and we'll see what we can solve.

Arghus · 21-04-2020 4:57pm

I was in one or two in primary school. More pushing and shouting than actual fighting. There wasn't really all that much fighting in my school.

I wasn't in any fights during secondary school. I remember the odd one here and there - sudden outbursts of punching and flaking between some lads.

But, yeah, I was a few back in the days of going out drinking in my early twenties. These days I couldn't be arsed, but you've just got more energy for that kind of nonsense when you're younger, dumber and - most crucially - drunk.

I can say honestly I never started a fight. I'm not the biggest guy so there would be no point in it. I remember one where I was essentially too drunk to throw a punch and the other guy just kept punching me in the face repeatedly. Thankfully I was so drunk that I couldn't really feel it, but I was pretty worried the next day when all my teeth in my gums rattled and moved about like the beads on a chandelier anytime that I opened my mouth. I went to the dentist and told him that I'd "fell", even though my mouth would have looked like a textbook example of an item after receiving multiple blows. He said my gums were swollen and I should just keep an eye out for the teeth possibly going black once the swelling went down and then there was a chance they'd have to be removed. I still have my teeth.

I wonder what it's like out there now for guys in the 18-23/24 age bracket. Are they beating the heads off each other? They all seem to be half a foot taller than the average similar aged guy of even ten years ago and built like absolute brick shithouses. I presume they are all as equally as dumb and full of beans as we were at that age and even more drugged up too. Surely they must be scrapping like crazy. Then again I think that they're probably more image conscious, so fighting mightn't be the biggest attraction, because you could ruin the paintwork.

Blaze420 · 21-04-2020 5:09pm

Arghus wrote: »

I wonder what it's like out there now for guys in the 18-23/24 age bracket. Are they beating the heads off each other? They all seem to be half a foot taller than the average similar aged guy of even ten years ago and built like absolute brick shithouses. I presume they are all as equally as dumb and full of beans as we were at that age and even more drugged up too. Surely they must be scrapping like crazy. Then again I think that they're probably more image conscious, so fighting mightn't be the biggest attraction, because you could ruin the paintwork.

They might be built but they can’t fight for ****, it’s like watching someone doing a charade of UFC. All feet and weaving and then they end up slapping each other with fingers cos nobody can throw a punch

Bobblehats · 21-04-2020 5:11pm

Was on one particularly arduous journey that required three stopovers

Woke Hogan · 21-04-2020 5:55pm

I haven't been in a fight in decades, since I left school. The closest was when I ran into the Sunday Independent journalist Barry Egan and my wife had to stop me from approaching him and offering to meet him outside. I'm not proud of myself but there you go. I really hate that man.

Woke Hogan · 21-04-2020 6:02pm

Take The Black Pill wrote: »

He sleep with your wife or something?

No.

Still waters · 21-04-2020 6:20pm

Purple Mountain wrote: »

No, I'm not a scumbag.

In your opinion

YFlyer · 21-04-2020 10:27pm

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I haven't been in a fight in decades, since I left school. The closest was when I ran into the Sunday Independent journalist Barry Egan and my wife had to stop me from approaching him and offering to meet him outside. I'm not proud of myself but there you go. I really hate that man.

I bet a few have almost fought Dave Savage on the streets.

storker · 21-04-2020 10:54pm

Lots. All at school. My problem was that I couldn't just let name-calling or abuse go, and had to give it back (usually better than I got), and of course a thumping would inevitably follow. I would fight back of course, but ineffectively, so I would lose...then rinse and repeat. In primary school two of my classmates enjoyed waiting for every day over a period of weeks on the way home. I can remember how it made me feel then but in reality it was just a few not-very-well-delivered thumps and it was the blow to pride and self-esteem that hurt most. I know there are many who have suffered far worse at the hands of bullies.

But there was one that I won. For some reason this guy, who was what we would have called at the time "a bit of a girly-boy" started to have a go at me. This was in 6th class and it just happened once or twice before I stopped it. He fought by slapping and shin-kicking but got away with it because he was a lot taller than me. Then something snapped. He started on me just outside the doors of the school as we were all leaving for the day. I don't know what I did, but it must have been fast because the next thing I knew I had one hand on or near his throat with him bent backwards over a low wall, me with my fist drawn back to my ear ready to drive it into his face...and someone grabbed my fist and stopped me with an "Ah come on lads." It was another guy from my class, a tough enough guy but not a bully. I gave him a look that said "Don't ruin this for me" but he wasn't having it. Fight over. I was more annoyed with the fight-stopper than the wannabe bully (the F-S is a blacksmith now I think, and made a lot of the weapons for Game of Thrones; the wannabe bully is dead), but that was the end of that little bullying campaign. Fcuk all of them. Nearly half a century later I still wouldn't give any of them the time of day if I met them (that doesn't include the F-S of course).

I've seen some fights, though, since I worked part-time in a pub during my teens, and what struck me is the speed at which they happen. It's so unlike the carefully choreographed and slower-moving fights in movies and television. It's more like watching cats fighting. One minute it's facing-off and yowling, and in a fraction of a second they're rolling around clawiing and biting and you never noticed the transition.

And the cats are even worse.

Sherry Baby · 21-04-2020 10:58pm

Got into a fight twice as a teenager. I won both times. :cool:

Have you ever been in a fight

Comments