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What's the etiquette here??

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    #4562
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    Jaysus, just wait until some posters here find out about fanny farts :pac:

    I believe they call it a “queef” but that applies only to trapped air escaping from the “gooter”, itself. This, commonly, occurs when engaged in such positions as “doggy fashion” or “the rifleman”.

    However, the “fanny fart”, technically, is a very different “beast”. The true “fanny fart” is caused when a lady is sitting in such a way that the fart can’t escape the usual route, out the back, betwixt the cheeks, as it were, and is forced up, frontally, and goes up through the “beef curtains” causing anything from a distinct ripple to, full on, a-flappin’.

    It’s similar to when a guy farts when sitting back and the gas escapes up along the side of the “ball sac”. A curious feeling but, one would have to concede, not nearly as curious as the, real, “fanny fart”.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4563
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,185 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Eh, lads, that's the Sunday Sport you're looking at, the eggplant story is made up!

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #4564
    Fccwontletmebe
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 75 ✭✭Fccwontletmebe




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    #4565
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    Stretched out my ringpiece with a grainy and gravelly stream of solid just now.

    Made the mistake of having a shower straight afterwards and the fent scaled up something horrid. Smelt like a week old bag of sick or a corpse writhing with maggots in a boggy ditch. Took the horn straight off me so I switched on the Bluetooth speaker and listened to Informer by Snow as I ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my firm fleshy buttocks.

    It's the chinese takeaways, 3-in-1s, bulgar, buckwheat and pearl barley I've been eating recently along with a prodigious volume of stout. Excrement pours out shapelessly like cement or deep brown sorbet.

    When I do drop an actual turd it decomposes in the basin quickly leaving kernels and bits of sawdust bobbing in the water alongside gooey membranes and strings of gunk which turn the water a rich and tawny colour.


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    #4566
    Fireball81
    Registered Users Posts: 412 ✭✭Fireball81


    Embarrassing earlier today (well for a minute), flew over to London for work with Ryanair.

    Mid air my stomach started gurgling had an emergency dump but by **** did it smell. Also runny bits stuck to the bowl as its air flushing not water

    A nice young looking polish (I think) girl had to go in after me.....ran up the aisle to take my seat quickly so she couldn't spot me.


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    #4567
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    Particularly odious scene when I examined the bowl after another deposit a few minutes ago. Looked like an underwater plantation of rancid brown broccoli, miniature trees wavering slightly with the tide, morbid, tawny stems and branches, all uniform in colour, foreboding, evil, brown tenderstems.


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    #4568
    Dr Strange
    Registered Users Posts: 3,427 ✭✭✭Dr Strange


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Particularly odious scene when I examined the bowl after another deposit a few minutes ago. Looked like an underwater plantation of rancid brown broccoli, miniature trees wavering slightly with the tide, morbid, tawny stems and branches, all uniform in colour, foreboding, evil, brown tenderstems.

    Quite Lovecraftian there, old chap.


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    #4569
    KimWexler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭KimWexler


    This thread is so juvenile, there are posters here leaving the restroom with lower IQs than when they went in.


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    #4570
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I know I shouldn't, I'm supposed to find you all dreadfully disgusting creatures. And yet. Here I am, a lady, sniggering away to some of your pooetic descriptions of bowel relieving.


    :D


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    #4571
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I know I shouldn't, I'm supposed to find you all dreadfully disgusting creatures. And yet. Here I am, a lady, sniggering away to some of your pooetic descriptions of bowel relieving.


    :D

    I took a dump. Named it Trump. One got the hump.


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    #4572
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I took a dump. Named it Trump. One got the hump.

    Hmmm that's not pooetic at all at all Bertie.
    Go write it again using flowery language.


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    #4573
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I hope none of you dimwits and deviants are thinking of taking part in the Eggplant Challenge.

    99539-EF6-2-E24-4-CD0-9-C66-BD5-BEAEEB150.jpg

    Brendan has been pretty quiet for the past few days so he might have already attempted it......

    Sounds like something that lad that was scuttering in a potty in the bedroom would try - then use the eggplant for a salad for the inlaws at the weekend.


    filthy kernt


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    #4574
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I hope none of you dimwits and deviants are thinking of taking part in the Eggplant Challenge.

    99539-EF6-2-E24-4-CD0-9-C66-BD5-BEAEEB150.jpg

    Brendan has been pretty quiet for the past few days so he might have already attempted it......


    Is that Shaun Ryder?


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    #4575
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    Reminds me of that atheist that was popular for a while. Big fat fellah that poured hot wax on his nips and crammed bananas up his hole in his spare time.


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    #4576
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Reminds me of that atheist that was popular for a while. Big fat fellah that poured hot wax on his nips and crammed bananas up his hole in his spare time.

    Michael McShane?

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4577
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    Michael McShane?

    Think so, yes.


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    #4578
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,142 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Reminds me of that atheist that was popular for a while. Big fat fellah that poured hot wax on his nips and crammed bananas up his hole in his spare time.[/QUOTE]

    Must have had them in the freezer or had the drawstring on a ‘loose setting’

    Filthy kernt.


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    #4579
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Must have had them in the freezer or had the drawstring on a ‘loose setting’

    Filthy kernt.

    Would also depend on the ripeness of the banana Brendan, I'd imagine.


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    #4580
    Dardania
    Registered Users Posts: 3,612 ✭✭✭Dardania


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Would also depend on the ripeness of the banana Brendan, I'd imagine.

    Fairly ripe on the return I suspect


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    #4581
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,142 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Dardania wrote: »
    Fairly ripe on the return I suspect

    Be very surprised if there was a ‘return’ D.

    Forgot to ask, would she be peeled or unpeeled.


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    #4582
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Be very surprised if there was a ‘return’ D.

    Forgot to ask, would she be peeled or unpeeled.

    Unpeeled Brendan. Big flabby arse on the fellah too so maybe he was only plunging the top inch and half in and out of his moist brown buttonhole, the rounded end rather than the rough fibrous stem I expect. It's the soft, sensitive, whimpering moans the fat man made during penetration that have stayed with me in all their horrid glory all these years later though. Best advertisment for a strict Catholic upbringing I ever saw.


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    #4583
    Fccwontletmebe
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 75 ✭✭Fccwontletmebe


    Anyone want a few Dangleberries on their ice cream, or a bit of custard maybe?

    Their home made.


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    #4584
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,142 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Unpeeled Brendan. Big flabby arse on the fellah too so maybe he was only plunging the top inch and half in and out of his moist brown buttonhole, the rounded end rather than the rough fibrous stem I expect. It's the soft, sensitive, whimpering moans the fat man made during penetration that have stayed with me in all their horrid glory all these years later though. Best advertisment for a strict Catholic upbringing I ever saw.

    She’s taken another lurch, I fear, as the lad said..


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    #4585
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Fccwontletmebe wrote: »
    Anyone want a few Dangleberries on their ice cream, or a bit of custard maybe?

    Their home made.

    Get out you heathen, and learn to spell.


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    #4586
    recyclebin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,502 ✭✭✭recyclebin


    Thought this thread was about toilet etiquette, not the weird stuff some of yee get up to in the bedroom.

    Anyway, back on topic. Is there anything more filthy than the handle of the toilet brush. They're normally located right in the splash zone behind the toilet. Then when one fails to hit the target of the bowl or when the stream doesn't come out in one uniform flow it gets a direct hit.


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    #4587
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,185 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    It's the soft, sensitive, whimpering moans the fat man made during penetration that have stayed with me in all their horrid glory all these years later though.

    Hey whatever you want to watch to get your jollies is your own business, not something for this thread though.
    Best advertisment for a strict Catholic upbringing I ever saw.

    Something to prepare for the banana?

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #4588
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Unpeeled Brendan. Big flabby arse on the fellah too so maybe he was only plunging the top inch and half in and out of his moist brown buttonhole, the rounded end rather than the rough fibrous stem I expect. It's the soft, sensitive, whimpering moans the fat man made during penetration that have stayed with me in all their horrid glory all these years later though. Best advertisment for a strict Catholic upbringing I ever saw.

    :( Even for this thread ....


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    #4589
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    :( Even for this thread ....

    I know, right?

    Everyone knows that the most deviant debauchery doesn’t come out of an atheist upbringing, it’s the strict religious one that breed the real “creative” stuff.

    One swallow does not a summer make.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4590
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Was up Nordie way a while back on important company business and after negotiations concluded the chit chat turned to sh1ttery /toilet etiquette and other important topics of the day.

    My Nordie customer told he was minded of the day when he "spundered" a blast of loose sh1te in the company traps which hit the back of the pan like a can of picked whelks.

    I thought the expression "Spundered" was very descriptive and I reciprocated with a couple of stories in which the words "Fent" and "Midden" featured strongly.

    He was very taken with these descriptives and said he was delighted to have them added to his sh1ttery vocab...as apparently it's not easy to identify genuine scat fans north of the border.

    A very profitable business day I may add.......


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    #4591
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,789 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »
    Was up Nordie way a while back on important company business and after negotiations concluded the chit chat turned to sh1ttery /toilet etiquette and other important topics of the day.

    My Nordie customer told he was minded of the day when he "spundered" a blast of loose sh1te in the company traps which hit the back of the pan like a can of picked whelks.

    I thought the expression "Spundered" was very descriptive and I reciprocated with a couple of stories in which the words "Fent" and "Midden" featured strongly.

    He was very taken with these descriptives and said he was delighted to have them added to his sh1ttery vocab...as apparently it's not easy to identify genuine scat fans north of the border.

    A very profitable business day I may add.......

    Being a nordie myself Nev I've been delighted to follow this thread and to slip a few of these great descriptive words into my vocabulary.

    Rural tyrone folk would also have a few of their own.

    "The runs"....the skitter, the scour, tar, burnt gravy, black gold.

    "Regular toilet use"...I have to bale. I'm away to tip the cart. I've cable to lay.

    If you fart you can follow up with "speak now you're through Mrs Brown"...."that yoke is working fierce well since I got her fixed"..."bit more choke and she'll start".

    Feel free to use away at them.


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