Your most braindead dumbest moment?

I’m not sure if this could be considered brain dead dumb due to my age or more doing what your big brother said with no questions asked.

I was 6 and my brother was 8 and we were brought to the circus. Both of our favourite act by far was a group of knife throwers dressed up as Apache Indians with all the hand mouth bopping and regular sound effects.

When we got home my brother said to me that he had the best idea ever. He asked me did I want to perform throwing with him like in the circus. Obviously I was jumping up and down happy that my brother wanted to play with me and the fact we were going to be the lads in the circus.

Ever the safety conscious he quickly said we obviously can’t do it with knives as that would be too dangerous. I hadn’t thought about that but was bowing down to his obvious health and safety knowledge. This is when I shouldn’t have been so trusting. He goes to the hot press and comes back with one fcuck screw driver where the shaft was about 9 inches long. It was a flat head. It gets worse.

He said we needed a target. I just stood there impressed with the knowledge of the requirements. I shouldn’t have been impressed. He rips an A4 sheet from a refill pad and carefuly sketches out a bullseye target. He presents it to me and asks me to hold it just below my chin. He had a tie tied around his head as some sort of headless, took a number of steps back. I was standing there feeling nothing but excitement about what was going to happen next. He took aim by c,isinglass one eye carefully...recreated the sound effects that we heard. I even chime in by chanting Hiawatha. And then...fcuck. The screw driver was thrown into the side of my head and didn’t come out. That’s when the blood started closely followed by 2 young boys blood curdling screams. Parents rushed to the room to see me with a screwdriver hanging out of my head, my brother with a tie on his and me still holding the A4 bullseye target under my chin as instructed.

5 or 6 stitches later and bald patch on the side of my head where no hair ever grew back 35 years later makes me often wonder has any other kids ever tried that.

A brilliant story! Gave me a good chuckle!

Out in a restaurant with parents and sister circa 1985 as a young fella.

Meal arrived..chips and whatever it was. I promptly grabbed the salt shaker and gave the chips a good lashing of salt. But unfortunately it was the sugar shaker. Meal absolutely ruined.

No replacement meal or bollocking from the old man. Nobody I mean nobody in the family shared their meal with me and left me sitting there starving while the rest ate their meals without even batting an eyelid.

I genuinely think I am emotionally scarred from this episode as I remember it so clearly- being abandoned and made to suffer. Plus to this day I am still wary of salt shakers. I can still taste chips and sugar- not good.

In Yankee Candle looking for a car air freshener. Unlike the candles, the air fresheners are sealed. I pick out one and was wandering around sniffing various jars as you do.

Approached by the sales assistant who asked me if I needed help. This always flusters me so I replied with the first thing I could think of:

"what does this smell like?" says I, holding up the leather scented air freshener.

She looked at me like she'd encountered the stupidest person on the planet and replied "er...Leather..?"

I'm such a dope.

Martha Poor Octagon wrote: »

The bar for stupid questions to retail workers is so high/low, I wouldn't worry about it

Oddly I do find that comforting :pac:

Started working in the kitchen of a gastropub when i was 17 , lots of staff around the same age......i was nervous & shy , cracker of a waitress asks me to pass her a pepper , " a pepper?" eh ok ... so I wander into the kitchen and reappear with a red bell pepper....she looked at me in amazement on my return and asks the barman to pass her the pepper shaker I was standing beside so she can continue setting tables......

Yea great first day lol...

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Years ago I ended up in a lock in with a friend of a friend, when we bumped into three women that he knew. We had a fantastic night, and one of the ladies who was attractive, intelligent, and possessed of a great sense of humour, actually seemed kind of interested in me. Somehow despite being quite drunk already, I became so obsessed with getting another drink as the bar staff were finishing up, that I didn't notice them leave.

I hope it was at least partially because I was quite drunk already...

Very similar situation about 20 years ago. Staying in a hotel for 1 night abroad before traveling on elsewhere. That evening started chatting to this fellow traveler- she was Australian but half Arab so really exotic and stunning. She was on her own and she kinda hung around with me.

By an amazing coincidence a few hours later I bumped into a few lads I knew very well from University so of course being Irish lads in the US we went on the piss. The Aussie girl happily tagged along.

So anyway a few hours passed in this bar and the girl said she was tired and was going to head back to the hotel but she absolutely insisted I walk her back. I was having great craic with the lads and really didnt want to leave my beers but I relented.

I couldn't get her back quick enough and basically dumped her in the foyer- she even asked me to walk her to her room and come in for a chat but I said "Oh no I better get back to the guys."

Arrived back in the bar and the guys were: "WTF are you doing back?" and spent the next few hours ripping the piss our of me for not picking up the signals. The penny dropped. She was on for a night of passion and I blew it off for a few beers with the lads...:(

Of course about 3 more hours of beering I decided to be a great idea altogether to try a retrieve the situation by banging on her door at 4am like a complete drunken tit. She was polite but it was a big huge PFO.

Next morning at breakfast I kept my distance out of embarrassment.