Your most braindead dumbest moment?

Huntergonzo · 01-02-2020 11:41PM

I locked my car key in the boot of my car straight after passing my driving test. Looked I was breaking into someone elses car at the test centre.....say they were delighted they passed me :-)

Cutie 3.14 · 01-02-2020 11:59PM

Anyone else ever have moment of panic when you cant find your car keys and realise 10 mins later they've been in your hand the whole time...

Carry · 02-02-2020 12:01AM

I'm glad I'm not the only idiot ...

Once upon a time I had a very old light fitting in the bathroom, one with a light tube to be put into clamps on each end.

The light tube was new, but didn't work, so I thought I might check if the clamps are tight enough and grapped them with both hands at each end.

I nearly flew out the window....

Huntergonzo · 02-02-2020 12:10AM

Cutie 3.14 wrote: »

Anyone else ever have moment of panic when you cant find your car keys and realise 10 mins later they've been in your hand the whole time...

Do it with the tv remote all the time.

Samsgirl · 02-02-2020 12:10AM

Parked in Tramore one summers day. Put a ticket on the dashboard so all legal and above board. Then in my infinite wisdom, I put a silver screen on the windscreen to keep the car cool for the day. Yeah, I got a parking ticket from the warden.
In fairness I took photos of my stupidity, pleaded my case and they quashed the ticket.

Cody montana · 02-02-2020 12:13AM

Work colleague in London, her husband died in car crash in Poland.
They were having a memorial mass in Ealing at 9.
The entire mass was in a polish, so so couldn’t understand anything and I couldn’t see anyone from work.
Was complaining at work it was disgraceful that no one else turned up.
They then said they were all there.
It was 9pm on Saturday and I had turned up at 9am Sunday.
They all laughed at me.

Snotty · 02-02-2020 12:19AM

I once tried to park in a parking space that already had a car in it.

heldel00 · 02-02-2020 12:31AM

First time in Starbucks.
Delighted with myself because I thought yer man working fancied me. Flirted my arse off until I copped the whole "can I get your name" codology.

reap-a-rat · 02-02-2020 01:12AM

I have an unusual surname. Was making small talk with a car salesman. He asked my name, I told him I was Jane Doe. He said "Oh really, are you anything to the Does there on the right hand side just outside X village?" Says I, "Jesus, I thought I was related to all the Does but I have no clue who you are on about, I mustn't know them at all."

Boyfriend pipes up, absolutely gobsmacked and says "Jane, that's your house..."

Bobblehats · 02-02-2020 01:19AM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Drunkenly falling asleep with a fan heater on on my bed when I was 18. I woke up the next morning and it was still on but covered by the duvet and my shin was quite badly blistered by being pushed against the heater face for hours.

Why don’t you make it a candle?

And wake up with your bed on fire and the flames licking your face; like I did. Of course our first instinct is to put it out with our hands but a cautionary tale no less..

Purple Mountain · 02-02-2020 01:20AM

Buying my first car, I secured a loan for 6k.
I went alone to a car sales place, totally green.
The slick sales guy asked me what my budget was when I saw the car I was interested in.
'6k' I blurt 'how much is this one?'
'6k' was the answer of course.
In fairness, I was 20.

The Royal Scam · 02-02-2020 01:30AM

Struggled for too many minutes trying to put a really fancy aerodynamic cycling hat on in a bike shop one day. It didn't fit.
Shop had some cool saddle covers though.....

uch · 02-02-2020 01:32AM

For me, and I've posted this before, thinking witch hazel would easy my bum grapes, lads this is like sticking weapons grade chilli peppers up yer jaxie, I had to stand in a pool for 4 hours with me cheeks apart to resolve the issue

pavb2 · 02-02-2020 01:49AM

Had a dental appointment and took my daughter along with me for company, the receptionist confirmed my appointment and handed me two sky blue, disposable protective hair nets. I put mine on my head, it was a bit small but I managed to stretch it to make it fit, I handed the other one to my daughter who stuck hers in her pocket and we sat down in the waiting room ready for me to be called in.

Dentist came out from the surgery about 15 minutes later and gave me a funny look . . . it was then I noticed the blue overshoe covers on his feet.

BeerWolf · 02-02-2020 06:59AM

Jet Skiing, in my teens, while towing my sister on skis. Looking back I saw her waving her hands. Thought she wanted me to go faster. Looking back still, she was waving faster to which I obliged...

Then it hit me.

I crashed right into the banks. She was warning me.

joeguevara · 02-02-2020 07:27AM

While in University in Cork, two of us were invited to a birthday party in a College apartment in UL. My mate had a car so we drove up. Spent two days on the session. At some stage I had lost my glasses but it barely registered as the drink was making me see double anyway. After the second night with no sleep it was time to go back to Cork. My mate announced that he was going to stay one more night. I needed to get back to Cork so he said he would drop me to the train station.

This was in 1998, well before SatNavs and the two of us without a clue how to get to the station. I told him to stop at a shop and I’d get directions. Jumped out of the car, barely able to see without glasses and with a hangover from hell. Shopkeeper told me where to go but we were cutting it fine to get their on time.

I ran out of the shop. Jumped into the passenger seat. In a booming voice said ‘straight on and fcucking step on it’. When the car didn’t move I turned to ask what the problem was. Instead of my mate, I was face to face with a fragile white haired old lady with a look of abject fear on her face. She was full sure she was either getting kidnapped or the car was getting hijacked. I looked through the back window, to see my mate in the car behind creased over double in convulsions if laughter. Apologised to the lady for my outburst and made my way to the correct car behind.

Not having glasses when you are incredibly short sighted sucked.

Deja Boo · 02-02-2020 07:58AM

Brillant thread !

...when I narrow down the long list of my dumbest moments, I shall post

keyboard_cat · 02-02-2020 08:39AM

I didn’t realize Down syndrome was a thing. I just thought people I saw with it were all members of the same family.
I was 16 when I found out this was not the case

paul71 · 02-02-2020 02:41PM

Walking down the street with my head down. Walked into a telegraph pole, and apologised to the pole.

Porklife · 02-02-2020 02:49PM

matchthis wrote: »

Filling out online application for driving licence for my friend

Name : John Smith
Street name : Johno
House number : 6

Broke out laughing when reading over it on the make sure your info is correct page... street name, first time I saw it like that

Haha reminds me of filling in my visa to go to Australia. A bunch of us were sitting in the local all filling in the form. It gets to date of birth and the format is day/month/year. I'm like...day? How the hell am I supposed to know what day I was born on? I'm just gonna put down Wednesday. Hang on, I can't fit Wednesday on that small line...I'll just put Wed.
My friend looked up and said I don't think you'll make it to Australia
ðŸ˜Š

02-02-2020 02:56PM

uch wrote: »

For me, and I've posted this before, thinking witch hazel would easy my bum grapes, lads this is like sticking weapons grade chilli peppers up yer jaxie, I had to stand in a pool for 4 hours with me cheeks apart to resolve the issue

I will never be able to not picture this when I see your username. I'm just concerned about what pool you were standing in :P

I've done a lot of stupid things without thinking, it'd be hard to choose one. I asked my dog to hand me my reading glasses yesterday, so that's the most recent.

blade1 · 02-02-2020 03:05PM

I may have posted this before but anyway.

Had a stye in my eye which I had drops for in a white bottle with a blue cap.
Left on the mantle piece.

At the same time my other half's son had a veruca.

Came down stairs one morning and just grabbed the bottle as usual and poured it into my eye.
Yep,think hot poker into the eye.

The young fella had got stuff for burning off verucas and left the almost identical bottle on the mantle piece.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 02-02-2020 03:07PM

Slipping into a false sense of complacency and laziness which I now regret.

blade1 · 02-02-2020 03:09PM

Just thought of another one...
In town one day...in and out of a few shops...up and down the street a couple times....
Looked down and realised I had one black Adidas runner and a blue kinda suede shoe on...
Morto!!! :pac:

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 02-02-2020 03:38PM

I was about 16, looking through the bookshelves in the upstairs hall. The wall there is just plaster board and my eye just kept being drawn to it.

I wonder, I thought, if I could kick a hole through that. Surely not.

So I stood back and kicked it as hard as I could.

And that's the story of how my mother heard a big crash, came out to the hall to find me with my foot stuck in the wall about 2 or 3 ft off the ground, asked me why in the fcuk I did that and had me very truthfully answer "I don't know".

God there's just some bits of your brain are not fully online at that age.

Edit: that was about a year after I peeled my finger in a stick blender because I was scooping out the guacamole stuck under the blade and reasoned there was no need to plug it out because I was hardly going to press the button while my finger was in there.

pgj2015 · 02-02-2020 03:56PM

one time we were in mcdonalds and we got our food on the trays and all headed up stairs, once we got there we realized that all there was upstairs was the toilets, everyone was laughing at us.

hgfj · 02-02-2020 04:34PM

Just last week, looking for my phone while it was still in my hand. Wandered from room to room looking for it, thinking, ffs where could it be? Then, and this is the pure brain dead moment, I decided to ring my phone to find it! So what did I do? I used the phone I noticed I was holding in my hand to phone myself. Obviously it was engaged. It wasn't until I hung up before I realised what I'd just done.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 02-02-2020 04:41PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

Why don’t you make it a candle?

And wake up with your bed on fire and the flames licking your face; like I did. Of course our first instinct is to put it out with our hands but a cautionary tale no less..

Jesus. Hope you weren’t too badly burned!

That’s why hubs and I have a strict bedroom candle policy. When we have a candle lit in the room, we blow it out when the FIRST of us turns over to go to sleep. Because the other could then just drop off without blowing it out.

Also, people, be careful that the candle flame isn’t underneath anything. A lampshade quite far above the candle flame went on fire at a relative’s house this past Christmas.

galvo_clare · 02-02-2020 04:55PM

paul71 wrote: »

Walking down the street with my head down. Walked into a telegraph pole, and apologised to the pole.

Did that all the time in London as a kid. Too busy looking at the fancy cars.
Years later, not long married and we went to London for a weekend. My mother warned my wife what would happen.
First morning, Knightsbridge, I don’t let her down. I’ve done it several times since.

Gynoid · 02-02-2020 05:51PM

Was on a long long bus journey in a far off country when there came a pee stop. I was quite sleepy so stayed on but himself got off to go. A few minutes later the bus took off at a snippy pace and panicked that I would be left all alone in the wilds of god knows where I grabbed our rucksacks, roared and crashed my way down the aisle, and flung myself from the moving bus through the open door to land full frontal on the gravel. The bus pulled in about 20 yards further on. The driver was only parking it.

Your most braindead dumbest moment?

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