F.E.A.R...you've got the fear

Porklife · 25-01-2020 4:31pm #1

So I was sitting comfortably on the dry January wagon until yesterday after a particularly stressful day at work I thought **** this for a laugh and leapt head first off the wagon into drunkenville where I was warmly welcomed.
Today however I remember why I decided to take a break from the booze. It's not even the physical aspect of a hangover that gets to me, that's the easy part, for me it's the fear. It seems no matter how many times I've been drunk and gotten through the fear unscathed, every time I experience it seems to be the worst time.
I work with a girl who has only ever been drunk once. She told me she woke up the next day and felt awful so said to herself, well I'm never doing that to myself again and has literally not touched a drop since.
Impressive.
Why do mental hangovers get worse the more you have them, surely you should be used to it and able to dismiss it as a simple hangover.
What's the worst hangover/fear/drunken debacle you've ever found yourself in?

Quantum Erasure · 25-01-2020 4:34pm

For each a road
For every-man a religion
Find everybody and rule
...

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 25-01-2020 4:37pm

You just forget. The cycle goes: work, gym, eat right, feel good. Get bored. Go on the gargle. Wake up, feel crap, eat crap, ask yourself what was all that about. Stay off it for another few weeks until you forget again.

Porklife · 25-01-2020 4:48pm

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

You just forget. The cycle goes: work, gym, eat right, feel good. Get bored. Go on the gargle. Wake up, feel crap, eat crap, ask yourself what was all that about. Stay off it for another few weeks until you forget again.

Absolutely spot on. I was working out loads, sleeping great, making smoothies in my shiny new nutri-bullet, smiling at strangers and generally feeling good until boredom crept in and I told myself to kiss and make up with alcohol, he's not so bad, he's your buddy, he's your pal! Then the wiley **** sucker punched me right in the 'nads (I'm a woman so may not be anatomically correct);)

KiKi III · 25-01-2020 4:50pm

I gave up drinking almost six years ago because I kept making bad decisions drunk and waking up with that fear.

For a long time I identified as an alcoholic, a label I don’t generally apply to myself these days. Today, I reframe then question from “Am I an alcoholic/ Do I have a drinking problem?” to “Does the impact of alcohol have more benefits or drawbacks to my life?”

It definitely had more negative effects than positive, so I stay away.

Porklife · 25-01-2020 4:55pm

KiKi III wrote: »

I gave up drinking almost six years ago because I kept making bad decisions drunk and waking up with that fear.

For a long time I identified as an alcoholic, a label I don’t generally apply to myself these days. Today, I reframe then question from “Am I an alcoholic/ Do I have a drinking problem?” to “Does the impact of alcohol have more benefits or drawbacks to my life?”

It definitely had more negative effects than positive, so I stay away.

Respect... really tip my hat to anyone who has enough tenacity and self awareness to recognise that and take action. Fair play.

Bobblehats · 25-01-2020 5:09pm

Porklife wrote: »

I remember why I decided to take a break from the booze.

Fantastic expectations

Porklife wrote: »

every time I experience it seems to be the worst time.

Amazing revelations

Porklife · 25-01-2020 5:12pm

Bobblehats wrote: »

Fantastic expectations

Amazing revelations

really made me smile

faceman · 25-01-2020 5:12pm

You’re right to be paranoid OP. I mean those photos. And also you shouldn’t have said those things

MrAbyss · 25-01-2020 5:17pm

we have all been there to some degree. better to stay clean.

MrAbyss · 25-01-2020 5:17pm

Bobblehats wrote: »

Fantastic expectations

Amazing revelations

Finding Everybody and Realizing...*you got the FEAR...*

Madge2007 · 25-01-2020 5:19pm

The writer Jack London called that feeling "the Noseless One" who walked hand in hand with John Barleycorn aka alcohol. He describes that feeling yur on about OP soooooo well. Pure undiluted FEAR! Been there. No likely

Bobblehats · 25-01-2020 5:21pm

Porklife wrote: »

I work with a girl who has only ever been drunk once. She told me she woke up the next day and felt awful so said to herself

Final execution and, resurrection

Porklife wrote: »

well I'm never doing that to myself again and has literally not touched a drop since.

Free expression as revolution.

artanevilla · 25-01-2020 5:22pm

Fear is not worrying about what you might or might not have done last night. No one cares.

Real fear is just a sense of pure and utter dread that you can't explain and has you lying on the floor thinking you are dying.

Bobblehats · 25-01-2020 5:24pm

Finding everything and realising. It’s your round bud

Conall Cernach · 25-01-2020 5:42pm

artanevilla wrote: »

Fear is not worrying about what you might or might not have done last night. No one cares.

Real fear is just a sense of pure and utter dread that you can't explain and has you lying on the floor thinking you are dying.

Yeah the word has been misappropriated in the last few years to just being afraid that you've made an arse of yourself. I prefer the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas definition.

JohnnyFlash · 25-01-2020 5:45pm

Fry up half a pig in a frying pan, have a shower, a good vigorous ****, then go back to sleep for a few hours. You’ll be flying it when you wake up.

Gorgeousgeorge · 25-01-2020 5:48pm

Got a bad belt of the fear a few years back. Drinking was never the same again unfortunately. Was like it was ingrained on my soul and the head never forgot. Now I'm classed as a light weight and go home early. Shame really

iebamm2580 · 25-01-2020 5:54pm

I usually try to go back to the last pub i was in the night before early the following day and suss out is the fear im having deserved,9/10 its not. Few drinks really does tell the fear to **** off too.

KiKi III · 25-01-2020 5:56pm

MrAbyss wrote: »

Finding Everybody and Realizing...*you got the FEAR...*

Fück Everything And Run

Or

Face Everything And Rise

BeerWolf · 25-01-2020 5:59pm

F.E.A.R.?

340?cb=20081217175224

Porklife · 25-01-2020 6:06pm

Madge2007 wrote: »

The writer Jack London called that feeling "the Noseless One" who walked hand in hand with John Barleycorn aka alcohol. He describes that feeling yur on about OP soooooo well. Pure undiluted FEAR! Been there. No likely

Well jeepers ****ing creepers..you dub something"the noseless one" no wonder you're scared ten ways to Sunday! Thanks alot "Jack" and **** you too Mr. "Barleycorn"

Porklife · 25-01-2020 6:07pm

Gorgeousgeorge wrote: »

Got a bad belt of the fear a few years back. Drinking was never the same again unfortunately. Was like it was ingrained on my soul and the head never forgot. Now I'm classed as a light weight and go home early. Shame really

Go home lightweight!!

Porklife · 25-01-2020 6:19pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Fry up half a pig in a frying pan, have a shower, a good vigorous ****, then go back to sleep for a few hours. You’ll be flying it when you wake up.

Vigorous ****....man, sometimes I wish I had a dick

Madge2007 · 25-01-2020 6:25pm

Porklife wrote: »

Well jeepers ****ing creepers..you dub something"the noseless one" no wonder you're scared ten ways to Sunday! Thanks alot "Jack" and **** you too Mr. "Barleycorn"

Love this ðŸ˜‚

peddlelies · 25-01-2020 6:27pm

Went drinking on a Friday and ended up back at a friends apartment with a girl. I was mouldy drunk and couldn't find my wallet and got verbally aggressive, accusing of her of taking it etc. She went home upset and my friend found it eventually, I left behind the curtain on the window sill in the room we were both in.

Woke up next day at 10 am and started drinking again immediately, was at it all day and ended up in friends apartment all night again. Went home next day and this time didn't have the crutch of alcohol to save me because I had to work on the Monday and commute there.

Never felt such awful guilt on the Sunday. Called in sick that Monday morning because I didn't get a wink of sleep, tossing and turning and generally just feeling like the world was ending, pure sweats and physiological warfare. It was the worst hangover I ever had in my life, the guilt was overwhelming and I felt like crying every time I thought about it. Didn't get back into work until the Thursday and even then I still felt terrible, it wasn't until the following week I started to feel normal.

When you're on a multiple day bender blacking out and start withdrawing even the slightest bit of bad behaviour will make you feel like you murdered someone and hid the body. I wouldn't say my behaviour was slight, I was a dick and the fear made me pay the price for it. Avoid multiple day benders, they will destroy your soul! Ain't worth it

Gorgeousgeorge · 25-01-2020 6:29pm

Porklife wrote: »

Go home lightweight!!

I do at about 12 most drinking nights

Porklife · 25-01-2020 6:42pm

peddlelies wrote: »

Went drinking on a Friday and ended up back at a friends apartment with a girl. I was mouldy drunk and couldn't find my wallet and got verbally aggressive, accusing of her of taking it etc. She went home upset and my friend found it eventually, I left behind the curtain on the window sill in the room we were both in.

Woke up next day at 10 am and started drinking again immediately, was at it all day and ended up in friends apartment all night again. Went home next day and this time didn't have the crutch of alcohol to save me because I had to work on the Monday and commute there.

Never felt such awful guilt on the Sunday. Called in sick that Monday morning because I didn't get a wink of sleep, tossing and turning and generally just feeling like the world was ending, pure sweats and physiological warfare. It was the worst hangover I ever had in my life, the guilt was overwhelming and I felt like crying every time I thought about it. Didn't get back into work until the Thursday and even then I still felt terrible, it wasn't until the following week I started to feel normal.

When you're on a multiple day bender blacking out and start withdrawing even the slightest bit of bad behaviour will make you feel like you murdered someone and hid the body. I wouldn't say my behaviour was slight, I was a dick and the fear made me pay the price for it. Avoid multiple day benders, they will destroy your soul! Ain't worth it

Hi... you're me...glad you've met yourself:)

Bobblehats · 25-01-2020 6:46pm

Porklife wrote: »

Vigorous ****....man, sometimes I wish I had a dick

Hence the cucumber in cling film?

Porklife · 25-01-2020 6:51pm

Bobblehats wrote: »

Hence the cucumber in cling film?

You knowz it! Orgasmic..I mean organic cucumber...nom

Bobblehats · 25-01-2020 6:55pm

I don't want that anywhere near my sammich.

Wayne Jarvis · 25-01-2020 6:57pm

Porklife a few weeks ago I was bored and browsing around Boards and found your thread about being an alcoholic. We had only a few small interactions when I used to post here as Autecher but still I warmed to you nonetheless, so much so that I even gave you a little shout out in another thread a few months ago which I'll link to below.

You're a funny lady and I found your thread quite moving. I think you should give yourself huge credit for staying off the drink for so long, you may be beating yourself up today but you deserve praise too. If you can stay off it for a week, two weeks, three weeks etc.. then you are doing fantastically well, better than a lot of people I have known.

I mostly stopped drinking a few years ago in large part because of the fear, I still drink occasionally and tonight will be one of those occasions but I'll be having the few and leaving it at that (hopefully!). I have a completely un-researched opinion that particularly bad cases of The Fear are linked to earlier trauma in life which I have gotten from my own experience and experiences of others I have known too.

I have rambled on too long but good luck tonight and in the future Porklife. There are always people here on Boards willing to help and give advice if it and make fun of you too because sure why not?! And if I can ever help don't hesitate to contact me even though I sound very creepy talking about how I warmed to you.

Guy Person wrote: »

I miss Porklife. She is a very funny lady, she is still a member here I just stalked her profile checked but she doesn't post enough for my liking. If you read this Porklife start posting more please!

Wayne Jarvis · 25-01-2020 7:01pm

Porklife wrote: »

You knowz it! Orgasmic..I mean organic cucumber...nom

Sounds like you'll get yourself in a bit of a pickle there. And if you don't like that joke then tough, dill with it.

ldy4mxonucwsq6 · 25-01-2020 7:07pm

KiKi III wrote: »

I gave up drinking almost six years ago because I kept making bad decisions drunk and waking up with that fear.

For a long time I identified as an alcoholic, a label I don’t generally apply to myself these days. Today, I reframe then question from “Am I an alcoholic/ Do I have a drinking problem?” to “Does the impact of alcohol have more benefits or drawbacks to my life?”

It definitely had more negative effects than positive, so I stay away.

I did the same, the fear can be dreadful for a few days. I made the same decision not to put myself through it any more and 15 years later I am still teetotal.

Never missed it at all bar the very occasional moment. I can jump in my car and drive home at the end of a night, wake up fresh the next day and have the knowledge that I am treating my body well.

The fear though is horrific and I remember it well, but OP it will pass in a couple of days, alcohol is a depressant so part of it is physical along with the mental anguish.

Porklife · 25-01-2020 7:13pm

Guy Person wrote: »

Sounds like you'll get yourself in a bit of a pickle there. And if you don't like that joke then tough, dill with it.

Guy...you've really made me smile...thank you so much. Your post made me well up in a good way. It's high time...(did someone say let's get high?!) that I took a break from the hooch. Alas, I've realised/accepted that if I have one I have 20. I don't do things by halves. I think people throw the term addictive personality around quite easily but it's an awful affliction because you look like you're having fun from an outside perspective but your internal reality is completely incongruous to that...like an evil clown handing you a lollipop.
And yet...it pulls me in and drowns me every time. The craziest part is that each and every time I truly believe it will be different.

Bobblehats · 25-01-2020 7:15pm

Didn't realise. Abstain if you can sure brownie wouldnt touch a drop... try pineapple juice or something. Soda stream; whatever.

peddlelies · 25-01-2020 7:21pm

You need to get past the initial few months of sobriety, after 2/3 you'll start to feel like a different person. Hard to break the cycle though, I'm in the same boat at the moment.

gozunda · 25-01-2020 7:23pm

Porklife wrote: »

Guy...you've really made me smile...thank you so much. Your post made me well up in a good way. It's high time...(did someone say let's get high?!) that I took a break from the hooch. Alas, I've realised/accepted that if I have one I have 20. I don't do things by halves. I think people throw the term addictive personality around quite easily but it's an awful affliction because you look like you're having fun from an outside perspective but your internal reality is completely incongruous to that...like an evil clown handing you a lollipop.
And yet...it pulls me in and drowns me every time. The craziest part is that each and every time I truly believe it will be different.

Theres a very funny account of a character in one of Ben Elton's books who has a difficult relationship with drinking too much on nights out.

He describes that after a heavy night on the batter - how he would determine the fun or otherwise of the previous night that on waking up he would taste whatever be found himself lying on. If its was his own bed - then it had been a fairly normal night. If it was concrete or tarmac then things had probably got out of hand to some degree. For sure drink certainly makes us do funny things ...

pimpmyhat · 25-01-2020 7:24pm

My experience of it is an overwhelmingly since of guilt.
Also thinking bad things will happen to friends or family members..
Paranoia etc
Not a nice headspace to be in.
It passes after 2 or 3 days.
I've only had it that bad twice

OneArt · 25-01-2020 7:25pm

I used to sometimes get the fear after drinking. My hangovers have gotten progressively more manageable as I've gotten older. Don't get the fear from them anymore, either.

BUT I was a massive speed / pill freak for years. I think that's part of it. Compared to a comedown, a hangover is like being on holiday.

circadian · 25-01-2020 7:26pm

Forget Everything and Remember

It's just a hangover.

Snails pace · 25-01-2020 7:29pm

Nothing worse than a bad dose of the fear. A few friends might do a few lines on a big night out and their fear is unimaginable. I never bothered with the drugs but I know whiskey is what gives me the fear and turns me into a total prick. I was drinking NYE with friends and GF. Had a good bit of whiskey and had a huge row with the GF for no reason. The morning after I didn't feel like living, phone was dead and the GF was afraid I would do something very stupid.

I had the fear a few times but usually got up and just worked though it but that was the worst it ever was.

I didn't give up alcohol totally but I swore I'd never touch whiskey again or get overly drunk, a few pints and that's it. Even writing this i feel the fear of that night.

Porklife · 25-01-2020 7:58pm

gozunda wrote: »

Theres a very funny account of a character in one of Ben Elton's books who has a difficult relationship with drinking too much on nights out.

He describes that after a heavy night on the batter - how he would determine the fun or otherwise of the previous night that on waking up he would taste whatever be found himself lying on. If its was his own bed - then it had been a fairly normal night. If it was concrete or tarmac then things had probably got out of hand to some degree. For sure drink certainly makes us do funny things for sure ...

Tarmac;) brilliant! Love Ben Elton. Which book is that if you happen to know? Sounds right up my tarmac:p

Porklife · 25-01-2020 8:05pm

Snails pace wrote: »

Nothing worse than a bad dose of the fear. A few friends might do a few lines on a big night out and their fear is unimaginable. I never bothered with the drugs but I know whiskey is what gives me the fear and turns me into a total prick. I was drinking NYE with friends and GF. Had a good bit of whiskey and had a huge row with the GF for no reason. The morning after I didn't feel like living, phone was dead and the GF was afraid I would do something very stupid.

I had the fear a few times but usually got up and just worked though it but that was the worst it ever was.

I didn't give up alcohol totally but I swore I'd never touch whiskey again or get overly drunk, a few pints and that's it. Even writing this i feel the fear of that night.

Weirdly I had the exact same experience on new years eve...I was at a house party and was apparently fine until whiskey came to the fore...the room was split in two for a quiz and I (so I'm told) kept shouting out the right answer to the opposing team much to my team's dissmay... idiot...to make matters worse when my actual team was asked a question I was silent. What a team player!

Madge2007 · 25-01-2020 8:20pm

Porklife wrote: »

Weirdly I had the exact same experience on new years eve...I was at a house party and was apparently fine until whiskey came to the fore...the room was split in two for a quiz and I (so I'm told) kept shouting out the right answer to the opposing team much to my team's dissmay... idiot...to make matters worse when my actual team was asked a question I was silent. What a team player!

Was always the gin that made me act a bit loopy. Must be why they call it "Mother's ruin"!

ygolometsipe · 25-01-2020 8:32pm

Porklife wrote: »

Absolutely spot on. I was working out loads, sleeping great, making smoothies in my shiny new nutri-bullet, smiling at strangers and generally feeling good until boredom crept in and I told myself to kiss and make up with alcohol, he's not so bad, he's your buddy, he's your pal! Then the wiley **** sucker punched me right in the 'nads (I'm a woman so may not be anatomically correct);)

some women do indeed have nads!

ygolometsipe · 25-01-2020 8:33pm

faceman wrote: »

You’re right to be paranoid OP. I mean those photos. And also you shouldn’t have said those things

What did OP do during the black out? Do the Garda have a search going?

could be serious....

:pac:

bitofabind · 25-01-2020 9:04pm

I gave up the booze almost 6 months ago now. I realised the cyclical nature of the drunken blackouts and "whose ceiling is that?" mornings during a particularly heavy FEAR-riddled hangover and decided nope, this is the last time I wake up like this.

I didn't drink often, and my experience of 'problem drinkers" was folks who day-drank by themselves or couldn't go longer than a few days without the sauce..so I never stopped to consider that I had a problem. Until that morning where I woke up after a work event in a colleague's bed with no memory of how I got there. The absolute shame and despair the next day facing colleagues and seeing knowing 'state of you" smiles everywhere. I added up all the nights I'd had like that in recent years and when I hit double digits something snapped in my head and that was it.

I don't miss it. The first few months I had that Pavlovian response of "I'd love a drink" when something good or celebratory happened, when I closed a work deal, best friend's wedding, sister came to visit, Christmas. Because that's what we do when those things happen, we drink. It gets easier after the first few times and I'm well used to my soda & limes now, either that or I'll use those occasions as a good chance to rehydrate when everyone else is hitting the prosecco.

I downloaded an App called I Am Sober which really plays into my competitive spirit, it logs the amount of time you've spent alcohol-free and my new addiction now is seeing that number go up

pavb2 · 26-01-2020 12:01am

The best comment I read on here many years ago I think it was in the non drinkers forum was:

‘I don’t get into trouble every time I have a drink but every time I’m in trouble I’ve always had a drink.’

chrissb8 · 26-01-2020 2:03am

Or just have a drink and don't get to a point where you wake up in the morning feeling awful? As in, scale it back, drink water and take breaks every 3rd round or whatever.

Irish_peppa · 26-01-2020 9:14am

I stopped drinking alcohol 1 year ago. recently i got some heineken Zero.
Weird thing was after about 4 of them i started forgetting where i put stuff and felt like i was getting drunk. I was not able to find words I wanted to say, I actually felt like I was getting drunk. weird

like those fake drugs they give people cant recall the word.......:eek:

F.E.A.R...you've got the fear

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