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F.E.A.R...you've got the fear

Porklife

So I was sitting comfortably on the dry January wagon until yesterday after a particularly stressful day at work I thought **** this for a laugh and leapt head first off the wagon into drunkenville where I was warmly welcomed.
Today however I remember why I decided to take a break from the booze. It's not even the physical aspect of a hangover that gets to me, that's the easy part, for me it's the fear. It seems no matter how many times I've been drunk and gotten through the fear unscathed, every time I experience it seems to be the worst time.
I work with a girl who has only ever been drunk once. She told me she woke up the next day and felt awful so said to herself, well I'm never doing that to myself again and has literally not touched a drop since.
Impressive.
Why do mental hangovers get worse the more you have them, surely you should be used to it and able to dismiss it as a simple hangover.
What's the worst hangover/fear/drunken debacle you've ever found yourself in?

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Wayne Jarvis

Porklife a few weeks ago I was bored and browsing around Boards and found your thread about being an alcoholic. We had only a few small interactions when I used to post here as Autecher but still I warmed to you nonetheless, so much so that I even gave you a little shout out in another thread a few months ago which I'll link to below.

You're a funny lady and I found your thread quite moving. I think you should give yourself huge credit for staying off the drink for so long, you may be beating yourself up today but you deserve praise too. If you can stay off it for a week, two weeks, three weeks etc.. then you are doing fantastically well, better than a lot of people I have known.

I mostly stopped drinking a few years ago in large part because of the fear, I still drink occasionally and tonight will be one of those occasions but I'll be having the few and leaving it at that (hopefully!). I have a completely un-researched opinion that particularly bad cases of The Fear are linked to earlier trauma in life which I have gotten from my own experience and experiences of others I have known too.

I have rambled on too long but good luck tonight and in the future Porklife. There are always people here on Boards willing to help and give advice if it and make fun of you too because sure why not?! And if I can ever help don't hesitate to contact me even though I sound very creepy talking about how I warmed to you.

Guy Person wrote: »

I miss Porklife. She is a very funny lady, she is still a member here I just stalked her profile checked but she doesn't post enough for my liking. If you read this Porklife start posting more please!

Wayne Jarvis

Porklife wrote: »

You knowz it! Orgasmic..I mean organic cucumber...nom

Sounds like you'll get yourself in a bit of a pickle there. And if you don't like that joke then tough, dill with it.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

KiKi III wrote: »

I gave up drinking almost six years ago because I kept making bad decisions drunk and waking up with that fear.

For a long time I identified as an alcoholic, a label I don’t generally apply to myself these days. Today, I reframe then question from “Am I an alcoholic/ Do I have a drinking problem?” to “Does the impact of alcohol have more benefits or drawbacks to my life?”

It definitely had more negative effects than positive, so I stay away.

I did the same, the fear can be dreadful for a few days. I made the same decision not to put myself through it any more and 15 years later I am still teetotal.

Never missed it at all bar the very occasional moment. I can jump in my car and drive home at the end of a night, wake up fresh the next day and have the knowledge that I am treating my body well.

The fear though is horrific and I remember it well, but OP it will pass in a couple of days, alcohol is a depressant so part of it is physical along with the mental anguish.

Porklife

Guy Person wrote: »

Sounds like you'll get yourself in a bit of a pickle there. And if you don't like that joke then tough, dill with it.

Guy...you've really made me smile...thank you so much. Your post made me well up in a good way. It's high time...(did someone say let's get high?!) that I took a break from the hooch. Alas, I've realised/accepted that if I have one I have 20. I don't do things by halves. I think people throw the term addictive personality around quite easily but it's an awful affliction because you look like you're having fun from an outside perspective but your internal reality is completely incongruous to that...like an evil clown handing you a lollipop.
And yet...it pulls me in and drowns me every time. The craziest part is that each and every time I truly believe it will be different.

Bobblehats

Didn't realise. Abstain if you can sure brownie wouldnt touch a drop... try pineapple juice or something. Soda stream; whatever.

peddlelies

You need to get past the initial few months of sobriety, after 2/3 you'll start to feel like a different person. Hard to break the cycle though, I'm in the same boat at the moment.

gozunda

Porklife wrote: »

Guy...you've really made me smile...thank you so much. Your post made me well up in a good way. It's high time...(did someone say let's get high?!) that I took a break from the hooch. Alas, I've realised/accepted that if I have one I have 20. I don't do things by halves. I think people throw the term addictive personality around quite easily but it's an awful affliction because you look like you're having fun from an outside perspective but your internal reality is completely incongruous to that...like an evil clown handing you a lollipop.
And yet...it pulls me in and drowns me every time. The craziest part is that each and every time I truly believe it will be different.

Theres a very funny account of a character in one of Ben Elton's books who has a difficult relationship with drinking too much on nights out.

He describes that after a heavy night on the batter - how he would determine the fun or otherwise of the previous night that on waking up he would taste whatever be found himself lying on. If its was his own bed - then it had been a fairly normal night. If it was concrete or tarmac then things had probably got out of hand to some degree. For sure drink certainly makes us do funny things ...

pimpmyhat

My experience of it is an overwhelmingly since of guilt.
Also thinking bad things will happen to friends or family members..
Paranoia etc
Not a nice headspace to be in.
It passes after 2 or 3 days.
I've only had it that bad twice

OneArt

I used to sometimes get the fear after drinking. My hangovers have gotten progressively more manageable as I've gotten older. Don't get the fear from them anymore, either.

BUT I was a massive speed / pill freak for years. I think that's part of it. Compared to a comedown, a hangover is like being on holiday.

[Deleted User]

Forget Everything and Remember

It's just a hangover.

Snails pace

Nothing worse than a bad dose of the fear. A few friends might do a few lines on a big night out and their fear is unimaginable. I never bothered with the drugs but I know whiskey is what gives me the fear and turns me into a total prick. I was drinking NYE with friends and GF. Had a good bit of whiskey and had a huge row with the GF for no reason. The morning after I didn't feel like living, phone was dead and the GF was afraid I would do something very stupid.

I had the fear a few times but usually got up and just worked though it but that was the worst it ever was.

I didn't give up alcohol totally but I swore I'd never touch whiskey again or get overly drunk, a few pints and that's it. Even writing this i feel the fear of that night.

Porklife

gozunda wrote: »

Theres a very funny account of a character in one of Ben Elton's books who has a difficult relationship with drinking too much on nights out.

He describes that after a heavy night on the batter - how he would determine the fun or otherwise of the previous night that on waking up he would taste whatever be found himself lying on. If its was his own bed - then it had been a fairly normal night. If it was concrete or tarmac then things had probably got out of hand to some degree. For sure drink certainly makes us do funny things for sure ...

Tarmac;) brilliant! Love Ben Elton. Which book is that if you happen to know? Sounds right up my tarmac:p

Porklife

Snails pace wrote: »

Nothing worse than a bad dose of the fear. A few friends might do a few lines on a big night out and their fear is unimaginable. I never bothered with the drugs but I know whiskey is what gives me the fear and turns me into a total prick. I was drinking NYE with friends and GF. Had a good bit of whiskey and had a huge row with the GF for no reason. The morning after I didn't feel like living, phone was dead and the GF was afraid I would do something very stupid.

I had the fear a few times but usually got up and just worked though it but that was the worst it ever was.

I didn't give up alcohol totally but I swore I'd never touch whiskey again or get overly drunk, a few pints and that's it. Even writing this i feel the fear of that night.

Weirdly I had the exact same experience on new years eve...I was at a house party and was apparently fine until whiskey came to the fore...the room was split in two for a quiz and I (so I'm told) kept shouting out the right answer to the opposing team much to my team's dissmay... idiot...to make matters worse when my actual team was asked a question I was silent. What a team player!

Madge2007

Porklife wrote: »

Weirdly I had the exact same experience on new years eve...I was at a house party and was apparently fine until whiskey came to the fore...the room was split in two for a quiz and I (so I'm told) kept shouting out the right answer to the opposing team much to my team's dissmay... idiot...to make matters worse when my actual team was asked a question I was silent. What a team player!

Was always the gin that made me act a bit loopy. Must be why they call it "Mother's ruin"!

ygolometsipe

Porklife wrote: »

Absolutely spot on. I was working out loads, sleeping great, making smoothies in my shiny new nutri-bullet, smiling at strangers and generally feeling good until boredom crept in and I told myself to kiss and make up with alcohol, he's not so bad, he's your buddy, he's your pal! Then the wiley **** sucker punched me right in the 'nads (I'm a woman so may not be anatomically correct);)

some women do indeed have nads!

ygolometsipe

faceman wrote: »

You’re right to be paranoid OP. I mean those photos. And also you shouldn’t have said those things

What did OP do during the black out? Do the Garda have a search going?

could be serious....

:pac:

bitofabind

I gave up the booze almost 6 months ago now. I realised the cyclical nature of the drunken blackouts and "whose ceiling is that?" mornings during a particularly heavy FEAR-riddled hangover and decided nope, this is the last time I wake up like this.

I didn't drink often, and my experience of 'problem drinkers" was folks who day-drank by themselves or couldn't go longer than a few days without the sauce..so I never stopped to consider that I had a problem. Until that morning where I woke up after a work event in a colleague's bed with no memory of how I got there. The absolute shame and despair the next day facing colleagues and seeing knowing 'state of you" smiles everywhere. I added up all the nights I'd had like that in recent years and when I hit double digits something snapped in my head and that was it.

I don't miss it. The first few months I had that Pavlovian response of "I'd love a drink" when something good or celebratory happened, when I closed a work deal, best friend's wedding, sister came to visit, Christmas. Because that's what we do when those things happen, we drink. It gets easier after the first few times and I'm well used to my soda & limes now, either that or I'll use those occasions as a good chance to rehydrate when everyone else is hitting the prosecco.

I downloaded an App called I Am Sober which really plays into my competitive spirit, it logs the amount of time you've spent alcohol-free and my new addiction now is seeing that number go up

pavb2

The best comment I read on here many years ago I think it was in the non drinkers forum was:

‘I don’t get into trouble every time I have a drink but every time I’m in trouble I’ve always had a drink.’

chrissb8

Or just have a drink and don't get to a point where you wake up in the morning feeling awful? As in, scale it back, drink water and take breaks every 3rd round or whatever.

Irish_peppa

I stopped drinking alcohol 1 year ago. recently i got some heineken Zero.
Weird thing was after about 4 of them i started forgetting where i put stuff and felt like i was getting drunk. I was not able to find words I wanted to say, I actually felt like I was getting drunk. weird

like those fake drugs they give people cant recall the word.......:eek:

Oranage2

Irish_peppa wrote: »

I stopped drinking alcohol 1 year ago. recently i got some heineken Zero.
Weird thing was after about 4 of them i started forgetting where i put stuff and felt like i was getting drunk. I was not able to find words I wanted to say, I actually felt like I was getting drunk. weird like those fake drugs they give people cant recall the word.......:eek:

Placebo

bitofabind

chrissb8 wrote: »

Or just have a drink and don't get to a point where you wake up in the morning feeling awful? As in, scale it back, drink water and take breaks every 3rd round or whatever.

Makes sense. If you’re someone that has the capacity to do that. Many can’t, many don’t know when to stop once they’ve started or one drink can be the difference between good and bad to horrific judgement and trying to strike that balance is always going to carry serious risk.

I’d be in the latter camp. I wouldn’t describe myself as an alcoholic, I just know that even a moderate amount of alcohol can have a seriously detrimental impact on me and the benefits aren’t worth those darker sides anymore.

peddlelies

chrissb8 wrote: »

Or just have a drink and don't get to a point where you wake up in the morning feeling awful? As in, scale it back, drink water and take breaks every 3rd round or whatever.

Think you're on to something. You should go to seminars around the world and spread your vast knowledge on the subject of alcoholism and drug/gambling addiction to help millions of people.

"Shure lads just scale it back, be grand".

Quite the philosopher you are.

chrissb8

peddlelies wrote: »

Think you're on to something. You should go to seminars around the world and spread your vast knowledge on the subject of alcoholism and drug/gambling addiction to help millions of people.

"Shure lads just scale it back, be grand".

Quite the philosopher you are.

Thank you, and we can all go for some pints after.

Porklife

peddlelies wrote: »

Think you're on to something. You should go to seminars around the world and spread your vast knowledge on the subject of alcoholism and drug/gambling addiction to help millions of people.

"Shure lads just scale it back, be grand".

Quite the philosopher you are.

I've gotta agree with this. If somebody is at the crossroads of drinking to excess and winding up in dangerous situations etc and yet chooses (for want of a better word) to continuously go that road over the pretty shiny sober road filled with puppy dogs, rainbows and ice-cream then advising them to 'cut back' is pretty futile advise. They can't seem to cut back despite it adversely affecting their live and therein lies the problem!

I even have a few straightforward seemingly easy rules for myself that I frequently break and it's not that I want to break them, it's like a compulsion.
It's a form of self sabotage like - I know whiskey will **** me up and make bad sh*t happen, solution - do not drink whiskey... five minutes later, hey barkeep, throw me on a Guinness there and don't be stingey with the Glenfiddich chaser!

SnrInfant

Porklife wrote: »

I've gotta agree with this. If somebody is at the crossroads of drinking to excess and winding up in dangerous situations etc and yet chooses (for want of a better word) to continuously go that road over the pretty shiny sober road filled with puppy dogs, rainbows and ice-cream then advising them to 'cut back' is pretty futile advise. They can't seem to cut back despite it adversely affecting their live and therein lies the problem!

I even have a few straightforward seemingly easy rules for myself that I frequently break and it's not that I want to break them, it's like a compulsion.
It's a form of self sabotage like - I know whiskey will **** me up and make bad sh*t happen, solution - do not drink whiskey... five minutes later, hey barkeep, throw me on a Guinness there and don't be stingey with the Glenfiddich chaser!

Its that fecking first one that does all the damage!!
One glass for me leads to a bucketful.
one biscuit? thank you very much I'll eat the packet. Then another.
I've no 'off' switch

pavb2

SnrInfant wrote: »

Its that fecking first one that does all the damage!!
One glass for me leads to a bucketful.
one biscuit? thank you very much I'll eat the packet. Then another.
I've no 'off' switch

Very much a case of ‘ I know my limits . . . I just can’t stick to them’