Being harrassed by an ex when I have long since moved on...

Star02 · 26-12-2019 08:39PM #1

Hi all. New poster to boards. I have a bit of an issue thats been causing me upset over the last few days..

I've been in a great relationship with my now boyfriend for nearly 4 years now. Many years ago though when I was younger and very stupid I got into a relationship with a guy that looking back now was a huge mistake as he was (and still is) a drug dealer and who is known to text girls as young as 14. Of course I was horrified at this and quickly kicked him to the curb and completely cut him out of my life, blocked him on all social media and phone number blocked on all platforms. That was 5 years ago now.

Long story short I ended up going to the local garda station on Christmas Eve to report a number that was ringing me every night over the last week. The guarda texted me that evening to tell me they found out who it was from-this ex. Obviously with a new number now and still has my number (shudder) I was horrified and disgusted. Im so angry and upset that this person wont leave me be after all these years. My garda station is only part time and I am working the rest of this week so I wont be able to speak directly to the garda again about it until monday as I want to take serious action over this. I am horrified that this person still has my number after all these years. I want to make it clear that I have NOT had any contact with this ex in 5 years. Once I ended it, that was it.

I know this person has a girlfriend (didnt go out of my way to find that out, just was aware from seeing from a distance) I feel like I should contact her through fb messenger with screenshots of the guarda texting me what her boyfriend is up to. I feel this girl should know what kind of weirdo she is going out with.

I really dont want to have to change my number because of this tool, the guard said in her text that she didnt get a chance to speak directly with him yet about the matter as she knows how spooked I was when I reported it to her initially. Apart from hiring a hitman at this stage, what advice can you give me please?

Mehaffey1 · 26-12-2019 08:42PM

Sorry to hear this, must be horrific.

Only advice I'll give is to keep your dealings through the Guards and don't be going off on solo missions warning his current gf etc. There's every chance she's as off the walls as himself and would tell him the minute you contacted her.

Addle · 26-12-2019 08:43PM

Block his new number.
Do not get in touch with his girlfriend.
If he gets in touch again, let the Gardaí know and let any communication on the matter be from them.
It’s not unusual for people not to delete old numbers.

kirving · 26-12-2019 08:46PM

Under no circumstances text his current girlfriend, even though I think she should know. You don't want to appear to be escalating things.

Block the number on your phone, and chat to the Gards next week.

Lily_Aldrin7 · 26-12-2019 08:53PM

Kevin Irving wrote: »

Under no circumstances text his current girlfriend, even though I think she should know. You don't want to appear to be escalating things.

Block the number on your phone, and chat to the Gards next week.

I agree, block the number and talk to the Guards, don’t escalate things by talking to him or his girlfriend- that will only make it worse in my opinion !

Star02 · 26-12-2019 09:25PM

Thanks, yes new number is blocked on my phone and on the watsapp platform on my phone. I have switched my phone off before bed every night since though as I fear he will get the loan of a number from someone to try and contact me still. I also know that he has viewed my facebook profile from someone else's account as he has texted me things from this new number commenting about whats on my page (because I have his own page blocked from viewing my page). He commented how there were pics of us still on my page (I was full sure there wasnt, until my friend told me there actually was, only one or 2, but I was horrified so I quickly deleted them. I didnt have the pics up there willingly, no way. They are dated many years ago and so one would have to really be looking for them to find them. If I had known they were on there I would have gotten rid of them a long long time ago 1000% for sure. Alas I have been so busy actually having a good time since giving him the boot I must have not deep cleaned my fb page as well enough as I thought I did!

Mehaffey1 · 26-12-2019 09:53PM

Star02 wrote: »

Thanks, yes new number is blocked on my phone and on the watsapp platform on my phone. I have switched my phone off before bed every night since though as I fear he will get the loan of a number from someone to try and contact me still. I also know that he has viewed my facebook profile from someone else's account as he has texted me things from this new number commenting about whats on my page (because I have his own page blocked from viewing my page). He commented how there were pics of us still on my page (I was full sure there wasnt, until my friend told me there actually was, only one or 2, but I was horrified so I quickly deleted them. I didnt have the pics up there willingly, no way. They are dated many years ago and so one would have to really be looking for them to find them. If I had known they were on there I would have gotten rid of them a long long time ago 1000% for sure. Alas I have been so busy actually having a good time since giving him the boot I must have not deep cleaned my fb page as well enough as I thought I did!

The amount of ways you can get in contact with anyone on the Internet and with social media is unreal. I had an ex blocked online and there was still three avenues for contact, email address saved from an outbox, Twitter direct message and Instagram direct message. World is a tiny place

LegacyUser · 26-12-2019 10:34PM

Would you not just get a new phone number, OP? I know you shouldn’t have to, but it would probably be the easiest thing. At least you wouldn’t have to worry about him contacting you through random numbers.

Steviewinger · 27-12-2019 01:40AM

Make contact with the protective services unit of the Gardai. They deal with this form of "domestic abuse" which is exactly what it is. Unfortunately the regular Gardai are not usually best able to deal with situations like this. It could get worse before it gets better. Best of luck

ILoveYourVibes · 27-12-2019 08:06AM

Don't tell his GF that will just cause more drama and give him a desire to engage with you.

Just block the number tell him not to contact you and let the guards have a chat with him. Just keep ignoring him after that.

Whitestripe · 27-12-2019 02:00PM

His willingness and ability to use someone else’s account to stalk/ harass you is a big red flag. You need to report this as I doubt he will just stop this when you don’t reply.

I’ve been in a similar place and it is deeply unsettling. Make sure to disable location services, and i hope he doesn’t know where you live. How much does your partner know about what’s going on?

Best of luck, this is very unpleasant

con___manx1 · 27-12-2019 06:22PM

You can download an app to block calls and texts. Thinks its just called call blocker.

AulWan · 28-12-2019 10:37AM

Off topic, but it sounds like some Garda has made a serious GDPR breach!

US2 · 28-12-2019 10:44AM

AulWan wrote: »

Off topic, but it sounds like some Garda has made a serious GDPR breach!

Yep. First I've heard of giving a guard a phone number and they find out who owns it for you. Very strange.

Star02 · 28-12-2019 01:15PM

US2 wrote: »

Yep. First I've heard of giving a guard a phone number and they find out who owns it for you. Very strange.

I'm not complaining.

the_pen_turner · 28-12-2019 01:22PM

I don't see what the guy has done illegal. You say he rang you a few times. Nothing wrong with that
have you answered it to see what he wants

Have you told him you don't want to have contact with him

Star02 · 28-12-2019 01:30PM

the_pen_turner wrote: »

I don't see what the guy has done illegal. You say he rang you a few times. Nothing wrong with that
have you answered it to see what he wants

Have you told him you don't want to have contact with him

Sweet suffering Jesus. You've clearly never experienced this. I actually envy you. He knows I don't want contact with him when I have his original number blocked and every other avenue blocked which he is aware of. Also the fact that I have seen him parked outside my gym more than once waiting for me to emerge. And having spoken to the gym management no trace of him ever having used the facility. Also making multiple social media accounts and having the gaul to add me on them.

Batgurl · 28-12-2019 01:31PM

the_pen_turner wrote: »

I don't see what the guy has done illegal. You say he rang you a few times. Nothing wrong with that
have you answered it to see what he wants

Have you told him you don't want to have contact with him

Nuisance calls should be flagged with Garda as they can indicate a pattern which constitutes harassment if conducted over a period of time.

They told him 5 years ago they doesn’t want to have contact with him when they dumped him.

Star02 · 28-12-2019 01:33PM

They told him 5 years ago they doesn’t want to have contact with him when they dumped him.[/QUOTE]

This.

suicide_circus · 28-12-2019 02:22PM

might be time for a new phone number

Batgurl · 28-12-2019 02:45PM

suicide_circus wrote: »

might be time for a new phone number

Better to cure the disease than treat the symptoms.

suicide_circus · 28-12-2019 02:51PM

Batgurl wrote: »

Better to cure the disease than treat the symptoms.

or do both?

Batgurl · 28-12-2019 03:01PM

suicide_circus wrote: »

or do both?

OP has already said they don’t want to change their number because of this tool. And why should they? Why should a victim be expected to make sacrifices because yet another lad can’t accept rejection?

The OP’s number could be a business number and changing it could lose them potential revenue. Also, changing it doesn’t guarantee the tool won’t get the new number.

Telling the OP to change her number is akin to telling an assault victim to wear a longer skirt next time.

AulWan · 28-12-2019 03:12PM

Star02 wrote: »

I'm not complaining.

Maybe not, but you said you want to make a serious complaint about this.

How, unless you intend to throw the Garda who gave you his information under the bus?

You will be asked how you got the information that this phone number belonged to your ex, and if a Garda did give you that information then they could get in very serious trouble themselves for a GDPR breach.

Good luck getting their assistance in taking that to court.

suicide_circus · 28-12-2019 03:18PM

Batgurl wrote: »

OP has already said they don’t want to change their number because of this tool. And why should they? Why should a victim be expected to make sacrifices because yet another lad can’t accept rejection?

The OP’s number could be a business number and changing it could lose them potential revenue. Also, changing it doesn’t guarantee the tool won’t get the new number.

Telling the OP to change her number is akin to telling an assault victim to wear a longer skirt next time.

wow

Batgurl · 28-12-2019 03:20PM

AulWan wrote: »

Maybe not, but you said you want to make a serious complaint about this.

How, unless you intend to throw the Garda who gave you his information under the bus?

You will be asked how you got the information that this phone number belonged to your ex, and if a Garda did give you that information then they could get in very serious trouble themselves for a GDPR breach.

Good luck getting their assistance in taking that to court.

I’ll admit my knowledge of GDPR is rudimentary and restricted to commercial purposes but what GDPR breach has there been here?

The OP went to the Garda to make a complaint about nuisance calls. The guard investigated and found the source of the calls. During the course of the investigation, they checked with the OP if the source of the calls is someone known to them and what their relationship is. This is important information for the guards to avoid wasting resources. Where has the GDPR breach been?

AulWan · 28-12-2019 03:35PM

Batgurl wrote: »

I’ll admit my knowledge of GDPR is rudimentary and restricted to commercial purposes but what GDPR breach has there been here?

The OP went to the Garda to make a complaint about nuisance calls. The guard investigated and found the source of the calls. During the course of the investigation, they checked with the OP if the source of the calls is someone known to them and what their relationship is. This is important information for the guards to avoid wasting resources. Where has the GDPR breach been?

Disclosure of personally identifying information is considered a GDPR breach. Revealing the name of the owner of a phone number is most definitely personal information.

The Garda already had a report of the number that was calling the OP's phone - they do not need to check if the owner of the number was "known to them". They should have advised the OP to block the number and then passed the information of the OPs complaint and the identity of the caller to whatever area deals with nuisance calls to deal with.

the_pen_turner · 28-12-2019 04:02PM

Star02 wrote: »

Sweet suffering Jesus. You've clearly never experienced this. I actually envy you. He knows I don't want contact with him when I have his original number blocked and every other avenue blocked which he is aware of. Also the fact that I have seen him parked outside my gym more than once waiting for me to emerge. And having spoken to the gym management no trace of him ever having used the facility. Also making multiple social media accounts and having the gaul to add me on them.

I have actually experienced this albeit it second hand
My gf has a fool that keeps ringing her I have suggested guards etc

There us nothing in you OP to suggest he knew you blocked him and didn't want contact.

Most of the rest of your post is new information

You still havnt answered whether you asked him what he wants he might have a genuine reason to contact you. If not then tell him to leave you alone

the_pen_turner · 28-12-2019 04:04PM

Batgurl wrote: »

Nuisance calls should be flagged with Garda as they can indicate a pattern which constitutes harassment if conducted over a period of time.

They told him 5 years ago they doesn’t want to have contact with him when they dumped him.

That's not in the op

Ringing some as a stand alone incident isn't harassment
There might be a genuine reason to contact them

Hoboo · 28-12-2019 04:11PM

Since when do the gardai text people? Is this new, or complete horse****?

AulWan · 28-12-2019 04:13PM

Is it possible he was parked outside the gym waiting on someone else? A friend or his current girlfriend, maybe?

It would be odd if he suddenly started harassing you or following you around after five years of no contact, and doing so using a sim card registered in his own name.

Either way, you've blocked him, you've reported it to the Gardai, now let them deal with it.

Being harrassed by an ex when I have long since moved on...

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