How to get a date?

Starfish25 · 23-10-2019 02:16PM

Passenger wrote: »

You say you're engaging but what's your opening line on Bumble?

How’s your day

I’m gonna get ATE for this aren’t I? Haha actually so inexperienced.

No look, sometimes I’ll say how are you, how’s your day or comment on something original on their bio or pic. Not really sure what else to say.

armaghlad · 23-10-2019 02:18PM

Starfish25 wrote: »

Hey lads and mods. Please note-
This is OP girlabouttown. I managed to reset old account so now can engage faster. Now I’m a starfish lol !!

armaghlad - I get what you mean. I dunno if it’s my inexperience with the apps or what but when a fella goes straight to asking about going for a drink with little convo or back/forth, I think it’s more fear on the woman’s side than ego boosts and oddness that are at play. Like another fella is asking me for a drink there now and I’m afraid? How silly is that!
Ya I’d say the fella I was chatting to and won’t swipe again thinks I was odd. But it wasn’t anything to do with him. I got 2 creepy friend requests on my social media and got spooked. Deleted it but then chatted to people about it and after much debate, I said feck it and joined again. Absolutely nothing to do with him but in his mind, it’s very different!!

I know what you mean. I went on two first dates over the summer. Both from greater Dublin area and both keen as mustard. Put me right off. Both lovely girls but made me feel as if I had an obligation to be exclusive with them right away, they were so invested into it. One of them was away on holidays for two weeks shortly after we started chatting, so while we chatted while she was away it sort of felt as if the spark (if that’s what you want to call it) had gone a bit yet she was all guns blazing looking for a date when she got back and of course I gave in, met up for lunch (which didn’t go great) bur had plans that evening but she was looking me to cancel and get a hotel! I have to say though it’s a different story from a girl’s perspective, a lot more risks involved especially if they’re so up front early on!

Passenger · 23-10-2019 02:22PM

Starfish25 wrote: »

How’s your day

I’m gonna get ATE for this aren’t I? Haha actually so inexperienced.

No look, sometimes I’ll say how are you, how’s your day or comment on something original on their bio or pic. Not really sure what else to say.

Surprisingly enough, that's actually a lot more than what most girls open with.

armaghlad · 23-10-2019 02:22PM

Starfish25 wrote: »

I’m on tinder and bumble now. Bumble is horrendous and actually, I’m messaging lads cause the woman has to first which is stupid btw but look that’s where we are. Anyway I’m messaging lads and not one is messaging back even though they matched me a few minutes prior?
I would say I’m engaging and chat away. but equally some lads are there to get matches and others are there to send sexts ( bizarre and don’t know why!).
I wouldn’t really want followers for my Instagram or fb cause I’ve personal and family bits up there and would want to know them in person before any of that..
How many dates have you gotten from the apps armaghlad?

A good few. I’ve actually been single quite a while, had a few casual relationships but they didn’t last. In the past year though I reckon I’ve had about 3 or 4 dates. I can’t explain bumble, think the girls on it tend to come across as being more serious about a relationship yet somehow far less engaging than the ones on tinder? I deleted it about a week ago when I read a girl’s bio which said “message me”, that was the last straw lol.

Starfish25 · 23-10-2019 02:24PM

armaghlad wrote: »

I know what you mean. I went on two first dates over the summer. Both from greater Dublin area and both keen as mustard. Put me right off. Both lovely girls but made me feel as if I had an obligation to be exclusive with them right away, they were so invested into it. One of them was away on holidays for two weeks shortly after we started chatting, so while we chatted while she was away it sort of felt as if the spark (if that’s what you want to call it) had gone a bit yet she was all guns blazing looking for a date when she got back and of course I gave in, met up for lunch (which didn’t go great) bur had plans that evening but she was looking me to cancel and get a hotel! I have to say though it’s a different story from a girl’s perspective, a lot more risks involved especially if they’re so up front early on!

Jesus she sounds a bit keen

hotel? Lord almighty!

armaghlad · 23-10-2019 02:25PM

Starfish25 wrote: »

Jesus she sounds a bit keen hotel? Lord almighty!

I play GAA so guess where the priorities lie

Starfish25 · 23-10-2019 02:34PM

armaghlad wrote: »

I play GAA so guess where the priorities lie

Priorities

Esse85 · 23-10-2019 02:38PM

<mod snip>

For a good looking girl to be saying she doesn't get replies on Bumble after she sends the first message is confusing, I mean as a guy on Bumble, when I match with a hot girl, that adrenaline rush kicks in, and when she messages first it's that feeling of opening up a present as a kid at Xmas, it really doesn't matter what she says, if I'm interested I'll be replying. I'd expect 95% of men are like that.

I simply don't reply if I don't fancy the girl having had a proper look at her pics or there's something in her bio that's a dealbreaker for me.

But the reality is, a good looking girl can say anything to a guy and 95% of the time they will get a reply.

Good looking girls dominate the dating apps, that's just how the cookie crumbles, as a man there's no point whinging about it, that's the way it is.

Starfish25 · 23-10-2019 02:48PM

Esse85 wrote: »

<mod snip>

For a good looking girl to be saying she doesn't get replies on Bumble after she sends the first message is confusing, I mean as a guy on Bumble, when I match with a hot girl, that adrenaline rush kicks in, and when she messages first it's that feeling of opening up a present as a kid at Xmas, it really doesn't matter what she says, if I'm interested I'll be replying. I'd expect 95% of men are like that.

I simply don't reply if I don't fancy the girl having had a proper look at her pics or there's something in her bio that's a dealbreaker for me.

But the reality is, a good looking girl can say anything to a guy and 95% of the time they will get a reply.

Good looking girls dominate the dating apps, that's just how the cookie crumbles, as a man there's no point whinging about it, that's the way it is.

I was convinced my bumble wasn’t working.
I shut it down and reopened a account because I literally thought it was broken or something wrong.
Here I am again, getting tons of matches, messaging lads and no response.
It’s the weirdest one yet. I think there’s a conspiracy!

Do lads actually use bumble?

Esse85 · 23-10-2019 02:55PM

Starfish25 wrote: »

I was convinced my bumble wasn’t working.
I shut it down and reopened a account because I literally thought it was broken or something wrong.
Here I am again, getting tons of matches, messaging lads and no response.
It’s the weirdest one yet. I think there’s a conspiracy!
Do lads actually use bumble?

Well if your getting loads of matches, obviously they do!

What's on your bio profile, have you anything potentially off putting?
Again it shouldn't detract too much from getting replies as I'm sure some men don't even read the bio.

bitofabind · 23-10-2019 02:58PM

If you're everything you're saying you are and having had a date in 4 years OP, then you really need to be more proactive. Getting a date is not rocket science but if there's something in your demeanour that's not inviting or open, that could explain it.

Thinking back on my last year's worth of dates: I met guys at work events, weddings, acquaintance from an old job, acquaintance from a wider friend circle and dating apps. Dating is a numbers game. The key is to not heavily invest in anyone too soon, manage your expectations and know what a red flag looks like because you'll run into a LOT of them (guy is hot-and-cold, non-committal, flaky, bitter about an ex, thinks women are looking to 'pin him down', etc)

Use the apps but don't wait for someone to message you. If you like them, message something flirty and ask them to meet for a drink. Go and meet a few of these guys that ask you out online, unless you're getting distinctly 'off' vibes from them. Think about your social circle. Who's single? Try to get introduced via friends, manufacture a reason to be in the same room as them. Look at how you behave when you fancy someone. Do you sit there and say nothing? Or freeze up entirely? Start being proactive. Start approaching or being forward with your body language. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Guys can be quite methodological. Especially with online dating. The "numbers game" approach is common. I've dated a few guys who have added me to their "dating pipeline", only to get ghosted / things end and they've picked the woman they're most interested in and move forward with her. Those guys always end up with girlfriends too. Obviously I'm not condoning that behaviour (don't ghost anyone!!), but it helps to think of yourself as a catch with a lot of options and take a general "wait and see" approach until someone you're really keen on enters the equation.

ElizaBennett · 23-10-2019 03:01PM

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Esse85 · 23-10-2019 03:07PM

ElizaBennett wrote: »

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Unfortunately there's no one size fits all approach to this.
In short and simple terms:

Yes you will find some guys who have an issue with that height and won't date that girl.
And no you will find some guys who don't care if your 4 foot or 6 foot, they will date the girl regardless of height. This is the category she needs to look out for.

Starfish25 · 23-10-2019 03:11PM

ElizaBennett wrote: »

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Just to add;
I’m 6foot for the record. I carry myself well with my posture and I like being tall.

I did go on a date years ago with a fella shorter than me...I ended up with acute neck pain after and we didn’t date again after

so it would be a deal breaker for me regarding the man being same height or taller than me

armaghlad · 23-10-2019 03:11PM

ElizaBennett wrote: »

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Height isn’t an issue for me but a lot of girls prefer guys 6ft+ which just rules me out. I think it’s kind of lame to put it in a persons bio, I have my preferences with women but I wouldn’t include them on my profile, keep them to myself and make the judgment call either from their pics or in person

Esse85 · 23-10-2019 03:16PM

armaghlad wrote: »

Height isn’t an issue for me but a lot of girls prefer guys 6ft+ which just rules me out. I think it’s kind of lame to put it in a persons bio, I have my preferences with women but I wouldn’t include them on my profile, keep them to myself and make the judgment call either from their pics or in person

I do feel a little sympathy for the shorter guys, as some many girls state 'swipe left if your under 6 foot'
Luckily for me I'm 6"3 and I state it in my bio, play to your strengths I say.

I could only imagine the outcry if men stated swipe left if your size x or over. You'd be seen as some @sshole!

Starfish25 · 23-10-2019 03:20PM

Esse85 wrote: »

I do feel a little sympathy for the shorter guys, as some many girls state 'swipe left if your under 6 foot'
Luckily for me I'm 6"3 and I state it in my bio, play to your strengths I say.

I could only imagine the outcry if men stated swipe left if your size x or over. You'd be seen as some @sshole!

Hahah the whole thing is silly. Let the plebs all find eachother. It’s the gym selfies and topless mirror photos that boggle my mind.
Again, I’m few days into the apps and my mind is blown in regards to what people are putting up :O

armaghlad · 23-10-2019 03:33PM

Esse85 wrote: »

I do feel a little sympathy for the shorter guys, as some many girls state 'swipe left if your under 6 foot'
Luckily for me I'm 6"3 and I state it in my bio, play to your strengths I say.

I could only imagine the outcry if men stated swipe left if your size x or over. You'd be seen as some @sshole!

Each person is different, I have certain preferences but sometimes might hit it off with someone who isn’t my usual “type”

woodchuck · 25-10-2019 09:17AM

Locked for mod review

How to get a date?

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