How to get a date?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I’m in my late twenties, good looking, good career and active/fit. I simply cannot meet a man and go on dates etc.
I turn heads all the time on the street, in shops, at work and thats as far as it goes. I make myself approachable and I am happy go lucky but still, cannot meet anyone.

I tried dating apps over the last few days just to see if I was missing out or something but soon discovered there were either a lot of creeps or a lot of big egos with extraordinary and impressive lives carefully designed (yawn).
Anyway, there was one guy I chatted with and he seemed normal enough. I would of preferred to have met him in person naturally rather than online. Anyway, I deleted the apps overall cause I just felt uncomfortable with the whole concept. I did lose contact with that guy which was a shame.

What can I do to meet someone in person?
Im not extraordinary. I don’t travel the world every month etc.. thats not real life although Im sure a lot of people wish it was.
I still have something to offer though.
Im a normal girl, with a good career and socialise as well as stay active and look after myself. Id love to meet someone around my age but it seems to be impossible.

Any advice would be good thank you lads.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Do you ever approach guys, or strike up a conversation with guys yourself?

rapul

Have to agree maybe try start up conversations, don't leave it all to the guy especially this day and age guys are weary of initiating the first move incase. Just get out and about and do some activities you like, and hopefully you would meet like minded people there aswell is maybe the best advice unless you want to go down the pub route but that's a no no I would think for the purpose of getting dates but never say never!

Keep your head high and keep turning heads, someone will be the right one

bitofabind

How about making eye contact and smiling when those heads turn. Maybe saying “hi” if you like the look of them and are in a position to engage EG a cafe or bar. See where things go.

You’re quite fit so is that an avenue you could explore to meet men? Maybe CrossFit or F45, start training for something or join a hiking / surfing group? The more high adrenaline exercise groups usually have a fair percentage of fit young guys in them IME, could be a good way of meeting guys without that weird pressure you get with the dating apps.

And every single person I know hates the apps. Honestly I’m beginning to think it’s not even normal to like them! Everyone gets fed up of them and wants to get off them IME, but I’d say don’t discount them all the same - you should see them as just another way of potentially meeting someone. Ignore the creeps and the very good looking ego types, you’ll get nowhere with them. Be direct on your profile about what you’re looking for and be open minded in who you talk to - it’s often the quieter normal looking lad with the less snappy profile that you’re going to have more long term potential with, the guy that’s not singing and dancing about how amazing he is.

unattendedbag

As above don't dismiss the apps straight away. I'll explain why. Guys are very slow to approach a girl in public and chat them up and ask them out anymore. I see beautiful girls everyday but I wouldn't flirt or come onto them in case I'd get called out for sexual harassment. Sounds crap I know but its a different world nowadays.

Dating apps are a way of meeting someone but not for getting to know someone. Do plenty of swiping but be direct, and upfront about what you're looking for. Be prepared to meet for a date and if you're a looker then you will have loads of offers. The prob I seen with apps are too much texting and then ghosting for no reasons. A nervous guy or wrong word here or there can make someone seem like a weirdo when they could be grand. So have a quick checklist and get out there on those coffee dates and meet ups etc.

Last bit of advice may be controversial but its another problem that crops up here. If you are getting lots of dates but no 2nd dates or just lads looking for hookups then make a rule of no sex for first 2 or 3 months. It's fine if you want to as your entitled to do what you want but from speaking to others it's the still the best way to weed out 95% of time wasters as the genuine guy will stick around and show he's serious.

Bunny Colvin

unattendedbag wrote: »

Last bit of advice may be controversial but its another problem that crops up here. If you are getting lots of dates but no 2nd dates or just lads looking for hookups then make a rule of no sex for first 2 or 3 months. It's fine if you want to as your entitled to do what you want but from speaking to others it's the still the best way to weed out 95% of time wasters as the genuine guy will stick around and show he's serious.

2/3 months? Do you not think that's extreme?

I don't think anyone should have to use sex as a bargaining tool. Sex on the first or 20th date, a genuine guy will be genuine regardless and making up rules 'to try and weed people out' really isn't the way to go.

Try to be more open to initiate conversation OP and keep plugging away. Dating apps can work, so don't dismiss them either.

Augme

There no way I'd be waiting 2-3 months for sex and I'd say anyone who is willing to wait is not only genuine, but very likely desperate as well which is never a good thing.

LegacyUser

You sound a delight op. Jesus seeing these losers who’s full time job it seems to be to try to impress people with their endless travel etc what they’ve had for breakfast lunch and dinner, I always wonder who are they trying to convince , us or themselves ? I actually stopped posting up on social media for the most part, because I’m not looking for other people’s approval or care what they think. Honest to god , a woman that didn’t or barely used social media , would be a big plus in my opinion! I’d say approach men you like the look of of , if your “ brave “ enough

unattendedbag

Bunny Colvin wrote: »

2/3 months? Do you not think that's extreme?

I don't think anyone should have to use sex as a bargaining tool. Sex on the first or 20th date, a genuine guy will be genuine regardless and making up rules 'to try and weed people out' really isn't the way to go.

Try to be more open to initiate conversation OP and keep plugging away. Dating apps can work, so don't dismiss them either.

Perhaps you're getting too hung up on the time period I wasn't suggesting a fixed amount of time as a steadfast rule. It just takes care of the large group of guys on dating apps who are trying and saying anything to get their leg over. Filter the men who are actually interested in dating and finding a relationship. Nobody will put that much effort into multiple dates and conversation for one night in the sack.

CPTM

bitofabind wrote: »

How about making eye contact and smiling when those heads turn. Maybe saying “hi” if you like the look of them and are in a position to engage EG a cafe or bar. See where things go.

+1 on the eye contact. You might feel it's over doing it, but sometimes we're very thick and need that extra glance, the look away, and the glance back again

marieholmfan

Singlegirlabouttown wrote: »

Hey guys,

I’m in my late twenties, good looking, good career and active/fit. I simply cannot meet a man and go on dates etc.
I turn heads all the time on the street, in shops, at work and thats as far as it goes. I make myself approachable and I am happy go lucky but still, cannot meet anyone.

I tried dating apps over the last few days just to see if I was missing out or something but soon discovered there were either a lot of creeps or a lot of big egos with extraordinary and impressive lives carefully designed (yawn).
Anyway, there was one guy I chatted with and he seemed normal enough. I would of preferred to have met him in person naturally rather than online. Anyway, I deleted the apps overall cause I just felt uncomfortable with the whole concept. I did lose contact with that guy which was a shame.

What can I do to meet someone in person?
Im not extraordinary. I don’t travel the world every month etc.. thats not real life although Im sure a lot of people wish it was.
I still have something to offer though.
Im a normal girl, with a good career and socialise as well as stay active and look after myself. Id love to meet someone around my age but it seems to be impossible.

Any advice would be good thank you lads.

play tag rugby

Thelonious Monk

marieholmfan wrote: »

play tag rugby

is tag rugby some kind of singles f*ck fest or something? why do so many people think it's the answer to singledom?

Bunny Colvin

unattendedbag wrote: »

Perhaps you're getting too hung up on the time period I wasn't suggesting a fixed amount of time as a steadfast rule. It just takes care of the large group of guys on dating apps who are trying and saying anything to get their leg over. Filter the men who are actually interested in dating and finding a relationship. Nobody will put that much effort into multiple dates and conversation for one night in the sack.

I'm not getting hung up on anything, I was just replying to what you wrote. You said 2/3 months.

Sex is an important part of a relationship. What's the point of going on multiple dates only to find out you're completely incompatible in the bedroom - all because of a rule you're imposing on yourself. You should go with what feels right.

Also, I think there's plenty of lads on dating sites looking for relationships and not just their hole. Certainly enough that you shouldn't having to be filtering them when on dates.

Esse85

If you were that good looking as you claim, you wouldn't need to come on to this forum asking how to get a date.

Truely good looking girls are inundated with offers from guys asking them out.

Bob Harris

You may be too good looking and men will assume you are taken.

marieholmfan

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

is tag rugby some kind of singles f*ck fest or something? why do so many people think it's the answer to singledom?

Men and women exercising together, touching each other and working towards a common goal.

unattendedbag wrote: »

Last bit of advice may be controversial but its another problem that crops up here. If you are getting lots of dates but no 2nd dates or just lads looking for hookups then make a rule of no sex for first 2 or 3 months. It's fine if you want to as your entitled to do what you want but from speaking to others it's the still the best way to weed out 95% of time wasters as the genuine guy will stick around and show he's serious.

What about the natural desire of a healthy thirty year old woman to have sex?

unattendedbag

[quote="marieholmfan;111571304"
What about the natural desire of a healthy thirty year old woman to have sex?[/quote]

Absolutely, ride away. If a 30 yr old wants a ride then get on with it. Pretty much any woman who wants sex can go out and get it with minimal effort, but then threads pop up around here with where girls can't attract long term relationships or can never get date 3 or date 3. Getting sex is not the original complaint by the OP

Some guys are not upfront about what they want and will string girls along and lie their holes off. From female friends in this situation their seems to be a high proportion of them on anonymous dating apps.

PHG

Hi OP,

Trying to break it down. What are you looking for in a guy first? I find that once you have a general idea that the type of person you are looking for, that person starts to stick out from the crowd. You will never get everything you want in a partner but it's a place to start.

If you go randomly swiping right and just searching then it is all a bit of a blur.

zoobizoo

Clubs...

Seriously, join some clubs.

They are full of men and women who are single (friends all attached / with kids / boring) and who are looking for someone.

Lots of social nights, weekends away, you'll make male and female friends and take it from there.

Worked for me many times.

ted1

Esse85 wrote: »

If you were that good looking as you claim, you wouldn't need to come on to this forum asking how to get a date.

Truely good looking girls are inundated with offers from guys asking them out.

Rubbish. Guys can often be intimated by a good looking girl and assume she’s taking it out of their league

LegacyUser

Esse85 wrote: »

If you were that good looking as you claim, you wouldn't need to come on to this forum asking how to get a date.

Truely good looking girls are inundated with offers from guys asking them out.

Hey lads sorry haven’t been on recently.
Oh please don’t get me wrong. I’m not a narcissist going around saying I’m so good looking. I’m just going by the feedback I get from others and the looks I get from lads. Plus I don’t think I’m bad looking plus I look after myself and put effort into my appearance daily.

I have to confess to you all - haven’t been on a date in 4 years!
It’s shocking to say the least.

Men don’t ask me out in person. I’m back on the apps now and getting loads of matches but nothing’s clicking. Had 1 or 2 genuine convos, the rest seem to be either one or two sentences with lack of conversation or interest and there’s a lot of matches but not messaging. The guy I was talking to originally won’t swipe me again after I left last time (I got spooked but after chats with friends and reading here I said I’d give it another go). It’s a shame really. I would have gone out on a date with him. He did ask me to go a night I was away and I told him as much but then said I’d go with him next week and all was good. When I deleted it, it was nothing to do with him! It was the overall concept and now he won’t swipe again

Lads it’s not even about a serious relationship. Of course that’s my long term goal. But I’d like some fun but nothing sleazy either.
Like I’d like to go on a couple of dates with someone, have fun and ya, have the ride. But I don’t want to be used either. Just want someone to have fun with and go places with and if that leads to a relationship, great! But I find a lot of men I’ve encountered are very uptight and judgemental ? Like already have their mind made up about you? Maybe that’s just in my head but from the men I’ve been around, that’s the sense I get and it gets me down cause you don’t even get a chance...

I’d like someone who’s fun, kind, considerate with cop on. And sure taller than me cause I’m a tall girl. Someone with good values, good to their family and doesn’t abuse themselves (drink/drugs), someone active and takes care of themselves.

I want to have fun while I’m in my prime and young. But lads my age are completely rigid or something? Is it a confidence issue, low self eestem or what?
Is there truth to lads being intimidated?

Or maybe I just hide away and forget it all

KrustyUCC

I know we all have preferences about what we like in people

Could it be that your preferences are limiting the choice of men that you would date?

dvdman1

Once your attractive men will overcome any intimidation your giving off trust me im a guy...you wont want an easily intimidated guy, generally immature or bad stock confidence issues..
You wanna set yourself up for fun..meet people by doing stuff, activities are great so hiking, swimming running club whatever your into.
Im a big believer in opposite attraction..so thinking outside your speckrum of people is good..give the geek a chance he could be funny.

marieholmfan

singlegirlabouttown wrote: »

Hey lads sorry haven’t been on recently.
Oh please don’t get me wrong. I’m not a narcissist going around saying I’m so good looking. I’m just going by the feedback I get from others and the looks I get from lads. Plus I don’t think I’m bad looking plus I look after myself and put effort into my appearance daily.

I have to confess to you all - haven’t been on a date in 4 years!
It’s shocking to say the least.

Men don’t ask me out in person. I’m back on the apps now and getting loads of matches but nothing’s clicking. Had 1 or 2 genuine convos, the rest seem to be either one or two sentences with lack of conversation or interest and there’s a lot of matches but not messaging. The guy I was talking to originally won’t swipe me again after I left last time (I got spooked but after chats with friends and reading here I said I’d give it another go). It’s a shame really. I would have gone out on a date with him. He did ask me to go a night I was away and I told him as much but then said I’d go with him next week and all was good. When I deleted it, it was nothing to do with him! It was the overall concept and now he won’t swipe again

Lads it’s not even about a serious relationship. Of course that’s my long term goal. But I’d like some fun but nothing sleazy either.
Like I’d like to go on a couple of dates with someone, have fun and ya, have the ride. But I don’t want to be used either. Just want someone to have fun with and go places with and if that leads to a relationship, great! But I find a lot of men I’ve encountered are very uptight and judgemental ? Like already have their mind made up about you? Maybe that’s just in my head but from the men I’ve been around, that’s the sense I get and it gets me down cause you don’t even get a chance...

I’d like someone who’s fun, kind, considerate with cop on. And sure taller than me cause I’m a tall girl. Someone with good values, good to their family and doesn’t abuse themselves (drink/drugs), someone active and takes care of themselves.

I want to have fun while I’m in my prime and young. But lads my age are completely rigid or something? Is it a confidence issue, low self eestem or what?
Is there truth to lads being intimidated?

Or maybe I just hide away and forget it all

How tall?

Arrival

unattendedbag wrote: »

As above don't dismiss the apps straight away. I'll explain why. Guys are very slow to approach a girl in public and chat them up and ask them out anymore. I see beautiful girls everyday but I wouldn't flirt or come onto them in case I'd get called out for sexual harassment. Sounds crap I know but its a different world nowadays.

Dating apps are a way of meeting someone but not for getting to know someone. Do plenty of swiping but be direct, and upfront about what you're looking for. Be prepared to meet for a date and if you're a looker then you will have loads of offers. The prob I seen with apps are too much texting and then ghosting for no reasons. A nervous guy or wrong word here or there can make someone seem like a weirdo when they could be grand. So have a quick checklist and get out there on those coffee dates and meet ups etc.

Last bit of advice may be controversial but its another problem that crops up here. If you are getting lots of dates but no 2nd dates or just lads looking for hookups then make a rule of no sex for first 2 or 3 months. It's fine if you want to as your entitled to do what you want but from speaking to others it's the still the best way to weed out 95% of time wasters as the genuine guy will stick around and show he's serious.

This is undeniably 100% accurate nowadays, I've confirmed it with countless lads I know. Further to this also is the fact that many Irish women play weird and strange games when it comes to having lads approach them and rejecting lads and we're sick of it. I don't know if it's insecurity or low self esteem or what but they need to sort themselves out anyway. For example, dancing in a club and a girl comes near you, flicking her hair at you, trying to make eye contact multiple times only to give you a look of disgust or being really rude and mean when you actually do approach her to introduce yourself - I've done enough travelling with friends who've all experienced this here to consider this a thing that's unique to Irish women. I'm also friends with a couple of gay lads who've pointed out multiple times on nights out how rude and nasty Irish girls seem to be towards even very good looking guys. One of them is S. American and he was in disbelief about this, he said at home no matter how beautiful a woman is she will engage in a polite conversation with the guy and let them know nicely that they're not interested and everyone moves on.

For this reason, I and lots of friends simply don't bother trying to even interact with Irish girls anymore, nevermind put ourselves out there by approaching and exposing ourselves to either sexual harassment claims or overly harsh rejections. And honestly nights out have never been more fun since we have many beautiful and friendly expats and tourists here nowadays, Ireland is a very international country now. The best part is lots of those girls will try to initiate conversation with you as well instead of expecting you to do all the work and at times when they reject you they're polite but up-front which is refreshing.

So my advice to the OP would be to smile at men you're interested in and if they smile back head over towards them and make yourself very approachable or do the approaching yourself. And if someone approaches you that you're not interested in, or even find repulsive, you should still engage in a small polite conversation to be pleasant, since everyone goes on nights out to enjoy themselves and converse with new people and not feel bad, but let them know you're not interested if they try to make a move (offer to buy a drink or whatever their approach is). The thing to keep in mind is, it takes a lot of courage and confidence to walk over to and introduce yourself to someone you don't know; and even more to someone you find very attractive and want to possibly date. So respect that courage and confidence each individual who approaches you shows, I think this is the thing a lot of Irish girls are so blind and ignorant to.

LegacyUser

marieholmfan wrote: »

How tall?

Just about 6foot. Is that bad? I can’t help it lol
But I see men taller than me all the time

dvdman1

Arrival wrote: »

This is undeniably 100% accurate nowadays, I've confirmed it with countless lads I know. Further to this also is the fact that many Irish women play weird and strange games when it comes to having lads approach them and rejecting lads and we're sick of it. I don't know if it's insecurity or low self esteem or what but they need to sort themselves out anyway. For example, dancing in a club and a girl comes near you, flicking her hair at you, trying to make eye contact multiple times only to give you a look of disgust or being really rude and mean when you actually do approach her to introduce yourself - I've done enough travelling with friends who've all experienced this here to consider this a thing that's unique to Irish women. I'm also friends with a couple of gay lads who've pointed out multiple times on nights out how rude and nasty Irish girls seem to be towards even very good looking guys. One of them is S. American and he was in disbelief about this, he said at home no matter how beautiful a woman is she will engage in a polite conversation with the guy and let them know nicely that they're not interested and everyone moves on.

For this reason, I and lots of friends simply don't bother trying to even interact with Irish girls anymore, nevermind put ourselves out there by approaching and exposing ourselves to either sexual harassment claims or overly harsh rejections. And honestly nights out have never been more fun since we have many beautiful and friendly expats and tourists here nowadays, Ireland is a very international country now. The best part is lots of those girls will try to initiate conversation with you as well instead of expecting you to do all the work and at times when they reject you they're polite but up-front which is refreshing.

So my advice to the OP would be to smile at men you're interested in and if they smile back head over towards them and make yourself very approachable or do the approaching yourself. And if someone approaches you that you're not interested in, or even find repulsive, you should still engage in a small polite conversation to be pleasant, since everyone goes on nights out to enjoy themselves and converse with new people and not feel bad, but let them know you're not interested if they try to make a move (offer to buy a drink or whatever their approach is). The thing to keep in mind is, it takes a lot of courage and confidence to walk over to and introduce yourself to someone you don't know; and even more to someone you find very attractive and want to possibly date. So respect that courage and confidence each individual who approaches you shows, I think this is the thing a lot of Irish girls are so blind and ignorant to.

I agree with some of what you said..personally ive found this phenomenon to be more of a Dublin girls issue..country girls arent rude or as down putting in my experience, there great fun....i think you've made a great point though the OP should try and avoid any rudness and looking down even if its the most ugly non charming guy in Ireland

armaghlad

singlegirlabouttown wrote: »

Men don’t ask me out in person. I’m back on the apps now and getting loads of matches but nothing’s clicking. Had 1 or 2 genuine convos, the rest seem to be either one or two sentences with lack of conversation or interest and there’s a lot of matches but not messaging. The guy I was talking to originally won’t swipe me again after I left last time (I got spooked but after chats with friends and reading here I said I’d give it another go). It’s a shame really. I would have gone out on a date with him. He did ask me to go a night I was away and I told him as much but then said I’d go with him next week and all was good. When I deleted it, it was nothing to do with him! It was the overall concept and now he won’t swipe again

Lads it’s not even about a serious relationship. Of course that’s my long term goal. But I’d like some fun but nothing sleazy either.
Like I’d like to go on a couple of dates with someone, have fun and ya, have the ride. But I don’t want to be used either. Just want someone to have fun with and go places with and if that leads to a relationship, great! But I find a lot of men I’ve encountered are very uptight and judgemental ? Like already have their mind made up about you? Maybe that’s just in my head but from the men I’ve been around, that’s the sense I get and it gets me down cause you don’t even get a chance...

I’d like someone who’s fun, kind, considerate with cop on. And sure taller than me cause I’m a tall girl. Someone with good values, good to their family and doesn’t abuse themselves (drink/drugs), someone active and takes care of themselves.

I want to have fun while I’m in my prime and young. But lads my age are completely rigid or something? Is it a confidence issue, low self eestem or what?
Is there truth to lads being intimidated?

Or maybe I just hide away and forget it all

Not in a million years would I ask a girl out (in person). I could never approach a girl I thought was good looking and just randomly ask her for a drink. I don’t think anyone here does that. At least with online dating that tends to be the end goal.

I’m on tinder and was on bumble until recently, they’re both absolutely AWFUL when it comes to meeting women (relative to the amount I match and even get talking to). I get plenty of matches but conversation is always hit or miss - probably about 75% miss. Girls either never reply or when they do reply they’re drier than an African footpath. It always goes down the same routine, me initiating the conversation and asking them all the questions; them just replying with answers, the odd “hby” thrown in, like a really boring job interview without any actual outcome. It feels like I’m dragging it out, like I’m almost bothering them by actually talking to them.

I think most girls use dating apps for an ego boost and not to actually meet anyone, at least that’s the impression I get... Apparently they “don’t really use this, message me on instagram” so they can get their follower numbers up. The furthest I usually get is swap Snapchat Instagram etc, talk for a week and then gradually they stop talking - it’s always them!

Despite all that, every now and again you come across a really nice girl who is engaging, attractive and interesting with a bit of chemistry thrown in. Like as much as despise tinder, I’m still on it, you just never know who you might bump into. Even though it’s useless 99% of the time, it’s worth keeping as you never know who you might come across.

PS - is there something in the air this week or is boyfriend season coming up? I’ve had several girls I haven’t spoken to in ages pop up out of the blue looking to meet?!

Starfish25

Hey lads and mods. Please note-
This is OP girlabouttown. I managed to reset old account so now can engage faster. Now I’m a starfish lol !!

armaghlad - I get what you mean. I dunno if it’s my inexperience with the apps or what but when a fella goes straight to asking about going for a drink with little convo or back/forth, I think it’s more fear on the woman’s side than ego boosts and oddness that are at play. Like another fella is asking me for a drink there now and I’m afraid? How silly is that!
Ya I’d say the fella I was chatting to and won’t swipe again thinks I was odd. But it wasn’t anything to do with him. I got 2 creepy friend requests on my social media and got spooked. Deleted it but then chatted to people about it and after much debate, I said feck it and joined again. Absolutely nothing to do with him but in his mind, it’s very different!!

Starfish25

armaghlad wrote: »

I’m on tinder and was on bumble until recently, they’re both absolutely AWFUL when it comes to meeting women (relative to the amount I match and even get talking to). I get plenty of matches but conversation is always hit or miss - probably about 75% miss. Girls either never reply or when they do reply they’re drier than an African footpath. It always goes down the same routine, me initiating the conversation and asking them all the questions; them just replying with answers, the odd “hby” thrown in, like a really boring job interview without any actual outcome. It feels like I’m dragging it out, like I’m almost bothering them by actually talking to them.

I think most girls use dating apps for an ego boost and not to actually meet anyone, at least that’s the impression I get... Apparently they “don’t really use this, message me on instagram” so they can get their follower numbers up. The furthest I usually get is swap Snapchat Instagram etc, talk for a week and then gradually they stop talking - it’s always them!

Despite all that, every now and again you come across a really nice girl who is engaging, attractive and interesting with a bit of chemistry thrown in. Like as much as despise tinder, I’m still on it, you just never know who you might bump into. Even though it’s useless 99% of the time, it’s worth keeping as you never know who you might come across !

I’m on tinder and bumble now. Bumble is horrendous and actually, I’m messaging lads cause the woman has to first which is stupid btw but look that’s where we are. Anyway I’m messaging lads and not one is messaging back even though they matched me a few minutes prior?
I would say I’m engaging and chat away. but equally some lads are there to get matches and others are there to send sexts ( bizarre and don’t know why!).
I wouldn’t really want followers for my Instagram or fb cause I’ve personal and family bits up there and would want to know them in person before any of that..
How many dates have you gotten from the apps armaghlad?

Passenger

Starfish25 wrote: »

I’m on tinder and bumble now. Bumble is horrendous and actually, I’m messaging lads cause the woman has to first which is stupid btw but look that’s where we are. Anyway I’m messaging lads and not one is messaging back even though they matched me a few minutes prior?
I would say I’m engaging and chat away. but equally some lads are there to get matches and others are there to send sexts ( bizarre and don’t know why!).

You say you're engaging but what's your opening line on Bumble?

Starfish25

Passenger wrote: »

You say you're engaging but what's your opening line on Bumble?

How’s your day

I’m gonna get ATE for this aren’t I? Haha actually so inexperienced.

No look, sometimes I’ll say how are you, how’s your day or comment on something original on their bio or pic. Not really sure what else to say.

armaghlad

Starfish25 wrote: »

Hey lads and mods. Please note-
This is OP girlabouttown. I managed to reset old account so now can engage faster. Now I’m a starfish lol !!

armaghlad - I get what you mean. I dunno if it’s my inexperience with the apps or what but when a fella goes straight to asking about going for a drink with little convo or back/forth, I think it’s more fear on the woman’s side than ego boosts and oddness that are at play. Like another fella is asking me for a drink there now and I’m afraid? How silly is that!
Ya I’d say the fella I was chatting to and won’t swipe again thinks I was odd. But it wasn’t anything to do with him. I got 2 creepy friend requests on my social media and got spooked. Deleted it but then chatted to people about it and after much debate, I said feck it and joined again. Absolutely nothing to do with him but in his mind, it’s very different!!

I know what you mean. I went on two first dates over the summer. Both from greater Dublin area and both keen as mustard. Put me right off. Both lovely girls but made me feel as if I had an obligation to be exclusive with them right away, they were so invested into it. One of them was away on holidays for two weeks shortly after we started chatting, so while we chatted while she was away it sort of felt as if the spark (if that’s what you want to call it) had gone a bit yet she was all guns blazing looking for a date when she got back and of course I gave in, met up for lunch (which didn’t go great) bur had plans that evening but she was looking me to cancel and get a hotel! I have to say though it’s a different story from a girl’s perspective, a lot more risks involved especially if they’re so up front early on!

Passenger

Starfish25 wrote: »

How’s your day

I’m gonna get ATE for this aren’t I? Haha actually so inexperienced.

No look, sometimes I’ll say how are you, how’s your day or comment on something original on their bio or pic. Not really sure what else to say.

Surprisingly enough, that's actually a lot more than what most girls open with.

armaghlad

Starfish25 wrote: »

I’m on tinder and bumble now. Bumble is horrendous and actually, I’m messaging lads cause the woman has to first which is stupid btw but look that’s where we are. Anyway I’m messaging lads and not one is messaging back even though they matched me a few minutes prior?
I would say I’m engaging and chat away. but equally some lads are there to get matches and others are there to send sexts ( bizarre and don’t know why!).
I wouldn’t really want followers for my Instagram or fb cause I’ve personal and family bits up there and would want to know them in person before any of that..
How many dates have you gotten from the apps armaghlad?

A good few. I’ve actually been single quite a while, had a few casual relationships but they didn’t last. In the past year though I reckon I’ve had about 3 or 4 dates. I can’t explain bumble, think the girls on it tend to come across as being more serious about a relationship yet somehow far less engaging than the ones on tinder? I deleted it about a week ago when I read a girl’s bio which said “message me”, that was the last straw lol.

Starfish25

armaghlad wrote: »

I know what you mean. I went on two first dates over the summer. Both from greater Dublin area and both keen as mustard. Put me right off. Both lovely girls but made me feel as if I had an obligation to be exclusive with them right away, they were so invested into it. One of them was away on holidays for two weeks shortly after we started chatting, so while we chatted while she was away it sort of felt as if the spark (if that’s what you want to call it) had gone a bit yet she was all guns blazing looking for a date when she got back and of course I gave in, met up for lunch (which didn’t go great) bur had plans that evening but she was looking me to cancel and get a hotel! I have to say though it’s a different story from a girl’s perspective, a lot more risks involved especially if they’re so up front early on!

Jesus she sounds a bit keen hotel? Lord almighty!

armaghlad

Starfish25 wrote: »

Jesus she sounds a bit keen hotel? Lord almighty!

I play GAA so guess where the priorities lie

Starfish25

armaghlad wrote: »

I play GAA so guess where the priorities lie

Priorities

Esse85

<mod snip>

For a good looking girl to be saying she doesn't get replies on Bumble after she sends the first message is confusing, I mean as a guy on Bumble, when I match with a hot girl, that adrenaline rush kicks in, and when she messages first it's that feeling of opening up a present as a kid at Xmas, it really doesn't matter what she says, if I'm interested I'll be replying. I'd expect 95% of men are like that.

I simply don't reply if I don't fancy the girl having had a proper look at her pics or there's something in her bio that's a dealbreaker for me.

But the reality is, a good looking girl can say anything to a guy and 95% of the time they will get a reply.

Good looking girls dominate the dating apps, that's just how the cookie crumbles, as a man there's no point whinging about it, that's the way it is.

Starfish25

Esse85 wrote: »

<mod snip>

For a good looking girl to be saying she doesn't get replies on Bumble after she sends the first message is confusing, I mean as a guy on Bumble, when I match with a hot girl, that adrenaline rush kicks in, and when she messages first it's that feeling of opening up a present as a kid at Xmas, it really doesn't matter what she says, if I'm interested I'll be replying. I'd expect 95% of men are like that.

I simply don't reply if I don't fancy the girl having had a proper look at her pics or there's something in her bio that's a dealbreaker for me.

But the reality is, a good looking girl can say anything to a guy and 95% of the time they will get a reply.

Good looking girls dominate the dating apps, that's just how the cookie crumbles, as a man there's no point whinging about it, that's the way it is.

I was convinced my bumble wasn’t working.
I shut it down and reopened a account because I literally thought it was broken or something wrong.
Here I am again, getting tons of matches, messaging lads and no response.
It’s the weirdest one yet. I think there’s a conspiracy!
Do lads actually use bumble?

Esse85

Starfish25 wrote: »

I was convinced my bumble wasn’t working.
I shut it down and reopened a account because I literally thought it was broken or something wrong.
Here I am again, getting tons of matches, messaging lads and no response.
It’s the weirdest one yet. I think there’s a conspiracy!
Do lads actually use bumble?

Well if your getting loads of matches, obviously they do!

What's on your bio profile, have you anything potentially off putting?
Again it shouldn't detract too much from getting replies as I'm sure some men don't even read the bio.

bitofabind

If you're everything you're saying you are and having had a date in 4 years OP, then you really need to be more proactive. Getting a date is not rocket science but if there's something in your demeanour that's not inviting or open, that could explain it.

Thinking back on my last year's worth of dates: I met guys at work events, weddings, acquaintance from an old job, acquaintance from a wider friend circle and dating apps. Dating is a numbers game. The key is to not heavily invest in anyone too soon, manage your expectations and know what a red flag looks like because you'll run into a LOT of them (guy is hot-and-cold, non-committal, flaky, bitter about an ex, thinks women are looking to 'pin him down', etc)

Use the apps but don't wait for someone to message you. If you like them, message something flirty and ask them to meet for a drink. Go and meet a few of these guys that ask you out online, unless you're getting distinctly 'off' vibes from them. Think about your social circle. Who's single? Try to get introduced via friends, manufacture a reason to be in the same room as them. Look at how you behave when you fancy someone. Do you sit there and say nothing? Or freeze up entirely? Start being proactive. Start approaching or being forward with your body language. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Guys can be quite methodological. Especially with online dating. The "numbers game" approach is common. I've dated a few guys who have added me to their "dating pipeline", only to get ghosted / things end and they've picked the woman they're most interested in and move forward with her. Those guys always end up with girlfriends too. Obviously I'm not condoning that behaviour (don't ghost anyone!!), but it helps to think of yourself as a catch with a lot of options and take a general "wait and see" approach until someone you're really keen on enters the equation.

ElizaBennett

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Esse85

ElizaBennett wrote: »

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Unfortunately there's no one size fits all approach to this.
In short and simple terms:

Yes you will find some guys who have an issue with that height and won't date that girl.
And no you will find some guys who don't care if your 4 foot or 6 foot, they will date the girl regardless of height. This is the category she needs to look out for.

Starfish25

ElizaBennett wrote: »

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Just to add;
I’m 6foot for the record. I carry myself well with my posture and I like being tall.
I did go on a date years ago with a fella shorter than me...I ended up with acute neck pain after and we didn’t date again after so it would be a deal breaker for me regarding the man being same height or taller than me

armaghlad

ElizaBennett wrote: »

Back to the height issue - or is it an 'issue'? Can any men advise the OP on this? I'm female and way shorter than this so I don't know but my sister is 5'10" and held out for a guy taller than her which took quite a lot of dating but eventually worked. My brother and some other guys I know would not date a girl of 6' they tell me categorically but my partner's previous long term relationship was with a girl of 6 ft and he's 5'10". Are some men just saying to themselves that this is a dealbreaker no matter what your face is like? Can anyone shed some light on this? Though obviously she can't do anything about it but it might help to know and then move on from apps and get back to the real world where people won't judge her by a number and get to know her first as a person.

Height isn’t an issue for me but a lot of girls prefer guys 6ft+ which just rules me out. I think it’s kind of lame to put it in a persons bio, I have my preferences with women but I wouldn’t include them on my profile, keep them to myself and make the judgment call either from their pics or in person

Esse85

armaghlad wrote: »

Height isn’t an issue for me but a lot of girls prefer guys 6ft+ which just rules me out. I think it’s kind of lame to put it in a persons bio, I have my preferences with women but I wouldn’t include them on my profile, keep them to myself and make the judgment call either from their pics or in person

I do feel a little sympathy for the shorter guys, as some many girls state 'swipe left if your under 6 foot'
Luckily for me I'm 6"3 and I state it in my bio, play to your strengths I say.

I could only imagine the outcry if men stated swipe left if your size x or over. You'd be seen as some @sshole!

Starfish25

Esse85 wrote: »

I do feel a little sympathy for the shorter guys, as some many girls state 'swipe left if your under 6 foot'
Luckily for me I'm 6"3 and I state it in my bio, play to your strengths I say.

I could only imagine the outcry if men stated swipe left if your size x or over. You'd be seen as some @sshole!

Hahah the whole thing is silly. Let the plebs all find eachother. It’s the gym selfies and topless mirror photos that boggle my mind.
Again, I’m few days into the apps and my mind is blown in regards to what people are putting up :O

armaghlad

Esse85 wrote: »

I do feel a little sympathy for the shorter guys, as some many girls state 'swipe left if your under 6 foot'
Luckily for me I'm 6"3 and I state it in my bio, play to your strengths I say.

I could only imagine the outcry if men stated swipe left if your size x or over. You'd be seen as some @sshole!

Each person is different, I have certain preferences but sometimes might hit it off with someone who isn’t my usual “type”

woodchuck

Locked for mod review