It's in the past

black_and_blue · 05-10-2019 07:51PM #1

This has been an excuse given to me from someone to avoid responsibility for their behaviour and pretty much telling me to get over it.

Is it ever really in the past when they are the same nasty person who keeps doing nasty things and using it as an excuse.

I don't think the cops would ever let you away with an excuse "it's in the past, let me go".

How is an apology too much for these types of people.

I find the "it's in the past" excuse funny because it came from someone who spent four years crying over a one night stand and harassing the man. Things were very much not in the past for her!!!

So is it ever an acceptable excuse to give to somebody when all they want is an acknowledgement of behaviour and an apology?

Church on Tuesday · 05-10-2019 07:56PM

black_and_blue wrote: »

This has been an excuse given to me from someone to avoid responsibility for their behaviour and pretty much telling me to get over it.

Is it ever really in the past when they are the same nasty person who keeps doing nasty things and using it as an excuse.

I don't think the cops would ever let you away with an excuse "it's in the past, let me go".

How is an apology too much for these types of people.

I find the "it's in the past" excuse funny because it came from someone who spent four years crying over a one night stand and harassing the man. Things were very much not in the past for her!!!

So is it ever an acceptable excuse to give to somebody when all they want is an acknowledgement of behaviour and an apology?

Because those types of people will never own up to their transgressions against others.

Bullies and ****ty people in general are seldom repentant.

Quantum Erasure · 05-10-2019 07:57PM

stop living in the past, man...

Bobblehats · 05-10-2019 07:58PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Mdxfv9Qnss

05-10-2019 08:01PM

Don't dwell on something outside your control. Move on.

MrAbyss · 05-10-2019 08:09PM

I know a guy who was falsely accused of rape by a woman who was placed in a psychiatric hospital after having made similar false complaints about other innocent men.

She was eventually released having been 'cured' and we are being told that her behavior was 'in the past' and we should let it go.

However, the funny thing is the innocent men she lied about - including one who went to court - are somehow 'rapists' for the rest of their lives. Except for one who is a pile of ashes from Glasnevin Crematorium having committed suicide.

I guess the notion of 'in the past' is arbitrary so.

black_and_blue · 05-10-2019 08:13PM

MrAbyss wrote: »

I know a guy who was falsely accused of rape by a woman who was placed in a psychiatric hospital after having made similar false complaints about other innocent men.

She was eventually released having been 'cured' and we are being told that her behavior was 'in the past' and we should let it go.

However, the funny thing is the innocent men she lied about - including one who went to court - are somehow 'rapists' for the rest of their lives. Except for one who is a pile of ashes from Glasnevin Crematorium having committed suicide.

I guess the notion of 'in the past' is arbitrary so.

"It's in the past" is not ok for this nutjob. What a bitch.

s7ryf3925pivug · 05-10-2019 08:13PM

MrAbyss wrote: »

I know a guy who was falsely accused of rape by a woman who was placed in a psychiatric hospital after having made similar false complaints about other innocent men.

She was eventually released having been 'cured' and we are being told that her behavior was 'in the past' and we should let it go.

However, the funny thing is the innocent men she lied about - including one who went to court - are somehow 'rapists' for the rest of their lives. Except for one who is a pile of ashes from Glasnevin Crematorium having committed suicide.

I guess the notion of 'in the past' is arbitrary so.

A psychotic person has delusions. They're not allowed get better? Is it still mental health week yeah?

**** for the accused but gonna say it's not her fault. Societal problem.

One eyed Jack · 05-10-2019 08:26PM

black_and_blue wrote: »

So is it ever an acceptable excuse to give to somebody when all they want is an acknowledgement of behaviour and an apology?

I’d be looking at that a different way if I’m being honest. I don’t know the circumstances in your particular case but any time anyone has ever looked for an apology and an acknowledgment of my behaviour off me, they’ve been left waiting. I don’t harbour grudges against people either because when someone does something wrong against me, an acknowledgement and an apology aren’t going to mend that. Actions have always spoken louder than words and I really can’t be arsed to bear grudges against people, it just doesn’t do a persons mentality any good. I prefer to let things go, not just for their sake, but for my own sake too - it’s a waste of energy being bitter and resentful towards someone who really doesn’t give a shìte.

touts · 05-10-2019 08:33PM

It's only in the past if everyone agrees it is in the past.

Strumms · 05-10-2019 08:47PM

black_and_blue wrote: »

"It's in the past" is not ok for this nutjob. What a bitch.

In modern life though there are oceans of people more than willing to put their arm around wankèrs like this, giving them the “ahhhh poor love, are you alright, it’s not your fault” schtick... no thought at all for the poor innocent person lying cold in the ground at the result of this horrific individual, their family having lost a loved one, at the results of this despicable behavior....

In modern life... someone commits a serious assault, breaks a red light and kills a kid crossing, robs a shop... the default setting now is to examine their past for to find any fingerprint of so called hardship to excuse them....

Bollôcks !

There are people who have horrific and horrible things happen to them and choose to take from these experiences only that they wouldn’t want to see another person hurt in a similar way or ANY way..and want to stick up for and help others in a similar situation....

s7ryf3925pivug · 05-10-2019 09:05PM

Symptoms of an illness.

Strumms · 05-10-2019 09:27PM

Dorothy Cold Souvenir wrote: »

Symptoms of an illness.

I don’t think the OP has posed any relative data that would go a ways to indicate a mental illness... sadly again this is the default setting now.

s7ryf3925pivug · 05-10-2019 09:36PM

Strumms wrote: »

I don’t think the OP has posed any relative data that would go a ways to indicate a mental illness... sadly again this is the default setting now.

Yeah I was referring to the woman who was in a psych hospital.

Mad_maxx · 05-10-2019 09:58PM

black_and_blue wrote: »

This has been an excuse given to me from someone to avoid responsibility for their behaviour and pretty much telling me to get over it.

Is it ever really in the past when they are the same nasty person who keeps doing nasty things and using it as an excuse.

I don't think the cops would ever let you away with an excuse "it's in the past, let me go".

How is an apology too much for these types of people.

I find the "it's in the past" excuse funny because it came from someone who spent four years crying over a one night stand and harassing the man. Things were very much not in the past for her!!!

So is it ever an acceptable excuse to give to somebody when all they want is an acknowledgement of behaviour and an apology?

Some people are just arrogant d1cks, they won't apologise and will go so far as to tell you sh1t never even happened.

Mad_maxx · 05-10-2019 10:04PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

black_and_blue wrote: »

So is it ever an acceptable excuse to give to somebody when all they want is an acknowledgement of behaviour and an apology?

I’d be looking at that a different way if I’m being honest. I don’t know the circumstances in your particular case but any time anyone has ever looked for an apology and an acknowledgment of my behaviour off me, they’ve been left waiting. I don’t harbour grudges against people either because when someone does something wrong against me, an acknowledgement and an apology aren’t going to mend that. Actions have always spoken louder than words and I really can’t be arsed to bear grudges against people, it just doesn’t do a persons mentality any good. I prefer to let things go, not just for their sake, but for my own sake too - it’s a waste of energy being bitter and resentful towards someone who really doesn’t give a shìte.

That you could let go just reflects the level of damage done, not much.

I only bear a grudge against one person on this earth and I have not spoken to them in twenty one years, i could be dead for all they know, that's a reflection of the mark they left. Not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind.

Very few people are masochists so it's nothing short of glib to say "they should just get over it"

One eyed Jack · 05-10-2019 10:29PM

Mad_maxx wrote: »

That you could let go just reflects the level of damage done, not much.

I only bear a grudge against one person on this earth and I have not spoken to them in twenty one years, i could be dead for all they know, that's a reflection of the mark they left. Not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind.

Very few people are masochists so it's nothing short of glib to say "they should just get over it"

I suppose in a way it does, like I keep things in perspective, so if I’m slighted by someone, I don’t expect an apology and an acknowledgement or any of that kind of thing because we’re both equals and adults as far as I’m concerned. I’ll get whatever it is out of my system and if they’re still interested, we can both move on because reality is that nobody can do anything which changes the past, but we can do things in the present which can positively effect the future.

I’d never say to someone “get over it” though, or perhaps not in those terms. I’d suggest they move on and keep going forward, because it’s not good for anyone’s mentality to be stuck in the past. I’ve often suggested someone should get over themselves though if they expect me to apologise and acknowledge I’ve done wrong when I don’t feel I have done anything to be sorry for or there’s nothing needs to be acknowledged. By that same token, I’ve never needed anyone to say sorry or acknowledge anything, I just prefer that we move forward.

Mad_maxx · 05-10-2019 10:47PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Mad_maxx wrote: »

That you could let go just reflects the level of damage done, not much.

I only bear a grudge against one person on this earth and I have not spoken to them in twenty one years, i could be dead for all they know, that's a reflection of the mark they left. Not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind.

Very few people are masochists so it's nothing short of glib to say "they should just get over it"

I suppose in a way it does, like I keep things in perspective, so if I’m slighted by someone, I don’t expect an apology and an acknowledgement or any of that kind of thing because we’re both equals and adults as far as I’m concerned. I’ll get whatever it is out of my system and if they’re still interested, we can both move on because reality is that nobody can do anything which changes the past, but we can do things in the present which can positively effect the future.

I’d never say to someone “get over it” though, or perhaps not in those terms. I’d suggest they move on and keep going forward, because it’s not good for anyone’s mentality to be stuck in the past. I’ve often suggested someone should get over themselves though if they expect me to apologise and acknowledge I’ve done wrong when I don’t feel I have done anything to be sorry for or there’s nothing needs to be acknowledged. By that same token, I’ve never needed anyone to say sorry or acknowledge anything, I just prefer that we move forward.

None of that sounds remotely remarkable, I'm talking about stuff which has a profound effect.

WrinklyNeck · 06-10-2019 12:07AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqkdMGrMCUE

freshpopcorn · 06-10-2019 12:12AM

They are two sides to it 8n my opinion.
Those who can't apologise and admit they did did wrong.
Those who can't leave go of little things and move on can be equally as bad.

WrinklyNeck · 06-10-2019 12:17AM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Those who can't apologise and admit they did did wrong.
Those who can't leave go of little things and move on can be equally as bad.

But who started it?

freshpopcorn · 06-10-2019 12:29AM

WrinklyNeck wrote: »

But who started it?

People make mistakes and they apologise and say they are sorry.(They are obviously more serious things which would be hard for somebody to forgive.) If people didn't move on nobody would ever really get on with an family/friends.

Graces7 · 06-10-2019 03:22AM

Mad_maxx wrote: »

That you could let go just reflects the level of damage done, not much.

I only bear a grudge against one person on this earth and I have not spoken to them in twenty one years, i could be dead for all they know, that's a reflection of the mark they left. Not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind.

Very few people are masochists so it's nothing short of glib to say "they should just get over it"

Only person suffering is you.. not letting go is toxic. Does not affect the other person.

Your Face · 06-10-2019 03:53AM

Did you demand an apology OP?

WrinklyNeck · 06-10-2019 09:58AM

Graces7 wrote: »

Only person suffering is you.. not letting go is toxic. Does not affect the other person.

But sometimes letting go involves changing your perception of yourself and your own values systems. So it'snot as simple as you make it out.

Graces7 · 06-10-2019 10:27AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I’d be looking at that a different way if I’m being honest. I don’t know the circumstances in your particular case but any time anyone has ever looked for an apology and an acknowledgment of my behaviour off me, they’ve been left waiting. I don’t harbour grudges against people either because when someone does something wrong against me, an acknowledgement and an apology aren’t going to mend that. Actions have always spoken louder than words and I really can’t be arsed to bear grudges against people, it just doesn’t do a persons mentality any good. I prefer to let things go, not just for their sake, but for my own sake too - it’s a waste of energy being bitter and resentful towards someone who really doesn’t give a shìte.

agree totally but there is a facet of trust that takes thinking about? Put it like this maybe. If I am walking over a bridge with someone and they push me off. I will find it in me while I am recovering in hospital to fully forgive them

But I would not walk over a bridge with them again. Whether or not they apologise by the way is immaterial in this. We forgive for our own peace and mental health

Trust has been destroyed.

WrinklyNeck · 06-10-2019 10:32AM

Graces7 wrote: »

We forgive for our own peace and mental health

And in doing so you sacrifice something else.

Graces7 · 06-10-2019 12:14PM

WrinklyNeck wrote: »

And in doing so you sacrifice something else.

Please explain? Thank you

Graces7 · 06-10-2019 12:17PM

WrinklyNeck wrote: »

But sometimes letting go involves changing your perception of yourself and your own values systems. So it'snot as simple as you make it out.

No as you are simply acting on your "values system", It is totally simple. Forgiving others is central Depends though what that system is . Mine depends on not bearing grudges and forgiving. No peace else.

con___manx1 · 06-10-2019 12:22PM

MrAbyss wrote: »

I know a guy who was falsely accused of rape by a woman who was placed in a psychiatric hospital after having made similar false complaints about other innocent men.

She was eventually released having been 'cured' and we are being told that her behavior was 'in the past' and we should let it go.

However, the funny thing is the innocent men she lied about - including one who went to court - are somehow 'rapists' for the rest of their lives. Except for one who is a pile of ashes from Glasnevin Crematorium having committed suicide.

I guess the notion of 'in the past' is arbitrary so.

She should be in prison now. People like her are close to being as bad as rapists.
She basically raped those guys characters.
Honestly I think 10 years for this type of behaviour is a minimum.

s7ryf3925pivug · 06-10-2019 12:30PM

con___manx1 wrote: »

She should be in prison now. People like her are close to being as bad as rapists.
She basically raped those guys characters.
Honestly I think 10 years for this type of behaviour is a minimum.

Why? In the context that she then went to a psych ward, the most likely scenario is that she genuinely believed she was raped, and that she was not in full control of herself. This would have been symptomatic of an illness she had. People generally don't go to psych wards unless they are significantly unwell and delusions are commonly part of that.

The problem of her illness was addressed. The problem of the distress and damage to the men accused was not. Perhaps it was reported on in a way to make them look guilty. Perhaps the illness was not reported on. Perhaps it should not have been reported on at all. Perhaps people should educate themselves about the effects of mental illness beyond depression and anxiety. If people were aware of that and had context then the reputational damage wouldn't be there any longer.

It's in the past

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