The benefits of starting a family young

lleti · 03-10-2019 03:44PM

Having your family young is definitely the best thing.

My parents were mid 20's when they had kids. I'm now late 20's and they're still fit enough to do activities, go places, work etc.

We're all now mature enough to not cause issues and all help each other.

I'm approaching 30 and still single so if I have kids at all it'll be close to 40 and you're near retirnement age by the time they grow up.

kowloon · 03-10-2019 03:48PM

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Became a father at 21 second child at 30

Should have had three in my 20’s looking back

20’s is the time you have the energy for it

Wouldn’t like to be 60 arguing with a teenager

Why three?

Scarinae · 03-10-2019 03:50PM

AulWan wrote: »

Unpopular opinion maybe, I think anyone waiting to have children at that stage of life is selfishly thinking of their own desires, rather then the welfare of the children, who will be barely adults themselves when they will probably have to become nurses to rapidly ageing parents entering their seventies. I don't think its
fair on the kids.

Ah here, if they were entering their nineties maybe, but 70 isn't that old really and these days most people entering their seventies aren't that dependent on their adult children. My parents are that age and are still active, doing gardening, going to concerts etc - we're a long way off 'becoming their nurses'

Doop · 03-10-2019 03:52PM

maccored wrote: »

i became a dad in my early twenties. dont regret it. Im 50 now and I wouldnt have the energy to be arsed running after kids. plus im having all that early twenties freedom now - when i can enjoy it all more fully.

Would you not rather have your 'early twenties freedom' while you are in your early twenties??

charlietheminxx · 03-10-2019 04:01PM

I think it's definitely better to have them in your twenties if you can in terms of energy etc. but it's not realistic for a lot of people, including myself (32 and not quite there yet).

Princess Calla · 03-10-2019 04:02PM

Scarinae wrote: »

Ah here, if they were entering their nineties maybe, but 70 isn't that old really and these days most people entering their seventies aren't that dependent on their adult children. My parents are that age and are still active, doing gardening, going to concerts etc - we're a long way off 'becoming their nurses'

That's your experience. Not everyone is that lucky. While mortality rates increase each generation there will always be exceptions.

One of my friends buried both her parents close together in their 60s.
I have a family member given weeks to live in their late 40s they will leave teenagers behind.

While all of us want our parents and want ourselves to live a long healthy life it's not always the case unfortunately.

Forty Seven · 03-10-2019 04:03PM

I'm 42, she's 31 and we have a one week old. Have a 12 and 10 year old too.

Still have 2 of my grandparents in their 90s. My grandad still drives. (We wish he wouldn't) Partner has one grandparent left and she's much younger than me.

My dad is dead but my mother still alive. One thing from our generation is the extended families of step parents. These barely existed a generation before. Now they seem to be the norm. Doesn't bode well for any long term plans these days.

AulWan · 03-10-2019 04:08PM

Scarinae wrote: »

Ah here, if they were entering their nineties maybe, but 70 isn't that old really and these days most people entering their seventies aren't that dependent on their adult children. My parents are that age and are still active, doing gardening, going to concerts etc - we're a long way off 'becoming their nurses'

Look up the sandwich generation.

You're lucky if both your parents are fit and able at 70. My own father died at 57, leaving a 2 year old behind him.

fattymuatty · 03-10-2019 04:12PM

I had my two at 21 and 23, the first wasn't planned, with the second I didn't want a big age gap between them, I wanted the baby years done and dusted in one go.

Sometimes I think my God what was I thinking having them so young? I do feel like I missed out on a lot of the young, free and single(I'm still with their Dad so perhaps I wouldn't have experienced the single thing anyway). It was difficult to find my feet with a career but I have my own business now doing something I adore and I doubt I would be doing if I hadn't have settled down so young. They are also old enough that they don't need constant watching so I can focus on work, there is no way I would be able to do what I do and the hours I do with young children.

On the plus side I never felt sleep deprived when they were small, I could stay up with them half the night and be grand the next day. I took to motherhood really easily and never found the early years a struggle, even though we had no wider family support due to distance and other things it wasn't an issue. I have found the whole thing so far a pleasure really if I am honest.

I don't know if my way was the 'right way' but we are happy, I have a great relationship with my children so far(they are 12 and 9 so who knows what the teenage years hold!) and I am looking forward to my forties and having a grown family.Because I did it the way I did I can't imagine starting a family in my forties, and being in my 50s with children the same age as mine, sure my own parents are only in their 50s.

griffin100 · 03-10-2019 04:24PM

I had my first kid at 31 and my last at 38. The oldest is 15 the youngest 8, so not that long ago. At the time I thought I was old having my first kid, or at least around the average. Now that’s considered young! I’ll be in my late 50’s when my youngest leaves school and I realise now that’s actually quite young. I plan to retire by 60 at the latest.

My parents were 18 and 20 getting married and are had 5 kids by their early 30’s. They’re now both mid 60’s and spend most of their time on holidays, so maybe they had the right idea!

My wife owns a Creche and she’ll tell you the average age of first time ‘professional’ parents is now well into their 40’s. I don’t know how they do it, I’d be bolloxed if I had to start at my age again with a new baby!

suicide_circus · 03-10-2019 04:32PM

its not my fault no one wanted me to impregnate them when i was 20

03-10-2019 04:52PM

My parents were still at University when they had my two eldest siblings. They went on to have another, and then nine years later they had a lovely surprise - me. It was a bit of a spanner in the works for them but my mum always told me that I was the baby they didn't know they really wanted but I turned out to be the best :P

They were grandparents in their 50's, which was great for them and for the grandkids. Unfortunately my mother died far too young last year so my future family will never know her, which is tough to think about.

I'm 32 and my partner is 41, our first is due next spring.

Digs · 03-10-2019 04:59PM

I met my husband at 20 (he was 27), bought a house at 23, married at 26, first baby at 27 and third and final baby at 33 last year. My parents had a similar timeline and we have a great relationship, they’re just 60 and are so healthy and active and their relationship with their grandchildren is fantastic, having grandparents around is really one of the greatest gifts for kids (in my opinion). I’m looking forward to the freedom my 40s and 50s will bring, I feel like I’ll be able to appreciate the lie ins and time to ourselves! Like a PP said I wasn’t single for my 20s so don’t feel I’ve missed much to be honest. Although we managed a bit of traveling before kids arrived.

Life happens when you’re busy making plans. My husband buried both his parents in his 20s when they were in their 50s. He feels it now more then ever since having children of his own and it’s a kick in the guts for him they’ll never meet.

eviltwin · 03-10-2019 04:59PM

We were 19 and 23 having our first and 32 and 35 having our second and I would not change that for anything. It's great to be early 40s and finished with all that and have time to enjoy ourselves. I really couldn't cope with small children at this stage of my life.

Having a baby young helps you get your priorities right. We were saving for a house in our early 20s when most of our peers were buying crap. I will hopefully have my mortgage paid by the time I'm 45, I'm not sure I'd be this fortunate if I hadn't had a child young.

eviltwin · 03-10-2019 05:00PM

Candie wrote: »

My parents were still at University when they had my two eldest siblings. They went on to have another, and then nine years later they had a lovely surprise - me. It was a bit of a spanner in the works for them but my mum always told me that I was the baby they didn't know they really wanted but I turned out to be the best :P

They were grandparents in their 50's, which was great for them and for the grandkids. Unfortunately my mother died far too young last year so my future family will never know her, which is tough to think about.

I'm 32 and my partner is 41, our first is due next spring.

Congratulations Candie, delighted for you x

RhubarbCrumble · 03-10-2019 05:06PM

I'm 40 and Mr Crumble is older than me.
I'm still waiting for that biological clock that was supposed to start ticking at least five years ago. If it hasn't kicked in now, then I think I'm safe enough in saying it's never going to!

eviltwin · 03-10-2019 05:10PM

Doop wrote: »

Would you not rather have your 'early twenties freedom' while you are in your early twenties??

Can't speak for that poster but I know in my 20s I had no money to enjoy life. Freedom was a few pints in the local, the freedom that comes with a professional wage is far superior

banie01 · 03-10-2019 05:13PM

Doop wrote: »

Would you not rather have your 'early twenties freedom' while you are in your early twenties??

You don't actually appreciate the freedom that early 20's freedom affords you, if you have it in your early 20's tho!

03-10-2019 05:15PM

I would have seen having kids in my 20’s as a major sacrifice for both career and social life and and would really feel that those who had kids young missed out on having the freedom to enjoy life during probably one of the best periods of your life from 20 to 30. Being tied down with kids was as far away from what I wanted as you could possibly get.

Having kids in your mid 30’s isn’t near as big an upheaval as you are more settled down, more money coming in, more established in your career. You can’t still have your social life etc as it’s much more weekend oriented for nights out etc where as in your 20’s you might want to be out two midweek nights a week etc.

Squall Leonhart · 03-10-2019 05:19PM

I don't think it's as simple as saying "have kids in your 20s"...

Many people either:

Haven't met somebody yet
Not sure their partner is who they want a child with
Want kids but can't afford it
Want kids and run into fertility issues

It's not necessarily by choice for many that they are childless in their younger years. Or many people have unplanned pregnancies in teens or early 20s and have a 10+ year gap before a second child. I think it's perhaps a little high and mighty of some to proclaim "have kids young, like I did", when it's likely/possible there was a strong element of luck (finding a suitable partner) or misfortune that worked out (accidental teen pregnancy).

It will happen when it happens, or maybe not at all despite what many of us may wish.

chrissb8 · 03-10-2019 05:23PM

Ok so what is it? You have enough energy to go travel the world when you're in your early 50's but not to raise a child? I have never raised a child but where is this perception that you're over the hill still be raising kids at 50?

My Dad had me at 37 and was absolutely fine raising me and my sis, it's about looking after yourself and keeping fit. Then you will have the energy. People just didn't look after themselves like they do now and it shows. My Mom (late 50's) & Dad (mid 60's) are going to the gym doing HIIT classes and all the sorts.

Meanwhile, I see middle aged fat so's making excuses for themselves as they lash into a bottle of wine most nights.

So I think it's about looking after yourself and keeping up. Can't deny you have more energy for it when you're say, in your early to mid 30's. But come on. 40 years old 35 years ago is not the same as it is now.

I want to have some in the next few years, but as an adult at 29 I've only started to live my own live for myself. My own freedom, my own money to truly call my own and to really get away from my (wonderful, but y'know what I mean) parents.

I would say alot of people are in my position and don't want to have to shoulder a family right now.

03-10-2019 05:27PM

I genuinely feel for anyone, male or female, who knows they definitely want to be a parent but for whatever reason, things never work out for them. It must be a difficult thing to accept.

It doesn't mean they can't live happy and fulfilled lives though, and pressuring yourself to be at a certain place in life by a certain age rarely works out well. Some decisions can't be unmade and people need to be sure and be ready, and even then it's not always about having choices.

AulWan · 03-10-2019 05:33PM

chrissb8 wrote: »

Ok so what is it? You have enough energy to go travel the world when you're in your early 50's but not to raise a child?.

Its not just about you. Its also about the child.

Okay, put it this way. You're 29 and you're just "breaking free", as you say.

But what if you couldn't do that because you have two elderly (but wonderful) parents who didn't have you until they were 50 and now they are in their late 70s / 80s who needed more and more constant care?

How would you manage to juggle that if you were to have a couple of young kids in the next few years, too?

corks finest · 03-10-2019 05:33PM

I did at 20,_______ now 60 and have a 16 year old, (youngest)benefits- keeps you active/ challenging+love in return for giving time and effort-still kicking a ball/ hill walks/ daily sea swim/ shared love of Irish history,/ CCFC/ Celtic and all things Cork
-tough at times but always I thank God for giving me a son when I thought I was finished rearing,,,,,sure what else would you be doing?

03-10-2019 06:05PM

AulWan wrote: »

Unpopular opinion maybe, I think anyone waiting to have children at that stage of life is selfishly thinking of their own desires, rather then the welfare of the children, who will be barely adults themselves when they will probably have to become nurses to rapidly ageing parents entering their seventies. I don't think its fair on the kids.

if we're going down that road, is having children as opposed to adopting not in itself a selfish act? Is it any more or less selfish whether you have your kids at 25 or 50?

AulWan · 03-10-2019 06:12PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

if we're going down that road, is having children as opposed to adopting not in itself a selfish act? Is it any more or less selfish whether you have your kids at 25 or 50?

Thats a very different road.

This thread is about the benefits of starting a family young.

The way I see it, I'm glad I had my kids when I did (end of my twenties) because they are both adults now, and if they have their own kids in the next decade I can reasonably expect to be fit enough to be a doting grandparent and help them out, give them a break now and again during the harder baby years, and be an active and hopefully fun grandparent, rather then me needing my kids to have to juggle looking after me, as well as their own young family.

03-10-2019 06:19PM

AulWan wrote: »

Thats a very different road.

This thread is about the benefits of starting a family young.

I know but the question is arguably redundant if it turns out that a preference for biological children is selfish to begin with. I'm just asking if that's a common view. I have a (non-adopted) kid myself but I can see how it might be a reasonable point.

AulWan · 03-10-2019 06:34PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I know but the question is arguably redundant if it turns out that a preference for biological children is selfish to begin with. I'm just asking if that's a common view. I have a (non-adopted) kid myself but I can see how it might be a reasonable point.

Well, I'll let you wander down that particular path by yourself - all I will say that there is a cut off point for prospective adoptive parents in Ireland, and its younger than 50.

Plumbthedepths · 03-10-2019 06:40PM

AulWan wrote: »

Well, I'll let you wander down that particular path by yourself - all I will say that there is a cut off point for prospective adoptive parents in Ireland, and its younger than 50.

Plus it's almost impossible to adopt a child in Ireland as the state is reluctant to extinguish parental rights. As you said it's a topic for another thread.

Enough is Enough! · 03-10-2019 07:09PM

Of course you should start a family while you're young. That won't be popular with the manbabies and catladies on here, but whatever.

The benefits of starting a family young

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