What should I do now

Calypso Realm wrote: »

So it's been a month or more since you last met? Far too long. Sorry but this guy is still stringing you along and isn't interested.

So cease all contact now. Ball firmly in his court. I'd move on though if I were you.

I can see your point. On the other hand on 3 or 4 separate occasions though he has stated he definitely wants to meet. So in a sense I am getting mixed messages. I think the optimistic side of me believes what he is saying that a) he genuinely does want to meet and b) he has genuine reasons for being very busy right now c) because of his own insecurities he wants to take things very very slowly

I dunno - My heart just sank reading the last 3 messages.

I know it sounds like I am asking advice here and that I am disregarding all advice but I do feel there is still potential for something.

Hmmmmm

Part of me kind of wants to cling onto some hope and believes his words. Its complex I think. Both of us have been in very negative places in the past and are in counselling. I get the impression he has either been badly hurt in the past or is currently going through depression. He said to me at the moment he isnt even meeting any friends. Maybe I'm gullible but part of me does believe his words.

But I know you are all correct really.

Xterminator wrote: »

there is no need to cut him off completely, unless the situation is wrecking your head.

i do agree if he was very interested he would probably make more of an effort. But taking him at his word, he has a lot going on, and has his own issues to deal with. so give him space and time & see where it leads.

If you can get on with your life and still have the odd chat, there no need to cut contact.

I was thinking about this in the last few days.

I suppose initially in our conversations I was probably a bit over obsessive and I guess that is natural at the beginning of relationships. I think in a lot of ways the last month I've been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster about this guy and what might or might not happen.

It's hard to describe all of the conversations we have had in this discussion but I do think there's connection there; some shared interests, an ability to laugh at situations, sharing personal stories and quite private information with each other. There's also as a result some level of mutual trust.

Part of my issues growing up were that I socially isolated myself from everyone completely. I think he was probably in some ways the opposite. So we have this reverse thing going on where I have been very sharing and open with him which I don't usually do because My Counsellor has highlighted to me that I close myself off to people too much and he has been a little bit distant with me which he doesn't usually do because his Counsellor said he overshares to people too much (at the same time he has shared).

I feel from our conversations there is genuine engagement though some hesitancy on his part but I do feel that I understand why there is hesitancy; stress related to 2 or 3 issues plus what his counsellor recommended - take things slowly.

So I think to me your post makes sense - a lot of sense.

There is also how long do I keep waiting and to be honest I am fed up waiting already.

This is kind of a wind long winded way of saying that I will probably move on but leave the door open. I suppose what I am thinking is A) take him at face value and give him time and space - something may or may not happen in some ways harness what is there and if there is not going to be a relationship then no reason why friendship cant build C) Don't overthink everything with this guy, drop the obsession emotions a bit and look for other opportunities to develop relationships D) Keep chatting online in a friendly manner to him E) if something happens it happens, if it doesn't I probably still have a friend

Bit of an update

I have been chatting to him on and off a good bit in the last week or two.

He has explained in more detail 2 aspects of what is going on that he doesnt want to meet right now. Both are very stressful and I totally get his reasons. They are very understandable.

I think as I said above I am going to keep chatting and see where things go. I get the points everyone made above so hopefully nobody above thinks I am ignoring their advice. I'm not.

I'm also adjusting my expectations a lot. He may not be ready at all for a relationship. Thats ok.