(Proudly) Farting in public

Wtf ? · 30-08-2019 02:03PM #1

I know one sometimes slips out but I have met/worked with people who could be talking to you and let one rip and just carry on the conversation. Some might say ''Good Arse'' ? I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.
I know we all do it but be discreet about it.:mad:

Deebles McBeebles · 30-08-2019 02:08PM

PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!

Jaysus lads, watch out for that duck.

youtheman · 30-08-2019 02:11PM

Wtf ? wrote: »

I know one sometimes slips out but I have met/worked with people who could be talking to you and let one rip and just carry on the conversation. Some might say ''Good Arse'' ? I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.
I know we all do it but be discreet about it.:mad:

I'm afraid I have to call you out on this. Everybody knows that the loud ones don't smell, it the quite ones that sneak up on you and overcome you !.

Caegan · 30-08-2019 02:13PM

All fun and games letting a thunderclapper rip, until the wet bit at the end

Darranj85 · 30-08-2019 02:15PM

A boss of mine years back used to say ''Good arse'' and i thought it was strange and never heard it since,thanks for the chuckle OP

30-08-2019 02:22PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!

Jaysus lads, watch out for that duck.

Rodney Dangerfield style.

You're not of the "silent, yet violent" ethos.

JohnnyFlash · 30-08-2019 02:29PM

Better out than the gable end of a house.

EmmetSpiceland · 30-08-2019 02:30PM

Wtf ? wrote: »

I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.
I know we all do it but be discreet about it.:mad:

She really shouldn’t have said anything except, maybe, to ask you if you “smelled bread”, or some other scent. For maximum effect.

A loud one should really be met with an “exclamation” of sorts. You know, “That one came out with its boot on!” or “Sounds just like a Golf”.

I’ve said it before on this site but I’ll say it again, it’s a sad arse that never rejoices.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 30-08-2019 02:31PM

youtheman wrote: »

I'm afraid I have to call you out on this. Everybody knows that the loud ones don't smell, it the quite ones that sneak up on you and overcome you !.

What, farts or Ryanair hostesses?

Ultrflat · 30-08-2019 02:32PM

Better out then in....

gerrybbadd · 30-08-2019 02:32PM

A favourite of mine is, after letting it loose, put your nose in the sky, sniff and say "aaah, smell that country air".

If the person is offended by the stench, maybe followed by a "ya dirty bastard ya", just tell them to take small sniffs

JohnnyFlash · 30-08-2019 02:34PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

She really shouldn’t have said anything except, maybe, to ask you if you “smelled bread”, or some other scent. For maximum effect.

A loud one should really be met with an “exclamation” of sorts. You know, “That one came out with its boot on!” or “Sounds just like a Golf”.

I’ve said it before on this site but I’ll say it again, it’s a sad arse that never rejoices.

Did you know that the old kings of Ireland used to retain the services of a professional braigetoír - a flautist. He was used to entertain guests after feasts.

whisky_galore · 30-08-2019 02:34PM

Better an empty house than a bad lodger.

Seanachai · 30-08-2019 02:36PM

I let one rip in me kitchen last week and it set the neighbours dog off barking! I'd be mortified if it was in public though, I hate it when you're walking to work and you think the street is empty and there's some wan camouflaged into a hedge that catches you blasting.

Wtf ? · 30-08-2019 02:38PM

Seanachai wrote: »

I let one rip in me kitchen last week and it set the neighbours dog off barking! I'd be mortified if it was in public though, I hate it when you're walking to work and you think the street is empty and there's some wan camouflaged into a hedge that catches you blasting.

Set the dog barking, Love it !

Boom_Bap · 30-08-2019 02:39PM

(Powerfully) Farting in public

EmmetSpiceland · 30-08-2019 02:43PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Did you know that the old kings of Ireland used to retain the services of a professional braigetoír - a flautist. He was used to entertain guests after feasts.

I did indeed. One of the English kings employed one as well, “Roland the Farter”.

The greatest of them all was a man they called “Le Pétomane”. There’s a lovely short film concerning him starring the wonderful Leonard Rossiter, very enjoyable.

The last, I can think of, would be Will the Farter who appeared on “The Howard Stern Show”.

Long overdue another, I say.

Dr. Bre · 30-08-2019 02:44PM

Wtf ? wrote: »

I know one sometimes slips out but I have met/worked with people who could be talking to you and let one rip and just carry on the conversation. Some might say ''Good Arse'' ? I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.
I know we all do it but be discreet about it.:mad:

RyanAIR...

Dr. Bre · 30-08-2019 02:46PM

Colleagues in work do it in the lift ! Disgusting as there is no escape

JohnnyFlash · 30-08-2019 02:47PM

I think a professional farter would need to be known for the decibel level and length of the dart, and opposed to the ‘pungency’ of the discharge. Which rules me out. Had a few pints last night and you could sew a button on them.

Boom_Bap · 30-08-2019 02:49PM

Dr. Bre wrote: »

Colleagues in work do it in the lift ! Disgusting as there is no escape

The ultimate move is to fart whilst exiting said lift and the doors close and encase at least 73% of the fart.

keano_afc · 30-08-2019 02:54PM

I was in Dun Laoghaire many moons ago heading to a friends house. The weather was atrocious so I needed to call him to come collect me from the train station. This being the age before mobiles, I headed to the ferry port to use the public phone. When I got there, someone was already using it so I stood about 8 feet behind him to wait my turn.

He looked around and spotted me waiting, and let our this absolute breakfast maker of a fart. It was genuinely the loudest arse biscuit I'd ever heard, but he just continued on his conversation as nothing had happened, oblivious to me chuckling away like a lunatic. When he finished his call he casually walked away like nothing had happened.

Gregor Samsa · 30-08-2019 04:14PM

Wtf ? wrote: »

I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.

She didn't say "taxi"? You should have given her sixers, no returns.

Fr_Dougal · 30-08-2019 04:28PM

Ultrflat wrote: »

Better out then in....

A boomerang fart?

paleoperson · 30-08-2019 05:00PM

I think some girls are like this alright though it's rare. They seem to think it's cute and funny when they fart, that their fart isn't as disgusting as an old man's fart. Possibly being reinforced by pathetic lickarse male orbiters.

It's a disgrace Joe!

bo0li5eumx12kp · 30-08-2019 05:27PM

Wtf ? wrote: »

I know one sometimes slips out but I have met/worked with people who could be talking to you and let one rip and just carry on the conversation. Some might say ''Good Arse'' ? I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.
I know we all do it but be discreet about it.:mad:

I hate when this happens.

But to me, it happens with good frequency.

Especially at the gym, typically if I'm going for a BP or something and the chicks are staring at me.

Get to the bottom of a squat and commence the upward push - then the ground shakes with flatulence.

So damn embarrassing.

Normally I don't say anything - I just pull a stupid face and hope too many people didn't notice.

corner of hells · 30-08-2019 05:48PM

Wtf ? wrote: »

I know one sometimes slips out but I have met/worked with people who could be talking to you and let one rip and just carry on the conversation. Some might say ''Good Arse'' ? I was beside a good looking girl on the 41 bus from the airport once,She was in a Ryanair hostess uniform and she let one rip, she looked at me and said Ahh I needed that ? wtf ? The smell was woeful so I moved seats.
I know we all do it but be discreet about it.:mad:

Aw , man , that's how Ryanair girls come on to you.
She wanted you to answer her with an arse trumpet back.
You missed an opportunity.

Gregor Samsa · 30-08-2019 05:53PM

corner of hells wrote: »

Aw , man , that's how Ryanair girls come on to you.
She wanted you to answer her with an arse trumpet back.

Little known fact, but that bugle melody that’s played when they land a plane is performed live from the jacks by one of them on each and every flight.