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Flat mate has his boyfriend over two nights a week

  • 10-08-2019 05:03PM
    #1
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,734 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Am I being unreasonable that I feel like asking my friend to contribute towards bills because he has his boyfriend over two nights a week, every week because his boyfriend owns his own home and work full time and yet when he stays here he gets room and board for free and uses our shower, electric, internet and I’m guessing in the winter he’ll use me heating also. He also brings his own food and cooks it like he owns the place.

    I’m seriously considering asking and how much should I ask for.

    My response if he goes funny with me is I bet he wouldn’t like it if I stayed in his house two nights a week for free cost him so why should I.

    The rent is €975 a month and there is 3 of us my partner and I and our friend.

    Thanks


«1

Comments

  • #2
    skallywag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭skallywag


    Do you mean that your flat mate is not contributing anything towards these bills at the moment?

    Or or do you mean that they do pay their share, but you feel like asking for more now because the boyfriend stays two nights per week?


  • #3
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 15,717 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Two nights a week isn't excessive, imo. Anything more than that and I'd be having a conversation alright, but not about bills. Them paying towards him being there would just give them more "rights" in their heads, most likely.

    Does the flatmate ever stay over in the boyfriend's place?


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,734 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    skallywag wrote: »
    Do you mean that your flat mate is not contributing anything towards these bills at the moment?

    Or or do you mean that they do pay their share, but you feel like asking for more now because the boyfriend stays two nights per week?

    Yes his boyfriend stays over two nights a week every week

    And using the Internet, electric and uses the flat like its his and bring his own food to cook etc


  • #5
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,734 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    Does the flatmate ever stay over in the boyfriend's place?

    Never


  • #6
    skallywag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭skallywag


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Yes his boyfriend stays over two nights a week every week

    My point was more does your flatmate pay anything towards the bills anyway, as this is not clear from your OP.

    Assuming that he does, and if it is just two nights a week, then I would think it pretty mean to ask for something here.

    That said, what would annoy me more would be the loss of access to my shower, cooker, etc. I would have no issue with him using these, just as long as we had an arrangement where it was clear when I wanted to use them, and he worked around that.


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  • #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,734 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    skallywag wrote: »
    My point was more does your flatmate pay anything towards the bills anyway, as this is not clear from your OP.

    Assuming that he does, and if it is just two nights a week, then I would think it pretty mean to ask for something here.

    That said, what would annoy me more would be the loss of access to my shower, cooker, etc. I would have no issue with him using these, just as long as we had an arrangement where it was clear when I wanted to use them, and he worked around that.

    Yeah the bills are spilt evenly but what annoys me is I’m not working at the moment and his boyfriend owns his own house works full time and has this place for free two nights a week

    I just don’t think it’s fair at all


  • #8
    Salary Negotiator
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,138 ✭✭✭Salary Negotiator


    2 nights a week is pretty normal for flat shares.

    He’s not really using any electricity that your housemate wouldn’t be using if he was there alone, except the extra shower.


  • #9
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 15,717 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Deleted User wrote:
    Never

    Well than rather than asking for money I think you'd be better off politely asking your flatmate if it would be possible for them to spend a night or two a week there, as you feel they're spending a lot of time in your (plural) house. You'll need the other flatmate on board I suspect though.

    Also, I have no idea why you have an issue with him bringing food over. Surely that's the sound thing to do rather than helping himself?


  • #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,734 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Salary Negotiator wrote: »
    2 nights a week is pretty normal for flat shares.

    He’s not really using any electricity that your housemate wouldn’t be using if he was there alone, except the extra shower.

    Flat mate goes to work also and leaves the boyfriend here and he hangs around like a sore thumb I pulled him on it because he never asked me could he and still does it to this day.

    We get on I’ll admit I just think it’s not fair


  • #11
    SirChenjin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,111 ✭✭✭SirChenjin


    Is this the same scenario that you posted about previously? You received a lot of good advice, did any of it work for you?

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057966825&page=2


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  • #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,734 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    SirChenjin wrote: »
    Is this the same scenario that you posted about previously? You received a lot of good advice, did any of it work for you?

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057966825&page=2

    We talked and he still does it

    I don’t mind if he stay 2 nights a week but the dude got to pay towards a bill it’s only fair


  • #13
    SirChenjin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,111 ✭✭✭SirChenjin


    Deleted User wrote: »
    We talked and he still does it

    I don’t mind if he stay 2 nights a week but the dude got to pay towards a bill it’s only fair

    Only drawback is that once you get someone involved in paying bills, that person might then feel that they are entitled to stay around as much as they like?

    Time for another sit down chat with all housemates involved, I think.


  • #14
    skallywag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭skallywag


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I don’t mind if he stay 2 nights a week but the dude got to pay towards a bill it’s only fair

    I do not agree with you there, and it comes across as quite mean.

    For sure if he was eating your food, etc. then yes, but for things like electricity, internet, etc, which you anyway have to pay for? I seriously would not ask him to pay towards these. Unless he happens to using huge amounts of them for some reason?


  • #15
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,507 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Am I being unreasonable that I feel like asking my friend to contribute towards bills because he has his boyfriend over two nights a week, every week because his boyfriend owns his own home and work full time and yet when he stays here he gets room and board for free and uses our shower, electric, internet and I’m guessing in the winter he’ll use me heating also. He also brings his own food and cooks it like he owns the place.

    I’m seriously considering asking and how much should I ask for.

    My response if he goes funny with me is I bet he wouldn’t like it if I stayed in his house two nights a week for free cost him so why should I.

    The rent is €975 a month and there is 3 of us my partner and I and our friend.

    Thanks


    No a guest of someone who pays rent just as you do does not owe you anything towards bills.


  • #16
    Salary Negotiator
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,138 ✭✭✭Salary Negotiator


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Flat mate goes to work also and leaves the boyfriend here and he hangs around like a sore thumb I pulled him on it because he never asked me could he and still does it to this day.

    We get on I’ll admit I just think it’s not fair

    I wouldn’t allow him there without the boyfriend, that is taking the piss.


  • #17
    Unanimous
    Closed Accounts Posts: 143 ✭✭Unanimous


    I think you are being pissed of because you are not working and you know he has his house.
    You need to raise your consciousness above that way of thinking.
    Him not being there twice a week will not reduce the bills you have to pay.
    You will only ruin your relationship with your housemate as that is very very unreasonable.
    In future, he will not be understanding if you have a situation that he has a problem with.


  • #18
    tony1kenobi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,753 ✭✭✭tony1kenobi


    If you’re determined to go ahead and ask for a contribution I’d say four euro per week would cover it.

    If he is using your hygiene products when showering,up that to 4.10.


  • #19
    fullstop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,552 ✭✭✭✭fullstop


    OP being ridiculous. 2 nights per week not in any way excessive.


  • #20
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,507 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Salary Negotiator wrote: »
    2 nights a week is pretty normal for flat shares.

    He’s not really using any electricity that your housemate wouldn’t be using if he was there alone, except the extra shower.
    Its kind of like the OP wants the boyfriend to help cover the costs of living there when he isn't obligated to.

    There is give and take in these things OP. You can TRY and have a rule only one night a week but for grown adults etc this is very normal.


    You would have the same issue most likely with other roommates too.


  • #21
    Del2005
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,148 ✭✭✭✭Del2005


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Yeah the bills are spilt evenly but what annoys me is I’m not working at the moment and his boyfriend owns his own house works full time and has this place for free two nights a week

    I just don’t think it’s fair at all

    Are the bills split evenly between the rooms or the people in the house? If you and your partner are paying a third then you should be paying more if you want the other person's partner to pay for 2 days.


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  • #22
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,507 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Del2005 wrote: »
    Are the bills split evenly between the rooms or the people in the house? If you and your partner are paying a third then you should be paying more if you want the other person's partner to pay for 2 days.


    I would assume they are paying half when you add their contributions together (OP and his GF ) and sharing a room. The flatmate pays the other half etc?

    In this case what the OP alone would be paying would be less than a third. He and his gf would be paying a quarter each. The flatmate would be paying half.


  • #23
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Is the material cost of him being there really that much? If it was me, I'd be far more interested in getting him out of the house when his boyfriend is gone. Charging him money will just make his position more permanent.


  • #24
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 15,717 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    tony1kenobi wrote:
    If you’re determined to go ahead and ask for a contribution I’d say four euro per week would cover it.

    I'd also expect the flatmate to turn right back around and ask the OP to increase his own contribution, seeing as he's unemployed and presumably at home more than the flatmate and therefore using more broadband and "electric" than the others.

    The guy being there while the flatmate is at work is unacceptable, end of. But I'd be verrrrrrry careful about how you approach any other arguments, OP.


  • #25
    tony1kenobi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,753 ✭✭✭tony1kenobi


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    I would assume they are paying half when you add their contributions together (OP and his GF ) and sharing a room. The flatmate pays the other half etc?

    In this case what the OP alone would be paying would be less than a third. He and his gf would be paying a quarter each. The flatmate would be paying half.

    No way the OP would be fleecing the flatmate like that and have the cheek to look for more money.

    3 people sharing a flat with equal use of all facilities means everything is split 3 ways. Two of them choosing to sleep in the same room doesn’t make a bit of difference.


  • #26
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,507 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    tony1kenobi wrote: »
    No way the OP would be fleecing the flatmate like that and have the cheek to look for more money.

    3 people sharing a flat with equal use of all facilities means everything is split 3 ways. Two of them choosing to sleep in the same room doesn’t make a bit of difference.
    Rent is per room usually. Utilities would be 3 ways.

    I assume the OP and his GF are not sleeping in separate rooms but sharing one room. So they would be paying a quarter of the rent each split for that room.

    I could be wrong. But that is always the way couples seem to do it.

    Its not shafting anyone either. Its the same money for the same sleeping space. A lot of couples do it.

    Makes no sense to be sleeping in separate rooms as a couple. Makes no sense to be renting out a room for double what you would rent it out to a single person for.

    I mean if they split the rent THREE Ways and the OP and his gf are sharing a room that is THEM getting shafted.

    And why would you live with your gf and sleep in another room.

    Most couples renting with one other person do it this way if sharing a room.

    Occasionally they will rent one room to sleep in and another room just for storage or another use etc and pay for the two rooms etc.

    But otherwise sharing a room is very normal for couples.


  • #27
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,507 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I mean a landlord would not be allowed to charge double the rent for one room just because its being shared.

    I assume they are both double rooms since both are being shared regularly.

    I just assumed the flatmate paid half the rent and the op and the gf split the other half between them as its what most people do.

    Utilities would go 3 ways though.

    I could be totally wrong though. So sorry OP.


  • #28
    Lex Luthor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,203 ✭✭✭✭Lex Luthor


    When I shared a house with 3 other lads for 2yrs before I moved in with my then girlfriend
    We all had girlfriends
    They stayed over whenever they wanted, cooked for themselves, showered, etc
    It was never an issue and we never said for them to contribute more
    It was just acceptable by all


  • #29
    ted1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,108 ✭✭✭✭ted1


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    Two nights a week isn't excessive, imo. Anything more than that and I'd be having a conversation alright, but not about bills. Them paying towards him being there would just give them more "rights" in their heads, most likely.

    Does the flatmate ever stay over in the boyfriend's place?
    It’s over 25% if the time. Significant enough to affect bills and general use of shared areas


  • #30
    tara73
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,572 ✭✭✭tara73


    Could it be you don't like the guy and that's the main issue here? Because if you two are in the house together the whole day it could be quite nice to have someone to chat to for a while or drink a cup of tea together. Having some distraction for a while.

    So my guess is you don't really feel comfortable or even like this person and the charging money is just a side effect, in general you wouldn't want him there at all?


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  • #31
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,507 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Deleted User wrote: »
    The rent is €975 a month and there is 3 of us my partner and I and our friend.

    Thanks

    How is that divided?

    325 each? Also do you each have your own rooms? Even if you and your GF share etc do you pay for another room for ..storage or something??

    Or do you and the GF pay for one room together at 490? Then your flatmate pays 490?

    If you and your GF are paying 650 for one room while your flatmate is paying 325 you are being ripped off unless its considerably bigger.



    Is that part of the underlying issue?


This discussion has been closed.
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