Why do so many people cheat'?

MSGSM · 29-07-2019 01:52PM #1

First off, if this is the wrong place to post then I apologise.

I've been chatting to friends about the staggering amount of people cheating.

I'm a single male in my 20's and firmly in the dating scene. I've had to help friends through times where their other half has cheated and I've heard so many stories about people cheating that it's really made me realise how naive I used to be in this regard.

Now I'm not claiming to be any white knight cos I've not had great luck with women but I could never cheat. I believe that if you're not happy in your own relationship, you talk to the other person and end the relationship before going near anyone else. And this includes any form of sexual/flirty contact with someone that isn't your partner.
What has happened to common decency?

My opinion is, it's down to people settling for people that they don't truly want to be with due to a fear of being alone or needing someone.
I'd say alcohol has a lot to do with it too.

Any other opinions?

MSGSM · 29-07-2019 01:59PM

Maybe a mod should move to AH actually?

wiggle16 · 29-07-2019 02:03PM

Done

Tony EH · 29-07-2019 02:04PM

Selfishness.

magic_murph · 29-07-2019 02:10PM

because the grass is always greener

JohnnyFlash · 29-07-2019 02:11PM

The horn.

Boom_Bap · 29-07-2019 02:11PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The horn.

The raging horn

Lotus Flower · 29-07-2019 02:14PM

Because they can- no trouble finding people willing and then dating apps make it easier than ever

Some people need constant validation etc

pinktoe · 29-07-2019 02:15PM

Low self esteem.

They need to be desired or praised or whatever.

Zillah · 29-07-2019 02:21PM

Evolution saw benefit in the social support structures created by monogamy and tribal living, but it turns out there is a strong selective advantage for men to secretly sow some oats on the side and for women to cuckold a well-meaning doormat with more desirable DNA.

The fact that we use birth control to render redundant the impulse's objective does not in any way inhibit the impulse itself.

Humans are animals; we're far easier to understand when you get past all the hyperbolic sentimental nonsense. Yes I am fun at parties.

mcmoustache · 29-07-2019 02:29PM

Do so many people actually cheat?

I could count on one hand the number of people that I've encountered in my entire life who I know cheated in nearly 40 years here. I've obviously met far more who have actually cheated that I don't know about but I would have expected to know more people who did cheat if it was that widespread.

That being said, I don't know how typical my experience is so maybe it's a bit of an outlier.

Feisar · 29-07-2019 02:31PM

Zillah wrote: »

Evolution saw benefit in the social support structures created by monogamy and tribal living, but it turns out there is a strong selective advantage for men to secretly sow some oats on the side and for women to cuckold a well-meaning doormat with more desirable DNA.

The fact that we use birth control to render redundant the impulse's objective does not in any way inhibit the impulse itself.

Humans are animals; we're far easier to understand when you get past all the hyperbolic sentimental nonsense. Yes I am fun at parties.

I can see you there in the kitchen with a bottle of red.

FTA69 · 29-07-2019 02:32PM

It’s unbelievable how common it is, and what I’m saying is purely anecdotal and based on my own experience but I think women cheat as much as men if not more. There’s an idea that it’s generally more of a philandering male thing but the amount of married women I’ve seen cheating or trying to engineer it recently has been an eye-opener.

The reality is that there’s a huge amount of people in unhappy or cold relationships and it isn’t a middle aged thing; I know people in their early 30s who have been in sexless relationships for years. I’m 31 and was in a relationship that went to sh*t, totally cold and affectionless but you plough on because of a mortgage to be paid, possibly kids (new babies often kill that side of a relationship), fear of going back renting, fear of ‘taking a step back in life’, attachment issues, convenience, fear of the unknown etc. Being stuck in a sexless relationship punctuated by bickering and the like can be the loneliest place you’ll ever be and life is such a grind.

Then one day you might meet someone you click with and they’re interested in you and you have feelings you haven’t had in years and sh*t just happened. I used to be very judgemental of infidelity, but now I can see where a lot of it springs from. Inveterate doing the dog constantly isn’t on, but someone stuck in a sh*tty situation having a fling etc - it’s very easy to judge but there’s often real and fair reasons behind it.

Feisar · 29-07-2019 02:36PM

It might not be a case of the grass being any greener, it's just the desire for a bit of strange.

I was going out with what could be classed as a model 'cept she had a little more ass. Cheated on her with someone who wouldn't have ranked nearly as highly on the looks scale. Why? Spur of the moment excitement thing at a drunken house party.

Not proud of myself.

ChikiChiki · 29-07-2019 02:43PM

Unpopular opinion but I think monogamy is against human nature. And I am open about it when I start seeing someone.

nthclare · 29-07-2019 02:50PM

Zillah wrote: »

Evolution saw benefit in the social support structures created by monogamy and tribal living, but it turns out there is a strong selective advantage for men to secretly sow some oats on the side and for women to cuckold a well-meaning doormat with more desirable DNA.

The fact that we use birth control to render redundant the impulse's objective does not in any way inhibit the impulse itself.

Humans are animals; we're far easier to understand when you get past all the hyperbolic sentimental nonsense. Yes I am fun at parties.

I'm told there's a lot of cuckolds about these days and Chad the gym instructor is the ultimate goal...or Jack the tree surgeon.

Sounds like you're going to similar parties as myself

Zillah · 29-07-2019 03:14PM

nthclare wrote: »

I'm told there's a lot of cuckolds about these days and Chad the gym instructor is the ultimate goal...or Jack the tree surgeon.

Sounds like you're going to similar parties as myself

Cuckold predates certain internet sub-cultures' obsession with the word by quite a bit. It's derived from the cuckoo bird, known for laying its eggs in other birds' nests.

branie2 · 29-07-2019 03:22PM

Evolution I'd imagine

Feisar · 29-07-2019 03:25PM

branie2 wrote: »

Evolution I'd imagine

Fecking evolution, even when it wasn't evolution, I knew it was evolution!

Lotus Flower · 29-07-2019 03:32PM

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Unpopular opinion but I think monogamy is against human nature. And I am open about it when I start seeing someone.

Each to their own but I've done the whole multiple dating and seeing several people and it ain't for me. I'd much rather be loyal to someone

Autecher · 29-07-2019 03:37PM

Lotus Flower wrote: »

Each to their own but I've done the whole multiple dating and seeing several people and it ain't for me. I'd much rather have someone to be loyal to

Why were you seeing multiple people Lotus Flower? Genuine question but was it an ego thing? Were you flattered with the attention from multiple men/women?

ILoveYourVibes · 29-07-2019 03:38PM

People cheat because they are unhappy and its easier than leaving.

nthclare · 29-07-2019 03:43PM

I suppose cheating is in the eye of the beholder, one man's cheat is another man's conquest.

I'd say statistically men and women's cheating on their partners is 50/50

I remember year's ago while living in Edinburgh snogging someone behind my girlfriend's back and I felt really guilty about it.

Back in the day I told the local young priest being the early 90's....

Well he laughed about it and said, we're you committed under the eye's of God ???

I said no, he said young man go out there and enjoy yourself......

Don't worry about it...

Sure she was shagging the chef in the filling station where she was working lol

InTheShadows · 29-07-2019 03:46PM

Wait until you reach your 40's OP. The amount of married women who are willing to risk their marriage for a one nighter or an affair is an eye opener.

Lotus Flower · 29-07-2019 03:47PM

Autecher wrote: »

Why were you seeing multiple people Lotus Flower? Genuine question but was it an ego thing? Were you flattered with the attention from multiple men/women?

Because we weren't exclusive and they were also seeing other people. I tried it and hated it

TheBoyConor · 29-07-2019 03:52PM

I will admit that I have cheated.

I had a gf for 9 years and I cheated on her twice. The second time l cheated on her I ended up leaving her for the other woman. I went out with that woman for about a year and a half and I also cheated on her too with someone off of tinder. We broke up later on for unrelated reasons.

I am now 33 and single and have no intention of getting into an LTR for the foreseeable future as I have no interest in it. i'd rather meet people casually for the ride off of pof or bumble.

About a year ago I was dating a girl who I guess had intentions of a relationship. I was also meeting other women at the same time, all unbeknownst to eachother.
It got to the point where by chance I was meeting a girl who's sister I was also meeting about a year previous and had ghosted after we had a dramatic falling out. They lived together and when I was with the sister I used have to sneak up the stairs with her so the sister wouldn't hear. I can't imagine the hell that would unfold if the sister had caught me in her house with her sister.

Why do I do it? I guess it is the thrill and the risk!! It is crazy.

I am presently meeting several women for shenanigans all unknownst to eachother. My closest friends know all this and they say I am a addicted to dating.

EmmetSpiceland · 29-07-2019 03:54PM

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

People cheat because they are unhappy and its easier than leaving.

Can be unhappiness due to a lack of attention or that the cheater is no longer happy with the attention from their partner.

When I worked in a golf club bar, a long time ago now, there was an older gentleman who was an old school “cad” type, or maybe he was a “bounder”, either way he had a long history of affairs and trysts. He once told me that the common theme was a lack of attention, something he gladly sorted.

He said to me, and I’ll never forget this, that if I ever wanted to hang on to a lady that all I had to do was “keep ‘em licked and keep ‘em dicked”. Solid advice from a man wearing a blazer.

Autecher · 29-07-2019 03:57PM

InTheShadows wrote: »

Wait until you reach your 40's OP. The amount of married women who are willing to risk their marriage for a one nighter or an affair is an eye opener.

Oh man, only a few years to go until I'm drowning in married fanny!

The_Kew_Tour · 29-07-2019 03:58PM

Women cheat just as much as Men too from what I see. They are just better liars :pac:

Lotus Flower · 29-07-2019 03:58PM

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I will admit that I have cheated.

I had a gf for 9 years and I cheated on her twice. The second time l cheated on her I ended up leaving her for the other woman. I went out with that woman for about a year and a half and I also cheated on her too with someone off of tinder. We broke up later on for unrelated reasons.

I am now 33 and single and have no intention of getting into an LTR for the foreseeable future as I have no interest in it. i'd rather meet people casually for the ride off of pof or bumble.

About a year ago I was dating a girl who I guess had intentions of a relationship. I was also meeting other women at the same time, all unbeknownst to eachother.
It got to the point where by chance I was meeting a girl who's sister I was also meeting about a year previous and had ghosted after we had a dramatic falling out. They lived together and when I was with the sister I used have to sneak up the stairs with her so the sister wouldn't hear. I can't imagine the hell that would unfold if the sister had caught me in her house with her sister.

Why do I do it? I guess it is the thrill and the risk!! It is crazy.

To each their own but that kind of lifestyle seems so empty to me

tinofapples · 29-07-2019 04:00PM

Tony EH wrote: »

Selfishness.

This and greed.

Why do so many people cheat'?

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