Heartbroken and scared.

Red Lightning wrote: »

That's normal for guys tho. Tinder seems to be a normal response to breaking up. Doesn't mean that ye meant nothing. Time will heal this no doubt. Doesn't mean it's not hard ATM tho. Look after yourself.

I will actually second this. I went on tinder for the first time not that long after leaving my ex... I definitely was not ready and did not actually want to meet anyone. It was more out of boredom, to fill the time and not really knowing what else to do. My ex got back in touch with me last year and he mentioned that he had also gone on tinder not that long after, for pretty much the same reasons. It definitely does not mean that the other person meant nothing.

Like Lightning, I'm not saying that's qualitative of anything or should mean much, just that it seems to be something some men do.

KathleenGrant wrote: »

Famous last words. I have fallen for someone. Emotionally and physically. Nothing will ever happen and I can't even tell him. But positive to see I can care and I can lust again. Way-hay Kathleen might still have a future.

Of course you do!!

You've made great strides and have coped fantastically, even though this must have been incredibly difficult. You owe it to yourself to acknowledge that you have astonishing strength as a person and you have so much more to get out of life.

I'm glad you are finally seeing that there is a life still to be had after your ex. Him and his actions don't define you and his absence doesn't diminish you, not at all. Keep it up!

KathleenGrant wrote: »

You're not surprised? Really? I was gobsmacked, couldn't speak for ages.

No, not surprised at all. That's not to say you shouldn't be. But people who suddenly walk out on a long term partner out of the blue, more often than not they come back with their tail between their legs at some stage. Doesn't always happen but it makes sense when it does.

He left you to be with this other woman. Up until that moment their dynamic was different, they were working around his routine as a man in a long term relationship. He had everything his own way, everything was on his terms. Now he's probably realising that she's not as much fun when she's a full time girlfriend.... and that's probably because she's realised that wistfully waiting for the day that your illicit lover leaves their partner to be with you is way more romantic than finding out what they're really like as a partner, after the fact. The grass is always greener.

Remember when she left you her number wanting to speak to you? I think there's only one reason really why she would do that: something he was telling her before he left you, stopped making sense shortly after he left you. She wanted to verify something with you. Maybe she figured out what it was and ended things with him, or it's caused friction. And she's just not as much fun as she was this time last year. Poor petal.

Either way it's not working out like he'd planned, it seldom does.

Whatever you decide to do, you need to remember how it made you feel when he left, as another poster has said. He did that to you. He walked out on your for someone else. He did it to you, he'd do it again, and if they're still together then that's what he's about to do to her.
You also need to remember that whatever he's told you when he asked if you could get back together is whatever was most advantageous to him for you to hear. He will tell you as little as he can get away with telling you.

I wouldn't touch off him with someone else's barge pole if it were me. I wouldn't take him back Kathleen.

You have done amazingly over the last few months. I wish you luck with whatever you decide, I just hope you do what's right for you. x