Curious to know how many couples get loans ++

ET2019 · 30-05-2019 3:11pm

....... wrote: »

Sounds like people are just invited so they can pay for the party.

I remember Eddie Hobbs popularising this kind of thinking pre recession, he encouraged people to invite 180+ guests as the fixed costs were the same regardless of if there were 100 people or 200 people but youd get much more in cash from more people.

A bit like selling tickets for an event. More tickets, more cash. A bit crass IMO but the idea has certainly stuck for some people.

5-8k for 200 people is €25 per head. Not really crass to be fair. A bank will not give you an unsecured loan with out proven repayment capacity in a stressed scenario. Assuming some kind of minimal lump sum pay off in the form of gifts is effective financial planning based on trends, not really 'selling tickets to a party. Did you get a loan for your high horse or buy it outright?

....... · 30-05-2019 3:24pm

ontheditch2 wrote: »

Crass? Really?

Every wedding I've ever gone to, I've given a wedding gift. A lot of those people will be coming to my wedding, and I'd be very surprised if I don't receive a gift from them. Am I wrong to assume that?

Of course its crass to have a party thats dependent on the cash gifts of the guests!

....... · 30-05-2019 3:26pm

ET2019 wrote: »

5-8k for 200 people is €25 per head. Not really crass to be fair. A bank will not give you an unsecured loan with out proven repayment capacity in a stressed scenario. Assuming some kind of minimal lump sum pay off in the form of gifts is effective financial planning based on trends, not really 'selling tickets to a party.

Are you alright there Eddie?

ET2019 wrote: »

Did you get a loan for your high horse or buy it outright?

Theres nothing high horsed about wanting to have a party without expecting the guests to pay for it.

Just basic manners really.

But your sums belay your attitude, so no surprise youd think it weird that someone who thinks you should cut your cloth to your measure is on a high horse.

A high horse, lol.

charcosull · 30-05-2019 3:33pm

Saved for it. Whatever savings we had = the budget for the wedding.

ET2019 · 30-05-2019 3:40pm

....... wrote: »

Are you alright there Eddie?

Theres nothing high horsed about wanting to have a party without expecting the guests to pay for it.

Just basic manners really.

But your sums belay your attitude, so no surprise youd think it weird that someone who thinks you should cut your cloth to your measure is on a high horse.

A high horse, lol.

I never said it was weird. It's judgmental. The definition of crass is being without sensitivity or intelligence, which your judgmental responses on a post about whether or not someone should take a small loan to fund their wedding, not a party, embody.

....... · 30-05-2019 3:48pm

ET2019 wrote: »

I never said it was weird. It's judgmental. The definition of crass is being without sensitivity or intelligence, which your judgmental responses on a post about whether or not someone should take a small loan to fund their wedding, not a party, embody.

You must be projecting - how many people did you invite to pay off your wedding loan?

ET2019 · 30-05-2019 3:55pm

....... wrote: »

You must be projecting - how many people did you invite to pay off your wedding loan?

Not married or intending to. But its basic accounting. Risk reward analysis. Calling this crass is simply unintelligent, unrealistic, condescending and unnecessary.

Toots · 30-05-2019 3:57pm

Enough sniping. It is possible to answer the OPs question without being catty and snide. I would remind all posters to familiarise themselves with the forum charter before continuing to post on this thread.

Panthro · 01-06-2019 4:30pm

I'm Irish and herself is from UK.
If we ever get hitched it would be a bit of a balls. I'd like to invite 30odd people but I know it's a bit of an ask to get them all over here.
Considered getting a massive air b n b house and renting it for them.

Realistically we'd probably have the ceremony in UK, meal afterwards, few drinks.
Then organise a band and a buffet somewhere back home.

Bit it's a balls and I've no idea how much it would cost us.

01-06-2019 4:35pm

Panthro wrote: »

I'm Irish and herself is from UK.
If we ever get hitched it would be a bit of a balls. I'd like to invite 30odd people but I know it's a bit of an ask to get them all over here.
Considered getting a massive air b n b house and renting it for them.

Realistically we'd probably have the ceremony in UK, meal afterwards, few drinks.
Then organise a band and a buffet somewhere back home.

Bit it's a balls and I've no idea how much it would cost us.

Well if I were one of the 30 and you invited me to a super Michelin star lunch in a great Dublin Michelin star restaurant (take ure pick)- and if you gave me enough notice- I'd flipping make my own accommodation arrangements, book a nice cheap flight well in advance and enjoy my few days in Dublin. I'd certainly not expect you to pay.

Maybe you're thinking that the family don't have much money? I dunno, but like, if you sort a great day, then the rest is up to the people coming- I wouldn't fret on that.

iamwhoiam · 01-06-2019 4:39pm

Panthro wrote: »

I'm Irish and herself is from UK.
If we ever get hitched it would be a bit of a balls. I'd like to invite 30odd people but I know it's a bit of an ask to get them all over here.
Considered getting a massive air b n b house and renting it for them.

Realistically we'd probably have the ceremony in UK, meal afterwards, few drinks.
Then organise a band and a buffet somewhere back home.

Bit it's a balls and I've no idea how much it would cost us.

If you invite people to a wedding you wouldn't be expected to pay for their hotel or B and B

Addle · 01-06-2019 5:00pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

If you invite people to a wedding you wouldn't be expected to pay for their hotel or B and B

I’ve had couples offer to pay for my accommodation. Siblings and good friends.

iamwhoiam · 01-06-2019 5:19pm

Addle wrote: »

I’ve had couples offer to pay for my accommodation. Siblings and good friends.

Yes but not for 30 people surely ? Most wedding packages have 6 rooms included

Addle · 01-06-2019 5:26pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Yes but not for 30 people surely ? Most wedding packages have 6 rooms included

Well if they’re offering for one member of the family, they’re offering for all.
My parents never paid for accommodation at any of their children’s wedding.

iamwhoiam · 01-06-2019 5:30pm

Addle wrote: »

Well if they’re offering for one member of the family, they’re offering for all.
My parents never paid for accommodation at any of their children’s wedding.

Yes the rooms in the package are intended for both sets of parents , bridesmaid and groomsmen
No way would I expect anyone to pay for my room at a wedding .

Dog Man Star · 01-06-2019 5:35pm

It's not just a party, it's one of the biggest and most memorable days of your life. Apart from the days my children were born, my wedding day was the greatest day I had. If you want to borrow money for it, do it. In a few years you'll be borrowing money to renovate your kitchen or get a new shed. It is no big deal. Just don't borrow more than you can pay back and don't expect gifts to cover it because they won't.

Don't blow the whole lot on the wedding day either, the honeymoon is just as important!

Addle · 01-06-2019 5:52pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Yes the rooms in the package are intended for both sets of parents , bridesmaid and groomsmen
No way would I expect anyone to pay for my room at a wedding .

I’ve never expected it, and i’ve never taken anyone up on the offer.

Dog Man Star · 01-06-2019 5:57pm

Addle wrote: »

I’ve never expected it, and i’ve never taken anyone up on the offer.

Give them a great dinner, a few free drinks and a good night out and they won't care.

Mollyb60 · 05-06-2019 12:49pm

We got engaged in October and married the following June so we had zero time to save for a wedding. The MIL had a small panic after her sister died and begged us to have the wedding sooner rather than later in case someone else died (not even joking). She offered us a loan of £10k so that we could take a June date instead of the October date we were looking at. I think our wedding came in at around 12k but we were able to cover the 2k ourselves and had her paid back within a year of the wedding.

It is totally dependant on your personal circumstances but a lot can be done on a smaller budget. I was disgusted with bridal shops who were quoting me insane figures for wedding dresses and were almost scolding me for only going to look for a dress in January because it wasn't enough time. The wedding industry is insane.

baby and crumble · 06-06-2019 9:42am

Mollyb60 wrote: »

I was disgusted with bridal shops who were quoting me insane figures for wedding dresses and were almost scolding me for only going to look for a dress in January because it wasn't enough time. The wedding industry is insane.

i will say just on this point, there's a reason that so much time and expense goes into adjusting wedding dresses- the level of internal detail on most of them to make them look right is crazy, and if major alterations need to be done (very often wedding boutiques will only have sample sizes in stock, and have to order the dress in your closest size then work from there) then the entire seams have to be ripped back by hand (possibly including 3/4 layers of internal structure), re cut, restitched etc. A lot of wedding dresses will have internal boning which might need to be reshaped etc, so it's a HUGE amount of work.

I mean I agree it's crazy money, but there is reason behind it.

LizzeyBenett · 06-06-2019 9:35pm

Mollyb60 wrote: »

We got engaged in October and married the following June so we had zero time to save for a wedding. The MIL had a small panic after her sister died and begged us to have the wedding sooner rather than later in case someone else died (not even joking). She offered us a loan of £10k so that we could take a June date instead of the October date we were looking at. I think our wedding came in at around 12k but we were able to cover the 2k ourselves and had her paid back within a year of the wedding.

It is totally dependant on your personal circumstances but a lot can be done on a smaller budget. I was disgusted with bridal shops who were quoting me insane figures for wedding dresses and were almost scolding me for only going to look for a dress in January because it wasn't enough time. The wedding industry is insane.

Can I ask where you had the reception ? A loan totally isnt on the table just just dont know how some ppl afford it there seems to be a never ending list of things to pay for just lookingat friends getting married

Third_Echelon · 06-06-2019 11:57pm

From our engagement to our wedding was just under 2 and half years and i think we were saving on average 400 per month (married in 2015). If we went on holiday for example during that time or at Christmas etc, we'd put in a little less, then tried to make up the difference in the months after... so we came up with around 50%/60% of our overall budget from savings and then got a loan for the remainder. The loan repayment was pretty much the same per month as we were previously saving, so we weren't stretched and could afford it OK (no mortgage, kids, outstanding debt etc). Honeymoon was included in the overall cost.

We had ~105 guests on the day and had a great time. Venue was fab, sun was out, food was great, band and DJ were excellent. That's all most people remember anyway (was the grub and entertainment good), so we made sure they were the best bits. We just wanted to have a good time with our friends and family and kept it relaxed and fun. We would move abroad a few months after our wedding, so we wanted to make sure that everyone we wanted to see could make it and never really considered a destination wedding. Didn't want to put that additional expense on people. Just wanted then to come and hang out with them.

Definitely make a budget that you can afford and track it in a spreadsheet, otherwise you'll lose the run of yourself. If something was coming back to us at a ridiculous quote, we shopped around or did it ourselves. You'll find when planning a wedding that if you go to a vendor and you put the word 'wedding' before anything, the price is a lot more than it normally would be, e.g. wedding cake, wedding <insert item here> :-)

Mollyb60 · 07-06-2019 8:53am

LizzeyBenett wrote: »

Can I ask where you had the reception ? A loan totally isnt on the table just just dont know how some ppl afford it there seems to be a never ending list of things to pay for just lookingat friends getting married

We had a smallish wedding, about 80 guests in the Conyngham Arms in Slane. I think it was about €60 a head and it was a really great venue. No bridesmaids/groomsmen, hotel decorated the room we were married in (civil ceremony) and the reception room as part of the package
£700 for my dress (bought in NI where we live)
£700 for the grooms suit (bought in NI)
€2000 for the band,
€1500 for the photographer
€200 for the cupcakes (no cake)
€50 for my bouquet and a buttonhole for the groom
€3000 on the honeymoon (cruise)

That was about the extent of the big things.

facehugger99 · 07-06-2019 9:45am

If you're borrowing to pay for your wedding, you're spending too much.

iamwhoiam · 07-06-2019 9:58am

facehugger99 wrote: »

If you're borrowing to pay for your wedding, you're spending too much.

To each his own you know . Why would anyone think their way is the right way? We all differ in how we deal with credit or loans or savings

facehugger99 · 07-06-2019 12:15pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

We all differ in how we deal with credit or loans or savings

Indeed, some people are very bad with money.

iamwhoiam · 07-06-2019 12:45pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

Indeed, some people are very bad with money.

And some people are very judgmental

ontheditch2 · 07-06-2019 6:15pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

If you're borrowing to pay for your wedding, you're spending too much.

It is kind of like saying, if you borrow to buy a house, you're spending too much. Or is that different??

silent_spark · 07-06-2019 6:18pm

ontheditch2 wrote: »

It is kind of like saying, if you borrow to buy a house, you're spending too much. Or is that different??

It’s absolutely different - property is a capital item, you can’t compare it to a wedding party.

*That’s not to say people don’t also overstretch themselves when buying property.

Electric Sheep · 07-06-2019 6:24pm

ontheditch2 wrote: »

It is kind of like saying, if you borrow to buy a house, you're spending too much. Or is that different??

Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

baby and crumble · 07-06-2019 6:36pm

It really annoys me when people are so judgemental about how people choose to spend their own money.

Like I said earlier in the thread, we borrowed a relatively small amount of money to throw the wedding we wanted to throw. I think some people devalue just how important things like wedding days are to some people. Yes, it’s “just” one day but for me it was a day I lived 34 years of my life genuinely believing it would never happen. Not because I wasn’t going to find someone to marry (I met my wife when I was 21) but because it was illegal.

So when it finally happened that I COULD get married and throw a big f*ck off party to celebrate? Damn right I’m going to do that. We already had bought our house, both in good jobs, but a lot of our savings had gone on the house. So we basically used the loan to save in advance. We started paying off the loan as soon as we got it which meant we actually had it nearly paid off fully by the time the wedding came round. If we’d saved the exact same very month we’d only have been able to start planning it then. And I’d waited long enough to be able to marry the woman I love, bugger to having to wait longer for fear that someone who doesn’t know me or my circumstances thinking I was trying to keep up with the Jones’.

Yeah I know of some couples from my old school who had insane weddings purely to show off but so what? Good luck to them. It’s literally no skin off anyone else’s nose what they do with their lives and their finances.

iamwhoiam · 07-06-2019 6:47pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

That is so judgemental of you . There are many couples who have saved for a deposit on a house and then get married
Their wedding day is their day and why would you or anyone else chose to put them down for wanting a big day
My daughter got married last year and if anyone had spoken like that about their choices I would be furious
It had nothing to do with ego or keeping up with anyone . It was a day they chose and were thrilled to be able to have family and friends enjoy it
How they paid for it is no one else's business

jlm29 · 07-06-2019 7:23pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

I’ve spent a lot of my extra cash over the last few years making my house as I want it, and now am mortgage free. If I decided I wanted to get married in three months time, I wouldn’t have much by way of savings for it, because of that, but I would see nothing wrong with borrowing a small sum of money to pay for the day I wanted. It doesn’t mean I’m bad with money, just that my priorities are different to someone else’s.
I don’t drink, but I don’t consider that someone who does is “wasting” their money every time they have a glass of wine. Everyone chooses to do things differently, for various reasons.

Scarinae · 07-06-2019 8:27pm

topmanamillion wrote: »

If people are truly honest with themselves the reason they're spending upwards of €20K on a party is an excercise in keeping up with the Jones'.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home.

We are planning what some people might consider to be a large wedding – we have almost 200 people on our guest list – and it is absolutely nothing to do with feeding our egos or “keeping up with the Joneses”. We both have extensive families, and lots of friends on each side as we’ve both moved around and we didn’t meet each other until our 30s.

I’m not someone who has dreamed all my life about having a big wedding, but once we actually started writing a draft guest list we realised how many people there are in our lives. I know couples who have eloped or who have had a wedding with fewer than 20 guests, and that was the right choice for them, but it wasn’t what we wanted.

Yes, we’ve had to save money for the wedding and we are putting aside money every month to pay for it. Sure, we could spend that money on something else. But this is the type of wedding that we want, and being surrounded by people that we love will be amazing!

iamwhoiam · 07-06-2019 8:39pm

Scarinae wrote: »

We are planning what some people might consider to be a large wedding – we have almost 200 people on our guest list – and it is absolutely nothing to do with feeding our egos or “keeping up with the Joneses”. We both have extensive families, and lots of friends on each side as we’ve both moved around and we didn’t meet each other until our 30s.

I’m not someone who has dreamed all my life about having a big wedding, but once we actually started writing a draft guest list we realised how many people there are in our lives. I know couples who have eloped or who have had a wedding with fewer than 20 guests, and that was the right choice for them, but it wasn’t what we wanted.

Yes, we’ve had to save money for the wedding and we are putting aside money every month to pay for it. Sure, we could spend that money on something else. But this is the type of wedding that we want, and being surrounded by people that we love will be amazing!

Have a wonderful day and don't forget to enjoy it !! Dance the night away and have fun !

SozBbz · 07-06-2019 8:41pm

It’s hardly judgemental to point out the difference between current and capital expenditure.

A house and a wedding are not comparable in basic accounting terms because a house isn’t over and done with in one day.

While I wouldn’t be so harsh on people who have borrowed to get the day they wanted but at the same time I think if people really thought about it they’d realise that the wedding industry is a massive machine and had been influencing us all our lives. If you looked at it logically, big expensive weddings are bad value for money. You’re just as married if you have a registry office wedding.

iamwhoiam · 07-06-2019 8:46pm

SozBbz wrote: »

It’s hardly judgemental to point out the difference between current and capital expenditure.

A house and a wedding are not comparable in basic accounting terms because a house isn’t over and done with in one day.

While I wouldn’t be so harsh on people who have borrowed to get the day they wanted but at the same time I think if people really thought about it they’d realise that the wedding industry is a massive machine and had been influencing us all our lives. If you looked at it logically, big expensive weddings are bad value for money. You’re just as married if you have a registry office wedding.

It's certainly judgemental to say anyone having a big wedding is doing so to feed their ego though . We all know you are just as married in the registry office but some people will enjoy a big huge day. Their money , their choice .

.

SozBbz · 07-06-2019 8:59pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

It's certainly judgemental to say anyone having a big wedding is doing so to feed their ego though . We all know you are just as married in the registry office but some people will enjoy a big huge day. Their money , their choice .

.

It wasn’t me who said that.

We all waste money. Anything that’s not an investment or a basic living expense (food, clothing, heat etc) is discretionary and we all have our foibles - god knows I love a handbag - but it’s a lot for one day and I do think people stress themselves and perhaps forgo other important things like putting off buying a home for example because there’s a societal pressure to have a typical Irish wedding. I wouldn’t call it ego for 95% of couples, but they’re definitely influenced by the wedding industry. And wider families are influenced too, I know so many people who wanted far fewer people but ended up having bigger weddings due to pressures from family to invite tenuous people because you couldn’t be seen to not invite so and so.

iamwhoiam · 07-06-2019 9:14pm

SozBbz wrote: »

It wasn’t me who said that.

We all waste money. Anything that’s not an investment or a basic living expense (food, clothing, heat etc) is discretionary and we all have our foibles - god knows I love a handbag - but it’s a lot for one day and I do think people stress themselves and perhaps forgo other important things like putting off buying a home for example because there’s a societal pressure to have a typical Irish wedding. I wouldn’t call it ego for 95% of couples, but they’re definitely influenced by the wedding industry. And wider families are influenced too, I know so many people who wanted far fewer people but ended up having bigger weddings due to pressures from family to invite tenuous people because you couldn’t be seen to not invite so and so.

No , I know you didn't say that .
Yes I see your point but the way I see it is to each his own . I could never spend huge money on a car for example but can understand why some people do
I do think that societal pressure is easing now about huge weddings . I have been to a few smaller ones with the cermony in the hotel and they were lovely .But some couples love the big wedding with 200 odd guests and its their choice .
As long as its not my money paying for it !

baby and crumble · 08-06-2019 1:24pm

I think what happens when weddings and finances are talked about is people get defensive. When someone makes an assumption about how people spend their money or manage finances full stop people will get aggravated. And then you start trying to justify your own experience.

Basically what you’re doing if you have anything other than a registry wedding with 2 witnesses is that you’re starting to celebrate with the people you love. And some
Of us are in the lucky position to have lots of people we love in our lives and who we would want to celebrate with us. That’s a good thing. But many people online in particular seem to want to turn that celebration into wastefulness because perhaps it’s not what they’d do.

I don’t drink or smoke but I don’t judge people who choose to spend their money that way. I don't have hugely expensive holidays or hobbies, or an expensive car, but I don’t judge people who choose to spend their money that way. Why, when it comes to weddings, are people SO judgmental?

silent_spark · 08-06-2019 4:23pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why, when it comes to weddings, are people SO judgmental?

I think everyone should be in a position to choose whatever wonderful/bombastic/extravagant/fabulous wedding/car/phone/holiday they would like (it's their life, and it shouldn't impact on anyone else), but in my opinion - and from what other people are saying here - I think it's the idea of going into debt for an expense, rather than a capital item, that is worrying, and - whatever way you look at it, it's not great money management. A culture of consumer debt benefits no one (look at debt rates in America), so while I'm not going to judge anyone for making the decision to take out a loan for a whatever, I don't think we should pretend it's a positive thing to do for normal, planned living expenses.

Full disclaimer: I took a loan out years ago as my car died, I needed one to get to work, and I hadn't enough of an emergency fund saved up to cover the full cost. Was it the right decision for me? Sure. What it good money management? Nope. We also did not have a particularly tiny wedding, and decided on lots of extravagant (to us) optional extras to celebrate with our friends and family. To each their own in that regard.

LirW · 08-06-2019 5:47pm

I think people are incredibly cynical about weddings and even moreso when there is a huge loan involved. Many people know at least one couple that totally overstretched themselves and it's not only a nuisance but a proper financial burden on them.
I know a girl that spent a grand total of 60k on her wedding. Every tiniest detail was planned. How she financed it? Bank loan and the parents loaned money, they only got a percentage back in gifts. The very day after she said to her bridesmaids "Why did I spend so much on it?".
A few months later they moved out of their apartment in a rural county that was 400 euro in rent and moved into the house of a family member because they're stuck to get a deposit together - in an area where nice houses cost less than 100k.
Granted this couple is very bad with money.

I also know another that didn't live together before they married and had a big shebang in an upscale venue. They're now living in a room in Dublin sharing with other people because they can't get a deposit together.

If someone asks if it is wise to take out a loan for the wedding the general answer is most likely no - but it depends on the couple's circumstances. Some are just short for a bit, some need the cash to clear everything outstanding, some finance the whole thing on a loan. Some can comfortably afford it and it's merely change on them to pay it back monthly, some put themselves under pressure because it is too much for them.

All that paired with very common resentment over cash gifts and some weddings feeling like summons leave a bitter taste in people's mouth.

ontheditch2 · 09-06-2019 3:37pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

Era, I'd prefer to pay for fantastic memories. I've only ever got 2 loans in my life. 1 for a car (never missed a payment), 1 for a mortgage.
I've gone on some wonderful holidays and spent most of my adult life never worrying about missing out on events because I couldn't afford them.
The 3rd loan I'll get will be for my wedding. Spent the last 2 years saving for a deposit for my house. Time frame between buying house and wedding will be close, so we could put off the wedding so that we could afford it or we could get a small loan to get it done now and carry on with other things in life e.g. having kids etc..
To suggest it is ego driven or keeping up with the Jones is fairly disrespectful.

I hope you never wasted money by going on a foreign holiday, a weekend away or anything like that, that's some waste of money, by your logic, whether you need a loan or not. You should of invested in capital instead.
Or is that different??

Gatica · 10-06-2019 10:48am

tbh, I'd rather have a loan for a fabulous memorable day than shed at the back of the garden, for which I could save up if I wanted to.
Everyone's attitude to what's important in life is different, and painting everyone who gets a loan out for a wedding or any other event as being unwise isn't right. People have mentioned saving for cars, whereas I always thought a car as being an investment too, and always got a loan for a car, so I can live my everyday live comfortably. We saved for the wedding, but wouldn't have been averse to borrowing if needed, as previously mentioned. In fact retrospectively my OH wishes we'd invited more friends, who we thought we wouldn't have the budget to invite...
I'd have hated to have a 20 people wedding because we couldn't invite more and have regretted it after because we'd have wished to have all those friends and couldn't.

meeeeh · 10-06-2019 10:58am

What I find surprising is how everyone knows how much other people spent on their weddings. I can't remember how much ours cost last year, I'm not sure I ever knew. We didn't borrow for the wedding, neither we had any intention to because I don't consider wedding important enough to take out loan for. We received generous gifts from basically everyone but since we were footing the bill for all drinks and two extra meals for people traveling we never expected to cover the cost of the wedding.

Frankly I don't care what people borrow money for, as long as their life is not negatively impeded by it there is no harm.

SozBbz · 10-06-2019 12:38pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

No , I know you didn't say that .
Yes I see your point but the way I see it is to each his own . I could never spend huge money on a car for example but can understand why some people do
I do think that societal pressure is easing now about huge weddings . I have been to a few smaller ones with the ceremony in the hotel and they were lovely .But some couples love the big wedding with 200 odd guests and its their choice .
As long as its not my money paying for it !

My point is that the way the wedding industry has gone, it is effectively guests paying (at least in part). People totally expect €200 per couple in most cases, and quite often the finances only work on that basis.

Also, this is a discussion forum, so of course people are going to make their own decisions, but equally others here like myself are perfectly entitled to have opinions on posts as they arise. Otherwise Boards would be pretty boring if people just agreed all day long.

I don't think its like a car really, because (1) cars are not gone in a single day (2) cars depreciate over time and are obviously a bad investment but at the same time people need transport and likely have to spend money getting themselves around, so an element of it is unavoidable. (3) people tend not to rely on gifts to finance their cars (4) anyone who spends big money on a car (ie Range Rover or similar) that obviously goes about and beyond getting them from a to b is probably doing so to demonstrate their wealth and portray a certain image - so they probably attract much the same criticism as those who have lavish weddings.

Gatica · 10-06-2019 12:53pm

meeeeh wrote: »

What I find surprising is how everyone knows how much other people spent on their weddings.

LOL, too true. I know what we spent because I keep a meticulous budget/spending record. I wouldn't have a clue what someone else spent other than to guess it was more or less than ours based on whether it was bigger/smaller wedding than ours, and I'd have a better idea of cost of different venues based on research we did for our wedding.

iamwhoiam · 10-06-2019 1:06pm

SozBbz wrote: »

My point is that the way the wedding industry has gone, it is effectively guests paying (at least in part). People totally expect €200 per couple in most cases, and quite often the finances only work on that basis.

Also, this is a discussion forum, so of course people are going to make their own decisions, but equally others here like myself are perfectly entitled to have opinions on posts as they arise. Otherwise Boards would be pretty boring if people just agreed all day long.

I don't think its like a car really, because (1) cars are not gone in a single day (2) cars depreciate over time and are obviously a bad investment but at the same time people need transport and likely have to spend money getting themselves around, so an element of it is unavoidable. (3) people tend not to rely on gifts to finance their cars (4) anyone who spends big money on a car (ie Range Rover or similar) that obviously goes about and beyond getting them from a to b is probably doing so to demonstrate their wealth and portray a certain image - so they probably attract much the same criticism as those who have lavish weddings.

I did say spend huge money on a car in my post . I would have no interest in spending huge money for a top of the range car but am fine with it that others do . I still think its none of our business who spends what as long as it doesnt effect me .Thankfully I have never been to a wedding where the couple expected anything from me but then again I go mainly to family weddings and am more than happy to give them a present .
People differ and I have come to accept that I suppose

SozBbz · 10-06-2019 1:07pm

Gatica wrote: »

LOL, too true. I know what we spent because I keep a meticulous budget/spending record. I wouldn't have a clue what someone else spent other than to guess it was more or less than ours based on whether it was bigger/smaller wedding than ours, and I'd have a better idea of cost of different venues based on research we did for our wedding.

I think its a mixture. I probably know in the case of my close friends because the just told me, but like you said yourself, one you know the baseline and have done some research, you tend to know roughly what venues charge, so even if you don't know for a fact, you can spot a expensive wedding when you see one.

Obviously everyones disposable income is ultimately their own business but I know I've certainly been at weddings that I felt were either the couple trying to make money, or spend as little as possible. I've also witnessed scenarios where couples have gone all out to have the perfect day at great expense but are making ongoing sacrifices now to pay for it, which in my opinion is a sad way to start married life. Yes they have the memories and the photos, but the day itself is still in the past.

I think in an ideal world it would be great if wedding gifts were just not a thing, everyone just paid for their own weddings and invited who they actually wanted to attend. I think they'd be smaller, but probably more intimate and nicer.

meeeeh · 10-06-2019 2:20pm

Gatica wrote: »

LOL, too true. I know what we spent because I keep a meticulous budget/spending record. I wouldn't have a clue what someone else spent other than to guess it was more or less than ours based on whether it was bigger/smaller wedding than ours, and I'd have a better idea of cost of different venues based on research we did for our wedding.

Our calculations were done on the back of an envelope about a month before the wedding. We also got a wedding planner because for me life is to short to plan a wedding. We had some approximate cost but we couldn't know what drinks cost will in advance anyway. I guess I just have no interest in that kind of stuff but I also find a bit vulgar talking about cost of the wedding. We told no one how much we got in gifts or how much it cost us. Frankly it's nobody's business. I think people enjoyed themselves (oh was told to divorce me, marry another girl from the area so there will be a repeat wedding) and that means a lot more to me than coordinated outfits or cost of the wedding and how we paid for it.

Curious to know how many couples get loans ++

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