Should I tell her?

Ask her out first. You really are over thinking this and placing far too much importance on a simple question: how will I word it? Where will I ask her? Etc.

It's a very simple question. It's not a big deal but if you behave like it is you'll freak her out. You're not proposing ! You're inviting someone out on a date. Nothing big. Nothing scary. Nothing important (in the grand scheme of things). I know you're chewed up over this but you need to get a bit of perspective.

Red Lightning wrote: »

She works in my gym so I see her there. Or should I ask her elsewhere?

Hmm, I think you would have gotten different replies if you had said this in the OP. It's her job to be friendly to you.

My advice would be to wait it out a little... You can ramp up the flirting, you have only gone for one coffee, right? From her PoV, she is just out of a relationship, and wants to stay single. It could take her a while to fancy a guy she would want the next relationship with.

Good luck either way though OP.

Red Lightning wrote: »

I really do appreciate all the replies. As ye can tell I'm not great at this stuff. Being honest, I've never asked a girl out in person and it scares the **** out of me.
I know im overthinking this but I really don't know how to word it in this situation. I feel if I say, 'Would like to go out for drinks sometime?' It's open to interpretation as we have gone out for drinks last week but it was with her friends. Do I mention that I like her? Do I mention the word date? Etc

I think that's perfect. Leaves it open for either something to develop, or just to be friends (which is also good *if* you think you would like to be friends rather than no-contact if she doesn't fancy you right now).

Don't do it under duress there is no major hurry with this only that you might miss the opportunity if she were to meet someone else. When will you see her again do you think?

Maybe wait to see how you feel when you see her again now that you know you are going to ask her out... See how you feel then and just go for it in person or by voice note or text?? I would defo mention as a date though. You could say something like... I liked hanging out with you over the last few weeks and wondered if you wanted to go for a drink/coffee as a date..... Or something along those lines.

Red Lightning wrote: »

Ok I'm gonna do it today. May leave it until this evening as she was out last night (saw on her Instagram) so cud be dying ATM ha
Apologies for wrecking people's heads but the fact she told me that she feels like she wants to be single for a while is gnawing at me. I would feel I have to elude to that in any form of asking her out but I could be wrong.

Let me tell you a story. Spoiler alert: I got rejected in the end but it worked out fine.

I kissed a good friend of mine a few times on nights out. She lived far away but would visit Dublin a few times a year, so we'd just pretend it never happened afterwards and forget about it. I thought I was fine with that, then she started dating another guy and I noticed this little jealous beast inside of me flaring up, so I said to myself it's time to acknowledge these feelings if I got a chance. Sure enough, it didn't work out with the bloke so next time we hung out, we ended up really drunk and the feels vomited out. Long story short, I ended up texting her a saner version a couple days later, and it came back a no. She said she wasn't interested in doing the long distance thing. I said fine, it was awkward with us for a while as I got over it, but we got back where we were and it's actually one of the friendships I value most now. It felt great as well just letting go of all that and being able to move past it without thinking "What if?"

Here's the funny part. Guess where the next guy she dated was from? Yep.

So there's a twofold moral of the story for you:

1) You can re-build a friendship after this stuff if the friendship is worth saving.
2) Sometimes people just say stuff for the sake of it. You can take her seriously and be that guy who's too respectful, then wait and get a text from her next week talking about this great guy she just met. You won't get points for all this overthinking about what she said, I guarantee you. Put it on the table, see how it comes back and move on with your life one way or another.

Red Lightning wrote: »

Leggo, I couldn't agree more. I'm doing it today. Thanks for the (much needed) push.

Best of luck OP! It will be fine no matter her response...

Make sure you mention date, or I like you in the message, get you intentions across then there's no grey area in interpretation.
You could say 'listen during the week I was thinking I may fancy you and enjoy spending time with you, and I'd be put out if someone else had a chance to bring you for a date before I could, let's go for it for fun'

There's a big difference between this:

Red Lightning wrote:

I've gotten to know a woman from my gym.

And this:

Red Lightning wrote:

She works in my gym so I see her there.

It completely changes the dynamic and I think asking her out is a terrible idea. If she says no you've made her workplace a very uncomfortable place and I think it's incredibly unfair of you to potentially put her in that position.

In all your ridiculous overthinking of this, you don't actually appear to have given a single thought to how it will affect her working relationship with you if she says no. Is she even allowed to date clients? Between this and the fact that she has told you to your face she doesn't want to be in a relationship, I really think you need to let this go. Sorry.

Also, OP? I do think you need to ask her in person. How would you react if she doesn't respond to your text at all, eg. Or, if she doesn't want to date you but her let down in text is so vague as to keep you guessing? What if she misunderstands your text? Too much potential for misinterpretation and future awkwardness via text. Ask her out on a date the next time you see her. You'll have a clear response on the spot. You're making far too much of this.

Well done OP. You've done all you can now, so take a breath.

Exciting, good luck. Even if it's not a positive outcome, fair play.

Hopefully will be good news though.