Have you ever ghosted someone?

ginandtonicsky · 09-05-2019 02:25PM

Gannicus wrote: »

I was ghosted by someone years ago. It was actually someone I met here, yes a fellow Boardsie

We had been seeing each other whenever they came up to Dublin as work had them up here frequently enough.

I thought things were going great and the person invited me down to stay them. We arranged a bank hoiliday weekend so we could spend all of it together and I was super excited. They told me to text them when I was leaving here and they would organise where to meet them after they finished work before we went up to their house. All that week I thought they were as excited as me telling me they were looking forward to it.

Friday comes. I leave work (a bit early) and start driving down to them. As I hopped in the car I texted to say I was on my way and when I got down there I still had no response. I tried ringing, texting, facebooking and nada. I had driven 3.5 hours with no alternative accomodation to see them only for them to ghost on me. Never heard back from them so I was faced with a long drive home with quite the sunken heart. Still to this day I have never heard from them.

Bizarre. Do they still post on boards? Did you send them a PM after that?

yourdeadwright · 09-05-2019 02:26PM

Apt8 wrote: »

I was going out with a girl some time back, we'd been seeing each other for nearly 2 years and out of nowhere she ghosted me. Months later I ran into her with her new fella and the look on her face said it all.

Messed me up for a long time, I ended up dropping out of college and moving county over it. Looking back it was foolish to let it get to me so much, but I didn't see any way past it at the time and I couldn't stand the thought of running into her again.

Wouldn't wish it on anyone, still things have a way of working out for the better.

Jesus Christ on a bike, If I wasn't a nice person i would say something like you should have made her a ghost

its a joke folks do not harm others ,

Boom_Bap · 09-05-2019 02:27PM

Years ago I was seeing a girl, we were having great fun together.
She was supposed to meet me at a certain spot at a certain time, one we used before. She even called me to tell me she was on the way, but she never turned up.
Didn't hear from her again.

I was telling the lads about it and they mentioned that they may know something about it. They were texting her from my phone a few days earlier saying mad sh*t to her and she probably done that to me for some sort of revenge.
Shame really, she was good fun.

Gannicus · 09-05-2019 02:28PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Bizarre. Do they still post on boards? Did you send them a PM after that?

I haven't seen them post here in years. Their account is closed now (i think)

ginandtonicsky · 09-05-2019 02:31PM

Gannicus wrote: »

I haven't seen them here in ages.

I wonder if someone who does something like that has some serious personal issues, intimacy problems or something.

I can kind of understand not wanting to have an uncomfortable conversation or being bad at confrontation, but to lead someone down that kind of trail and allow them to travel halfway across the country and then just disappear...it's not normal behaviour.

Hector Savage · 09-05-2019 02:43PM

Christ I am glad I am past all that dating shyte, how shallow people are ....

Gannicus · 09-05-2019 02:46PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I wonder if someone who does something like that has some serious personal issues, intimacy problems or something.

I can kind of understand not wanting to have an uncomfortable conversation or being bad at confrontation, but to lead someone down that kind of trail and allow them to travel halfway across the country and then just disappear...it's not normal behaviour.

I don't know. Part of me would like to know why she did it. But I've moved on and in a happy healthy relationship now so I tend to not care either.

Hector Savage wrote: »

Christ I am glad I am past all that dating shyte, how shallow people are ....

I'm glad you're passed all that dating shyte too

Church on Tuesday · 09-05-2019 02:56PM

Kimbot wrote: »

So only the men in that situation are lacking maturity?

Man here.

Woman are emotional beings. They don't like conflict, so it is easier to ghost. You can call it immature behavior if you want,but there's more to it than that. If a woman's attraction level in you is low in the first place, and you've been pen pals for a few weeks (not recommended BTW) and won't commit to a date and you then keep badgering her, when she has actually subliminally told you she's not interested, she will then ghost.

Men who ghost are immature. It's a man who typically will ask the date, set the date etc. If he can set the date, then he should have the cop on to cancel the date also or express his lack of attraction after the initial date. Men are supposed to be assertive after all.

Tell me how · 09-05-2019 03:02PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Man here.

Woman are emotional beings. They don't like conflict, so it is easier to ghost. You can call it immature behavior if you want,but there's more to it than that. If a woman's attraction level in you is low in the first place, and you've been pen pals for a few weeks (not recommended BTW) and won't commit to a date and you then keep badgering her, when she has actually subliminally told you she's not interested, she will then ghost.

Men who ghost are immature. It's a man who typically will ask the date, set the date etc. If he can set the date, then he should have the cop on to cancel the date also or express his lack of attraction after the initial date. Men are supposed to be assertive after all.

I think you are excessive in suggesting that men and women mostly behave in a gender specific way and these stereotypes are more urban myth than based in reality.

Church on Tuesday · 09-05-2019 03:03PM

Tell me how wrote: »

I think you are excessive in suggesting that men and women mostly behave in a gender specific way and these stereotypes are more urban myth than based in reality.

From years of experience and watching people very closely, I really beg to differ.

razorblunt · 09-05-2019 03:26PM

Jeez that ghosting after 2 years is horrific.
That's not even ghosting, it would definitely mess you up.
To me it would feel like a sudden and tragic bereavement, with no closure until you saw them and then that opens a whole other can of worms.

Sorry you had to go through that, OP.

Dial Hard · 09-05-2019 03:36PM

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I was telling the lads about it and they mentioned that they may know something about it. They were texting her from my phone a few days earlier saying mad sh*t to her and she probably done that to me for some sort of revenge.
Shame really, she was good fun.

This is why I will never understand men. That is not remotely funny, or "craic" or (preserve us) "banter". It's downright puerile behaviour, and cruel to boot.

notsoyoungwan · 09-05-2019 03:39PM

I was ghosted after a year long relationship. I’d been going out with a man for a year, he was in the UK, I was in Ireland. We used meet most weekends, and it was going fine, or so I thought. Out of the blue, he disappeared from my life. Stopped answering his phone, ringing me, replying to/sending messages, stopped email contact etc. Neither of us had Facebook at the time, it was the days of MSN messenger and he disappeared from that too. Totally out of the blue. It was so abrupt and out of character that I actually wondered if he had died. I knew someone who knew him in the uk and they were able to find out he was ok, so then I figured it out. I still think of it as a really cowardly way to treat someone. If he'd said (or even emailed to say) that he'd met someone else, or had lost interest, I'd have been hurt but I'd have coped fine. The way he did it, I was left totally bewildered and stunned.

KerryGoat · 09-05-2019 03:48PM

Personally I haven't but I have been ghosted and knew I was being ghosted and it felt horrid. I'd rather a brutal rejection over it anyday.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 09-05-2019 03:58PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Man here.

Woman are emotional beings. They don't like conflict, so it is easier to ghost. You can call it immature behavior if you want,but there's more to it than that. If a woman's attraction level in you is low in the first place, and you've been pen pals for a few weeks (not recommended BTW) and won't commit to a date and you then keep badgering her, when she has actually subliminally told you she's not interested, she will then ghost.

Men who ghost are immature. It's a man who typically will ask the date, set the date etc. If he can set the date, then he should have the cop on to cancel the date also or express his lack of attraction after the initial date. Men are supposed to be assertive after all.

You got some odd and inflexible views on women man. "They're ruled by their emotions poor little pets, we must coddle them and be strong manly men for these mysterious sexy princesses" isn't any less sexist than similar infantilising opinions expressed without your veneer of respect or whatever it is you think you're conveying you know.

Anyways yeah I did once ghost someone, and it took some doing considering we had three classes together and were on the same school bus route :pac: I literally didn't know what to do so I just ignored the whole situation.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 09-05-2019 04:09PM

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Years ago I was seeing a girl, we were having great fun together.
She was supposed to meet me at a certain spot at a certain time, one we used before. She even called me to tell me she was on the way, but she never turned up.
Didn't hear from her again.

I was telling the lads about it and they mentioned that they may know something about it. They were texting her from my phone a few days earlier saying mad sh*t to her and she probably done that to me for some sort of revenge.
Shame really, she was good fun.

Your friends are gobshítes.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 09-05-2019 04:10PM

I offloaded a toxic friend about 5 yrs back.

Guy was always in trouble, asking me for money and whatnot. He has a domineering personality. I was being used.

I just stopped communicating with him. We live in different ends of the country so that helped.

Church on Tuesday · 09-05-2019 04:17PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

You got some odd and inflexible views on women man. "They're ruled by their emotions poor little pets, we must coddle them and be strong manly men for these mysterious sexy princesses" isn't any less sexist than similar infantilising opinions expressed without your veneer of respect or whatever it is you think you're conveying you know.

Anyways yeah I did once ghost someone, and it took some doing considering we had three classes together and were on the same school bus route :pac: I literally didn't know what to do so I just ignored the whole situation.

Are you a woman?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 09-05-2019 04:19PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Are you a woman?

Yep

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 09-05-2019 04:23PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

Yep

Although surely, given your extensive objective observational experience you should just be able to take a 3 minute scan through someone's posts and be able to tell? And yet that's the second time in a few days I've seen you ask someone their gender before deciding how to engage with them. Hmm.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 09-05-2019 04:31PM

Got ghosted a few years back after dating someone for about six weeks. She was quite soon out of a relationship, so learned my lesson there.

It stung quite a bit, but there was some weirdness from her prior to it ending that held me back from committing.
Funnily, I saw her photo of her at a food festival almost two years later on the front of the Indo (she was quite a looker), and texted her out of bauldness and mild optimism. She ghosted again.
Fool me once...!

Looking back, I dodged a bullet but it definitely sucked.
As a result, I've always had the hard "sorry, but I don't think this is working" conversation as if someone is respectful enough to give me their time, I should be respectful enough to let them down openly and gently.

....... · 09-05-2019 04:35PM

Ive never been ghosted by someone after a considerable period of time, but I have been ghosted by people who I had only met a few times or before it had made it to a date.

I ghosted a guy I used to be in school with - it wasnt a romantic thing - but he had found me on Facebook and began to send me long messages basically telling me that he was so sorry for how his life had turned out and that people must think so badly of him etc... Initially I was sort of, ah youre grand, sure we all have ups and downs but he would go on and on so after a while I just stopped replying. Shortly after that I was doing a bit of a friends clear out and I unfriended him. Within minutes of unfriending him he had sent someone else I was friends with a message and asked them to send it onto me as we were no longer friends where he abused me from a height for unfriending him and went on a long tirade. I responded by blocking him completely, and the go between. I didnt feel bad about it because his entire messaging had been totally inappropriate.

The story here about the guy with the bad teeth is difficult. It probably would have been better to be straight up and tell him his dental hygiene/condition was extremely off putting so you werent interested. I can understand why you wouldnt want to say that, particularly as he had been hiding it in his tinder pics. I probably would have gone the white lie route myself here and pretended I had met someone else.

Personally I think ghosting someone you are actually in a relationship with is the lowest form of cowardice. It really leaves people in a state of bewilderment and confusion and its totally unnecessary. Id rather any kind of closure over ghosting.

mimimcmc · 09-05-2019 04:41PM

I have ghosted, but it came back to bite me in the ass when I was ghosted twice! which quite hurt especially cuz I was friends with one..

I also tried the "it's not going to work...."etc with a guy i had been on one date with but were texting for quite some time, he absolutely flipped at me, calling me a ****ing bitch so maybe sometimes it's better to ghost if you think they might be violent/aggressive??

BrokenArrows · 09-05-2019 04:41PM

Gannicus wrote: »

I was ghosted by someone years ago. It was actually someone I met here, yes a fellow Boardsie

We had been seeing each other whenever they came up to Dublin as work had them up here frequently enough.

I thought things were going great and the person invited me down to stay them. We arranged a bank hoiliday weekend so we could spend all of it together and I was super excited. They told me to text them when I was leaving here and they would organise where to meet them after they finished work before we went up to their house. All that week I thought they were as excited as me telling me they were looking forward to it.

Friday comes. I leave work (a bit early) and start driving down to them. As I hopped in the car I texted to say I was on my way and when I got down there I still had no response. I tried ringing, texting, facebooking and nada. I had driven 3.5 hours with no alternative accomodation to see them only for them to ghost on me. Never heard back from them so I was faced with a long drive home with quite the sunken heart. Still to this day I have never heard from them.

Maybe they died?

09-05-2019 04:43PM

Kinda related, went on a few dates with someone one onetime never really came to anything did not think he was that interested he seemed to be all over the place, anyway five years later I get a phone call from him.

BrokenArrows · 09-05-2019 04:48PM

mariaalice wrote: »

Kinda related, went on a few dates with someone one onetime never really came to anything did not think he was that interested he seemed to be all over the place, anyway five years later I get a phone call from him.

Now thats a cliff hanger of a sentence if ever there was one.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 09-05-2019 04:50PM

Yes done it a few times over 20yrs ago when it wasn’t even a thing.

I really regret the first time I done it to a girl and to this day I have no idea why I ‘ghosted’ her and it saddens me when I think on how I was such a fücking prick that would do that to someone I really liked.

The second time: I have no regrets, it was going nowhere (in my mind) and she turned out to be quite religious and reserved and I wasn’t so it was never going to work out.

It was easier to do back then when there were no phones or social media and all you had to do was avoid wherever you knew they’d be and if you had a landline, never answer it or have who ever you lived with say you weren’t in if they rang. (Which she did, incessantly for about 3 weeks!!)

09-05-2019 04:54PM

Ah this thread brings back memories of the previous thread. I was single then and full of hope and a contradictory element of jadedness. Now I have a fella who is talking about "the future" and I miss my free and easy days of singledom.

09-05-2019 04:55PM

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Now thats a cliff hanger of a sentence if ever there was one.

Well he said do you remember me and I vaguely did, he then said could we meet up I told him I was in a relationship and said good bye.

Why would you get in touch with someone after five years with never a word between its percuiluer.

SHOVELLER · 09-05-2019 05:04PM

Was going out with someone here for a year and we saw each other all the time as we only lived a few blocks away from each other. Unfortunately I didnt take the relationship as serious as she did but she persevered and we were also best friends. Anyway my job was the most toxic and stressful experience ever and I found myself being angry and fatigued dealing with incredibly stupid and ignorant people on a daily basis.

One day as I walked her home she was nagging me and I walked off at the door of her building and never saw her again. I just thought she was better off without me and would move on. She sent me scores of texts which I ignored and ultimately blocked her number. She also sent me heartbreaking emails but I ignored them too. A few weeks later I started dating somebody else who couldnt have been more different and of course that petered out.

Took me 6 months to realise what I had done and it broke my heart and by this stage she had moved on and started dating someone else. Met her friend last year and he said "Would you expect her to get back with you after dropping her off a cliff?"

It has been almost three years now but I still think of her every day and as the above poster says it saddens me when I think how and why I was such a dick to do that to someone I loved.

Rightly so karma has bitten me repeatedly since in so many ways. I still break out in a cold sweat when I think of it.

Have you ever ghosted someone?

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