Why is the line between flirting and being friendly so thin for many women?

noubliezjamais · 09-04-2019 04:43AM #1

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

bear1 · 09-04-2019 04:46AM

Seems to me you're reading too much into what the women are showing or saying.

noubliezjamais · 09-04-2019 04:47AM

bear1 wrote: »

Seems to me you're reading too much into what the women are showing or saying.

touching on the waist??

bear1 · 09-04-2019 04:50AM

noubliezjamais wrote: »

touching on the waist??

Well it depends on what you mean by touching.
If it's rubbing and being sexual then yes I'd also be confused.
But if it was a friendly touch and you'd know if it was then I would see it as flirting. Doesn't mean I'd enjoy watching my partner touch other men like that though.
The married one part I wouldn't have seen as flirting if she's talking about her private life.

manonboard · 09-04-2019 04:53AM

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

It took me many years to realise that it is alot about attention, ego and validation for women. It seems alot more required for them than the act of actually dating. Where as with a guy, its more about getting to dating really fast.
I don't know if it cultural or biological. Likely both.

There's nothing bad about it. It's just a person seeking validation and using dynamics they know work to keep them in good liasons with others. Of course, theres some compulsiveness and addictiveness too.

joeguevara · 09-04-2019 05:04AM

manonboard wrote: »

It took me many years to realise that it is alot about attention, ego and validation for women. It seems alot more required for them than the act of actually dating. Where as with a guy, its more about getting to dating really fast.
I don't know if it cultural or biological. Likely both.

There's nothing bad about it. It's just a person seeking validation and using dynamics they know work to keep them in good liasons with others. Of course, theres some compulsiveness and addictiveness too.

Or maybe it's someone of either gender being affectionate with someone they see as a friend with no hidden agenda.

EL_Loco · 09-04-2019 05:07AM

"Ye ridin' or wha?"
Usually cuts through the grey.

joeguevara · 09-04-2019 05:23AM

To the OP she didn't touch you to be polite. It was a friends affection. Sometimes it's confusing when it's misjudged but either gender can be guilty.

radiata · 09-04-2019 05:31AM

joeguevara wrote: »

To the OP she didn't touch you to be polite. It was a friends affection. Sometimes it's confusing when it's misjudged but either gender can be guilty.

If a man did it the whole #metoo would start up again

joeguevara · 09-04-2019 05:36AM

radiata wrote: »

If a man did it the whole #metoo would start up again

If a guy affectionately touched his female friend then he would be accused of sexual assault? Okaaaayyyyy

pleas advice · 09-04-2019 06:01AM

Poor old Joe Biden, doesn't know what's going on.

09-04-2019 06:26AM

There's a woman in work like this. Get on with her great but she's started touching my arm a lot and being flirty in general. Pirouetting in front of me asking if I thought she looked good.. Things like that.

I'm in a relationship so it's irrelevant but I wonder if she's just being friendly. She probably is.

s7ryf3925pivug · 09-04-2019 06:40AM

Affection in the context of friendship is just that.

Set the context of your interactions with women honestly. Women like and respect straightforward communication. Presenting yourself as a friend when you are looking for something else is deceptive.

joeguevara · 09-04-2019 06:44AM

A woman who is in a real friendship with a guy is more likely to be affectionate because she is not worrying about 'does he think this or that'. If it is not real friendship then of course it will cause problems.

But this thing about if a guy touches his friend then it's #metoo is bizarre and worrying. I have friends that are girls and we don't worry about being close or chilling out where there is contact.

Zorya · 09-04-2019 07:09AM

Maybe it's a generations thing but besides a hug when greeting I would not be handsy with any male friends no matter how affectionate I feel towards them.

Lorelli! · 09-04-2019 07:10AM

Women are naturally more subtle when they're flirting so it's harder for men to decifer when they are just being friendly or not. Also men have less feedback because they don't get asked out or approached as much as women.

Anyway a woman flipped out at me a while ago when I was in my local saying I was flirting with an 80 something year old man! I'm 35! Ffs

Skeleton Key · 09-04-2019 07:44AM

Some women are quite happy to play a guy and lead him on.

Bob Harris · 09-04-2019 07:44AM

Lorelli! wrote: »

Women are naturally more subtle when they're flirting so it's harder for men to decifer when they are just being friendly or not. Also men have less feedback because they don't get asked out or approached as much as women.

Anyway a woman flipped out at me a while ago when I was in my local saying I was flirting with an 80 something year old man! I'm 35! Ffs

So did you get a rise out of both of them?

Lorelli! · 09-04-2019 07:55AM

Bob Harris wrote: »

So did you get a rise out of both of them?

I suppose you could say that

:pac:

One eyed Jack · 09-04-2019 07:56AM

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

Do you want an acquaintanceship, or did you actually want something more than just an acquaintanceship? This has less to do with flirting or misinterpreted signals or why men don’t approach women, it simply has more to do with some people who don’t share their true intentions for fear of rejection, and then blame the other person for “not being clear about their intentions” :pac:

monkeybutter · 09-04-2019 09:03AM

Deleted User wrote: »

There's a woman in work like this. Get on with her great but she's started touching my arm a lot and being flirty in general. Pirouetting in front of me asking if I thought she looked good.. Things like that.

I'm in a relationship so it's irrelevant but I wonder if she's just being friendly. She probably is.

There's a man at work, we get on great, he's started touching my arm and being flirt in general. Pirouetting in front of me, asking if he looks good....

Mrsmum · 09-04-2019 09:17AM

monkeybutter wrote: »

There's a man at work, we get on great, he's started touching my arm and being flirt in general. Pirouetting in front of me, asking if he looks good....

Just shows the difference between men and women - if a woman is doing all that to a man, she has definitely classified him as 'friend'. She is safe to playact with him. If she fancied the pants off him she might actually appear to ignore him while making sure to impress him at the same time. Clear now ?

topper75 · 09-04-2019 09:41AM

pleas advice wrote: »

Poor old Joe Biden, doesn't know what's going on.

He's just not famous enough.

monkeybutter · 09-04-2019 09:49AM

Mrsmum wrote: »

Just shows the difference between men and women - if a woman is doing all that to a man, she has definitely classified him as 'friend'. She is safe to playact with him. If she fancied the pants off him she might actually appear to ignore him while making sure to impress him at the same time. Clear now ?

She is flirting with him

or he's her GBF

Mrsmum · 09-04-2019 09:54AM

monkeybutter wrote: »

She is flirting with him

or he's her GBF

She's not flirting with him. She might be using the playacting with him to attract the fellow across the room !

monkeybutter · 09-04-2019 09:56AM

Mrsmum wrote: »

She's not flirting with him. She might be using the playacting with him to attract the fellow across the room !

Put the Cosmo down

There's no one else in that room, you can be sure of that

Fusitive · 09-04-2019 10:04AM

All women are different OP. For instance, there's a girl I'm friends with for as long as I can remember and we often get mistaken for a couple by others because we hang off eachother and often cuddle up when we are just chilling out and stuff. It's purely platonic and is intimate but we are just comfortable with eachother and it's never crossed that downright sexual line.

The difference I find with women when there is a spark is that touching escalates really really quickly to almost overtly sexual. The whole athomsphere is completely different.

For all the flack women get for sending mixed signals, men are probably worse at it as they think something can go from platonic to attraction in the blink of an eye but only see things from a man's perspective because well...they are a man:). I'm no Casanova but you have to make your intentions clear early because if you don't, everyone is confused.

ToBeFrank123 · 09-04-2019 10:27AM

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

If she is a real friend she will forgive you for asking her out and eventually you will be friends again. Things might be awkward for a while though. If she doesn't forgive you or was highly offended at being asked out, throws a tantrum, etc, you are probably better off without her as a friend or otherwise. Life is too short.

Widdershins · 09-04-2019 10:27AM

It's difficult for us sometimes as well.

ToBeFrank123 · 09-04-2019 10:29AM

Widdershins wrote: »

It's difficult for us sometimes as well.

In what way?

I think modern society has put a strain on men-women relationships, for both good and bad. There is no longer the power imbalance which is good. But many men are afraid to even say hello to women at this stage for fear of saying the wrong thing.

ArchXStanton · 09-04-2019 10:37AM

manonboard wrote: »

It took me many years to realise that it is alot about attention, ego and validation for women. It seems alot more required for them than the act of actually dating. Where as with a guy, its more about getting to dating really fast.
I don't know if it cultural or biological. Likely both.

There's nothing bad about it. It's just a person seeking validation and using dynamics they know work to keep them in good liasons with others. Of course, theres some compulsiveness and addictiveness too.

I'd disagree with the second part, it's bad when it's at the expense of someone else's feelings

Why is the line between flirting and being friendly so thin for many women?

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