Why is the line between flirting and being friendly so thin for many women?

noubliezjamais

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

bear1

Seems to me you're reading too much into what the women are showing or saying.

noubliezjamais

bear1 wrote: »

Seems to me you're reading too much into what the women are showing or saying.

touching on the waist??

bear1

noubliezjamais wrote: »

touching on the waist??

Well it depends on what you mean by touching.
If it's rubbing and being sexual then yes I'd also be confused.
But if it was a friendly touch and you'd know if it was then I would see it as flirting. Doesn't mean I'd enjoy watching my partner touch other men like that though.
The married one part I wouldn't have seen as flirting if she's talking about her private life.

manonboard

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

It took me many years to realise that it is alot about attention, ego and validation for women. It seems alot more required for them than the act of actually dating. Where as with a guy, its more about getting to dating really fast.
I don't know if it cultural or biological. Likely both.

There's nothing bad about it. It's just a person seeking validation and using dynamics they know work to keep them in good liasons with others. Of course, theres some compulsiveness and addictiveness too.

joeguevara

manonboard wrote: »

It took me many years to realise that it is alot about attention, ego and validation for women. It seems alot more required for them than the act of actually dating. Where as with a guy, its more about getting to dating really fast.
I don't know if it cultural or biological. Likely both.

There's nothing bad about it. It's just a person seeking validation and using dynamics they know work to keep them in good liasons with others. Of course, theres some compulsiveness and addictiveness too.

Or maybe it's someone of either gender being affectionate with someone they see as a friend with no hidden agenda.

EL_Loco

"Ye ridin' or wha?"
Usually cuts through the grey.

joeguevara

To the OP she didn't touch you to be polite. It was a friends affection. Sometimes it's confusing when it's misjudged but either gender can be guilty.

radiata

joeguevara wrote: »

To the OP she didn't touch you to be polite. It was a friends affection. Sometimes it's confusing when it's misjudged but either gender can be guilty.

If a man did it the whole #metoo would start up again

joeguevara

radiata wrote: »

If a man did it the whole #metoo would start up again

If a guy affectionately touched his female friend then he would be accused of sexual assault? Okaaaayyyyy

pleas advice

Poor old Joe Biden, doesn't know what's going on.

There's a woman in work like this. Get on with her great but she's started touching my arm a lot and being flirty in general. Pirouetting in front of me asking if I thought she looked good.. Things like that.

I'm in a relationship so it's irrelevant but I wonder if she's just being friendly. She probably is.

s7ryf3925pivug

Affection in the context of friendship is just that.

Set the context of your interactions with women honestly. Women like and respect straightforward communication. Presenting yourself as a friend when you are looking for something else is deceptive.

joeguevara

A woman who is in a real friendship with a guy is more likely to be affectionate because she is not worrying about 'does he think this or that'. If it is not real friendship then of course it will cause problems.

But this thing about if a guy touches his friend then it's #metoo is bizarre and worrying. I have friends that are girls and we don't worry about being close or chilling out where there is contact.

Zorya

Maybe it's a generations thing but besides a hug when greeting I would not be handsy with any male friends no matter how affectionate I feel towards them.

Lorelli!

Women are naturally more subtle when they're flirting so it's harder for men to decifer when they are just being friendly or not. Also men have less feedback because they don't get asked out or approached as much as women.

Anyway a woman flipped out at me a while ago when I was in my local saying I was flirting with an 80 something year old man! I'm 35! Ffs

Skeleton Key

Some women are quite happy to play a guy and lead him on.

Bob Harris

Lorelli! wrote: »

Women are naturally more subtle when they're flirting so it's harder for men to decifer when they are just being friendly or not. Also men have less feedback because they don't get asked out or approached as much as women.

Anyway a woman flipped out at me a while ago when I was in my local saying I was flirting with an 80 something year old man! I'm 35! Ffs

So did you get a rise out of both of them?

Lorelli!

Bob Harris wrote: »

So did you get a rise out of both of them?

I suppose you could say that :pac:

One eyed Jack

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

Do you want an acquaintanceship, or did you actually want something more than just an acquaintanceship? This has less to do with flirting or misinterpreted signals or why men don’t approach women, it simply has more to do with some people who don’t share their true intentions for fear of rejection, and then blame the other person for “not being clear about their intentions” :pac:

monkeybutter

Deleted User wrote: »

There's a woman in work like this. Get on with her great but she's started touching my arm a lot and being flirty in general. Pirouetting in front of me asking if I thought she looked good.. Things like that.

I'm in a relationship so it's irrelevant but I wonder if she's just being friendly. She probably is.

There's a man at work, we get on great, he's started touching my arm and being flirt in general. Pirouetting in front of me, asking if he looks good....

Mrsmum

monkeybutter wrote: »

There's a man at work, we get on great, he's started touching my arm and being flirt in general. Pirouetting in front of me, asking if he looks good....

Just shows the difference between men and women - if a woman is doing all that to a man, she has definitely classified him as 'friend'. She is safe to playact with him. If she fancied the pants off him she might actually appear to ignore him while making sure to impress him at the same time. Clear now ?

topper75

pleas advice wrote: »

Poor old Joe Biden, doesn't know what's going on.

He's just not famous enough.

monkeybutter

Mrsmum wrote: »

Just shows the difference between men and women - if a woman is doing all that to a man, she has definitely classified him as 'friend'. She is safe to playact with him. If she fancied the pants off him she might actually appear to ignore him while making sure to impress him at the same time. Clear now ?

She is flirting with him


or he's her GBF

Mrsmum

monkeybutter wrote: »

She is flirting with him


or he's her GBF

She's not flirting with him. She might be using the playacting with him to attract the fellow across the room !

monkeybutter

Mrsmum wrote: »

She's not flirting with him. She might be using the playacting with him to attract the fellow across the room !

Put the Cosmo down


There's no one else in that room, you can be sure of that

Fusitive

All women are different OP. For instance, there's a girl I'm friends with for as long as I can remember and we often get mistaken for a couple by others because we hang off eachother and often cuddle up when we are just chilling out and stuff. It's purely platonic and is intimate but we are just comfortable with eachother and it's never crossed that downright sexual line.

The difference I find with women when there is a spark is that touching escalates really really quickly to almost overtly sexual. The whole athomsphere is completely different.

For all the flack women get for sending mixed signals, men are probably worse at it as they think something can go from platonic to attraction in the blink of an eye but only see things from a man's perspective because well...they are a man:). I'm no Casanova but you have to make your intentions clear early because if you don't, everyone is confused.

ToBeFrank123

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

If she is a real friend she will forgive you for asking her out and eventually you will be friends again. Things might be awkward for a while though. If she doesn't forgive you or was highly offended at being asked out, throws a tantrum, etc, you are probably better off without her as a friend or otherwise. Life is too short.

Widdershins

It's difficult for us sometimes as well.

ToBeFrank123

Widdershins wrote: »

It's difficult for us sometimes as well.

In what way?

I think modern society has put a strain on men-women relationships, for both good and bad. There is no longer the power imbalance which is good. But many men are afraid to even say hello to women at this stage for fear of saying the wrong thing.

ArchXStanton

manonboard wrote: »

It took me many years to realise that it is alot about attention, ego and validation for women. It seems alot more required for them than the act of actually dating. Where as with a guy, its more about getting to dating really fast.
I don't know if it cultural or biological. Likely both.

There's nothing bad about it. It's just a person seeking validation and using dynamics they know work to keep them in good liasons with others. Of course, theres some compulsiveness and addictiveness too.

I'd disagree with the second part, it's bad when it's at the expense of someone else's feelings

Widdershins

ToBeFrank123 wrote: »

In what way?

I think modern society has put a strain on men-women relationships, for both good and bad. There is no longer the power imbalance which is good. But many men are afraid to even say hello to women at this stage for fear of saying the wrong thing.

I'm afraid of saying what I think for fear of seeming like a 'village bike ' , will we swap?

Plopsu

Fusitive wrote: »

. I'm no Casanova but you have to make your intentions clear early because if you don't, everyone is confused.

Sometimes intentions change along the way.

s7ryf3925pivug

Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

Widdershins

Jillian Proud Waste wrote: »

Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

I have been a vicious bitch when approached though ... I'll admit that . Hard to explain and there's no excuse.

IAMAMORON

Deleted User wrote: »

There's a woman in work like this. Get on with her great but she's started touching my arm a lot and being flirty in general. Pirouetting in front of me asking if I thought she looked good.. Things like that.

I'm in a relationship so it's irrelevant but I wonder if she's just being friendly. She probably is.

I would tap that if I were you, Don't tell your girlfriend however, it will probably piss her off.

ToBeFrank123

Jillian Proud Waste wrote: »

Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

No-one said women are bitches. Where are you getting this from??

Lux23

ToBeFrank123 wrote: »

In what way?

I think modern society has put a strain on men-women relationships, for both good and bad. There is no longer the power imbalance which is good. But many men are afraid to even say hello to women at this stage for fear of saying the wrong thing.

At least you're not scared of us raping you.

ToBeFrank123

Lux23 wrote: »

At least you're not scared of us raping you.

Bit of an over-reaction I feel. ie that if a man says hello he must have one thing on his mind. But anyways.

Vita nova

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married

I know it sounds like a cliché but it's generally the things you didn't do in life that you regret not what you did, so don't regret trying to find out if someone is interested in you, although there are probably subtle ways of doing it without leaving residual damage if the answer is no.

One eyed Jack

Jillian Proud Waste wrote: »

Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

Lux23 wrote: »

At least you're not scared of us raping you.

Escalated quickly :eek:

Korvanica

ToBeFrank123 wrote: »

No-one said women are bitches. Where are you getting this from??

They're trying to start it.

ToBeFrank123

Anyways to avoid any more conflict, I'm going to hop off this thread!

OP, don't live your life wondering what if, but at the same time respect some boundaries.

As for men being afraid to say hello these days, maybe that's an over-statement but women such as Josepha Maddigan at the weekend commented that men are more reluctant to hug or put their arms around women these days even for a photograph.

Always Tired

'Hear this is why lads don't approach women.'

Yeah women, if you don't stop touching our arms and then rejecting us when we jump to the conclusion that you must be dying for us to ride you, well then we're all gonna just stop going near you altogether! Then what u gonna do, huh?

Good Lord. Not even noon and the prize for dumbest thread of the day has already been won. Btw, hospital visits are not generally a great time to try for some amorous activity, regardless of the ease of access the gowns provide.

Deebles McBeebles

I like this thread. It brings out the crazy.

EmmetSpiceland

ToBeFrank123 wrote: »

As for men being afraid to say hello these days, maybe that's an over-statement but women such as Josepha Maddigan at the weekend commented that men are more reluctant to hug or put their arms around women these days even for a photograph.

Any bloke who’s afraid of saying “hello” to a girl must have some guilty conscience.

I don’t see anything wrong with being reluctant to hug or put an arm around someone for a photo. I’ve no problem if it’s family members, my partner or close friends but outside of those circles I wouldn’t be keen on doing it just the same as I’d be reluctant to do it to a man.

Grayson

Widdershins wrote: »

I have been a vicious bitch when approached though ... I'll admit that . Hard to explain and there's no excuse.

I'd think it's fair enough. It's got to be tiring after a while. Especially when you're in a pub. Drunk guy after drunk guy.

Grayson

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Any bloke who’s afraid of saying “hello” to a girl must have some guilty conscience.

I don’t see anything wrong with being reluctant to hug or put an arm around someone for a photo. I’ve no problem if it’s family members, my partner or close friends but outside of those circles I wouldn’t be keen on doing it just the same as I’d be reluctant to do it to a man.

Think of Joe Biden. I'm sure there was nothing sexual about his actions. And he thought he was being friendly. What he was doing was well intentioned but he made people uncomfortable.

Feisar

In the past women have taken my easy going chatting as flirting. After saying no I have a GF or whatever some have gotten bitchy and say stuff like "well you were flirting with your eyes" or some crap like that. Apologies if the baby blues are that intoxicating!

Some people (not on the internet) are friendly to other human beings. Has happened me in the past, misread signals, asked a girl out, got a no or whatever and just jogged on, no harm done.

Edgware

I am all for women standing up for themselves. Thats why I will always give them the "thumbs up" and a "beep beep" when I pass them as they try to change a tyre or are broken down on the road.

Lux23

ToBeFrank123 wrote: »

Bit of an over-reaction I feel. ie that if a man says hello he must have one thing on his mind. But anyways.

I was only pointing out that being afraid to say the wrong thing is not much of a complaint in the scheme of things.