Do men speak like this to each other in wats app?

Sittingpretty · 01-04-2019 04:36PM

Flixer wrote: »

We had a fight about 8 months ago and I blocked him, yes childish of me. But since then he won't friend me...and now his friends list is hid on Facebook and when I ask him to add me he just says No. End of.

Jesus, is he 16?

El_Duderino 09 · 01-04-2019 05:07PM

SoundsRight wrote: »

It's just a bit of craic, not meant to be taken seriously.

Probably needs a bit more discussion than that but you’re essentially right. The point of the crudity is to be absurd. It turns into a kind of one upmanship. The banter goes up and up and people say things they absolutely don’t mean literally.

The whole point is that it’s a circle of trust between mates who know that’s not literally what your husband means, they just take it for banter.

It’s just craic but I can see how it could be hurtful.

Jurgen Klopp · 01-04-2019 06:29PM

It's completely normal, anyone who thinks it isn't would die of shock if they were a fly on the wall of a GAA dressing room for example pure filth

khaldrogo · 01-04-2019 06:37PM

SoundsRight wrote:

It's just a bit of craic, not meant to be taken seriously.

This^^

khaldrogo · 01-04-2019 06:44PM

Ricosruffneck wrote:

I'd be more rattled the fact he called you the C word though than the text between peers.

Why? Its no worse than any other word he could have said. Maybe she was being a cnut at that moment. Maybe he's a cnut the rest of the time.
It's only a word ffs.

Sono · 01-04-2019 06:50PM

This is exactly what lads WhatsApp groups are like, the stuff that I get sent at times should be illegal!

I’ve tried cutting down on WhatsApp groups as they are annoying and full of ****e talk.

Don’t let this get you down too much OP and good luck with the counselling.

pgj2015 · 01-04-2019 07:05PM

i have never seen such conversations in whatsapp groups, it comes across as very childish and cringy to me. like something virgins would say.

C3PO · 01-04-2019 07:19PM

I don't know! We have a lads "pub" group and while it's fairly (very!) graphic at times I've never seen anyone refer specifically to someone's wife, partner or even a particular girl that we might all know! That just feels a bit "wrong" to me tbh!

forgodssake · 01-04-2019 07:21PM

Personally I think that's a disgusting thing to read . I can understand why you are upset. Wonder how he would feel if something similar was wrote about you OP. Bet he wouldn't like it.

lawred2 · 01-04-2019 07:24PM

Not in any WhatsApp group I'm in but I'm sure it's not uncommon.

Immature and dickish in my eyes but doesn't really mean anyone would act out in their big boy talk

pgj2015 · 01-04-2019 08:02PM

i think its very disrespectful to op's wife to be honest.

LegacyUser · 01-04-2019 08:06PM

The rest of the group are probably in relationships too. That kind of talk is not exclusive to single guys. I'm in a few WA groups and taken women can be as bad when discussing men

SoundsRight · 01-04-2019 08:22PM

C3PO wrote: »

I don't know! We have a lads "pub" group and while it's fairly (very!) graphic at times I've never seen anyone refer specifically to someone's wife, partner or even a particular girl that we might all know! That just feels a bit "wrong" to me tbh!

I'm assuming the man who's wife they were discussing wasn't a member of the group, otherwise it would be disrespectful. There's more of a laugh if you joke about girls that you know.

pgj2015 · 01-04-2019 08:34PM

imagine of the husband of the wife the men were talking about found out, it would be very embarrassing, the ops husband could get a punch and rightly so, very disrespectful to be talking about a colleagues wife like that.

Alrigghtythen · 01-04-2019 08:50PM

Has your husband been watching Jimmy Carr lately? That's his joke. I think he was trying to be funny.

Andrew00 · 01-04-2019 08:51PM

Yes I'm in several WhatsApp groups and all men speak to each other like this

01-04-2019 08:55PM

Being as crude as possible can be a good laugh but in my experience it's not often about a named individual, there's usually a good degree of remoteness so maybe a little unusual to be speaking about a colleagues wife, kinda bad form

Richard Hillman · 01-04-2019 08:56PM

Yes, very standard. Especially of close knit groups of people that go back years.

jimmycrackcorm · 01-04-2019 09:03PM

pgj2015 wrote: »

imagine of the husband of the wife the men were talking about found out, it would be very embarrassing, the ops husband could get a punch and rightly so, very disrespectful to be talking about a colleagues wife like that.

If she's that got then I'm sure he airway knows how other men are thinking about her.

I think the pussy comments expressed by trump that can't to the fire in the media show that men will talk about women in this manner.

Trump got lots of votes from women regardless.

Uncharted · 01-04-2019 09:05PM

Why were you looking through his phone without permission?

Edit.... just noticed you mentioned why in OP.

cannotlogin · 01-04-2019 10:10PM

Yes SOME men go on like this in whatsapp group and while it's not nice, most of it is just s**** talk, male bonding & showmanship that I won't pretend to understand, however, I think it's fairly safe to assume that if your husband was ever presented with that opportunity, he's balk at the idea and it wouldn't happen!!!

Sometimes people talk ****e and there's nothing more to it than that. No literal meaning in any of it.

The real issue here is your marraige and you know that's where you need to focus.

Sam Quentin · 02-04-2019 12:25AM

Sounds like a particularly perverted WhatsApp group.
Actually very dangerous chat indeed,.if I ever EVER found out that some cnut was talking about my gf/fiancé/wife like that,. Let's just say I wouldn't be happy at-all.

Necro · 02-04-2019 12:39AM

I just must be weird then. Our 'lads' WhatsApp group doesn't have any of this stuff in it. One or two of the lads tried to put up stuff of a similar nature, porn videos, smutty stuff like that, and they got pretty much smacked down by the others and it just doesn't happen anymore.
In fact we have an agreed two day banning policy for anyone who posts that sort of nonsense.
I don't subscribe to it being normal behaviour for grown men tbh. Most of us have kids that look at our phones for YouTube or stuff sometimes and they're getting to that age where they're tech savvy enough to go through messages and pictures.
But it probably is normal in most cases unfortunately.

02-04-2019 12:51AM

you were looking for something on your fellas phone and didnt find it.

you found something else a lot less relevant (arguably not really any of your business, depending on where one draws the line on how much privacy or freedom of expression people are entitled to in a relationship) and are now seeking that he be judged on that instead.

ive to be honest i think its shabby enough stuff.

the whatsapps you found are both indefensible in a public forum and were never meant to have been defended in a public forum.

whatever issues ye have are nothing to do with this

El_Duderino 09 · 02-04-2019 08:43AM

pgj2015 wrote: »

imagine of the husband of the wife the men were talking about found out, it would be very embarrassing, the ops husband could get a punch and rightly so, very disrespectful to be talking about a colleagues wife like that.

Totally depends. The husband might love that craic. If he found out and was annoyed he might be reminded of things he’s said in other WhatsApp groups and have to acknowledge that’s it’s exactly his kind of craic.

He might be furious though.

My mates often joke that their worst nightmare is having their messages read back to them in monotone by senior council in court.

El_Duderino 09 · 02-04-2019 08:54AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

you were looking for something on your fellas phone and didnt find it.

you found something else a lot less relevant (arguably not really any of your business, depending on where one draws the line on how much privacy or freedom of expression people are entitled to in a relationship) and are now seeking that he be judged on that instead.

ive to be honest i think its shabby enough stuff.

the whatsapps you found are both indefensible in a public forum and were never meant to have been defended in a public forum.

whatever issues ye have are nothing to do with this

This is it also. I think women sometimes feel left out of their husbands craic. Op said they don’t know this side of their husband and that’s because he assumes (correctly) that she wouldn’t approve. Why put yourself in a position to police his craic? It’s only driving them further apart.

Now the OP has seen his messages by breaching trust and snooping in his phone. If she is to confront him she needs to make it such a big deal that it completely overshadows her actions.

He’s going to say it’s just a bit of craic and the big issue is her snooping. So she confirms her position as policeing his craic and he has further incentive to distance her from his fun.

I don’t really know what to suggest except to say this incident isn’t the big problem. Calling your Mrs a c*nt is massively of order though. Not necessarily terminal for the relationship.

I’d wonder about ways to get back to having craic together

Neyite · 02-04-2019 10:09AM

Mod:

Doctor Zhivago, your post was deleted as it breached charter standards here in PI. Calling the OP names is forbidden site wide and categorised as personal abuse.

This is an advice forum - give advice to the OP in a civil and constructive manner and within the guidelines of the charter.

Captain Havoc · 02-04-2019 11:48AM

In the two lads WhatsApp groups I'm in there's one guy in each who post awful stuff. This is annoying for us as the galleries in our phones have stuff that would probably get us arrested but are definitely embarrassing if anyone sees them. As a rule of thumb, I never write anything, anywhere that may get me in trouble as you never know when someone will want to hang you.

jimd2 · 02-04-2019 12:07PM

Flixer wrote: »

I looked at my husbands Wats App last night without him knowing. He's in a group with about 8 other guys, they work in a very very male job. They were all talking about a collegaues wife who is gorgeous and they were saying how much they'd like to be with her (it was very crude) my husband wrote the crudest thing he said "he'd blow this man just so he could taste his wife's 'C***'....I'm so so shocked. I want to know is this just normal banter among lads? To me it seems very very crude.

Yes I checked his phone...our marriage is barely hanging on by a thread.

I havent read the other responses but in my opinion that is shocking. I am in several whatsapp groups with a variety of male friends / distant acquaintantances and we have some very funny convesations but nothing remotely close to that. We are all married in our forties / fifties and give a god slagging but that is beyond banter.

I dont know whther that indicates his attitude to you or whether he would have an affair but I am sure the thought of what he said would pretty repulse you and any partner.

jimd2 · 02-04-2019 12:12PM

Necro wrote: »

I just must be weird then. Our 'lads' WhatsApp group doesn't have any of this stuff in it. One or two of the lads tried to put up stuff of a similar nature, porn videos, smutty stuff like that, and they got pretty much smacked down by the others and it just doesn't happen anymore.
In fact we have an agreed two day banning policy for anyone who posts that sort of nonsense.
I don't subscribe to it being normal behaviour for grown men tbh. Most of us have kids that look at our phones for YouTube or stuff sometimes and they're getting to that age where they're tech savvy enough to go through messages and pictures.
But it probably is normal in most cases unfortunately.

I totally agree. maybe its a generational thing and those of us that are slightly older were older starting into social media and the combination of that with very male dominated workplaces could make this more normal banter for some.

Do men speak like this to each other in wats app?

Comments