Do men speak like this to each other in wats app?

SusieBlue

That WhatsApp group is the least of your problems, OP.
It sounds like all meaningful communication has broken down and there's a serious lack of trust and respect.
You need to address these issues before they fester for any longer and create an even more toxic environment.

bilbot79

Generally no but sometimes yes. Men are inclined to break boundaries during locker room talk. It's done in the knowledge the other men know it's not necessarily meant as said but still isn't suitable for women's ears hence the phenomenon of 'Ahem, ladies present'

demanufactured

Flixer wrote: »

I looked at my husbands Wats App last night without him knowing. He's in a group with about 8 other guys, they work in a very very male job. They were all talking about a collegaues wife who is gorgeous and they were saying how much they'd like to be with her (it was very crude) my husband wrote the crudest thing he said "he'd blow this man just so he could taste his wife's 'C***'....I'm so so shocked. I want to know is this just normal banter among lads? To me it seems very very crude.

Yes I checked his phone...our marriage is barely hanging on by a thread.

Yep, normal laddish speak between mates.

irishguy1983

Flixer wrote: »

I looked at my husbands Wats App last night without him knowing. He's in a group with about 8 other guys, they work in a very very male job. They were all talking about a collegaues wife who is gorgeous and they were saying how much they'd like to be with her (it was very crude) my husband wrote the crudest thing he said "he'd blow this man just so he could taste his wife's 'C***'....I'm so so shocked. I want to know is this just normal banter among lads? To me it seems very very crude.

Yes I checked his phone...our marriage is barely hanging on by a thread.

Yes.

Flixer

I never expected to get such a massive response. I'm indebted and appreciative.
So just to clarify a few things.
1. I agree this Wats App message is the least of my problems.
2. I will definitely not be telling my husband I've seen his message
3. I won't be making a big deal of it...I've drawn my own conclusion about the 'level of normality' about writing something like this
4. Yes shouldn't be looking at his phone-even if I think he could be having an affair
5. It's interesting that so many of you have remarked about him calling me the 'C' name-This has been massive for me and has really damaged both me and how I feel about intimacy with him.
6. Roll on counselling

i agree that using the 'seaward' is a massive step and id never use it in an argument, but in the interests of being able to advise in any meaningful way-

whats the worst thing youve ever said/done to him in an argument?

just being told that hes done or said something doesnt in any way tell us the context and im always a little sceptical that its helpful to have a thread full of people reacting to one side of a story or isolated incidents.

ginandtonicsky

Your marriage sounds like such a lonely place OP. My heart goes out to you.

It sounds like your husband has emotionally shut down on you. The blocking you out and zero communication, zero intimacy - is verging on abusive IMO. Your self-esteem must be on the floor.

Glad to hear you're about to start counselling as there's really a lot to pick through here. You have to be open to the fact that the damage may be beyond repair and to salvage your self confidence and happiness, walking away may be the best thing here. But all these things should be worked out with a trained professional.

The Whatsapp comments are gross btw. Surprised at the "Yeah totally normal" comments that dominate this thread. Whatever about lads banter, if I knew my partner was that crude and disgusting about other women on a matey whatsapp group I'd be fcuking livid. I'd never talk about another human like that, most decent people wouldn't tbh.

LegacyUser

I'm absolutely amazed& disappointed that the majority of posters consider this "standard lad banter"
In contrast, remember the widescale disgust& horror the time of the rugby rape trial in Belfast, where the consensus at least in public was that these were texts unbecoming of gentlemen& not representative of the vast majority of men generally. Clearly not!

El_Duderino 09

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

The Whatsapp comments are gross btw. Surprised at the "Yeah totally normal" comments that dominate this thread. Whatever about lads banter, if I knew my partner was that crude and disgusting about other women on a matey whatsapp group I'd be fcuking livid. I'd never talk about another human like that, most decent people wouldn't tbh.

It's an odd one because you're acknowledging that the majority of posters are saying this type of stuff is pretty normal in lads WhatsApp groups. But not decent people.

Fact is that's how lots of lads talk amongst themselves. As another poster said it doesn't stand up to scrutiny in the public domain but it wasn't meant to be in the public domain.

Lads don't talk like that around people they can't trust to take the joke for what it is
-a joke. It's appropriate to not speak like that around someone who can't be trusted with that kind of banter because they might be upset by it and they might bring it out of the confidentiality of the mates WhatsApp groujp and into normal life. But whether you're part of it or not, it's happening and it's fairly normal.

Tacklebox

It's ironic that it's married guy's chatting like this in a wattsapp group.

My wattsapp group is joke's, surfing, fishing and gardening.

Show's what a shower of loser's these guy's are to be undermining women like that.
You'd think they were a bunch of public school jocks or somefink...

When you're single and never married at 40+ guy's have a better moral compass that's for sure.

jpboard1

It seems to be common enough on some what’s app groups but that doesn’t make it okay. Some of the stuff out there is really sick. People need to cop on to themselves.

JeffKenna

I wouldn't call this standard to most guys at all. Perhaps it's a generation thing but I would never pass comments like that. More akin to the comments in Paddy Jacksons WhatsApp after the rape trial.

jpboard1

JeffKenna wrote: »

I wouldn't call this standard to most guys at all. Perhaps it's a generation thing but I would never pass comments like that. More akin to the comments in Paddy Jacksons WhatsApp after the rape trial.

It is compared to some I’ve seen.

Big Bag of Chips

Posters are reminded to direct replies to the OP. PI is an advice forum rather than a general discussion forum.

Cheers.

mada82

Deffo normal for a WhatsApp group. I’ve often deliberately made really controversial comments in these groups just to get reaction and would definitely not mean them or say them in front of “real” people.

Star Lord

OP I wouldn't class this as normal chat by any means, and don't know anyone that would be chatting like that. But then again I don't buy into any bullsh*t bravado and would have no interest in being in a group like that. Calling you the C word is really, really bad form too. For both your sales, I hope the counselling can help you both.

EarlyStorms

I think its normal chat for a certain type of man, those who would be in the ''lad'' category. It's the nonsense bravado and one-upmanship you get in those circles. If your husband is a jack the lad type then its not that surprising he carries on like that.

skallywag

A lot of folk behave completely differently in a Whatsapp type environment than they would in a 'Real Life' scenario.

I wonder when some people are going to cop the fook on and finally realise that these technologies actually are now our new reality, which cannot actually be separated from 'Real Life'?

kateee47298

I think you have to decide whether you are ok with that. Personally, I wouldn't be ok with my boyfriend talking about anyone like that and would probably have a very serious talk or even break up with him over that but I have a lot of friends that are going out with the same "lad" type as your fella sounds like that would take like that and would laugh it off. Whatever your decision, you also have to live with it, either forgive it or move on

Red Lightning

I'm in a group chat with fellas and this is regular chat. I don't partake but it's very hard to say it's uncalled for without looking like a 'buzzkill' for want of a better word.

El_Duderino 09

skallywag wrote: »

A lot of folk behave completely differently in a Whatsapp type environment than they would in a 'Real Life' scenario.

I wonder when some people are going to cop the fook on and finally realise that these technologies actually are now our new reality, which cannot actually be separated from 'Real Life'?

Ah yeah but work is a reality and the pub is a reality and it’s completely normal to behave differently in those two realities. Those two are public and a WhatsApp group is a private part of reality. It’s fairly normal that people would behave differently in different settings.

It’s naive to think you behave that same in all settings.

El_Duderino 09

Red Lightning wrote: »

I'm in a group chat with fellas and this is regular chat. I don't partake but it's very hard to say it's uncalled for without looking like a 'buzzkill' for want of a better word.

How’s it that some people don’t seem to get that it’s self deprecating humour. To use the OP as an example, he said he would blow the guy to taste his wife’s kunt. That’s not to be taken seriously. It’s a joke at the expense of someone who might actually think that (in this case the poster takes on the role of the butt of the joke).

Ultimately it’s a joke. Just a joke which was intended to be shared with people who would enjoy it as a joke.

baldbear

As others have stated lads whatsapp groups are a cesspit of filth and squalor.

The amount of pictures I get from lads of this Brazilian lads Mickey is astounding. Thankfully the wife hasn't spied on my phone,yet.

But from other behavior from your husband I would be worried His attitude is quite immature.

Have a reasonable chat and ask why is he treating you that way.

Good luck.

osarusan

It's a variation on the 'I'd crawl a mile over broken glass just so I could .....' theme. Guys compete to come up with the most outlandish thing they'd do to get the girl. It's vulgar and immature, and talking about a colleague's wife is a little close to home and work, but I wouldn't necessarily draw too many conclusions from it if it is the only thing.

But it isn't the only thing. You're fighting and have no sex life. Blocked on social media. They are the real issues here.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

OP, I think whatever gets posted in that Whatsapp group, however crude, is the least of your worries.

Your husband barely speaks to you, you have sex around once every 4 months, he blocks you on social media and calls you the c-word when you argue.

I think you're taking a positive step by going to marriage counseling -- but if that doesn't improve things, you should consider leaving. What is the point in staying with a husband who won't communicate, won't be intimate, and shreds your self-confidence?

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship, and if he won't commit to changing that, you need to get out for your own sake.

wiggle16

So six pages in I think it's fair to say the OP has her answer now, so I'm going to close this thread.

OP I hope you find a way to resolve the difficulties you are having. If you would like this thread reopened please let me know.

Thanks & grma all who posted.

Thread locked.