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Is this Abuse

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Comments

  • #62
    SoundsRight
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 408 ✭✭SoundsRight


    fineso.mom wrote: »
    you would be " more worried if he was ok with it " ??? Ok with what ?

    With his wife having one night stands.


  • #63
    amcalester
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,097 ✭✭✭amcalester


    SoundsRight wrote: »
    With his wife having one night stands.

    What’s wrong with having one night stands?

    Also, his wife wasnt having one night stands. This happened before they were an item.


  • #64
    SoundsRight
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 408 ✭✭SoundsRight


    amcalester wrote: »
    What’s wrong with having one night stands?

    Also, his wife wasnt having one night stands. This happened before they were an item.

    I'm pretty sure the girl who was having one night stands with men from the village and the girl he's married to are the same person. Perhaps it's because the men are local and he has to see them everyday, it's adding to his anxiety. Would they be better moving home, make a clean start?


  • #65
    amcalester
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,097 ✭✭✭amcalester


    SoundsRight wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure the girl who was having one night stands with men from the village and the girl he's married to are the same person. Perhaps it's because the men are local and he has to see them everyday, it's adding to his anxiety. Would they be better moving home, make a clean start?

    She wasn’t his wife at the time. So his wife wasn’t having one night stands.

    Tell me, what’s wrong with one night stands?


  • #66
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    @SoundsRight - please do not post again in this thread. You are distracting posters from the OP’s issue.

    Posters - please do not respond further to SoundsRight’s posts. Please focus instead on helping the OP.

    dudara


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  • #67
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,895 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    Nobody should have to put up with disrespect and being insulted, verbally and emotionally abused. If you love someone the last thing you would want to do is hurt them, physically or emotionally.

    The verbal abuse would seem to fall within the definition of domestic abuse given in https://www.garda.ie/en/Crime/Domestic-abuse/What-is-a-Protection-Order-.html

    It may be a bit clichéd but "you don't have to have a bruise to be abused". This form of abuse can eat away at a person over time.

    Despite the OP's husband having been recommended by their marriage counsellor to see a psychiatrist about his behaviour he has not only failed to do this but has disengaged from the marriage counselling. I see nothing to suggest 'he will come round from it'. It appears to be more an attitude he can't let go of and is not even willing to try do something about.

    I would be more concerned of the long term effect on the OP of this abusive behaviour and, if it is happening in front of their children, as it appears to be, that they would normalise such behaviour.

    If the OP's husband is not willing to do something about his abusive behaviour then the OP needs to decide what is best for her and their children.

    Is there anybody he might listen to who might be able to convince him that if he doesn't do something about his behaviour he will destroy his marriage and his relationship with his wife and children? Is there a family member or, if he is religious, a clergy member he might listen to and be convinced to address his behaviour? Or would he view this as outside interference?


  • #68
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,048 ✭✭✭.......


    FishOnABike wrote: »
    Is there anybody he might listen to who might be able to convince him that if he doesn't do something about his behaviour he will destroy his marriage and his relationship with his wife and children? Is there a family member or, if he is religious, a clergy member he might listen to and be convinced to address his behaviour? Or would he view this as outside interference?

    The issue with the above is that rational people cannot reason with an irrational mind - one that is mentally ill.

    Even if convinced by someone else that he needs to modify his behaviour, ultimately he needs to address his mental illness.

    Unfortunately with something like this, even if he was convinced to let it go about the specific issue he is currently fixated on, unless his mental illness is addressed he will simply fixate on some other normal behaviour and build it into something that he feels justified in abusing his wife about.


  • #69
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,895 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    I was thinking more along the lines of someone who could convince him of re-engaging with the marriage counselling and seeing a psychiatrist as recommended by the marriage counsellor so that not only his immediate problem behaviour but also whatever underlying root cause it stems from might be addressed.


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