What do you do when you feel sad?

Wibbs · 27-03-2019 10:24AM

Tell me how wrote: »

That might imply that feeling sad is linked with selfishness. That is not necessarily the case. Many might have that sense of sadness because of their empathy and awareness towards others as opposed to solely being focused inwardly.

Oh I wouldn't call it selfish T, I would suggest it's self focussed. "How is this making me feel", which IMHO is wallowing internally, rather than "those poor people, how lucky I am and how I owe it to them not to be wallowing internally" kinda thing.

It's pretty undeniable that society has become more fractured, more self involved individually. There is far less of the "there but for the grace of god..." going on. Hell, things like social media positively encourage this internality, where the "selfie" isn't just in photos.

Skybirdjb · 27-03-2019 10:29AM

Sometimes I put lyric or classic fm on ( I know I'm a sado) but sometimes it does help getting absorbed into it this particularly is nice in bed with earphones on . Makes my brain switch off while I'm in the music

Steve F · 27-03-2019 10:37AM

Most are familiar with Elvis Presley's Live version of "Are You Lonesome tonight?" where he changes the lyrics to " Do you gaze at your bald head, and wish you had hair?" and then proceeds to crack up completely.
Never fails to make me laugh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaMN2Euo3Rk

Noveight · 27-03-2019 10:39AM

bassy wrote: »

get on with it.

The best medicine there is.

Tell me how · 27-03-2019 10:47AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh I wouldn't call it selfish T, I would suggest it's self focussed. "How is this making me feel", which IMHO is wallowing internally, rather than "those poor people, how lucky I am and how I owe it to them not to be wallowing internally" kinda thing.

It's pretty undeniable that society has become more fractured, more self involved individually. There is far less of the "there but for the grace of god..." going on. Hell, things like social media positively encourage this internality, where the "selfie" isn't just in photos.

I agree that social media and todays world means that maybe sometimes people are thinking of what is the most appropriate hashtag for their post rather than recognising that they are not truly suffering in the text book case.

But, many are suffering in a text book way (and most likely offline and out of public sight)

Here is an excerpt from a Michael Harding book which really struck me when I read it.

The reading was an absolute pleasure, and I left the building content, but as soon as I drove home, and for no apparent reason, the ocean of misery inside me threw up black beaky demons again to shred my peace of mind. I couldn’t explain it, or fathom the reason, but any ordinary moment of pleasure, like listening to poetry or buying an ice-cream cone at a filling station, could be suddenly flittered away by the savage presence of inner sadness.

Now, it seems that h knows all too well that he should not feel a particular way given that it some cases this could come on while doing a task which he knew was pleasurable and also you would have to say that at the very least he is exploring the logic of his sadness rather than dwelling in it simply but he still experiences it.
Maybe most people would not be able to articulate the experience or the hopelessness of it so succintly but many do have this experience.

It is that sense which I think the OP is looking to overcome as opposed to any slight downward dip outside of the perfect life which social media tells us everyone is living.

I disagree that a better approach in all cases is to think "Well I am lucky and not suffering so i can not think about others"

Widdershins · 27-03-2019 10:49AM

It's boring to a lot of people and therefore wouldn't work for them but my cure is immersing myself in nature . It takes me out of myself .

If I can't do that , I make a plan to do something I've never done before (not like skydiving , usually something much smaller ) and I read, in the meantime .

Sex is the best cure/displacement activity, but I don't have that choice yet.

I listen to cheerful songs like Def Leppard '' Pour some sugar on me'' or Flo Rida ''spin me right 'round''.

I steer well clear of the news and ads for Dogs Trust or Amnesty International .

spurious · 27-03-2019 10:50AM

Abba.

Tacklebox · 27-03-2019 10:58AM

Has to be the wilderness for myself and maybe a farmer's market. Chill out the Bohemians and creative side.
Borrow a dog and look after it for the day.

Get stung by a nettle can be an awakening from sadness, it has that hypnotic effect of giving a shock to the system.

That's only a suggestion not for everyone.

That's why nettles are good in tea.

Widdershins · 27-03-2019 11:06AM

Tacklebox wrote: »

Has to be the wilderness for myself and maybe a farmer's market. Chill out the Bohemians and creative side.
Borrow a dog and look after it for the day.

Get stung by a nettle can be an awakening from sadness, it has that hypnotic effect of giving a shock to the system.

That's only a suggestion not for everyone.

That's why nettles are good in tea.

The nettle thing is strange but true . Probably the same principle behind certain activities probably best not mentioned on AH. Weirdly enough I get the same feeling from having piercings done. Obviously not everyone wants to have holes made in them and there's a limit to how many I'd have myself no matter how much release it gives. I've decided to have my first 2 body piercings asap and that's the main thing I'm looking forward to .

Day Lewin · 27-03-2019 11:18AM

I get sad quite often.

These are what I do....depending on circs.

Exercise ...brisk, min. half an hour
Alcohol....caution needed, obviously.
Bath with oils and massage by helpful OH
Sleep, lots
Masturbation if possible, (but often its not, depression destroys libido)
Eating cheese, and chocolate (not together, lol.) Also yogurt with honey
Company of upbeat, encouraging friends.

That's the top six.... there are about six more, too.

Widdershins · 27-03-2019 11:20AM

carnation oil on the wrists as well. very warm fiery scent.

Ariadne · 27-03-2019 11:31AM

Tell me how wrote: »

I agree that social media and todays world means that maybe sometimes people are thinking of what is the most appropriate hashtag for their post rather than recognising that they are not truly suffering in the text book case.

But, many are suffering in a text book way (and most likely offline and out of public sight)

Here is an excerpt from a Michael Harding book which really struck me when I read it.

Now, it seems that h knows all too well that he should not feel a particular way given that it some cases this could come on while doing a task which he knew was pleasurable and also you would have to say that at the very least he is exploring the logic of his sadness rather than dwelling in it simply but he still experiences it.
Maybe most people would not be able to articulate the experience or the hopelessness of it so succintly but many do have this experience.

It is that sense which I think the OP is looking to overcome as opposed to any slight downward dip outside of the perfect life which social media tells us everyone is living.

I disagree that a better approach in all cases is to think "Well I am lucky and not suffering so i can not think about others"

+1

I don't think it's helpful to wallow in self-pity but likewise it's not very helpful to say "cheer up, someone else has it worse". Sure we all know that. I am immensely grateful that the lottery of life picked Ireland for me to be born in (in the 1980s) but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel pain or sadness either. I have a lot to be thankful for but I also struggle with life and I also struggle with feeling selfish and ungrateful for what I do have.

Gimme A Pound · 27-03-2019 11:47AM

Never understood listening to depressing music if you're down, and I'm a Joy Division fanatic.

Why make it worse? (Now I've an image of Tommy Tiernan in Father Ted).

Succubus_ wrote: »

+1

I don't think it's helpful to wallow in self-pity but likewise it's not very helpful to say "cheer up, someone else has it worse". Sure we all know that. I am immensely grateful that the lottery of life picked Ireland for me to be born in (in the 1980s) but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel pain or sadness either. I have a lot to be thankful for but I also struggle with life and I also struggle with feeling selfish and ungrateful for what I do have.

Oh yeah it's only advice for people who aren't dealing with terrible problems or severe depression. Just those feeling down.

And it's certainly something those idiots who spout that Ireland is a third world country and similar inanities, need to have.

Beanntraigheach · 27-03-2019 11:52AM

Another thing I've found helpful is taking it out on the servants.

Like just the other day, I was in a foul temper, when Jeeves, silly old fool, puts three cubes of sugar in my tea instead of two!
I might have let it go if I'd believed it was purely accidental on his part but I'm sure I detected an 'insolent' sort of look about him as he did it so I threw the tea straight into his face, unbuckled my belt, and gave him a thrashing he won't soon forget.

After I'd calmed down I felt wonderfully reinvigourated, my pent-up anger and bitterness released. Very therapeutic.

Gimme A Pound · 27-03-2019 12:01PM

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Another thing I've found helpful is taking it out on the servants.

Like just the other day, I was in a foul temper, when Jeeves, silly old fool, puts three cubes of sugar in my tea instead of two!
I might have let it go if I'd believed it was purely accidental on his part but I'm sure I detected an 'insolent' sort of look about him as he did it so I threw the tea straight into his face, unbuckled my belt, and gave him a thrashing he won't soon forget.

After I'd calmed down I felt wonderfully reinvigourated, my pent-up anger and bitterness released. Very therapeutic.

The cad! I sincerely hope you knocked such defiance entirely out of him! :mad:

Lorelli! · 27-03-2019 12:21PM

If im sad and it's for a specific reason, I normally end up crying to get it out of my system, do some internal mental gymnastics to try to put a different more positive spin on it or I talk to someone close.

If I'm sad and it's not for anything I can pinpoint, then I think sometimes I can confuse sadness for what is actually a bit of boredom which I don't think gets the credit it deserves if that makes sense. Then I need to find a way to motivate myself but I don't have any specific thing. It could be bumping into a friend, hearing a song or something funny, changing my routine slightly or just trying to be more productive and then it passes.

Snow Garden · 27-03-2019 12:23PM

I take my hurl and sliotar and find a suitable wall. 30 mins of pucking around and I am grand.

Beanntraigheach · 27-03-2019 12:29PM

Giselle Better Cigar wrote: »

The cad! I sincerely hope you knocked such defiance entirely out of him! :mad:

I think so. He'd recovered sufficiently to return to his duties this morning. First thing he hobbled up to my study and apologised profusely for his error swearing it would never happen again. I could tell by the look in his eye that his spirit was broken.
I agreed to forgive him, but reduced his pay by 20%.

Hobosan · 27-03-2019 01:00PM

Extremely rare for me to get sad, rarer still for no apparent reason.

Honestly, it's like a fly landing on my face once a year; A minor annoyance that I know will be gone before I brush it off, whereas for some it sounds like flies landing on your face every few minutes and while you try to sleep.

I'm not trying to be insensitive with the fly analogy, just the idea of struggling through sadness is alien to me.

It's not like I don't have serious problems of my own, but I'm used to returning to a decent mood so quickly that even serious problems (relative to Ireland) don't phase me for long.

Genetics may have a part to play; according to 'scientists', people tend to return to whatever standard operating procedure is for them.

Some old Alice in Chains always tends to inspire me, where friends would call it depressing. Make of that of what you will.

27-03-2019 01:26PM

Due to life experiences I carry a sadness that's deep inside. Its always there but not always active. There are times when it likes to come out for a look around but those moments tend to be fleeting. I see a photo of my mam and it washes over me like a wave, I remember someone special from my past, a song comes on the radio. There is nothing to be done during those times. In fact I embrace the feeling because it reminds me that I'm connected to myself and not numb.

Now feeling low, depressed, despondent is a different beast entirely and not something I embrace. Its often for no reason at all. I like to be alone when I'm down. If I have to travel then I'll drive rather than take the train. Getting in to bed if I can really helps and being physically comfortable. I will read usually but am always drawn to food as a means of comfort. Thats something I need to work on as it's an unhealthy coping mechanism.

What I don't do is berate myself for how I feel. Even if I do eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's I'm not going to give out to myself for it. Why would I hurt myself more than I'm already feeling? I will accept what's going on inside me and know that it will pass, that it always does and is just part of who I am. There is no running away from our feelings because they will catch up with us.

There is merit in having perspective and gratitude. When we are in a very dark place however this can be impossible to do. I'm lucky in that it works for me. We all have our crosses to bear but sometimes though there can be quite a difference. For example my anxiety last night regarding an upcoming event is nothing compared to the pain of losing your partner in a tragic accident. Or the fact that I've a dodgy foot at the minute is nothing compared to what Succubus goes through with having CF.

At the end of the day the biggest thing I do for me during tough times is treat myself with kindness and love.

BeerWolf · 27-03-2019 01:41PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W8XTrjetqU

Wibbs · 27-03-2019 01:42PM

Giselle Better Cigar wrote: »

Oh yeah it's only advice for people who aren't dealing with terrible problems or severe depression. Just those feeling down.

Aye, there's a major distinction there and a major difference between depression and feeling sad as an acute phase. I have noticed down the years with folks I know with depression, perspective tends to go out the window and introspection increases to an awful degree and the worse the condition the worse those things are. Horrible to be stuck in that.

IMHO there should be more of that distinction, as more and more are being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And medicated for it, often permanently. I could pop into any number of my local GP's and after a ten minute "consult" where I dropped a couple of symptoms I'd come out with a diagnosis of "depression" and a script for SSRI's and Xanax. Please come back in three weeks. Where they'll up the dosage, or change to another type and throw in something for sleeping better, rinse and repeat.

Again in my humble it's a disastrous trend. One with little actual medical science backing either. And no I don't mean SSRI type meds are "useless sugar pills pimped by Big Pharma™*". They have clear efficacy in cases of severe depression and have proven to be lifesavers in those folks(though there are very interesting studies regarding placebo. The more depressed someone is the less they respond to placebo is one). I mean stuff like "oh it's like diabetes, you've a "chemical imbalance" in your brain". Slight diff there; with diabetes you can clinically measure insulin and blood sugar levels in your body, with the neurotransmitters involved in the brain, you can't. It very much reminds me of how antibiotics were used. Obviously a totally different set of drugs and with much better clinical science behind them, but they too were lifesavers for millions, but then were doled out for every sniffle and wheeze and that didn't go too well.

Consider America where the pill for every ill is endemic as an idea(ever buy an American magazine and how many drug companies advertise in them. Mad). In the US one in six are on this class of drugs(and women are three times more likely to be on them. Mother's little helper. Again). That's not good.

*though they make a shit ton of money for them.

XsApollo · 27-03-2019 01:44PM

Music always helps,
Sometimes listening to sad ones helps get it out,
Also some old style trance to relive the clubbing years ðŸ˜
And Guns N’ Roses to just perk me up.

Hobosan · 27-03-2019 02:29PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Aye, there's a major distinction there and a major difference between depression and feeling sad as an acute phase. I have noticed down the years with folks I know with depression, perspective tends to go out the window and introspection increases to an awful degree and the worse the condition the worse those things are. Horrible to be stuck in that.

IMHO there should be more of that distinction, as more and more are being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And medicated for it, often permanently. I could pop into any number of my local GP's and after a ten minute "consult" where I dropped a couple of symptoms I'd come out with a diagnosis of "depression" and a script for SSRI's and Xanax. Please come back in three weeks. Where they'll up the dosage, or change to another type and throw in something for sleeping better, rinse and repeat.

Again in my humble it's a disastrous trend. One with little actual medical science backing either. And no I don't mean SSRI type meds are "useless sugar pills pimped by Big Pharma™*". They have clear efficacy in cases of severe depression and have proven to be lifesavers in those folks(though there are very interesting studies regarding placebo. The more depressed someone is the less they respond to placebo is one). I mean stuff like "oh it's like diabetes, you've a "chemical imbalance" in your brain". Slight diff there; with diabetes you can clinically measure insulin and blood sugar levels in your body, with the neurotransmitters involved in the brain, you can't. It very much reminds me of how antibiotics were used. Obviously a totally different set of drugs and with much better clinical science behind them, but they too were lifesavers for millions, but then were doled out for every sniffle and wheeze and that didn't go too well.

Consider America where the pill for every ill is endemic as an idea(ever buy an American magazine and how many drug companies advertise in them. Mad). In the US one in six are on this class of drugs(and women are three times more likely to be on them. Mother's little helper. Again). That's not good.

*though they make a shit ton of money for them.

In the States, they're giving anti-psychotics to children 'off-label' (i.e. untested) for depression and ADHD in tandem with the drugs associated with those diagnosese. How can this be... one needn't be a chemist, neuroscientist or GP, to see the insanity of this. I cannot fathom it.

Giving anti-psychotics to 2 year olds. The person prescribing this is the type of psycho that gives the 'mentally ill' a bad name.
https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2013/12/are-too-many-kids-taking-antipsychotic-drugs/index.htm

Canyon86 · 27-03-2019 02:33PM

Usually go for a long workout and try and let the feeling pass,

Sometimes I make a food I really enjoy

JupiterKid · 27-03-2019 02:37PM

Ice cream. Ben & Jerrys Caramel for the win. Lots of it...

Orbitaal · 27-03-2019 02:45PM

Exercise has always been a big help for me. Especially social exercise like playing football or a class where people have a bit of craic, it helps so much and reminds you that are are not alone. If I'm on my own I find that music and podcasts help a lot and a good sleep always helps. And if you cant find a group to fit in with try making your own. Get some friends together and set something up or put up a notice somewhere about getting people to join something. You would be surprised how little it can be to set something up.

I also play computer games to take my mind off things. It works great but I do see it as a bit of a waste of time too.

If having a low mood is something constant though its better to get proper help rather than asking us idiots lol

27-03-2019 02:50PM

Succubus_ wrote: »

So folks, as the title says. What do you do when you feel sad or lonely?

It does not work for everyone - in fact for some people it would be downright dangerous. But when I feel that way I feed it - so that I control it not it me. Rather than distract me from feeling it as you describe - I rush into the storm and embrace it. The half life of negative emotions is a lot shorter than we think sometimes.

The way I usually do that is through music. I know the music that feeds and fuels that mood in me. And when I start to feel that way I disappear into that music and fuel it. The music feeds it and it feeds my response to the music - and makes music I love even more powerful. Particularly for some reason this song more than any other.

Then when that is done I get up and do something positive or life affirming. A 10k run - sex - or some capoeira or BJJ training - or some of Sam Harris' "Waking up" app on my Android - or simply cook a complex but fabulous multi course meal. Or dips. Man I live for a set of good dips and a sinfully large bag of spicy hot nachoes to put in them. Ain't no soul-hurt a good array of dips can't cure.

BJJ is a great form of active martial arts meditation of a sort. Many people who love it describe it almost as a way of being rather than just a form of combat.

Trigger Happy · 27-03-2019 03:10PM

I kinda like to wallow in sadness for a while before distracting myself by planning something like a weekend away etc.
There is no one size fits all but I think it’s important to have ways to coax yourself out of it. Long term sadness is terrible.

The Tetrarch · 27-03-2019 03:16PM

I remember we are better off than almost everyone else in the world, then I laugh at them (I don't).
Count your blessings.

What do you do when you feel sad?

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