What do you do when you feel sad?

Ariadne

So folks, as the title says. What do you do when you feel sad or lonely? I'm in one of those moods where it feels like no matter what I do I'll still feel completely alone in this world, unable to connect to another human. Does this happen to all of us at times? How do you comfort yourself? I seem to spend my whole life trying to distract myself to stop myself from feeling anything. Anything to fill the hole (heh). The void.

dartboardio

Nothing.

I just keep doing what I'm doing and every few minutes I remember I'm feeling kinda sad.. Continue doing what I'm doing and then whenever it's gone it's gone.

Which is a good or a bad thing i dunno. I don't dwell on it anymore so i guess that's good

I suppose if I had to do something I'd get into my cosiest pair of pyjamas with a hot water bottle and force myself asleep. Sleep is the best cure!

Or watch a funny movie, distract myself with an interesting film or youtube video.

Eat my favourite food maybe.

I rarely connect with people either but I've gotten used to it. Ive grown distant from everyone I generally know and usually am just glued to one person, which is my partner the last few years.

Its weird for me say in work when people started working there after me and you see them all forming friendships and bonding with the people i struggle to move past the formality with, even though i should be and do get on with them. Like I have a mental block at times maybe.

Its embarassing, maybe i just think into it too much. Trying to be more positive these days rather than thinking the world is out to get me.

bassy

get on with it.

Ariadne

Sometimes I try to just wait it out, read something or do something to try to forget but sometimes I don't have the concentration for it. I find it difficult to sleep then too. Food is a big distraction and alcohol and sex and talking.

dartboardio

This might sound cringe but yeah years ago when I was really depressed most of the time i used to mAsTUrbate a lot of the time (cant believe i just said that)

Of course alcohol but thats **** cause i associate alcohol with fun not sadness. Yay!

Yeah, I don't know really.. I feel like that regularly enough, and like, sometimes I'll listen to more depressing music, and sometimes I just kind of wait for it to blow over..I used to think it would all kind of work out eventually, but I struggle to think that now.. hope you are ok..

shaneon77

Bob Marley and the wailers - Don't rock my boat.
After that I just get lost in their back catalogue.

Tell me how

Yes, I think it definitely happens everyone from time to time. Some people do seem to be able to push through it nearly like it doesn't affect them but if they do I think they pay for it in other ways.

My tools for this?
Text a friend and tell him we should meet up next week.
Watch a sure fire easy watching comedy. It's always Sunny in Philadelphia is practically medication for me in this way.
Try to sleep it off. Seriously, some days I know I'm off and I try deliberately to get a long deep sleep that night.
Exercise (not a clear option for you maybe), But an hour or two out on the bike is very helpful.
Visit my parents because I'll get a greeting from the dog like I've just returned from a 2 year excursion with a bag of treats for him.

dartboardio

Fleetwood mac - the chain

Has filled me with love and sadness today for some reason!

And nick cave - red right hand

Baron Kurtz

dartboardio wrote: »

This might sound cringe but yeah years ago when I was really depressed most of the time i used to mAsTUrbate a lot of the time (cant believe i just said that)

Of course alcohol but thats **** cause i associate alcohol with fun not sadness. Yay!

Cranking, I think it's called.

Ariadne

Thanks for the replies everyone and for letting me know how ye cope.

@Dartboardio I actually do find masturbating relaxes me when I'm anxious or struggling to go to sleep!

@CQD, I tend to listen to depressing music too when I just want to give in to it and stop fighting how I feel.

@Tell Me How, I'm planning on going for a walk, and I'll see if a friend of mine is free for a coffee at the weekend. I just seem to have fallen into a hole but I'll get out again. Maybe book flights to go and see my cat and get my animal fix

Prominent_Dawg

You're definitely not alone, we all feel like this at times.. I find podcasts are a good way of relaxing and switching off

I put on a song that lifts my mood.

Your Face

I listen to Hulk Hogan's theme song.

I'm not joking.

NSAman

Watch Long Lost Family on YouTube.

Nothing like a happy onion peeling session to cheer you up...

Rubberchikken

i simply remember my favourite things and then i dont feel so bad...

so raindrops.on roses
whiskers on kittens..you know how it goes:)

RobertKK

dartboardio wrote: »

This might sound cringe but yeah years ago when I was really depressed most of the time i used to mAsTUrbate a lot of the time (cant believe i just said that)

Of course alcohol but thats **** cause i associate alcohol with fun not sadness. Yay!

Don't worry, people who say they don't are liars...

I also listen to music.

Yer Da sells Avon

I eat lots of food. And if that doesn't work, I eat more food. And then I start thinking about the sheer amount of food I've just eaten and I get even more depressed. So I eat even more food. It's a delicious vicious circle.

Watching comedy is another thing that I've always used as a crutch, ever since I was a miserable teenager. The more mindless, the better. And if that fails, there's always YouTube compilation videos of Russian car crashes, classic scenes from '90s soaps, and giant dogs interacting with babies.

I hope you feel better soon.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Go somewhere private and cry. I avoid public waterworks but a good private cry is a very cathartic thing. And I am often able to think more clearly about what’s making me sad after a good cry too.

Gimme A Pound

Remember how good I have it. I know this isn't easy for a person who has clinical depression or who is going through extremely difficult times, but for run of the mill feeling down, I find having perspective a huge help.

Arghus

Depends on what is I feel sad about.

Mister Vain

Sometimes I lift weights or go for a run. Those endorphins are great. I find running in particular really clears my head. Although it can be hard on the joints.

Beanntraigheach

I try to get absorbed in a good, interesting film.
A comedy film wouldn't work for me at all as the contrast between the tone of the film and how I'm feeling would just worsen my mood
But getting drawn into the 'world' of a really engaging, rich story ('Goodfellas' is a recent example) takes me out of my own problems to some extent, for a couple of hours anyway.

Ariadne

Thanks for the suggestions everyone I decided to go with listening to a "sad song" compilation on Spotify until I fell asleep! There are good parts to After Hours

Cina

Always found exercise really helped. Takes your mind off it, gets the endorphins releasing, and you feel better about yourself for having done it.

Plopsu

Pick one of two paths. Either fight it off (distraction, exercise, etc.) or dive in (sad movie, music) and let it burn itself out. Option two is often a good idea. Sadness is like a fart; holding it in doesn't improve the situation.

biko

Deebles McBeebles

Hasn't been mentioned here but housework can really distract you. Or doing something in the garden. Walking the dog gets you out of your own head too.

But yeah, mainly music and anything to escape for a little bit, like a good documentary.

Wibbs

Giselle Better Cigar wrote: »

Remember how good I have it. I know this isn't easy for a person who has clinical depression or who is going through extremely difficult times, but for run of the mill feeling down, I find having perspective a huge help.

This. When hundreds of millions of people today on this planet are going to bed hungry, if they even have a bed, I look at my life at its worst and thank pure dumb luck for my situation.

Tom Mann Centuria

Off topic but I loved how Pixar described sadness in Inside Out.

Tell me how

Wibbs wrote: »

This. When hundreds of millions of people today on this planet are going to bed hungry, if they even have a bed, I look at my life at its worst and thank pure dumb luck for my situation.

That might imply that feeling sad is linked with selfishness. That is not necessarily the case. Many might have that sense of sadness because of their empathy and awareness towards others as opposed to solely being focused inwardly.

Watching the news today (as ever) can be a difficult task made more so because of peoples awareness as to how lucky they have it and this can in itself be a root cause for low feelings.

Just yesterday there was a horrific story about an event at a hospital in Cork. That saddened me and I spent time thinking about it throughout the evening.

Wibbs

Tell me how wrote: »

That might imply that feeling sad is linked with selfishness. That is not necessarily the case. Many might have that sense of sadness because of their empathy and awareness towards others as opposed to solely being focused inwardly.

Oh I wouldn't call it selfish T, I would suggest it's self focussed. "How is this making me feel", which IMHO is wallowing internally, rather than "those poor people, how lucky I am and how I owe it to them not to be wallowing internally" kinda thing.

It's pretty undeniable that society has become more fractured, more self involved individually. There is far less of the "there but for the grace of god..." going on. Hell, things like social media positively encourage this internality, where the "selfie" isn't just in photos.

Skybirdjb

Sometimes I put lyric or classic fm on ( I know I'm a sado) but sometimes it does help getting absorbed into it this particularly is nice in bed with earphones on . Makes my brain switch off while I'm in the music

Steve F

Most are familiar with Elvis Presley's Live version of "Are You Lonesome tonight?" where he changes the lyrics to " Do you gaze at your bald head, and wish you had hair?" and then proceeds to crack up completely.
Never fails to make me laugh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaMN2Euo3Rk

Noveight

bassy wrote: »

get on with it.

The best medicine there is.

Tell me how

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh I wouldn't call it selfish T, I would suggest it's self focussed. "How is this making me feel", which IMHO is wallowing internally, rather than "those poor people, how lucky I am and how I owe it to them not to be wallowing internally" kinda thing.

It's pretty undeniable that society has become more fractured, more self involved individually. There is far less of the "there but for the grace of god..." going on. Hell, things like social media positively encourage this internality, where the "selfie" isn't just in photos.

I agree that social media and todays world means that maybe sometimes people are thinking of what is the most appropriate hashtag for their post rather than recognising that they are not truly suffering in the text book case.

But, many are suffering in a text book way (and most likely offline and out of public sight)

Here is an excerpt from a Michael Harding book which really struck me when I read it.

The reading was an absolute pleasure, and I left the building content, but as soon as I drove home, and for no apparent reason, the ocean of misery inside me threw up black beaky demons again to shred my peace of mind. I couldn’t explain it, or fathom the reason, but any ordinary moment of pleasure, like listening to poetry or buying an ice-cream cone at a filling station, could be suddenly flittered away by the savage presence of inner sadness.

Now, it seems that h knows all too well that he should not feel a particular way given that it some cases this could come on while doing a task which he knew was pleasurable and also you would have to say that at the very least he is exploring the logic of his sadness rather than dwelling in it simply but he still experiences it.
Maybe most people would not be able to articulate the experience or the hopelessness of it so succintly but many do have this experience.

It is that sense which I think the OP is looking to overcome as opposed to any slight downward dip outside of the perfect life which social media tells us everyone is living.

I disagree that a better approach in all cases is to think "Well I am lucky and not suffering so i can not think about others"

Widdershins

It's boring to a lot of people and therefore wouldn't work for them but my cure is immersing myself in nature . It takes me out of myself .

If I can't do that , I make a plan to do something I've never done before (not like skydiving , usually something much smaller ) and I read, in the meantime .

Sex is the best cure/displacement activity, but I don't have that choice yet.

I listen to cheerful songs like Def Leppard '' Pour some sugar on me'' or Flo Rida ''spin me right 'round''.

I steer well clear of the news and ads for Dogs Trust or Amnesty International .

spurious

Abba.

Tacklebox

Has to be the wilderness for myself and maybe a farmer's market. Chill out the Bohemians and creative side.
Borrow a dog and look after it for the day.

Get stung by a nettle can be an awakening from sadness, it has that hypnotic effect of giving a shock to the system.

That's only a suggestion not for everyone.

That's why nettles are good in tea.

Widdershins

Tacklebox wrote: »

Has to be the wilderness for myself and maybe a farmer's market. Chill out the Bohemians and creative side.
Borrow a dog and look after it for the day.

Get stung by a nettle can be an awakening from sadness, it has that hypnotic effect of giving a shock to the system.

That's only a suggestion not for everyone.

That's why nettles are good in tea.

The nettle thing is strange but true . Probably the same principle behind certain activities probably best not mentioned on AH. Weirdly enough I get the same feeling from having piercings done. Obviously not everyone wants to have holes made in them and there's a limit to how many I'd have myself no matter how much release it gives. I've decided to have my first 2 body piercings asap and that's the main thing I'm looking forward to .

Day Lewin

I get sad quite often.

These are what I do....depending on circs.

Exercise ...brisk, min. half an hour
Alcohol....caution needed, obviously.
Bath with oils and massage by helpful OH
Sleep, lots
Masturbation if possible, (but often its not, depression destroys libido)
Eating cheese, and chocolate (not together, lol.) Also yogurt with honey
Company of upbeat, encouraging friends.

That's the top six.... there are about six more, too.

Widdershins

carnation oil on the wrists as well. very warm fiery scent.

Ariadne

Tell me how wrote: »

I agree that social media and todays world means that maybe sometimes people are thinking of what is the most appropriate hashtag for their post rather than recognising that they are not truly suffering in the text book case.

But, many are suffering in a text book way (and most likely offline and out of public sight)

Here is an excerpt from a Michael Harding book which really struck me when I read it.



Now, it seems that h knows all too well that he should not feel a particular way given that it some cases this could come on while doing a task which he knew was pleasurable and also you would have to say that at the very least he is exploring the logic of his sadness rather than dwelling in it simply but he still experiences it.
Maybe most people would not be able to articulate the experience or the hopelessness of it so succintly but many do have this experience.

It is that sense which I think the OP is looking to overcome as opposed to any slight downward dip outside of the perfect life which social media tells us everyone is living.

I disagree that a better approach in all cases is to think "Well I am lucky and not suffering so i can not think about others"

+1

I don't think it's helpful to wallow in self-pity but likewise it's not very helpful to say "cheer up, someone else has it worse". Sure we all know that. I am immensely grateful that the lottery of life picked Ireland for me to be born in (in the 1980s) but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel pain or sadness either. I have a lot to be thankful for but I also struggle with life and I also struggle with feeling selfish and ungrateful for what I do have.

Gimme A Pound

Never understood listening to depressing music if you're down, and I'm a Joy Division fanatic.

Why make it worse? (Now I've an image of Tommy Tiernan in Father Ted).

Succubus_ wrote: »

+1

I don't think it's helpful to wallow in self-pity but likewise it's not very helpful to say "cheer up, someone else has it worse". Sure we all know that. I am immensely grateful that the lottery of life picked Ireland for me to be born in (in the 1980s) but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel pain or sadness either. I have a lot to be thankful for but I also struggle with life and I also struggle with feeling selfish and ungrateful for what I do have.

Oh yeah it's only advice for people who aren't dealing with terrible problems or severe depression. Just those feeling down.

And it's certainly something those idiots who spout that Ireland is a third world country and similar inanities, need to have.

Beanntraigheach

Another thing I've found helpful is taking it out on the servants.

Like just the other day, I was in a foul temper, when Jeeves, silly old fool, puts three cubes of sugar in my tea instead of two!
I might have let it go if I'd believed it was purely accidental on his part but I'm sure I detected an 'insolent' sort of look about him as he did it so I threw the tea straight into his face, unbuckled my belt, and gave him a thrashing he won't soon forget.

After I'd calmed down I felt wonderfully reinvigourated, my pent-up anger and bitterness released. Very therapeutic.

Gimme A Pound

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Another thing I've found helpful is taking it out on the servants.

Like just the other day, I was in a foul temper, when Jeeves, silly old fool, puts three cubes of sugar in my tea instead of two!
I might have let it go if I'd believed it was purely accidental on his part but I'm sure I detected an 'insolent' sort of look about him as he did it so I threw the tea straight into his face, unbuckled my belt, and gave him a thrashing he won't soon forget.

After I'd calmed down I felt wonderfully reinvigourated, my pent-up anger and bitterness released. Very therapeutic.

The cad! I sincerely hope you knocked such defiance entirely out of him! :mad:

Lorelli!

If im sad and it's for a specific reason, I normally end up crying to get it out of my system, do some internal mental gymnastics to try to put a different more positive spin on it or I talk to someone close.

If I'm sad and it's not for anything I can pinpoint, then I think sometimes I can confuse sadness for what is actually a bit of boredom which I don't think gets the credit it deserves if that makes sense. Then I need to find a way to motivate myself but I don't have any specific thing. It could be bumping into a friend, hearing a song or something funny, changing my routine slightly or just trying to be more productive and then it passes.

Snow Garden

I take my hurl and sliotar and find a suitable wall. 30 mins of pucking around and I am grand.

Beanntraigheach

Giselle Better Cigar wrote: »

The cad! I sincerely hope you knocked such defiance entirely out of him! :mad:

I think so. He'd recovered sufficiently to return to his duties this morning. First thing he hobbled up to my study and apologised profusely for his error swearing it would never happen again. I could tell by the look in his eye that his spirit was broken.
I agreed to forgive him, but reduced his pay by 20%.

Hobosan

Extremely rare for me to get sad, rarer still for no apparent reason.

Honestly, it's like a fly landing on my face once a year; A minor annoyance that I know will be gone before I brush it off, whereas for some it sounds like flies landing on your face every few minutes and while you try to sleep.

I'm not trying to be insensitive with the fly analogy, just the idea of struggling through sadness is alien to me.

It's not like I don't have serious problems of my own, but I'm used to returning to a decent mood so quickly that even serious problems (relative to Ireland) don't phase me for long.

Genetics may have a part to play; according to 'scientists', people tend to return to whatever standard operating procedure is for them.

Some old Alice in Chains always tends to inspire me, where friends would call it depressing. Make of that of what you will.

Due to life experiences I carry a sadness that's deep inside. Its always there but not always active. There are times when it likes to come out for a look around but those moments tend to be fleeting. I see a photo of my mam and it washes over me like a wave, I remember someone special from my past, a song comes on the radio. There is nothing to be done during those times. In fact I embrace the feeling because it reminds me that I'm connected to myself and not numb.

Now feeling low, depressed, despondent is a different beast entirely and not something I embrace. Its often for no reason at all. I like to be alone when I'm down. If I have to travel then I'll drive rather than take the train. Getting in to bed if I can really helps and being physically comfortable. I will read usually but am always drawn to food as a means of comfort. Thats something I need to work on as it's an unhealthy coping mechanism.

What I don't do is berate myself for how I feel. Even if I do eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's I'm not going to give out to myself for it. Why would I hurt myself more than I'm already feeling? I will accept what's going on inside me and know that it will pass, that it always does and is just part of who I am. There is no running away from our feelings because they will catch up with us.

There is merit in having perspective and gratitude. When we are in a very dark place however this can be impossible to do. I'm lucky in that it works for me. We all have our crosses to bear but sometimes though there can be quite a difference. For example my anxiety last night regarding an upcoming event is nothing compared to the pain of losing your partner in a tragic accident. Or the fact that I've a dodgy foot at the minute is nothing compared to what Succubus goes through with having CF.

At the end of the day the biggest thing I do for me during tough times is treat myself with kindness and love.